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@kisbivaly
I FINALLY FINISHED IT
…is Dark Souls even relevant anymore?
This is my personal farewell to a game series that has managed to captivate and move me like no other. Perhaps you will find a few of your own experiences reflected within it, too. If you’ve found this comic, I’m glad we could undertake a small part of this journey together. Enjoy!
(I would have liked to include so many more things but ajksdkflkanc I’m just glad it is done)
bruce’s dad lore has got to be the most insane thing.
and like, he’d drop it at the most random times, because he genuinely doesn’t believe it’s all that interesting.
so here’s some good potentials.
dinner at wayne manor-
duke: so like, a cult is-
bruce, without pausing his eating or looking up: i was kidnapped by a cult when i was eighteen. they wanted to drain my blood.
everyone:
tim: what the fuck bruce
alfred, passing through: ah yes, i had almost forgotten. no one speak his name, or he will know master bruce survived.
the rest of the table:
in the batcave-
jason: being buried alive is a very traumatizing experience, i’ll have you know.
bruce: yeah, i got mud all in my mouth cause it was raining.
the kids:
bruce: oh, and i broke the casket when i finally got it open, so i had to get my dad a new one.
jason: what the fuck
on patrol-
steph: hey, bruce! if you were to go back in time, would you go to, like, fifties bop or midwestern cowboys
bruce: well, the midwestern cowboys were sort of fun, but there was this one guy shooting everyone with a gun from the future, and i had to fight robot pterodactyls. so i guess if i didn’t have to deal with that, the widwestern would be more fun.
the coms:
barbara: bruce what the fuck
the dinner table, again-
dick: i’m just saying, arkham isn’t the best mental institution to base your opinion on.
bruce: it was a lot worse in the eighties. the food was awful and the doctor only wanted to experiment on me.
the kids:
dick: what the fuck
alfred, passing through: master bruce, how many times do i need to apologize for that before you cease bringing it up?
bruce:
the batcave, again-
damian: from what i’ve researched, dent was fairly intelligent before he succumbed to his insanity, and-
bruce: actually, harvey cheated off of me whenever he could, which didn’t actually make any sense, because he was studying law and i was studying medicine, but most of those grades are mine, anyways. and some are probably harley’s and john’s, i’d bet.
everyone:
duke: what the fuck
on a stakeout-
jason: i’m just saying, old man. if you’d kill the joker i-
bruce: well, i did try.
jason:
bruce: stupid kryptonians getting in the way.
jason:
the coms:
jason: what the fuck.
on patrol, again-
cass: poison ivy and harley quinn were spotted downtown, two of us should-
bruce: oh! i forgot i scheduled dinner with them. you kids have patrol covered, right?
the coms:
damian: what the fuck
in the living room, watching an action movie-
bruce: this reminds me of the time i climbed mount everest.
the kids:
stephanie: what the fuck ?
in the hall, looking at the new family portrait-
bruce: you know, when i was a kid i tried to get alfred into the family portrait because he was dating my parents and we all wanted him to be a part of the painting, but he refused.
the kids:
alfred: master bruce, really?
bruce:
I would like to say that likely all of them has some stupid lore. Like for jason
Dick: We need to stop Scarecrows suply.
Jason: Talk to the guy at the warehouse on S.Crow street. They are the only supliers of 2 precursor ingredients.
Dick: How do you know that?
Jason: I'm a crime lord, and giving cleaner chemicals to Scarecrow has radically decreased the number of deceased people after his attacks. Plus, he doesn't attack schools or Crime Alley.
ten year old Tim Drake having a minor phase of liking archeology bcs of his parents so he starts digging shit up in his garden, but because he’s Tim Fucking Drake he does it too well and accidentally unearths one of the tunnels that connects to the fucking batcave.
ten year old Tim Drake who already knew who Batman and Robin were, finding out he now has a secret tunnel in his garden connecting his house to their lair, and he’s just like ‘fuck yeah that’s cool.’ and starts exploring.
thirteen year old Jason Todd bored and fucking around alone in the batcave system when he comes across a fucking ten year old who knows his identity, clearly idolises the hell out of him, and is just kinda wandering around the cave system alone and completely chill about it. they see a super dangerous spider and Tim just starts info-dumping on the species. when asked if he has a curfew to go back home by he goes ‘uh, July i guess? that’s when mom and dad get back.’ it is early February.
thirteen year old Jason Todd who takes a minute and then goes ‘ok this is funny as fuck i promise i won’t snitch to Bruce.’
Jason Todd and Tim Drake being secret cave buddies. Jason Todd and Tim Drake hanging out in the tunnels and making fun of Batman and Nightwing from the shadows. Tim Drake who has to buy a whole new set of night-vision camera lenses for his new photo album that’s just photos and selfies of him and his new best friend Robin fucking around in the underground pitch-dark.
