♔ cobrakai1972 ♔

Hi, I'm Kristen and I am a 28-year-old molecular biology PhD turned healthcare consultant in Boston, MA. But when I'm not embodying either of those parts of my identity, I like to watch TV. Tons of it. Here, you'll find: ♔ show reviews ♔ important social commentary ♔ other potential personal ramblings. Drop me a line anytime in my ask box! I'm more than happy to chat. Theme credit to elleusine

[kingmalachaiparker]

After a long extended hiatus...

I am back! Thank you to those of you who have continued to support and follow me.

I’ll be updating periodically over the next few days in the midst of self-isolation during the COVID-19 crisis. Feel free to pop into my inbox to say hello!

Currently watching (and therefore, please expect to see posts about): -Legacies -Supergirl -Bojack Horseman

[kingmalachaiparker]

"TVD” is the name, but retcon is the game.

retcon - a noun and a verb used to describe information that is utilized to impose a different interpretation of previously described events for one of two purposes: to facilitate a dramatic plot or to account for an inconsistency.

More often than not, retconning is used to greater effect for the second purpose. Though some people adhere to a definition of retconning as a blatant rewriting of events, I consider even subtle shifts in attitude and behavior that are both inconsistent with character histories and motivations an example of retconning. Inconsistencies abound in shows that have been on the air for 5+ seasons, and “The Vampire Diaries” is no different. I can think of plenty of examples: the introduction of Valerie as a love interest for Stefan coincided with the writers retconning that Stefan’s “first love” was Katherine - nope, they decided, Valerie was Stefan’s “first love”, but he wouldn’t remember it because he was compelled to forget. Also, Valerie was pregnant but lost her baby - let’s remind Stefan of the humanity he could have had, not with Elena (who he spent at least 5 seasons trying to protect from losing her humanity and trying to maintain his), but with Valerie instead. It’s a rewriting of history.

The most egregious retconning of the show has to be Damon Salvatore’s entire character, and, thus, everyone else’s perception of him. We can start with the most obvious connection: Elena. Elena spends three seasons alternatively disgusted and terrified by Damon. But Kevin Williamson’s departure coupled with Julie Plec and Caroline Dries taking over as executive producers led to a (honestly very sudden) developing affection for Damon, because there exists no greater Damon stan than Julie Plec. But how on earth do you reconcile Elena’s very obvious moral and physical outrage with pushing Delena together? Oh, why not write in a sire bond? Stelena would never have broken up organically; even though Elena supposedly already had feelings for Damon, and that has been used endlessly by Delena to justify that the sire bond only amplified latent emotions, she still chose Stefan. She still planned to return to Mystic Falls in the season 3 finale for Stefan. It wasn’t about her lack of love for Stefan; it had to be about her love for Damon overpowering that love. So rather than allow a relationship to develop organically, though I’d argue it never would have happened if the writers were true to Elena’s character, they pushed Delena together. And then it became much more than just genuine love and an equal partnership: it became a lustful (the amount of sex Delena had together was honestly a little too much; I felt like I was watching “Gossip Girl”), infatuated relationship. Let’s all think back to the season 5 finale when Elena doesn’t even bother to ask about Bonnie, her best friend, and instead obsessively asks where Damon is. And when she’s told Damon is on the Other Side, she crumples. The Elena of seasons 1-3 (and midway through season 4) would have cared about Bonnie, would certainly have cared about Stefan being dead, on top of being concerned about her sire boyfriend. Let’s not forget that Elena wanted to drive into the Mystic Grill with Damon, because yes, let’s promote suicide pacts in relationships. That’s healthy. It doesn’t support our understanding of Elena as a character, completely underwrites her existence, and simply dangling her humanity in front of us as a reminder of who she was doesn’t change the fact that she still chooses Damon over Stefan. The guy who murdered her brother, the guy who turned her biological mom into a vampire, the guy who schemed and plotted to break her and his brother up, the guy who flat-out forced her to drink his blood on so many different occasions, etc. 

None of that holds a candle to what the hell the writers did to Caroline’s character, especially in relation to Damon. I’m not a fan of Steroline, by any means, but there’s at least consistency in that pairing - I could believe in their friendship, and their love didn’t feel too far of a leap. I could even believe that Caroline would eventually become engaged to Alaric out of respect for her daughters (which is still by far the most absurd plot twist I have ever experienced on a TV show - have you heard of body autonomy? The Gemini coven basically violated Caroline’s free will and shoved two babies inside of her). But you have got to be kidding me if you expect me to believe that after Damon sexually assaulted Caroline under compulsion and nearly drained her dry in the first season, and then spent multiple seasons tormenting her best friend and trying to destroy her humanity, and then went around talking about their previous coupling as if it were a casual hook-up (re: that scene with Alaric and Stefan when they go to look for the Parker house), Caroline would hug Damon, would lean on him for support, while standing in front of the grave of the man she loved, the man who sacrificed his life and humanity for Damon to stay alive, the man who gave up everything to redeem his irredeemable trash heap of a brother? I’m honestly at a loss for words. And please don’t throw the Damon/Liz friendship back at me as an argument - no good mother would ever allow her daughter’s rapist back into her life knowingly. 

You can’t redeem someone after that, but with retconning, anything is possible. Just ask Julie Plec and Caroline Dries.

[kingmalachaiparker]

Katherine Pierce was a true anti-heroine.

What a ride the series finale took us on. 

