Damian's pick-up experiences. A summary.
The car: An ordinary sensible black German import with tinted windows.
The pick-up experience: Normal, Alfred or another member of staff usually picks him up. Also, Damian is far from the only one getting picked up by a butler at this school.
The drive: Damian feels perfectly safe. They go get groceries at Whole Foods.
The rating: 10/10, no complaints.
The car: Black limo, tinted windows, looks like any other car at the school.
The pick-up experience: Bruce does a Brucie Wayne act with the teachers and other parents while Damian sulks in the car waiting to go home.
The drive: Comfortable silence and a competent driver experienced with Gotham traffic. No complaints.
The rating: 8/10. The drive is fine but the waiting for Bruce to stop shmoozing is annoying, hence the deductions.
The car: Black limo, tinted windows, Wayne fleet issue.
The pick-up experience: Clark sticks out like a sore thumb with his flannel and bright colours but the teachers and parents are smitten with him and his bumbly demeanour. It encourages Clark to call him "champ" and pat his head which Damian hates.
The drive: Clark is a terrible driver because he mostly flies or takes public transport. At a red light, when Clark has managed to kill the engine (on an automatic??) twice in a row and for the fifth time since leaving the school, Damian very seriously suggests they should switch seats. A 20min drive takes them almost double the time. The car has to be taken into the shop after.
The rating: 2/10. Clark should have his license revoked.
The ride: Her motorcycle.
The pick-up experience: Damian thinks she's so cool and she has a cool helmet for him. He loves seeing her on pick-up duty.
The drive: She is the best motorcycle driver in the family and he feels very safe, but still cool.
The rating: 10/10, no complaints.
The drive: A stretch limousine, with proper brown leather seats, none of that black and chrome stuff. It sticks out, even in a parking lot full of luxury cars.
The pick-up experience: Mildly embarrassing since she kisses his face all over. Also because his classmates think his mom is hot.
The drive: Perfect. The driver certainly knows what he's doing but stretch limos aren't too common in Gotham so Damian is very alert for carjacking everytime they stop at a red light.
The rating: 8/10. The smooching is annoying, and he can't fully relax during the drive.
The ride: Catwoman's motorcycle. It doesn't have a license plate.
The pick-up experience: Damian has never really warmed up to Selina so he's not the biggest fan. Also, again, his classmates think she's hot.
The drive: Is actually fine until they get pulled over by the police since they don't have a license plate and then they think Selina has kidnapped him. Gordon has to bail them out.
The pick-up experience: Would be fine if people did not think Damian got arrested every time Dick picks him up in the cop car.
The drive: They've got no troubles with Gotham traffic, even here people behave in front of cops. Dick does drive like a man excluded by the rules of traffic though, so as an apology, he takes Damian to his favourite Arab green-grocer to get the good fruit, veggies and herbs after.
The rating: 6/10, unfortunately.
The ride: A sensible black sedan, standard Wayne fleet.
The pick-up experience: Babs is fine but they barely make it out of the lot because Babs forgot to put her disability placard in the borrowed car and now they're arguing with the campus cop that yes, it is actually her car even if the car is registered to Bruce Wayne, and yes, that is his son whom she is authorized to pick up.
The ride: Babs is, contrary to popular belief, just as reckless a driver as Dick. Very liberal with using the horn.
The rating: 6/10, he really would have liked to rate her more.
The ride: His massive motorcycle.
The pick-up experience: His classmates think he's hot and the mothers and quite a few of the dads flirt with him. Jason indulges them because it makes Damian furious.
The drive: Jason drives like he has a Lazarus Pit at home. Damian knows nothing is going to happen but his hands hurt for hours anyway after Jason drops him off from whiteknuckling the handles.
The rating: 3/10. Near-death experience, also Jason is antagonizing him.
The ride: His damn skateboard.
The pick-up experience: Tim shmoozes with his former teachers which is annoying and takes forever.
The drive: Damian is not skateboarding home, so he calls a cab. Then, Tim skates off and Damian sees that Tim's driver was waiting just around the corner. Tim waves at him, gets in the car and is driven off while Damian waits for the cab. Needless to say, he's seething.
The rating: 0/10. Do not come again.
The ride: His moped since he's technically not old enough to ride a motorcycle even though he does as Signal. At least it's a sensible colour and not horrendously yellow.
The pick-up experience: Perfectly sensible. Duke is punctual, friendly and does not shmooze.
The drive: Unfortunately, Duke drives like a true Gothamite and mopeds are somewhere at the bottom of the traffic food chain.
The rating: 5/10, generously. The man drives like a lunatic.
The pick-up experience: Cass is leaning against the Lambo with her sunglasses on and drawing the eye of every single person coming out of the school. Damian is a little embarrassed but mostly smug.
The drive: Cass may be the only competent driver in the family.
The rating: 10/10. Almost a 9.5 because she did not let him drive the Lambo.
The ride: Ordinary Wayne fleet car.
The pick-up experience: Steph pinches his cheeks and pretends she's his mother. Damian hates it.
The drive: Steph has put the car on Lyft so instead of taking Damian home, she does rideshares for two hours. It's horrible.
The rating: 1/10. Frivolous.
The ride: Billy's bicycle.
The pick-up experience: Fairly embarrassing since Billy is his age. And on a bike.
The drive: On the back of Billy's bicycle. It's pretty fun, actually, not that he'd ever admit it until they nearly get run over by the GCPD which only reprimands them for cycling in Gotham. They have a point.
The rating: 6/10, for the vibes.
The ride: A truck. A proper truck. One that's seen farm life. In Gotham.
The pick-up experience: Horribly embarrassing. The truck sticks out like a sore thumb.
The drive: Chris brought Titus, so Damian happily gets in. And despite the uncomfortable bouncing over the potholes, it's pretty okay.
The ride: Wants to fly him, Damian refuses. So they walk and they both hate it.
The pick-up experience: His classmate think Conner is hot and Conner relishes in it. It's honestly terrible.
The ride: Jason's motorbike.
The pick-up experience: It's fine, Laney is too intimidating for anyone to approach him.
The drive: They get stopped because Laney only has one eye, the bike is taken to impound and they have to take the metro. The Gotham metro is a special layer of hell. Not to mention, Jason tears both of them a new one.
The rating: 1/10. The pity point is only because Laney is actually a decent driver.
The ride: Didn't show up until Damian triple-called him, showed up in a Lyft (Steph was the driver).
The pick-up experience: He wasn't there. No experience to speak of.
The drive: see above, Steph.
The rating: 0/10. Damian can't wait until he officially has his license.