Jason Todd who dies, gets revived, is told by Talia that Tim Drake has ‘replaced him’ unknowing they’re already friends, and Jason who all he can think of is that time they played hide and seek in the cave system and Tim clung to the fucking ceiling via a stalactite for 45 minutes straight. Jason Todd who just looks at Talia and goes ‘yeah sounds about right for him.’
Jason Todd being told he has to deliver Damian to Bruce and he decides ‘absolutely the fuck not’ to the idea of even touching the front door. they have a Ring camera he is not getting caught on that bullshit.
Jason Todd who just goes to Drake Manor and uses Tim’s old entrance to get into the tunnels, his home away from home, dragging Damian along, until he gets to a spot where he can secretly signal into the batcave for Tim to sneak the fuck away.
fifteen year old Tim Drake who gets called into the tunnels to find the Red Hood, unmasked as Jason, presenting to him a random child which he declares to be the son of Batman.
fifteen year old Tim Drake who comes full circle and says ‘ok this is funny as fuck i promise i won’t snitch to Bruce.’
the cave boys are reunited. a third is added to the club. a new photo album is filled. when Tim brings Damian up through the tunnels into the cave he looks Bruce dead in the eyes and says fully straight-faced ‘this is your cave son. i found him wandering, he was born from the shadows of the bat.’
eleven year old Damian Al Ghul-Wayne who’s spent the past three and a half years under Jason Todd’s influence and sombrely declares ‘the cave birthed me for you, father. i am darkness. i am your child.’
Bruce Wayne who genuinely is starting to lose it.
every now and then i remember how funny the lego batman Dick Grayson adoption story was. like, Dick was just a fanboy in an orphanage who decided it would be cool if Bruce Wayne was his dad, so when he met Bruce he straight up just asked if Bruce would adopt him, and Bruce wasn't listening to a word this kid was saying because he was distracted, so he just assumed Dick wanted an autograph and signed the adoption documents in Dick's hands, and then he just got in his car and drove off. Alfred had to be the one to go back and get him, just sighing as he opened the car door like 'well, i guess it's legal now, you better get in'. like that's gotta be top ten funniest fucking ways for Bruce to adopt a kid. i think that method should be used more, and i personally think it should be used by Tim.
like- fanboy/stalker child Timothy Drake; knows his parents suck and he decides he wants a new dad. and who would be fucking better than the man he knows for a fact to be Batman?! i want Tim to straight-faced no fear just march up to Bruce during some kind of event with guardianship papers he's already forged his parents signature on, deciding to face-to-face randomly ask this man to be his new dad.
Bruce is not paying attention to anything this kid says, by the way. Bruce is trying to leave the event because Jason's with him and he wants the kid to get an early night before school the next morning. there's press and people asking for pictures swarming the street between him and his car. it's too loud, he's got Jason clinging to his hand and trying to keep up from behind, and there's so many people clamouring for his attention that when this little kid somehow manages to slip up to his side, paper and pen in hand, that he vaguely remembers as one of the kids in his neighbourhood, Bruce just quickly scrawls his signature where the kid points and then tries to shove the paparazzi back again.
Jason's the only one who notices, having tuned out all the other visual and audio mess because he trusted Bruce to handle it. when he sees the glee on Tim's face his hand slips from Bruce, and while the man steps away to demand everybody clear a pathway to his car for him and his kid, he leans over and actually reads what Bruce just signed.
he looks at the paper. he looks at Tim. he looks at the paper.
it's genuinely the funniest fuck up he's ever seen the man do. he visibly has to hold back laughter as he claps Tim on the shoulder and solemnly declares, "welcome to the family, weirdo." before Bruce reaches back to grab him by the sleeve and tug him away again.
Tim goes home to pack his bags and then smugly shows up at Wayne Manor the next day, where Jason lets him in and shows him to one of the empty bedrooms. Alfred spots them and stops for a minute, wondering if this is something he should be involved in. then the kettle goes off and he figures it's not his problem. Bruce does not clock that there is another person unpacking and starting to live in his house until Tim sits next to him at the dinner table and no-shame starts referring to him as dad while Jason gives him the most shit-eating grin imaginable.
This feels like a good conceptual foundation for wholesome crack of the Good Yet Overwhelmed Single Parent Bruce Wayne Means Well variety.
For instance: It takes Bruce longer than the average person would expect to notice Tim, because he's a little face-blind and already tied to the idea of adopting orphans who look like him after discovering the way Dick's convenient resemblance ensured that even Bruce would recognize him anywhere. It also ensured that Bruce would guess more correctly than not which child to pick up from school, because even he's aware that "sorry, I thought that one was mine" isn't the best defense against kidnapping charges.
The point is, the resemblance proved so helpful with Dick that Bruce had no qualms at all in adopting Jason.