From the impending threat of Katherine Pierce rising up from hell only to use hellfire to burn Mystic Falls to ashes, to the return of Bonnie’s incredibly powerful magic, to the alternative sacrifices of the Salvatore brothers (and that ONE sacrifice in particular that had me crying endlessly until the hour was over), to Elena reuniting beautifully and simply with her friends (and Damon - begrudgingly accepting this as the series finale but it will never be canon to me #alternativeships) - the series finale was satisfying in many ways and kept my blood pressure up the entire hour. But one thing that has been nagging at me since the 100th episode, jokingly known as the Roast of Katherine Pierce, came back to remind me of the worst TV trope: the sweet innocent pure virgin vs the evil seductive whore. And no one wants an ending where evil wins.

This show has always enjoyed contrasting good and bad, but also demonstrating that the scales are easily tipped in either direction: Damon has had moments of selflessness and Stefan has the Ripper. Even Bonnie and Caroline, who have been moral centers in many ways, have done hurtful and vindictive things. No one is immune from pettiness, no one is immune from being a little bad.

In that same vein, the contrast drawn between Katherine and Elena was a huge driving force for the first three seasons of the show. Elena was pure, human, placed on a pedestal by Damon and fiercely protected by Stefan. Katherine was dark, seductive, a woman who lied and schemed to save her own skin, and responsible for foisting vampirism on the Salvatore brothers and creating the anti-vampire fervor of the Founders’ Council. But in seasons 4 and 5, the scales tipped: Elena became a vampire, uncontrolled and emotionally volatile, and in giving into the sire bond, she chose the “bad” brother. Katherine was injected with the cure, and became a human, vulnerable and terrified.

I enjoyed the switch because for once, we, the audience, could finally see shreds of humanity in Katherine (and remember, that no matter what happened to her, and considering the garbage circumstances she faced, she never chose to turn off her humanity) and we could see the darkness in Elena that most likely drew her toward Damon in the first place. So why, WHY, why did the writers choose to completely underwrite that humanity in this series finale?

Part of why I enjoyed the 100th episode so much was that we actually had a chance to understand Katherine’s history, and how she got to where she was. She didn’t ask to be a doppelganger, she didn’t ask to become a blood meal for Klaus so he could break the hybrid curse, and she chose vampirism as a way to stay (somewhat) alive without giving him what he wanted. And when he came back and slaughtered her entire family, which she admittedly brought on herself, we have to realize that Katherine was like 17 in the 1400s. She had no clue what she stumbled into when she met the Mikaelsons. And then she spent 500 years on the run from a vindictive Original vampire. She’s devious and she’s manipulative, but maybe as a consequence of the horrible circumstances she found herself in in the 1400s.

And then her finding the Salvatores and falling in love with both of them (and before everyone comes in here talking about how she loved Stefan, she did also love Damon very much and that’s why she fed them both her blood - she wanted them both and didn’t want to have to choose) felt like a moment in Katherine’s history when she truly could have been happy. But that quickly imploded when Papa Salvatore killed his sons and discovered that they had been turned. Then she was on the run again.

Katherine returned and turned Elena’s life even more upside down than it already was after she met Stefan, but come on, can you really blame her? She had a ready-made doppelganger to offer up to appease Klaus, and it just so happened that Elena was standing between her and Stefan. Plus it probably didn’t hurt that her threats to Elena maintained her manipulation of John and Isobel (sort of - arguably, Isobel didn’t care all that much about Elena) to do her bidding. Katherine wanted what Elena had: people willing to sacrifice themselves for her, and true unconditional love.

So when Katherine ended up in Hell, and while I am very amused that Katherine Pierce became the queen of Hell, because of course she did, I completely understood why she’d want to burn Mystic Falls down. What on Earth did Mystic Falls ever do for her? It’s a living memory of some of her greatest regrets, filled with people who she betrayed and who betrayed her. It’s a place she was persecuted, it’s a place she found love and lost it, it’s a place where her long-lost daughter died in her arms, and it’s a place her humanity truly died. If I were Katherine, I would have burned Mystic Falls down years ago.

If there’s one thing we could learn about life through “The Vampire Diaries”, it’s that everyone has demons. Some people have more and darker demons than others, and we’re all deeply flawed. But we all have humanity, too, even if there’s only a shred or it’s really hard to find. Katherine Pierce was no different. I’ll pour one out for her.

[kingmalachaiparker]

In honor of the show that gave me my url...

I will be posting one entry every few days about “The Vampire Diaries”, discussing the events of the series finale as it relates to larger themes in the show. 

Today’s post will be about Katherine as an anti-heroine (with an obvious contrast to Elena, the series’ heroine) and how I think her redemption could have been possible had the events of the series finale gone differently.

[kingmalachaiparker]

“Black-ish” does introspective right.

One of the best shows on television right now, “Black-ish” has won accolades and praise for the nuanced ways in which it deals with very real, very painful topics affecting American society, in particular the black community. It also features an all-star cast with some of the most woke people in Hollywood (shoutout to Anthony Anderson, Tracee Ellis Ross, Yara Shahidi, and Laurence Fishburne, among others), who have spent their off-time raising awareness and being a voice for their generation. Needless to say, I’m a huge fan.

There were episodes that “Black-ish” did better than most (the episode centered around police brutality was beautiful, sad, and there was no happy ending, as sitcoms are wont to do - but there was still a message of hope moving forward, which was great) and others that I felt were lacking, a consequence of my personal politics. However, I cannot deny that the episode focused on the aftermath of the 2016 presidential election is a great episode, minimally rocking the boat for Trump supporters whilst still presenting a compelling view of how people who were against a Trump presidency feel after the election. Ultimately, looking for common ground between these two factions is necessary, as the message of this episode indicates, because we’re on the “same team” (again, personal politics make me question this but let’s table that). 

