There's something rather insidious that comes up when detrans people try to talk about their experiences with transition, which I think may come from people feeling the need to put detrans people "in their place" so to speak. Maybe it comes from fear that they might end up in the same position and it's a self-soothing thing, idk.
Anyways, it's the idea that detransitioners are completely and solely responsible for their transition/subsequent issues. Of course there is some personal responsibility to be had, but there's this idea that fault can and should never be attributed to doctors or community members. That if detransitioners don't self-flagellate when they talk about their experiences then they're not worth sharing. I can only speak about testosterone usage as that's my own personal experience.
The idea that HRT or surgical procedures can cause harm to some people should not be discussed. The idea that some people were led to believe false promises about what transition would grant them should not be discussed. The idea that transitioning makes some people feel worse mentally, physically, etc. should not be discussed. This is usually under the guise of not wanting to scare people away from transitioning. And it just creates this ridiculous cycle where the arguments people use against detransitioners only exist because of the way discussion around detransition and transition in general is treated.
"You should have known better/You can't blame other people for your choices" Can be partially true, but I've also seen this levied at minors which is completely unfair. When a lot of the community's activism is centered around how minors NEED life-saving HRT, to turn around and blame children or very young people after they say transitioning didn't save their lives is absurd.
"You were warned about the effects at your 100,000th doctor's appointment you had to attend because HRT is gatekept so heavily" When this is not the case for a lot of people. I started transition as a young teen in a conservative state in the U.S. after one appointment with Planned Parenthood. They gave me a paper with about 10 side effects listed, drew my blood, asked me if I wanted to freeze my eggs, and sent me home after filling my script for T.
"You weren't even trans in the first place so why are you talking about it!" As if believing you were for years, taking medical intervention, and being actively involved in the community doesn't impact your perception of the world and people around you.
"You should have done your research" Usually, this is something most medical professionals advise against, is playing Dr. Google. But even in doing so, so many effects of HRT are downplayed or dismissed when attempting to do research.
This is the most frustrating part for me, especially as it's something I'm actively dealing with. If you talk about concerns for your heart health, there's this oft-repeated phrase of "Testosterone only puts you at the same risk of a heart attack as a cis man" and other platitudes to suggest it's not that bad. Meanwhile, I and many others have to deal with shortness of breath, heart palpitations, and chest pain at a young age. If you talk about concerns regarding your uterine health, you may hear about vaginal atrophy, but in insignificant detail and you will also hear a lot of "Test made my periods and cramping so much better". And it ended up making mine significantly worse. Concerns for bone density or muscle mass are met with "T helps reduce autoimmune symptoms/helps me feel stronger/reduces chronic pain" and I also ended up with mine being made significantly worse.
These issues that can arise from HRT are really only discussed if you look up the effects of steroids in women. But by looking up HRT alone, you are often met with a hand-waving of serious issues even by major publications and medical sources.
So because of all the backlash talking about detransition can get you, the only place to discuss these things end up being detrans specific spaces. And these are places you are actively discouraged from visiting when transitioning. When you are young, mostly friendless, chronically online, neurodivergent, and end up in the right spaces you hear that a lot of your problems would be resolved by transitioning and are caused by dysphoria. You end up in a community that is telling you that anyone in your life that is against transitioning is bad for you, that you shouldn't listen to them, and in fact remove them from your life once you get the chance, so it can then be quite easy to treat everything that community says as gospel. And it's also easy to be treated as a pariah by that same community once you say it may not have worked for you because of that exact mindset.
I can believe testosterone can provide positive benefits for people and not cause people to develop the issues I did. I can believe testosterone can improve some people's mental and physical health. But I think it is disingenuous and harmful to dismiss and actively be hostile towards people that it didn't work for.
