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THIS HAS ABSOLUTELY MADE MY FUCKING DAY
BRO WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE HES ABOUT TO BURST INTO TEARS 😭😭😭
Batkids sleepover
Wayne Family Adventures
batman…..
Selina: Things my stepkids have texted me, part two.
Selina: "Did Bruce have kids?"
Selina: "Chicken broth, that's not the sweat of the chicken, right?"
Selina: "Am I a notary?"
Selina: "I hit a robin. Not the person, the bird."
Selina: "What do I put for make of car? Metal?"
Selina: "Just found out the band Haulin' Oats is actually Hall & Oates."
Selina: "Do I put the bear spray on before I start hiking or just if I see a bear?"
Selina: "The cat threw up. I covered it with a napkin for you."
Selina: "When Bruce wakes up, can you tell him a tree fell on our house?"
Selina: "So when you do a hit and run... how does that work?"
Selina: "Please don't come to graduation. There won't be any other parents there."
Selina: "How does eating cold turkey help you quit smoking?"
Selina: "I don't care if the Chinese steal my data. We have unlimited."
Selina: "I'm being abducted into the Teen Titans!"
"I don't know how to drive!"
"What? How do you not know how to drive?!"
"I died at fourteen!" He yelped out, hitting the gas despite Spoiler gripping the handles from the roof. "You can't get the license in my ghost world!"
"I'm going to die. This is the stupidest way of dying, oh my god—"
"Focus, you two! We have bigger issues than how legal this is!" Harper snapped, holding down the bandages to Duke's shoulder.
"Do I need to sing the Dumb Ways to Die song to make you understand—!"
Danny made a sharp turn, the wheels of a Honda Civic squealing against the rain slicked Gotham pavement. Spoiler screamed. Signal groaned.
"Stephanie! Shut up!"
"Your name is Stephanie? What are you, a 2000s mean girl?"
"Thanks, Bluebird, now Little Freshman Boy knows my name!"
"Hey!" Danny squawked, trying to keep his eyes on the road and not run into anything on the empty streets. The bullets had stopped spraying a couple boulevards before, but he still drove like a madman.
"If he doesn't crash us on a power line, Batman will string your organs on one for that!"
"What the fuck?!" Phantom cried out at that, horrified. When he had come to Gotham to stop the Guys in White from expanding, he hadn't really planned to get involved with the Bats.
Or a gang war, for that matter.
"Great, now you're fear mongering the child! The one who's driving, if I may add!"
"I'm not a chil—"
"Yes, you are," came the chorus from all of them, even from Signal's clenched teeth.
"Where do I turn?" Danny asked instead, weaving through side streets and ignoring signs he wasn't even trying to read.
"Next stop sign, Shortstuff." Bluebird replied, trying to reposition herself to continue giving first aid to a semi-conscious Duke.
"I'm going to crash us on purpose for that—"
"The hell you are! I will toss your scrawny ass out the window, so help me god." Steph shrieked, blonde hair frizzy and nose bloody. Danny was 67% sure she had gotten a concussion earlier.
"Calm it, Britney Spears—"
"It's Stephanie!"
"Same thing!" Danny hit the breaks as they came skidding up to an average, squat apartment complex with billboards shining down. The whole car rocked with momentum. "Sorry," the ghost said, mildly apologetic.
"I," Bluebird said, exhaling heavily and shakily after a moment of still silence, "am never going on a patrol with you guys again."
Duke gave a pained groan of agreement from where he had fallen in between the seats.
Phantom's grip was white-knuckled on the steering wheel as he slowly turned his head towards Spoiler. "So, uhm, did I pass my driving test, teach?"
"I'm going to be sick," was all Stephanie moaned as she fumbled out of the beaten-up car door and onto the wet ground below.
"Don't lay on the concrete, you're going to get stabbed by a used needle." Bluebird called out from the shot-through window, swinging her door open as well and hauling out Signal.
"I'm a Gothamite, my mortal coil can't be harmed by that."
"Can your 'mortal coil' help me with this mortal injury?"
Stephanie and Harper both linked their arms underneath Duke's armpits, helping him into the apartment complex. Danny locked up their (stolen) car, only one light blinking when he did.
The two of them were still bickering as he hurried inside, wiping his palms of the blood that came from various scratches all over his hands. "Look, your unresolved romantic tension is cute, but can we focus on getting making sure the Traffic Cone of Justice doesn't die?"
"Oh, Dick is going to love this one," Stephanie grumbled as they pushed the button for the 3rd and final floor.
"Steph." Bluebird hissed, trying to punch her while still supporting Signal.
"I'm a minor! I don't want dick! And I'm straight!"
"No, not like— Oh ew. No! We have a friend named Dick."
Bluebird only gave him a raised eyebrow at the straight comment, and a once-over to his costume. "You sure 'bout that?"
"You guys are insane," Was all Danny could manage as the elevator gave a cheerful ding.
"Oh yes, and you're mister Psychologically Stable over here."
He was then unable to say much more as Spoiler dropped half of Signal onto him and ran towards one of the doors, banging on it with her fist.
Danny was about to ask, half-hysterically, about if this wasn't their apartment but the door swung open. A scarred man with a rumpled t-shirt and sweatpants loomed over the four teens.
"What," the dead man growled, "the fuck are you doing here. And who the hell is he?"
Phantom's brain, malfunctioning from the adrenaline rush and in genuine shock of another sorta halfa, blurted, "You're dead?"
All eyes slowly turned onto him like a horror movie.
"Oops."
Batman: Gotham Defenders By freelance illustrator, Gabriel Larragán
Clown Hunt (DC x DP)
Lady Gotham, still reeling from Joker's latest grand attack on her city, which claimed over 3,000 lives due to strategically placed explosives, gets completely fed up. She leaves for the Infinite Realms to expedite her healing and demands that Danny, as the High King, do something about the Joker, claiming 'No punishment that can be doled out by mortal hands is severe enough for all he's done!'
She tells Danny about everything he's done to her knights, Bruce, Dick, Barbara, Harper, Luke, Kate, Jason, Cass, Tim, Steph, Duke, Damian, all of them. She sobs about all her children who have died or suffer(ed) greatly at his hands. Danny, after hearing her story, agrees to help her.
Now, Danny is too busy as the High King to handle it himself. Especially since he isn't taking time off to see his friends and family, who all eventually died and came to live with him in the Realms. So instead, he has his children do it for him. Ellie and Dante are so happy to finally have something fun to do, and if it means striking fear and regret into the splintered soul of a clown who hides behind his insanity to get away with horrible crimes against the living and dead, then this hunting season just got a whole lot better. Ellie very joyously tells Danny 'I told you so' when they get this assignment, Skulker's lessons did come in handy after all! Lady Gotham promises to hide the prince and princess from her knights for as long as possible.
The Bats, and the JL and JLD, get involved, of course. But they just can't pinpoint who or what is after the Joker, and a remarkable number of them, especially most of the Bats, find they don't really care, since the Joker hasn't caused trouble since that giant bomb fest he had a month or two ago, even if he keeps drawing their attention to him to beg for help.
Ellie and Dante's goals are clear, make the Joker as afraid and paranoid as possible and to figure out what plan/failsafe he has in place in case he dies, shut it down, and shatter what remains of his soul and scatter the pieces across dimensions and timelines. Its just a natural consequence that they're enjoying it as much as they are.
Rich pregnant socialite: So we went to this clinic and let them manipulate our genes so we're 100% sure our child won't have any disease, he will have my hair and his father eyes and so much things we did for him! And you Bruce ?
Brucie: Found em in the trash. Except Tim, he found me in the trash.