What I liked the most about this episode is how authentic the Trump supporter in the episode appears: it’s Lucy, the Jewish female employee who is the butt of every single joke and who gets fired in a display of blatant misogyny and rehired in subsequent episodes. She has the most to gripe about under a Trump administration: after all, the firm’s head, Leslie, is a straight white male with problematic viewpoints on people of color and uses nepotism in his workplace (cough), and Lucy usually takes huge offense to what he says, much to everyone else’s irritation. So, the show poses, why on earth would she support Trump?

While I may disagree with most of her rationale, I can’t deny that it is the most levelheaded depiction of a Trump supporter I’ve seen yet. She argues that Hillary would have been “more of the same”, and for people who have struggled in the 8 years that Obama was president, that seems like a terrifying proposition. Why not take a gamble on the guy who said he’d shake things up? Why not trust in an outsider when the insiders haven’t helped you at all? And those are compelling and valid arguments, rather than the cockamamie bullshit you’re likely to hear from the loudest and usually most racist Trump supporters. It’s a well-written episode; we as an audience know Lucy. And we as an audience are just as shocked as the rest of the group when Lucy admits her political choice. 

As episodes go, there were moments when it was a bit heavy-handed, as in Bow wearing all of the different gear from various political organizations that she decided to support (Planned Parenthood, UNICEF, the #BlackLivesMatter movement) or Junior learning MLK’s “I Have A Dream” speech. But the message is sound: Dre puts it best when he fumes, “I love this country even when it doesn’t love me back.” 

Well said.

[kingmalachaiparker]

People are always so quick to use the word fan service whenever they're not pleased with a storyline and they feel like they're in the minority. I liked Laurel. I like olicity. I was pissed that her last words were about her relationship with Oliver in a romantic capacity considering their past. I'm not surprised that the writers trashed a tribute storyline considering they never knew to write her with consistency. In the end, they got rid of the character that had no storyline in season 4.

I have no issue with Laurel dying this season because aside from her settling into the Black Canary role, she was very much a supporting character and not Felicity’s foil, as she has been in previous seasons. But I do think it was a conscious choice to kill off Laurel, who has easily been one of the most divisive characters in Arrow fandom. People love her or love to hate her. And that conscious choice comes from fan reactions, not any real need to drive the story. Thea could have just as easily been the one in the grave with the same, if even greater stakes, but it was a purposeful thing for the writers to choose Laurel to die. The propping up of Olicity, a pairing that gained traction on screen because of the strong fan response, right before she died was a disservice to her character, but I admit Season 4 Laurel was so poorly written it didn’t matter anyway.

[kingmalachaiparker]

Here's a tv statement from a 22 year old about to get her masters in biophysics. Laurel's death wasn't fanservice. To whom exactly? The olicity fandom? The ship never needed propping from her. You also said she was never a threat to olicity and 99% of the fandom I engage with knows it. So who's being fanserviced? The olicity fandom or the lauriver fandom, including Katie Cassidy who said those exact words about Laurel's relationship with Oliver in recent interviews? (1/2)

I think it was very much fan service to make her dying words about Olicity but there’s another momentous reason why Laurel’s death felt like something the writers consciously chose to cater to fans. I obviously take issue with the death of a strong female character on a show that has done a remarkable job with female characters (Felicity, Sara), something its spinoffs have struggled with. But more importantly, I take issue with the death of a character being used as a plot device to drive the show forward because the stakes aren’t apparently high enough - that was a major complaint about Arrow Season 4 and the writers resolved it in one step. Damien Darhk seemed impossible to defeat until Oliver is handed some real stakes - Laurel died and Darhk killed her. That feels like fan service because rather than empower Oliver in his own right to defeat Darhk, as the writers did for Oliver vs Deathstroke, they use a revenge plot point to push Oliver into that final incarnation that would be strong enough to destroy Darhk.

[kingmalachaiparker]

Dan + Blair should have been the endgame of “Gossip Girl”.

I’m almost hoping I’m going to get people in my inbox screaming about “CHUCK AND BLAIR” or “DAN AND SERENA” or the ultimate underappreciated ship “NATE AND A THERAPIST WHO COULD HELP HIM WORK OUT HIS MOMMY AND DADDY ISSUES” because I love a good argument... but I digress. Let me tell you why Dan and Blair should have been endgame, an opinion I still cling to 4 years after the series ended.

The reason is simple: Dan and Blair are intellectual and romantic equals. Every other iteration of a romantic relationship on the show had one overwhelmingly convincing reason for working, I won’t deny that. But Dan and Blair had the benefit of working for many reasons.

Let’s begin with Dan. As much as Dan pretended that he was an “outsider” and that he didn’t want to be one of the Upper East Side elite, his novel “Inside” and Vanessa’s interpretation of it (which you could argue is or isn’t authentic, depending on how you feel about the Vanessa/Dan friendship) proves that Dan wanted to be part of the upper echelon all along. The eventual reveal that he is Gossip Girl solidified that idea: after all, why blog extensively and compulsively follow the personal, political, and professional details of the lives of Manhattan’s elite if you didn’t to some degree want to be just like them? Dating Serena was only the beginning; she intrigued him because she was mysterious, she was the unattainable It Girl who swooped in and transformed his life overnight only to disappear just as quickly. But aside from that allure, what else was there between Dan and Serena? I always found it hard to stomach, especially as the endgame, because Dan seemed infinitely superior to Serena in every way and she toyed relentlessly with his emotions as the series progressed. He was always her fallback option when some thrilling new boy who was either gorgeous or damaged or off-limits broke her heart. But where was the girl who appreciated his intellect, his curiosity, the darker side hidden beneath the earnest facade? Serena only ever talked about and saw Dan as this perfectly unblemished boy from Brooklyn. It shows how superficial their relationship always was.

