I've tried to understand the separatist concept but what about heterosexual women? I know being single/married is not a big deal but what about those who just want to experience a romantic relationship? You've never been attracted to a man, it's easy for you to tell us to stay away and be celibate. What prevents a man from advocating for women while being in a respectful relationship? Perhaps I'm naïve; I don't just feel like het women's feelings are being considered.
What about heterosexual women? I’m tired, anon. You’re not the center of the world. You’re not the only type of women that exist. Not everything should be solely designed to cater to your concerns. Have you ever tried putting yourself in someone else’s shoes? It doesn’t read like it, and I for one am tired of always having to put heterosexual women front and center.
But that’s beside the core point of your ask, and because I can’t stand a misunderstanding, I’ll explain. Separatism gives its biggest benefits to opposite-sex attracted women. Not to lesbians. We already avoid one of the largest threats to women by virtue of not being attracted to men. We don’t invite them into our homes as partners so they can leech off us and abuse us. Sure we benefit from women-only spaces, but heterosexual women who understand the goal of separatism save themselves a lifetime of unfulfilling to downright dangerous interactions with men. Lesbians already don’t have the most harmful relationship a woman can have with a man. Separatism is about keeping the threat away from your life and giving yourself the space to thrive. Nothing very complicated about it.
“[W]hat about those who just want to experience a romantic relationship?” I don’t know in what world you live in anon. The whole world wants you to partner up with a man; the handful of us who want liberation don’t threaten your little domestic dream beyond asking you to self-reflect a bit and ponder your priorities. Please present sources as to when and where a separatist woman has come into a heterosexual woman’s home and murdered her male partner; or when and where a separatist woman has passed and enforced a law that bans heterosexual women from dating men. As if we have any sort of enforceable power. We’re not witches, and we’re not the monster under your bed either. We’re women alive leading fulfilling lives, and we’d love it if more women got to experience it. No separatist is going around in a banalised van kidnapping unsuspecting heterosexual women though, so I don’t know where your thought that we’re stopping you from living is coming from. As for “experienc[ing] a romantic relationship”, then indeed I’ll have to call you naive. As if there was one man on this planet who’s not a misogynist. It being casual instead of all out abuse doesn’t make it less corrosive and oppressive. It’s just easier for you to pretend all is fine and that you can live with it. Well, you actually can live with it, as a lot of opposite-sex attracted women show, but none of them fool me as thriving.
“What prevents a man from advocating for women while being in a respectful relationship?” Nothing strictly prevents a man from doing that. It’s just that no man does. There’s no non-misogynistic man. Some do a good job of fooling the women around them, but none of them isn’t complicit in women’s oppression. Why do you feel such a need to put your life and your freedom in a man’s hand? Can’t you do things yourself instead of waiting for someone else’s input?
At the end of the day it’s not about your feelings. It’s about safety, it’s about prevention, it’s about doing something so things change instead of just waiting passively for men to deign to give us a few rights, it’s about women’s liberation. And that might very well be something you are not interested in, which is your prerogative, but it’s not my case.
As for how easy I supposedly have it, how callous do you have to be? No lesbian has ever been harmed for her sexuality. No government, no religion, none of our families want us to not exist. There’s lesbians everywhere. We have a huge dating pool. None of us are celibate. Yes, it’s so easy for lesbians to talk about separatism. If you’re still confused, all those previous statements are the opposite of what reality actually is. No lesbian has it easy. But if it’s not about heterosexual women, then how could it matter?
