Here's some of the notes, starting with the things multiple people brought up:
SHRIMP COCKTAIL:
banahbanah: #flashback to that one fic where Peter Parker frets about drinking shrimp cocktail because of the alcohol
generaldeliciousness: adding: what a prawn/shrimp cocktail is
#why is your character turning it down because they're under 21 #do you think prawn cocktail is a cocktail #this lives in my brain rent-free constantly #the rest of the fic was so normal #and good enough that i'll still re-read it #but bro
And then many, MANY, people wondering if this was actually authour mistake, since Peter really would do this!
POMEGRANATES:
zhajhassa: #haha where's that post that was like someone describing someone eating a pomegranate but they ate it like an apple
thornhands: #once someone wrote persephone biting into a whole Pomegranate #had to stop and stare at a wall for a minute
sungsingsanguine: I once saw someone very confidently write about a character eating slices of pomegranate.
FRUIT TREES:
zagreuses-toast: #given a very endearing glimpse into a writers blindspots by seeing them describe someone sitting under a ''pineapple tree''
salatrash: I remember something about picking watermelons... OF A FUCKING TREE
baander: #cranberry trees
DOUGH/BATTER:
maycelium: #I'm a chef so I'm really used to people not accurately describing how to cook food #But I was surprisingly flabbergasted when someone was writing making a cake and was kneading it. Which uh #Not necessary for cake. It was interesting for sure but just bizarre
livebloggingmydescentintomadness: #the one that drove me nuts was when a character set aside a batch of PASTA DOUGH 'to rise' #pasta doesn't have yeast!! #it does need to REST but it will never RISE #you do not want an airy crumb on your noodles
lovesodeepandwideandwell: #THE ONE WHERE THEY MADE COOKIES BY LADLING BATTER INTO A TRAY
Some other topics:
ANIMALS:
catenarwhal: #mandatory 'how cows produce milk' mention#i'll never recover from that one I fear
piromantic: #one time i saw someone fake their way through describing how spiders behave
pluto-lichen: horses
misskittypotter: #stardew valley faking its way through what fresh fish smell like
pa-pa-plasma: #saw someone faking their way through knowing what a seal is once #i still am fucked up over that one to this day. they just straight up did not know #& they were NOT good at guessing it either like it was clear they had never googled that animal ever #& was only just now realizing via answering questions from anons that seals are not!! what they assumed. initially
SEX:
dykevandyke: #what a prostate is #and where it is located #as in. external.
dreamyeyedrose: #I remember back in the ff.net days reading an Ichigo/Renji fic where the writer assumed the penises go inside each other #and I was like “I mean I don't know how it works for sure I don't have one but idk if that's how it works”
SOME OTHER FOOD STUFF:
thetrekkiehasthephonebox: #add another one to the list bloggers#this character is cooking a salad
shosta: #still baffled about the published work that didn't know food could freeze
sun-dari: #once i read a fic where the author didn't understand cinnamon
alto-tenure: #read something recently where the author was just. blatantly wrong about spices
dramatic-dolphin: #i saw someone try to fake their way through what ramen is once. like 14 years ago.#but i remember.#i was very confused about ramen for a few months. they were writing it so authoritatively.
the-celery-stalks-at-midnight: #i will never ever forget someone putting leftover fries in the microwave to reheat them and setting the timer for five minutes
typeghost: #this sparked a memory of a hannibal fic where the author had to fake their way through writing about gravy
draculin: #the one fanfic where the author knows about coffee only as a concept wrote a character as a coffee drinker#was very interesting#I don't remember the fandom or the plot but I was mesmerized by the coffee actions and choices
11235811235811: #there's a lot of faking their way thru congee in the svsss fandom i'll also note
fishali3n: #read one where the person clearly didnt know what tofu is
emmy-everafter: #in the aftermath of shadow and bone s2 i saw a lot of people pretending to know what stroopwafels are #babes they are more like cookies than breakfast waffles #like yes there is a waffle pattern but you're not gonna cut into a stack of them with syrup and sugar#🤣🤣🤣
NON-FOOD STUFF:
red-umbrella-811: Shoutout to Dame Agatha Christie for faking her way through what a wrench is in a very popular published work.