Now, you could argue that the person who understood him the best was Vanessa, but I would argue that understanding him was not the same as being his equal. She may have begun as his equal, but as the series transformed Dan into a complex character who wasn’t the flawless moral hero we all thought he was, Vanessa was similarly transformed. But whereas Dan had redemptive possibilities, Vanessa never returned from her trip down Morally Compromised Lane. She schemed just as much as Blair did, except Vanessa’s scheming led to Serena’s abduction and drug overdose. She betrayed people just as much as Jenny did, except Jenny owned up to her betrayals. She pretended that she was so much better than everyone else only to end up faceplanting into her own hypocrisy.

And then there was Blair. She relished her elite status, she loved being entrenched in the scheming and the backstabbing and the particular niceties of the upper echelon. But ultimately, as much as she is a Mean Girl, especially at Constance, she has a heart that she offers to only a few people and that she is petrified will break. She loves so deeply, as evidenced by her relationship with Serena - though she has a tendency to overreact and plot against Serena, fundamentally, she needs Serena more than Serena needs her and that’s what drives her lashing out. The minute she felt replaced or pushed out of Serena’s life, she would panic and plot. She cares so deeply, as evidenced by her relationship with Chuck - despite what a dark path he led her onto, despite all of the ways in which he pushed her away and manipulated her to be his pawn, she still tried to save him at every turn because she believed he deserved a chance at redemption. But the truth is, even at Chuck’s best, he could never match Blair’s worst. 

So Dan and Blair made sense. Bonding over a common love of scheming (but with good intentions) and obscure French films and niche art exhibits may have brought Dan and Blair together, but it was fated. The Dan and Blair of the latter half of the series were a perfect fit: I could have seen them hatching schemes to get Serena, Nate, and Chuck out of hot water (for the millionth time) and coming home to a Netflix queue filled with orangutan documentaries. 

But instead, we ended up with the darkest timeline (Blair and Chuck) and the one where Dan gets severely shafted (Dan and Serena). With all the reboots going on, ya think we could get a reboot of that finale?

[kingmalachaiparker]

“Jane the Virgin” is one of the best shows on television.

A lofty claim, considering how utterly flawed almost every television series is. Holistically, it is a landmark show and it has truly pushed the bounds of what great television should look like (more people of color!!!!), should sound like, and how it should be experienced. And for that, it deserves all of the accolades (yas for that Golden Globe, Gina Rodriguez!!!!).

JTV has a tongue-in-cheek format that celebrates the utter ridiculousness and drama of telenovelas, a genre akin to soap operas that has exploded in popularity across Latin America, whilst simultaneously embracing the very tropes that make telenovelas so wild. It is narrated by an impeccable Anthony Mendez who infuses every phrase with drama and, though he is not a character in the traditional sense, continually breaks the fourth wall by addressing the audience: we see events other characters don’t see and our reactions are mirrored by the narrator’s response to these plot twists. There are things the narrator knows that he does not share with the audience, and in some ways, it keeps the suspense believable - after all, he is telling a story and he wouldn’t want to rush the ending. This is one of JTV’s strongest and most creative choices - the narrator is so different from any other narrator on a show. He is not really a character so his investment in the events of the show is the same as ours as audience members: he is the audience.

JTV is not above using typical telenovela tropes to ratchet up the drama, which is both a great and sometimes not so great thing: at times, the tropes get a little exhaustive (the Petra-Anezka twin swap was beyond frustrating and the resolution was drawn out beyond what was necessary to make a point) but at other times, the tropes are exactly what we need (the back-and-forth relationship between Rogelio and Xiomara, complete with “walking in on the other person passionately making out with their ex just as the person was ready to confess their love” scenes). The show knows exactly how ridiculous it is: after all, its premise involves the artificial insemination of a 23-year-old virgin by the sister of the man whose sperm was used for the insemination! And that’s what makes these tropes so incredible: as ridiculous as it may be, it still knows its audience. It knows that despite the brief moment of attraction between Jane and Rafael, it’s Michael who is Jane’s true love. It knows that even though Luisa loves Rose, Sin Rostro is a villain who doesn’t deserve to be happy. It knows that where there’s a will, there’s a way, and Ro and Xo will find their way to each other.

The character relationships are honestly the crown jewel of a show that is already full of little gems. The strong cultural and familial relationship between Jane, Xiomara, and Alba drive the show forward in a way that feels effortless. Jane and Xiomara have a complicated relationship; Xiomara is Jane’s polar opposite in her impulsiveness, flightiness, and general immaturity whereas Jane is poised, organized, and mature beyond her years though the events of the pilot obviously upend her entire life plan. Jane’s commitment to the promises she makes Alba especially with regard to her virginity and her religion are especially powerful; you rarely see that type of relationship celebrated and Alba could have too easily become a trope of the intense Catholic grandma but instead, there are layers. Alba’s life pre-America is similarly complicated, as Season 3 has unveiled, and her adherence to her faith is strong because of those events, in a way that doesn’t feel like religion is being shoved down our throats but rather that it is one facet of a complex character. Xiomara and Alba have a fascinating relationship as well; despite Alba’s disapproval of many of Xiomara’s choices, the love she has for her daughter is above and beyond comprehension and it feels real, tangible, and authentic.

Though Rogelio and Jane spend 23 years apart as father and daughter, their relationship quickly becomes one of my favorites on the show. I’m a sucker for a good father-daughter dynamic, and Jane and Rogelio have a seamless chemistry. She is the mature, put together young woman who had to become an adult too soon (and because her parents turn out to both be immature) and he is the self-centered frivolous telenovela star. It shouldn’t work but it does. Up until that moment in his life, Rogelio was only ever concerned with himself and maybe the memories of Xiomara, but meeting Jane, becoming a father, is utterly transformative. You can tell - every choice he makes, every action he undertakes, becomes about being there for Jane, for Mateo, for Xiomara, for Alba, for the family he so desperately needed but didn’t know he wanted. He gets so involved with Jane’s life because he has been waiting for 23 years to be so involved. Be still my heart.

