[itgetsdown]

I need someone who can keep up with me mentally and sexually

[brownskinclub-deactivated202006]

if you don't worship your girl's ass what even are you doing

[kriestewart]

kristen stewart about her girlfriend on the howard stern show

[momunofu-deactivated20150808]

chillin on a Saturday night

[thepope]

Calm down jojo

[momunofu-deactivated20150808]

you’re right, I am looking a little stiff here, I should try to relax

[sparkafterdark-deactivated20181]

You call that “chillin”?

Everyone knows the best way to relax is with a good book and a warm drink

[totallyfubar]

I dunno, man,

 sometimes I like just relaxing on my laptop

[witchchad-deactivated20160310]

get on my level boys

[sparkafterdark-deactivated20181]

Unfortunately to “get on your level” I’d need a boat trip to the Mariana Trench and a pair of cinderblock shoes.

[nerdgul]

Thats gotta be the sickest burn ive ever read holy fuck

[tyrannosarcophagous]

this post appears once every million years

[sparkafterdark-deactivated20181]

I kept hoping someone else would one up me and I’d have to escalate even further but nobody has.

[robot-hands-mccoolguy]

I don’t think it’s possible to one up you

[chillno]

I love my little family

[caroldanversenthusiast]

This is one of the best lesbian movies i’ve seen and it’s a fricking car commercial

[invisiblechickens]

are there even any houses in the usa which touch each other???

like in britain some houses are terraced or semi-detached

but in america they’re like “dON’t tOUch mE!”

[deuxexarchivia]

I HAVE ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT BRITISH NEIGHBORHOODS LOOKED LIKE. THANK YOU.

[lyssissherlocked]

Isn’t that like a major fire code violation? Like if one house catches on fire, POOF there goes the whole fucking street up in flames.

[cleopatrasweave-deactivated2014]

[zelldas]

no other person on this planet was made for you, they were made for themselves. love is all about choices. no one is going to be perfect for you, and i think we need to stop raising everyone on the belief that someone out there, just one other person in the whole world, was “made for you” because it isn’t true. no one is made for you, besides you. other people belong to themselves. if you want to make it work with someone, it’s about hard work, understanding, compassion, communication, and choice

[luvbey]

Saying “my girl” is probably the cutest thing ever.

[sedraboc]

[cat-memes-only]

[emtmercy]

I’m losing it over professor x and the old spice guy turning away from their closeted gay friend whose life long unspoken love just got clown murdered (snapped in half by a clown? Impaled by a clown? I just realized I don’t know how he actually dies) in order to intimately forehead bump each other while sad closeted friend stands a foot behind them smeared w sewage and blood

[beachdeath]

[cactus-spirit-deactivated202211]

Me: "I need some serotonin."

Husband: Stands up.

Husband: Sits back down.

Hisband: "I didn't remember what serotonin was until after I stood up so I was deadass about to go get you some."

[feenyxblue]

Hes a little confused, but hes got the spirit

[sparkytheandroid]

the slogan for campbells soup in the 80’s was just “Soup is Good Food” and i wanna meet the young hotshot pussy destroyer who came up with that one

[sparkytheandroid]

[adobe-outdesign]

Old slogans were just… like that. My personal favorite is Steak n’ Shakes’ very descriptive “It’s a meal.”

we’re not saying that it’s a good meal, just. A Meal. no fucking false advertising here folks

[manlethotline]

being an adult and buying your own shit is so weird i don't understand why anything is proced the way it is. why did my tattoo cost 8 toothpastes? why does a pair of socks cost a sandwich but a fancy dinner costs a whole jacket? why is book the same cost as 2 bag frozen vegetables? nothing makes sense i just wanna steal.

[lesbiandomesticity]

you’re sitting across from me in a shitty diner in anywhere, america, and i watch you pour too much creamer in your coffee and i think “i love you.” you look up, catching me staring, and for a moment i think i’m brave enough to say it, but i take too long and the moment passes. i take the balled up straw wraper and flick it at you, pretending that was my plan all along. you laugh. i never want to go another day without hearing that laugh. i think i will have all the time in the world to say it.

[pinkdolphin12]

op are you okay

[lesbiandomesticity]

yes im married to her now

[catboythanatos]

[coollhandluke]

I HAD NO IDEA THERE WAS AN UPDATE AND IM SO HAPPY RN

[albedobeheading]

SLUR?????

[grimm-jimm]

My man said "boomer" with the hard "R".

[deathlessmax]

Sup, my Booma

[show-the-show]