bluebeetle: #once saw someone have a character put an entire phone book in their pocket
nonametis: #- sex talk in languages other than english #<- or just the petnames in a different language other than English
sadisticpony: #the fanfiction i saw this week where op DIDNT KNOW HOW AUTOMATIC DOORS WORKED #and that they arent in peoples homes!!! of course. also opening the automatic door for someone is unironically very funny but its not #its not like. grabbing the door handle to let someone in. helpppp
danmeichael: #reminds me of the fic with the figure drawing class where the character started with the feet. #i love you feet first figure drawing author
meowmix1100blr: #me watching this one fic absolutely obliterate what the board of directors does
vexedhexes: #one time i read an architect character making a doorway bigger by building a bigger door #what a beautiful world. #OH. also gravity falls fic where they go 'oh piedmont is in california so its warm all year round'
leveragehunters: #characters going to a beer garden #And it's literally a garden outside the pub#It was a very cute mistake
fitofpique: #yes! #grown men do not get blind drunk off two beers #but i am possibly guilty of the hypothermia one #assuming it does not make you very horny?
dadvans-likes: #always thinking abt the soup kitchen fic #the entire setting of the fic was 'soup kitchen' #and i very quickly realized #the author did not know what a soup kitchen was #and they thought that soup kitchens only served soup #fic
msmargaretmurry: #i love fanfiction #once read a fic where the characters played 20 questions #but the author seemed to not know how to play 20 questions and was just kind of winging it........ #immaculate
shakespeareaddict: #Look I know not all of us are hockey experts #But it takes about ten seconds of research or any attention paid to the show to realize #That the Stanley cup playoffs are not in fucking September
baejax-the-great: #the funniest one i saw #was someone faking what church is like #like 1. they really didn't have to write an entire church experience for their fic #and 2. they had clearly never even watched a show where people went to church #it was bonkers weird
twosunson: #things ive seen authors faking #knowing how to unclog a drain #knowing. literally any history #knowing what ketamine looks like (apparently- oregano) #(you know who you are)
waterhorseyblues-ao3: #beltane being celebrated in winter #wales being portrayed as a completely separated land from england (i wish) #characters getting up after weeks of bedrest like that dosnt completely fuck you up
violetfairydust: #i once read a fic where the flight time from london to seattle was 3 hours
purekesseltrash: One time, in a fic set specifically in Des Moines, IA, two of the characters casually drove 20 minutes to the ocean. The memory continues to delight me. I want to know where that author thought that Iowa was.
plot 150 words
bed-sharing 200 words
smut 800 words
projecting my fears, insecurities, and anxieties onto a fictional character 9,356 words
fluff 150 words
someone who is good at fan fiction please help me budget my WIP, my family is dying
ten year old Tim Drake having a minor phase of liking archeology bcs of his parents so he starts digging shit up in his garden, but because he’s Tim Fucking Drake he does it too well and accidentally unearths one of the tunnels that connects to the fucking batcave.
ten year old Tim Drake who already knew who Batman and Robin were, finding out he now has a secret tunnel in his garden connecting his house to their lair, and he’s just like ‘fuck yeah that’s cool.’ and starts exploring.
thirteen year old Jason Todd bored and fucking around alone in the batcave system when he comes across a fucking ten year old who knows his identity, clearly idolises the hell out of him, and is just kinda wandering around the cave system alone and completely chill about it. they see a super dangerous spider and Tim just starts info-dumping on the species. when asked if he has a curfew to go back home by he goes ‘uh, July i guess? that’s when mom and dad get back.’ it is early February.
thirteen year old Jason Todd who takes a minute and then goes ‘ok this is funny as fuck i promise i won’t snitch to Bruce.’
Jason Todd and Tim Drake being secret cave buddies. Jason Todd and Tim Drake hanging out in the tunnels and making fun of Batman and Nightwing from the shadows. Tim Drake who has to buy a whole new set of night-vision camera lenses for his new photo album that’s just photos and selfies of him and his new best friend Robin fucking around in the underground pitch-dark.
Jason Todd who dies, gets revived, is told by Talia that Tim Drake has ‘replaced him’ unknowing they’re already friends, and Jason who all he can think of is that time they played hide and seek in the cave system and Tim clung to the fucking ceiling via a stalactite for 45 minutes straight. Jason Todd who just looks at Talia and goes ‘yeah sounds about right for him.’
Jason Todd being told he has to deliver Damian to Bruce and he decides ‘absolutely the fuck not’ to the idea of even touching the front door. they have a Ring camera he is not getting caught on that bullshit.
