J-a-m-i-e

Oh dear, this "being awesome" thing is a lot of pressure.

[wholesome-animal-images]

[expressions-of-nature]

Fontainebleau State Park, Louisiana by Lana Gramlich

[cursedwerewolf]

royjamiekeeley | in the middle

song: in the middle by dodie

watch it on youtube

[dependsoncontext]

[awed-frog]

thanks I hate it

[siderealsandman]

You Got a Friend In Horse 

[garrettauthor]

YOU DO NOT HAVE A FRIEND IN HORSE

[britcision]

You Got A Lotta Friends In Horse

[ailithnight]

CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH THAT THOSE ARE NOT FRIENDS IN HORSE

[mildlybizarrecorvid]

Don’t look a friend horse in the mouth

[buckys]

[whimsifae]

the most fun a girl can have is finding parallels, noticing patterns, making connections, contemplating

[miss-nerd-alert]

[lemonsharks]

My ancestors, watching me dump an entire stick of cinnamon, two cloves, an allspice berry, and a generous grating of nutmeg into my tea, sweetened with white sugar and loaded with cream, while I sit in my clean warm house surrounded by books, 25+ outfits for different occasions, and 6 pairs of shoes, in a building heated so well I have the windows open in mid-autumn:

Our daughter prospers. We are proud of her. She has never labored in a field but knows riches we could not have imagined.

[sighinastorm]

I like this so much better than the idea that our ancestors would be embarrassed or ashamed of us for being “soft” or some crap like that.

[therinde-dreams]

My ancestors, watching me stuff my face with fried chicken while studying: She eats like an imperial concubine and can afford to study like am imperial scholar. WE MADE IT

[idhren]

She eats like an imperial concubine and can afford to study like am imperial scholar

[villainous-queer-deactivated202]

My ancestors watching me use my stand mixer while living in a small apartment and attending university: Thou hast kneadeth bread in FOUR hail marys??? FOUR??? And thou ist poor as a churchmouse, yet liveth in a fine cottage with four pounds butter and fresh berries in thy larder!! And two featherbeds! And thou attendeth the King’s college, as a lord!!

[lagt-duck]

My ancestors being like:

Look at this fine young lady! She can paint she can sew and embrody, she sings and read

And without a wealthy father to pay for that, plus she is florid in the body! She doesn’t know hunger!

We did it!

[ruffboi-mags]

Me: /wearily studying/

My Ancestors: TRULY SH— what? They? A little unorthodox, but reasonable I suppose. TRULY THEY PROSPER, FOR THEY LIVE IN A DWELLING WITH MANY ROOMS AND ONLY THEIR SPOUSE TO SHARE IT WITH! THEY HAVE DOGS WHO DO NOT PERFORM A FUNCTION! THEY HAVE MANY BOOKS AND DO NOT HAVE TO SPIN THEIR OWN YARN! THEY BATHE AT A WHIM WITH GENTLE SOAP FREE OF LYE! OUR DESCENDANT BRINGS HONOR AND PRIDE TO OUR LINEAGE!

Me: /yawns and sips my coffee/

My Ancestors: /cheer wildly/

[shadow-daughter]

Me: *hunched over at my desk nursing a headache.*

My Ancestors: “Truly, we prosper; see here, our infirm descendant need not even work on her poor days, but has the luxury to rest as she sees need! A doctor attends to her illnesses; her clothes are warm and free of pests; she cares for exotic and dangerous animals within her own home! We have found the height of luxury!”

[amuseoffyre]

Me: *treats myself to a pineapple and a bunch of bananas*

My Georgian ancestors: ZOOTH SHE HAS BOUGHT A PINEAPPLE! NOT MERELY BORROWED ONE! TRULY SHE HAS ACHIEVED FAR MORE THAN WE COULD KNOW!

[captainlordauditor]

me: [puts on warm socks and a blanket, is now warm regardless of the weather outside]

My impoverished Russian Jewish ancestors:

[existentialterror]

Me: [learns to knit from youtube videos]

My ancestors: Our descendant, the heir to all our hopes and fears for a far-off future… She can buy fine clothes woven and knit by automatons, with but a fraction of a day’s earnings… and she does… she has so much free time to do as she pleases… and she uses some of that time to do what we did.

One woman from rural Poland, who died from smallpox in 1717 CE, a grandmother at 35: I knit roses and peonies into my and my children’s gloves… it wasn’t much extra work to dye the red, once I had already cleaned the wool and spun the yarn, and to knit in the designs… and I wasn’t a gifted knitter but I was a good knitter, and I thought, well, it might not make a difference to how warm the glove is, but it made the children happy and it made me happy. I liked to make things beautiful when I could.