My favorite moment in the series so far was the moment when Alba is laid up in the hospital after being pushed by Magda down the stairs and Xiomara is panicking because the hospital had to call ICE and there’s a fear of Alba being deported and then quietly, without any mention, Michael helps resolve the entire situation despite the fact that he and Jane are on the outs. The relief that Jane and Xiomara feel, the utterly heartbreaking reality of undocumented immigrants and the fear they live in every day, and the sweet and kind thing that Michael does for a woman who has given up on him (seemingly) - that’s the show right there. Throw in Rogelio skipping his fancy dinner to be with Xiomara and Alba - I’m sold. I’m done. “Jane the Virgin” is the best show on television, hands down.

[kingmalachaiparker]

CHARACTER OF THE WEEK NOV. 14 - NOV. 20, 2016

It’s been a while but having just finished binge-watching “Marvel’s Daredevil” Seasons 1 and 2, this felt appropriate: I’m happy to introduce this week’s Character of the Week, Elektra Natchios. There were quite a few critiques of how Elodie Yung portrayed Elektra on the Netflix series, as well as critiques of how the directors and writers chose to depict Elektra in this adaptation. As a steadfast member of #TeamElektra (doesn’t mean I’m not #TeamKaren, either; I’m also #TeamMatthew and #TeamPleaseNoClichedLoveTrianglesThx), I say bah humbug to all  the critiques. Elodie gave Elektra a grittiness that she embodied in the comics and that was utterly devoid in the Hollywood version of the character; she was ruthless and violent and demented, but she also had a tragic backstory and a fear of being abandoned by people she cared for (Stick, Matt). She was a true anti-heroine.

If the Hand’s plans for Black Sky come to pass, we’ll definitely be seeing way more of Elektra, and it’s already been confirmed that Elodie will be reprising her role in “Marvel’s The Defenders. Season 3 of “Marvel’s Daredevil” is expected to premiere in 2018.

[kingmalachaiparker]

And considering they didn't know who was in the grave when they wrote it, that says a lot about the writers' will to write anything substantial for Laurel. But if you love her so much right now, they must have done something right before.

No, I think it was fan service to initiate the Olicity storyline, and it has continued. Most of Season 3 was about building Olicity and allowing it to come to fruition, which, fine, the chemistry between Emily and Stephen is substantial and it wasn’t totally unfounded. But it was frustrating to watch so much of the plot of Season 4 be driven by Olicity’s breakup drama. Yes, it’s a CW show, but part of what made “Arrow” so great is that the show was never quite weighed down by that kind of lovesick melodrama. It was about the legacy of being a hero, of what it means to live in a dark world and still try to find light in it. When did Oliver’s light become solely about Felicity? His darkness is what he had to do to find the light, to save his city. It was never supposed to be about his love for one individual.

I think it’s fan service to elevate a character or ship because most of the fandom wanted it rather than because it really drove the story. Other characters being sidelined or flattened in order to give more space and time to others is not necessarily fan service, but Season 3′s Olicity storyline dovetailed with the disappearance of basically any storyline for Laurel that was about her and her alone.

Yes, I think Laurel was an interesting character in Season 1 and 2, but I think the writers stopped knowing what to do with her when they took the romantic aspect out of the equation. I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing that Laurel is dead in the sense that I think the writers can now concentrate on writing some proper material for all of the other characters, but I do think it is a pity that Laurel never really got the character exposition she deserved as a character who is so canonically important to the Arrow-verse.

[kingmalachaiparker]

Laurel Lance deserved better.

I am so unbelievably pissed. This season of “Arrow” has been many things: lovesick, gloomy, self-pitying. But I stuck through it, thinking that there’d be a light at the end of the tunnel: I mean, who was in the grave?! Would Team Arrow defeat Damien Darhk after all? What was Project Genesys going to do to Star City?

And then in one episode, all of those hopes came crashing down. Yes, the answer of who is in the grave is now answered, but what a disappointing way to send out one of your promising female characters, Arrow.

This is not a problem unique to Arrow. Its spin-off (and infinitely superior) show on the CW, “The Flash” frequently underdevelops its female characters at the expense of furthering the story of their main male character. But the few episodes in which we get character development for Iris West or Caitlin Snow are not immediately underwritten for the rest of the season. And on “The Flash”, as of yet we haven’t seen any characters be used solely to prop up a relationship within the show, fought for and loudly championed by the fans.

This is why Dinah Laurel Lance deserved so much better. In season 1, she was used to draw a contrast between who Oliver Queen was before the Gambit went down and he ended up on Lian Yu and the Hood/Arrow. She was painted as a strong and independent woman, with a shining career, but she was also deeply flawed: Sara’s betrayal and “death” broke her family, and the man responsible was a man she still loved and hoped was redeemable. Her relationship with Tommy was undoubtedly problematic: she did genuinely love him, but her heart belonged to Oliver ultimately. Tommy’s death crushed her mostly because she knew she didn’t fully deserve the love and adoration he showered her with.

Season 2 was a remarkable exploration of addiction and self-destruction. Laurel’s alcoholism is frequently used superficially by people in the fandom as a reason why she was such an unbearable character. But it made her so real. It made her developed as a character. Nothing about her life changed: she was still a kick-ass lawyer, she still loved her family, but she was falling apart internally. And the way in which she picked up the pieces of her life despite how much destruction she wrought throughout the course of her addiction was inspirational. That’s how you write a complex and nuanced female character.