Jason Todd who just goes to Drake Manor and uses Tim’s old entrance to get into the tunnels, his home away from home, dragging Damian along, until he gets to a spot where he can secretly signal into the batcave for Tim to sneak the fuck away.
fifteen year old Tim Drake who gets called into the tunnels to find the Red Hood, unmasked as Jason, presenting to him a random child which he declares to be the son of Batman.
fifteen year old Tim Drake who comes full circle and says ‘ok this is funny as fuck i promise i won’t snitch to Bruce.’
the cave boys are reunited. a third is added to the club. a new photo album is filled. when Tim brings Damian up through the tunnels into the cave he looks Bruce dead in the eyes and says fully straight-faced ‘this is your cave son. i found him wandering, he was born from the shadows of the bat.’
eleven year old Damian Al Ghul-Wayne who’s spent the past three and a half years under Jason Todd’s influence and sombrely declares ‘the cave birthed me for you, father. i am darkness. i am your child.’
Hello Desmond Miles enjoyers I have an au concept for you. He is tall, handsome, built, and lived in New York City. There is no way this boy has not been scouted by a modeling agency at LEAST once. I know this in my heart to be true. Canon-compliant version he probably laughs nervously, says he doesn't have a phone, and throws away the number they give him in the first trash can he can find.
BUT CONSIDER. It would be so fucking funny to make him a male model. Give him an Anok Yai style career where a street photo of him goes viral and agencies are calling him every day. No phone? No problem, you've got a job and a landlord. After a month of this he's like, you know what? Why *shouldn't* I be a male model? I ran away from home because I didn't want to be involved in a bullshit war between secret societies that probably isn't even real. What's the harm. And then a month later he opens a Prada show and his career explodes.
He'd do fantastic, he walks like a panther who's coming to eat you and has (and I am saying this because the modeling industry is notably racist) enough ethnic features to be interesting but not so many that he can't pass as white. Like a male Bella Hadid. Dolce & Gabbana would love him.
Anyway the really funny part is imagining Bill Miles tearing his hair out over the fact that his son has a Wikipedia page with his face on it. Asbtergo knows who he is ("why is Altair Ibn-La'Had in my copy of Vogue") but can't actually kidnap him easily because he's high profile enough that they can't just disappear him with no issues. Obviously they do kidnap him eventually but I think they put a lot more prep into it than "pull him out of his apartment 24 hours after they first ping his ID."
Lucy: yeah. You've been kidnapped. Sorry. They're going to keep you here indefinitely until they get everything they need from you through the Animus.
Desmond: I could break my diet.... Lucy can you get me a cheeseburger. Can I please have a cheeseburger and fries and a milkshake.
Rebecca, after he gets rescued: yeah they put you on the FBI most wanted list. Sorry.
Desmond: NOOO... MY CAREER...
The perception of his descent into terrorism would be amazing. Literally no discernable reason it just looks like he snapped under pressure and bombed a pharmaceutical company. The fashion industry is gonna get soooooooo much shit about it. Desmond is reading the New York Times article about it on Rebecca's phone like "not actually what happened but if it gets them to stop making sixteen year olds cry we'll call it a win."
Anyway you know the tumblr would be fucking insane about him. Discourse over whether it's ethical to be calling him hot if he blew up a building and killed dozens of people. Armchair sleuthing out the wazoo. There are multiple flower crown edits. Shaun leaks footage of Desmond's kidnapping and the true crime girlies go bananas.
if infinite monkeys on typewriters will eventually write shakespeare then surely 100 million americans with pistols will eventually successfully assassinate the us president
Saw this when I was in London this summer, I stopped my friend to point at it and said "holy shit it's the statue of Theseus fucking the Minotaur" in the middle of the very busy museum.
older lotr illustrations sometimes depict éowyn wearing ridiculously small armour. apart from the problem general sexualisation of the only female character (who really does anything), there’s another hilarious thought:
éowyn pretended to be dernhelm, a man. to fit in, she must have worn men’s armor. so the armor in the illustrations is normal for rohirrim.
therefore, all the rohirrim rode to war just like that:
there’s a thundering sound in the distance as the rohirrim ride into war but rather than hoofbeats it’s the collective sound of all their cheeks clapping
Frank Frazetta was the reason He-Man was designed like that; the producers conduct a study to see what art appeal the most to children, and Frank’s work came out on top in popularity. So everyone in He-Man is dressed the way they are directly because of Frazetta.
