AÂ âThank Youâ To Neil Gaiman
When I was at IBM, they emphasized the need to "always be learning." I believe in that principle so much that I tried to find new lessons every day even after I left the company. Inevitably, that led to me taking online classes through Masterclass. I chose this tool because I have been very interested in the writing of Neil Gaiman and saw that he taught a course on the platform. It wasn't precisely a serendipitous discovery because I sought it out, but I got way more out of it than I thought I would.
As a younger writer, I could write magnificent scenes. I experimented with ideas and writing styles. I dared to get messy. I'd write for hours a day, squeezing writing in-between classes or pulling all-nighters to finish that one short story. But, in the past ten years, I lost that desire, and I couldn't figure out why.
"But I work on the timeline." I'd tell myself, playing mental gymnastics around the fact that it was more an analytical endeavor than a creative one. (I've been working on a novel that takes dream fragments from the past 10+ years and puts them in order on what I affectionally call "the dream timeline.")
I played these gymnastics because I simply couldn't acknowledge that I didn't have an answer for why I couldn't write anymore. I didn't consider it writer's block because I had ideas (I spent hours now maladaptively daydreaming as a form of escapism from the stressors of everyday life.) I just couldn't bring myself to put words to the page, to the point that I'd experience extreme levels of anxiety (sometimes resulting in physical manifestations of pain and restlessness.)
I read book after book of "how-to's" and "how-not-to's," but the words never came. So I took a break from nonfiction and started reading the Lucifer comics when I heard about the television adaption. (Those comics are actually how I was introduced to Neil Gaiman's Sandman Universe, which inevitably led me to the Masterclass).Â
Surrounded by books in what looks like my dream working space, Neil Gaiman taught the art of storytelling. Though his lessons were to lead aspiring writers, I hope that this unsolicited shout into the void of the internet attests to one of his earliest lessons in the course, talked about in Sources of Inspiration:
"Your influences are not necessarily the things that you think they are... and your influences, you--person--watching this, who I'm teaching, who I'm instructing, remember that. Remember that your influences are all sorts of things, and some of them are going to take you by surprise. But, the most important thing that you can do is open yourself to everything."
I was slow to complete the course because life tended to get in the way, but this quote stuck with me. I found myself thinking about it at work, applying it to my work, and then using it for its intended purpose in writing. Still, I found myself with a vast "compost heap," as he called it, but no story.Â
I'd already been going through what I call an "emotionally constipated" period in my depression, where I almost felt dissociated from my past self, forgetting large blocks of time. I didn't think much of it, chalking it up to the effects of chronic stress over a long period. Over time, things got worse, much worse. Yet, I had gotten so used to such a gradual decline that I didn't understand the full depth of how much I'd let go.
One thing still bothered me:Â I still couldn't write.
It had been years since I'd finished a draft when I used to write at least one per year. I did it for fun, and I enjoyed it immensely. I wanted to enjoy it again.Â
I found time to finish the rest of the class because my subscription was nearing its end, and I wanted to get the most out of the remaining time. So I kept going, enjoying Neil's personal stories and direct correlations to the lessons he was teaching.
In no time, I'd found myself at a lesson that I will forever be grateful for:Â Dealing with Writer's Block.
The first point in the lesson was to retrace your steps. As I mentioned, this was specific to retracing your steps in a story. Yet, in the spirit of Sources of Inspiration, it really applied to where I was now in my life. If I wanted to understand how I got here, I had to retrace my steps.
One "scene" at a time, I stepped back until the time that I was a young writer who enjoyed storytelling. Then, I traced back through traumatic events (with a therapist) and identified where exactly things went sideways. All the while keeping that idea in mind.Â
It's still a process, but I'm happy to say that I have reignited a tiny spark of passion for my writing that may one day become a wildfire once again. Until that day, I'll keep celebrating these small victories. In commemorating a draft completed, I wanted to "shout out into the void" to wherever you are, Mr. Gaiman, a "thank you" for teaching such a terrific Masterclass that became the first stepping stone into a weird journey of finding my passion for writing again. The advice in your class became a source of inspiration for change in my life, and I am forever grateful for it.
If you haven't taken the Masterclass, I highly recommend it for new and experienced writers.