Season 3 was also an incredible testament to loss but also to how much characters can change. Laurel became part of Team Arrow, and Sara’s death inspired her to take on the Black Canary mantle. Did Laurel handle Sara’s death well? No. But if you honestly tell me every other character would have given up the Lazarus Pit as a way to bring back a loved one, then you’re lying. But did Laurel do justice to the Black Canary legacy? Yes. You see her take boxing lessons with Ted, you see her learning how to fight with Oliver, you see her Vertigo-induced self-doubt about being as great of a fighter as Sara. But ultimately, Laurel did far more good than Sara ever did: Sara was part of the League of Assassins, she was broken and ruthless, and she had no qualms about taking lives. Laurel’s heart was so much more invested in saving Star City; she wanted to be a hero and make a difference.

Season 4 was about that for Laurel, too. She was part of this group that was a family for this other side of her, the side that needed to do good in a city ravaged by darkness. Her relationship with Quentin is also probably one of the healthiest portrayals of a family dynamic; god knows Thea and Malcolm are one of the most bizarre on any TV show. So that’s what makes the episode in which she dies so much more upsetting. She not only doesn’t have an opportunity to say goodbye to her father, her last words were to prop up a ship that should not have been allowed to overtake the show the way it did. I know that makes me a pariah in the Arrow fandom, undoubtedly, but I don’t care. How dare you make Laurel out to be this pathetic sack who had such unrequited love for a man who cheated on her, who lied to her repeatedly, and who put her life in mortal danger by lying? Yes, she loved him, but did you really have to have her say “I know I wasn’t the love of your life”? And then for her last words to be about Felicity and Oliver - there was NO NEED for her to prop up Olicity. Laurel has never been a threat to Olicity, and we all know it. Sara was more of a threat. It’s so infuriating to have finally developed such a great friendship between Oliver and Laurel to then throw it back in our face as fans by having Laurel say that Oliver was the love of her life.

God, I’m so angry. I’m even angrier because it’s like the writers realize now that Laurel is gone, they can say nice things about her and appreciate that she WAS a hero, that she WAS a great character. And ultimately, yes, this will help Team Arrow take down Damien Darhk, but it’ll also probably drive Olicity back together. And as a Laurel Lance fan till the end (wherever that end may be, since The Flash’s Earth-2 will feature Laurel Lance), it breaks my heart to know her death was just fanservice.

#NoLaurelNoArrow

[kingmalachaiparker]

Who’s watching Containment tonight?

I’m going to live tweet over at @kristothelu so come hang out in my @replies!! There will be lots of love for Chris Wood....

[kingmalachaiparker]

Legends (ehh...) of Tomorrow.

I tried so hard to love this show. I really did. I mean, the premise of it was unique and exciting, and they had assembled a motley crew of (sort of) fan favorite supporting characters from The Flash and Arrow. It was airing in a prime weekday slot (Thursdays at 8PM used to be one of the better rated slots thanks to The Vampire Diaries, but those who watch the show know that stopped being true about 3 seasons ago), and it had been built up by two phenomenal shows for the first half of their seasons in the fall. What could go wrong?

Well, unfortunately, quite a lot. The pitfalls I’ll focus on involve character development, the Big Bad, and logistical plotholes. There are great things about the show, too; don’t get me wrong. The fight sequences in that first episode when Firestorm and Ray zoom out of the ship in their gear while they’re being attacked by the temporal bounty hunter was pretty darn cool. Even the fight sequences in the second episode during the arms deal were visions to see. The “spin-off” nature of the show means there’s room for overlap from The Flash / Arrow world, as in Episode 2 when Damien Darhk appears. And the time traveling capabilities of Rip Hunter and their ship means each episode will take us away from our comfort zone (the here and now) and into places and times we could accept as they’re depicted.

1) Character development. Part of the reason why this mismatched crew was assembled was because ultimately, they were dispensable in their respective shows. But, because of that dispensability, many of these characters have been minimally developed and seem one-note in this show.

Take Leonard Snart and Mick Rory. They had some great scenes in The Flash, Snart most of all in his interactions with Barry. In that show, they were initially depicted as cold and calculating (Snart) as well as violent and greedy (Rory), though Snart had the chance for some character development with the introduction of his sister, Lisa, and his father. In Legends of Tomorrow, however, we’re left feeling sort of empty. Snart and Rory are constantly referred to as petty thieves, and Rory seemingly has no other thoughts in his brain than how to burn things or steal things. Also, when did the dynamic become so one-sided? In The Flash, Snart and Rory are partners; they work together to achieve common ends. In this show, Rory has a deferential attitude; he even calls Snart “boss” at points. That easily pigeonholes Rory into this bland one-dimensional character, and that is a massive disservice to Dominic Purcell. Wentworth Miller, in portraying Snart, has an amazing opportunity to show the progression from villain to antihero, and yet the show does not give him nearly enough material to work with. It’s disappointing, considering Snart has been one of my favorite characters on The Flash, causing mayhem and havoc.

What is also unfortunate about the lack of character development on Legends of Tomorrow is also how easily characters already set up with compelling stories from the shows they were on previously lose those unique elements that made their characters worth tuning in for. Sara Lance is a perfect example of this unfortunate issue. Sara, while shrouded in enigma and mystery even on Arrow, was made all the more sympathetic because of her relationship with Laurel and Quentin and Dinah; her epic and flawed romance with Nyssa was something incredible to behold on primetime television (this is how you do compelling LGBT lovelines, The Vampire Diaries!!!). The surprising backstory that she had actually survived the crash that marooned Oliver Queen on Lian Yu and also gave in to her darker impulses and joined the League of Assassins made her deadly and broken. Her return from the Lazarus Pit was incredible; but in order to set up her arc on Legends of Tomorrow, that bloodlust and anger was quickly cut short. Considering how exhaustive Thea’s experiences with the Lazarus Pit aftereffects have been on Arrow thus far, it’s shocking that the producers aren’t developing Sara as such a damaged character as well.