Ah, it has been too long since I have seen the no pants post on my dash. And yes, this is a rare case where it wasn’t some sexist nonsense but an egalitarian No Pants Agenda.
peeling those sour rainbow gummy strips into long thin strings and putting them into cheap energy drink to create something im calling battery acid spaghetti will update once ive finished it
no but i'm still thinking about how much boromir would fucking LOVE the shire
it is beautiful rolling hills just stuffed to the GILLS with hobbits
including BABY HOBBITS
HOBBITS BUT SOMEHOW IMPOSSIBLY EVEN SMALLER
and yeah the adults might be fairly wary, but we see in the first movie that the kids come running immediately to see gandalf in hopes of seeing something magic
and now??? here is LARGE PERSON??? who can play swords and toSS THEM REAL HIGH UP IN THE AIR AND CATCH THEM???
boromir deserved to retire as the grandpa of endless waves of hobbits, and i will cry forever that he never got to live his destiny
the idea of a hobbit mama scolding her faunts not to get too rough with "nice mr. boromir" as this man is exactly where he wants to be being dogpiled by giggly bb hobbits who absolutely "defeated" him in "combat"
warrior hands that have seen so much violence SO gently holding a TEENY TINY baby hobbit he was handed to let a papa hobbit track down his wayward toddler
(boromir fighting back tears because THEY COME THIS SMALL??? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE???? THE BABY FITS IN ONE OF HIS HANDS???) (baby yawns and snuggles their lil cheek against his thumb and this man is nearly brought to his knees)
Official Manager Of Lifting Big Things
boromir accidentally joining a hobbit stitch and bitch club because someone's gammer asked him to carry her yarn for her to the meeting and he didn't know how to leave after he was greeted and handed food and tea
the club is actually fun, and the hobbit grannies respond to his tales of politics and battle with the same sympathetic clucking that they do to rivals stealing recipes, including his hand being patted sympathetically
boromir gets his own special big cup that moves from house to house for meetings so he can get an acceptable amount of tea for gossip time
the concept of bb hobbits making him a flower crown for the spring festival so he can match everyone but having to adjust it twice because it's the first one they've made so big before
the idea of bb hobbits who heard stories (mostly from pippin and merry) who now yell out "GONDOR >:D" when charging into a playfight (they don't know what a gondor is) (they're not interested in learning)
(five of them are holding up boromir's shield and can't see past it) (they will charge headfirst into a tree) (they will learn nothing from this experience)
boromir having to learn how to do the cat owner shuffle because there are always faunts underfoot (usually trying to catch a lift on his feet because he can step SO high :D)
gandalf being lowkey salty because HE still gets side glances??? but boromir??? is basically seen as everyone's relative who just happens to be very large??? yes he is Big Folk, but above and beyond that, he is hobbit ✊😔
in gondor: constantly at war, awareness of supply use, the polite thing to do is to ask for more if you want it but to always have finished what's on your plate when you're done.
in the shire: with hobbit appetites, a fully empty plate means a guest needs more. no one wastes a bunch (leavings will be fed to the pigs), but good manners to show you've had enough involves leaving just a bit to show you were well-satisfied and completely full. an empty plate means you need more to fill up the corners.
so boromir is trying to be done, but the hobbits just keep putting more on his plate, and it turns into a feedback loop of politeness that ends with boromir eating more than he ever has and still being stuck at this tea party two hours past when he first tried to leave.
the comedy of this poor man trying SO hard to eat fast enough that he can put his plate down and escape versus hobbit granny watching him like a hawk with serving tongs in one hand and a tray of mini quiche in another.
the club is actually fun, and the hobbit grannies respond to his tales of politics and battle with the same sympathetic clucking that they do to rivals stealing recipes, including his hand being patted sympathetically
Boromir, giving a toned-down (given the audience) summary of the siege of Minas Tirith...
Granny #1, stitching a coverlet for new granddaughter: <nodding> "Oh, yes... the Witch-King of Angmar.... we've heard about him." <pause> "He's a one."
Granny #2, concentrating on the scarf she's knitting: mutters "Not invitin' him for tea & scones."
Granny #1: <nods> "Him and Ted Sandyman, amiright?"
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PS: Just THINK of the romp if Boromir decides to escort the hobbits home to the Shire after the fall of Sauron, and gets involved in the Scouring of the Shire.
I'm now imagining the first time Boromir takes off his boots to walk barefoot on the grass. It took some persuasion, but he has done it, and the little hobbits are scandalised and worried. Fallen out foot hair is a sign of a sick hobbit os they all run home to get their mamas (cause amams make all the poorys better ofc) adn Boromir is now having to explain he isn't ill, he just doesn't have foot hair. No one believes him ofc and just thinks he is trying to refuse so as to not be a burden because he is such a good big person!
The entire range of human skin tones varies from so pale white that it's almost kind of blue, to so deep black that it's almost kind of blue, and I think that's beautiful. Do you love the colour of the guy.
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