Another woman, a peasant from what’s now France, who died from getting kicked by a mammoth in 8995 BCE: [Patting her on the back] I made my family’s clothes too. Every day my sister and I wove and wove and tended our children. We went out of our way to make the cloth lovely. Not a trace of it remains anywhere on earth now… But it mattered to us. And she might not know our names, or know it was us, but evidently, it matters to her too. She has so much beauty available to her, in every direction, and she wants to make it where we once made it.

[everyone sobbing and high-fiving each other.]

A man from Britain, 1104 CE, sitting at the trans-temporal telescope, reporting on my doings: She’s stopped knitting and now she’s playing minecraft.

The other ancestors: Ah, yes, the dream of building. We know this one well. What vision doth she design now?

Telescope man: Looks like… Some kind of floating temple?

Everyone: [Goes completely apeshit]

[gallusrostromegalus]

Me: studying Marine Biology, out in the middle of the Elkhorn slough absolutely fucking covered in the most foul-smelling mud and swamp scum you can imagine, deliriously happy as I spot a tell-tale bubbling in the mud. I jump off the small dock and drive my entire arm into the mud like a Mortal Kombat Character ripping someone’s heart out of their chest, and pull out a 4lb, two-foot long Geoduck Clam and hold it aloft, triumphant.

My Homminid ancestors, who were doing exactly this with much smaller clams 900,000 years ago: *going absolutely literally apeshit over my flawless technique and the marvelous size of my quarry* CLAM! CLAM! CLAM! CLAM! CLAM! CLAM! CLAM! WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!

[archiemcphee]

Crow in a Peanut

Crows love peanuts. So, if there were a fantasy world where crows drove around when they were tired of flying, of course their car would be shaped like a peanut! This non-aerodynamic design gets pretty good mileage; you’ll rarely have to refill it at the Shell station. 

[1941-crowley-slut]

I'm a firm believer that Aziracrow will make up, HOWEVER I think Aziraphale will NEVER hear the end of it.

*500 years later: Aziraphale doing something accidentally* "Oops, sorry"

*Crowley, mockingly* "I fOrGiVe yOu"

*Sigh* "Crowley, I said I was sorry! Will you let it go, please?"

*Crowley, dramatically falling back on his chair, still doing the mocking voice* "cOmE wItH mE tO hEaVeN"

[airlocksandaviariesarchive]

2 genres of fanfiction:

1) put that guy into situations

2) take that guy OUT of situations for the love of GOD let them REST 

[ckret2]

#you put the sad guy in #you take the sad guy out #you put the sad guy in and you shake him all about

[ryuko-archive]

still don’t really understand how some people have trouble just being nice

[the-fault-in-our-balls]

Oh my gosh you’re such a good person. Hey everybody come look at how much of a good person this is.

[ryuko-archive]

i literally cannot comprehend how you got offended by this but thanks for proving my point anyway

[dolcifool]

[dragonthief2991]

I don’t mean to distract from OP’s post but my dash won’t let me see what the second image is, it’s just showing me this:

And I am losing my goddam mind.

[lynati]

You know what this reminds me of, only in reverse? …

wait. shit. oh god. I can’t unsee it…

[amemait]

Can someone put this one in on the reverse? with the ‘no fear –> Be Kind to each other –> one fear’?

[turtlehasknife]

[clown-strife-deactivated2021041]

The original comic was about Simpsons porn?

[awed-frog]

This is possibly the most tumblr-y tumblr post I’ve ever seen.

[the-haiku-bot]

This is possibly

the most tumblr-y tumblr

post I’ve ever seen.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[good-omens-heritage-posts]

good omens heritage post

[aridante]

get in loser we’re living past the end of our myth

[entertainmentindustryupdates]

Update from the WGA on negotiations

[laufyeson]

it’s a gun

[mayanangel]

whoever made this deserves an award

[fangirltothefullest]

This is so funny

[starsandsteelandbrokenglass]

Jason, having seen Medea kill and dismember her brother and also kill Pelias for him: Probably I can just divorce her

[anistarrose]

children outside screaming: annoying but ultimately for the greater good. children need Going Outside and Screaming Time for proper emotional development. an auditory burden I am willing to bear

neighbor with his car he made louder on purpose: jail for neighbor. jail for ten thousand years