2) Big Bad. Look, I’m all for difficult to kill villains (Team Darhk) and complex mythology (immortality, resurrection) but you’ve got to be kidding me. Vandal Savage is ridiculous. I cannot take him seriously whenever he’s on the screen. I want a villain I can sympathize with, and unfortunately, all I’ve gotten from this show is that Savage is a dude who really needs to take a consent workshop. I like the backstory, that Kendra and Carter have died for many lifetimes at the hands of Vandal Savage, all because of some mystical meteor shower that occurred in their first death. I also like that they’re the only ones who can kill Savage, but considering that Carter, despite appearing to have tapped into his memories from previous lifetimes, ended up getting a knife in his stomach for his troubles, and considering that Kendra has been very resistant to her “destiny” for like a million episodes, it’s easy to believe that this conflict could drag out for an entire season. The problem is, I don’t want to watch it if that’s going to be the case.

3) Logistical plotholes. I think time travel is best done with a show that’s established the physics of it and other bizarre otherworldly phenomena (The Flash). Part of what makes the physical impossibilities of that show a little easier to bear is that the particle accelerator explosion that imbued so many ordinary people with incredible abilities, especially our very own Barry Allen, also opened up the world to the possibilities of running so fast you break some sort of time/space barrier and end up 15 years in the past. Or you run so fast you create a singularity that breaches the veil that keeps our world separate from a parallel world, our Earth-2. I can get on board with that. Legends of Tomorrow, however, never addresses that these are possibilities. Sure, Firestorm is a direct product of the particle accelerator explosion and considering what Stein has seen, time travel is not all that out there. But no one else on the show seems to question it, which is surprising. Even Dr. Ray Palmer, who questions everything, simply accepts that time travel is real and that sure, we’ll just bounce around time and no big deal. Of course it’s a big deal, as we’ve already seen from Stein’s wedding ring almost disappearing (and if they check in with Cisco, they’ll know that time travel disrupts timelines regardless of whether or not you genuinely engage with people who are “significant”). Yes, Rip discusses that you can puke and go blind temporarily from traveling back in time, but are we not going to talk about how they came to wield the power to time travel? Are Time Masters metahumans? What’s up with that?

While I want to give Legends of Tomorrow tons of faith, I’m already starting to lose interest. If tonight’s episode doesn’t stun me, I’m sad to say it wasn’t worth the half-season setups we had to sit through on their far superior predecessors, Arrow and The Flash. But also, can Ray get his own show? #teamray

[kingmalachaiparker]

Arrested Development: Netflix edition.

I had the good fortune (and schedule availability) to marathon the entirety of Seasons 1-3 of “Arrested Development” recently. After finishing on the high note that was Season 3, I was so excited to begin Season 4.

Admittedly, Season 4 began at a slow crawl. Some people have complained about the vignette-type episodes of this season, and argued that its revival somehow polluted the pure awesomeness of the previous 3 seasons. I disagree wholeheartedly.

Part of what makes “Arrested Development” an amazing series is the way in which storylines are all intertwined. The biggest theme of the show is family: it dictates what almost every character does (even those that are particularly selfish, cough Lucille Bluth cough), and it often creates the dilemma of the episode/season. What I really loved about this season is that you see how each and every plot thread has some bearing on whatever character a particular episode focuses on.

For example, the plot surrounding the wall between Mexico and the US involves almost every one of the characters. For George, he’s wrapped up in proving his manhood to Lucille (however problematic the depiction of “masculinity” is), and in doing so, he emboldens his twin, Oscar, who he spends Seasons 1-3 duping into taking the legal heat for all of the Bluth troubles. He tries to build the wall, but is discouraged by a figure who appears to him when he’s high on maca, who, it turns out, is really Marky fighting the capitalist system. This is the same Marky that Lindsay falls for while deciding to summon her inner activist and prove she’s nothing like her mother. These three characters all merge in their involvement with Herbert Love: George desperately wants Michael to help him turn Herbert against the wall (because it turns out it’s not a profitable venture), Lindsay decides to have an affair with him though she is unknowingly being prostituted by Maeby, her daughter, and Marky is protesting...something? Love has done and sets off a glitter bomb at an event Love hosts. It’s the kind of convoluted storyline only “Arrested Development” could create for a family that convincingly executes the decisions necessary to bring about such mayhem.

I think Season 4 was particularly innovative because by shining a light on one character at a time, supporting characters really had time to shine. My biggest disappointment in Seasons 1-3 was the lack of character depth in Gob, Maeby, and George Michael. (Buster would have been included in this list, but I genuinely feel like he regressed in Season 4.) Gob was and is the epitome of spoiled playboy, but in Season 4, you see a much softer side to him. He is desperate for approval, for friendship and camaraderie. And while he chooses the worst ways to go about it (his Jesus skit during his “wedding” to Ann, his infatuation with ruining Tony Wonder and then his subsequent infatuation with Tony Wonder, and his ill-fated friendship with Mark Cherry), Gob reacts the way he does because rejection is so painful to him. And that’s something Seasons 1-3 didn’t make clear enough to justify his poor choices.

Similarly, Maeby’s storylines in Seasons 1-3 were consumed with trying to make her parents notice her and also being oblivious to George Michael’s huge crush on her. The things she does in Season 4 are much more strongly juxtaposed with George Michael’s choices, which makes her story all the more disheartening. Whereas George Michael dates an older woman, Maeby dates 17-year-old Perfecto. Whereas George Michael is poised to graduate college with a world-changing privacy/anti-piracy software (supposedly - more on that later), Maeby has repeated high school 4? 5? times. She doesn’t change in Season 4, but the depth this season offers her character in terms of her motivations, her genuine struggles, and how deeply damaged she is from having parents like Lindsay and Tobias, makes her hugely sympathetic.

George Michael was honestly such a boring character throughout Seasons 1-3. He was the ultimate goody-two-shoes, even if he had weird lustful feelings for his cousin, which did admittedly make him 3% more interesting. But we actually get to see more of him. We see that being the Bluth selfishness may be genetic: George Michael ousts his father, who was crashing in his dorm room, with vague guilt (he still does it though right?), and pretends to be George Maharis so he can date Rebel Alley. He also pretends to have invented some epic anti-piracy/privacy software when in reality all he made was an app that plays the woodblock. (Side note, but is the software plot point a shoutout to “The Social Network” and how much Jesse Eisenberg and Michael Cera look alike?) He’s devious and manipulative, and yet he’s also so much more confident and autonomous than he ever was in Seasons 1-3. He fires Maeby (only because his lies were crumbling around him and he was starting to freak out, but still - GMB has a backbone!!) and he punches his father when he finds out Michael knew they were both dating the same woman. And though I’m furious about that being the cliffhanger I have to live with until Season 5 comes out, I do think George Michael putting Michael in his place, getting truly angry with his father, was a great way to end the season. Throughout Seasons 1-3, George Michael is forced to follow whatever shenanigans his father seems to get himself into, whether it’s up and moving to Phoenix or having to deal with all the financial struggles of the banana stand. Season 4 should just be titled, “George Michael discovers his spine.”

So for anyone looking for vaguely offensive though uproariously hilarious content, and also the opportunity to develop an unhealthy attraction to Jason Bateman (guilty), and also the opportunity to validate your “white people really stay doing the most” theory, this show is for you. 

[kingmalachaiparker]

Hereby reviving this Tumblr.

As part of my New Years’ resolutions, I want to commit to writing more here. I want to do more recaps, Character of the Week posts, and color commentaries. And I want you, my followers, to be a part of this revival! 

(Choices to the below questions can be found in the tags.)

What should I review next? 

[kingmalachaiparker]

“The Vampire Diaries” is the worst show on television.

After a super long hiatus, I’m back to tell you all how horrible TVD is and how everyone who plans to start this show should stop at the end of Season 3. 

That’s honestly not an unqualified statement: there is ample evidence to prove that the downward spiral TVD began in Season 4 is still continuing. There is no “rock bottom” for Julie & co. I mean, honestly, though, how can we watch TVD and “The Originals” and believe the fact that they’re produced and written by the same group? Because TO is far better than TVD. Any show is better than TVD.

I told myself I’d stop watching Season 7 because after Nina Dobrev leaving, I knew there would be very little keeping me interested in the show. The Stefan-Damon-Elena love triangle was long over (Elena chose Damon, a fact I still struggle with, and Stefan fell in love with Caroline, a fact I absolutely REFUSE to accept), most of the interesting mythology had migrated over to TO or been resolved (the werewolf mythos, doppelgangers), and the most important character to ever grace this show was dead (RIP Malachai, you are missed).

But then I was like I didn’t waste 6 years of my life watching a show and accepting that it was ultimately irredeemable. I still love Paul and Kat and Candice and believe that there’s a reason they still stick around this show. Come on! Buck up and saddle in for Season 7.

I regret so much.

[SPOILERS FOR THE MOST RECENTLY AIRED EPISODE AND THE SEASON SO FAR BELOW]

The Phoenix Stone mythos is boring. So vampires come back super hungry and crotchety. You can only stuff vampire souls back into vampire bodies, or human bodies will crumple and die like Jo’s body did with “Florence” inside. The heretics are boring. I don’t care about Mary Louise and Nora fighting with each other about modernizing and being jealous when one snacks on a human without the other. Talk about taking the only gay relationship on TVD thus far and making it utterly unexciting. Julian is not a scary villain; yes, he killed Valerie’s baby and yes, he’s old as shit, but honestly, he’s a pesky fly that I’m sure the Salvatores will destroy very soon. Lily is stiff and also not scary; she kind of just yells at the Salvatores and also gets sad when family members die. The love lines this season are bizarre and irritating: Valerie and Stefan used to have a thing (his “first love”? way to retcon the Katherine-Stefan connection and also the writers have retconned Stelena as if their epic human-vampire love was nothing by letting Stefan moon over the possibility that he could have had a child), Steroline is sleep-inducing, and I really could not care less about Julian and Lily. I will say I’m slightly on board with Bonnie and Enzo, only because Enzo would literally be worshiping at Bonnie’s feet. The flash forward would be interesting if there weren’t so many freaking questions: who is the mystery hunter? Why does she want Stefan drawn out into the open? What’s up with the X’s? Why is Damon desiccated? Why is Bonnie in an asylum? Why does Michael Trevino look so great in a suit? Oh wait, sorry, that last one wasn’t...never mind...

But the real kicker is when, in 7x06, the audience collectively found out that a) Caroline is engaged to Alaric 3 years in the future (um, he’s her HIGH SCHOOL HISTORY TEACHER), b) Caroline had the twins (she’s a vampire though? huh?) that were thought to be killed when Kai stabbed Jo at the wedding but that actually the Gemini coven magicked into Caroline’s belly (violation of body autonomy? seriously?), and c) Caroline now hates Stefan (this was welcome news, actually - even the writers don’t want Steroline to survive). But seriously, what are we all watching? This steaming pile of crap doesn’t deserve any more viewership. It promotes unhealthy toxic relationships, let its main female lead be abused and discarded only to build up a violent male lead, and can’t even be consistent in its own writing.

Let’s all commit to watching better TV in 2016.