So it's understandable that, at first, he assumes Tim and Jason are the same person. They both look like him. Only very small. After years of living and working with Dick, and then Jason, Bruce has good reason to assume that any small black-haired blue-eyed child in the Batcave is currently Jason, especially when the child always answers to "Jason."
That should be reasonable proof that the child is Jason.
So even when he starts to suspect there are two children living in his home who look suspiciously like him, both of whom answer to "Jason," he's going to bury that suspicion so deep. Because it's taken him this long to get used to Robin's new name once already, and there was only one of him then. Now that Batman and Brucie Wayne are living full lives, Bruce barely has time and energy for breakfast, much less mentally reframing Robin as two entirely separate children.
Three, if you count Nightwing, which Bruce tries not to, because it gives him a headache.
Eventually, he sees Tim and Jason in the same place at the same time, shattering the fragile illusion and undeniably confirming that he has, at some point, inadvertently acquired an extra child without noticing. But by now, he's so used to calling his son “Jason,” and assuming there's only one of him, that he continues calling them Jason.
In his defense, neither of them seems inclined to object.
He eventually learns that Tim's name is Tim years later, minutes before the doors open for Wayne Enterprises' presentation at a green energy conference, because Tim is wearing a sticker that says "Hi! My name is TIM"
"Is it really?" Bruce asks, staring at the sticker on Jason Tim's lapel.
"Yes?" Honestly, it's become so normal for Bruce to call Tim "Jason" that even Tim hasn't thought about it much in years.
"Has it always been Tim?"
"Yes."
"Really?"
"Yes."
Bruce sighs. It’s taken so long to learn to call Robin "Damian" once Jason went and renamed himself Red, and now he has to start all over with learning to call a Jason "Tim." He will, of course, because this is his son, and he supports his son in all things, including learning to call him by an entirely new name.
From that moment, having never compensated in his life when overcompensating will do, Bruce vows to make up for years of calling his own son by the wrong name. He's so dedicated and sincere in making the effort to remember to call his middle son "Tim" that Jason just shrugs and resigns himself to also being Tim for the foreseeable future.
Jonathan Kent: Have faith.
Damian Wayne: In what specifically? The economy? Humanity? Greg?
Crack fic idea: the Red Hood gets the residents of Crime Alley &c. to vote to incorporate as its own city. The rest of Gotham’s already left them for dead, so why should they get Crime Alley’s taxes? Gotham cops, already only present if corrupt, are now completely powerless. Working girls charge a tourist fee for Gothamites. Everyone starts doing whatever they want with their property because the city can’t tell them no.
scenarios Alfred Pennyworth has to be a witness to as a resident of Wayne Manor that the batkids have absolutely no shame in front of whatsoever part 17 (masterpost here)
*Alfred walking into the dining room to see Jason hunched over a laptop with Dick and Tim crowded around his shoulders*
Dick, pointing at the screen: ok, ok- that one's mine, follow that one. and then Tim; you need to follow everybody but Bruce.
Tim: *tapping at his phone*
Jason: Tim, what's your handle?
Tim: *still tapping* hm? oh- just 'real tim drake' with capitalisation on all the words.
Dick: what are you doing?
Tim: i have access to the WE twitter account, so i'm gonna follow Jason from it to see if i can fast-track his checkmark.
Alfred, narrowing his eyes at them: what are you three doing?
Jason, grinning brightly at him: oh, hey Alfie! we're just setting up my social media, that's all.
Alfred:
Alfred: didn't your father specifically warn you not to attempt to put Master Jason on public social media so soon after his reintroduction to the public?
Dick, without blinking: yup.
Tim: we're gonna have Jason start a public war with B through the WE account.
Dick, looking back at the laptop: are you tweeting already?
Jason: yeah. 'they tried to silence me for speaking the truth when i was a child, and i made it back just fine. i'm not gonna give up on spreading awareness now; you all deserve to know the truth.' just to get everybody interested.
Tim: what are you even gonna say? i'll re-tweet it from my account and the WE one.
Jason: i dunno, the whole point is just to spread chaos and make B look bad, right?
Dick: maybe just something weird to start off with; get everybody's attention.
Jason, lighting up: ohmygod i have it-!
*keyboard tapping*
Tim, reading out from the screen: 'Bruce had to send me out the country to silence me because when i was fourteen i walked in on him and Lex Luthor naked while Bruce licked the top of Lexes bald head'.
Dick: JASO- *falls to the floor, wheezing*
Tim, desperately trying to hold back laughter: oh my god,
Alfred: *starting to get concerned*
Jason: this way i can piss off Bruce and get Lex Luthor involved. genius, right?
Dick: *crying*
Tim: WAIT OH MY GOD--i have to respond from the WE account pretending to be Bruce.
Jason, clapping: YES,
Tim: i'm gonna say something like 'i just let you back into the country, why are you doing this to me?'
Jason, cackling: YES. man, i love being alive again,
Alfred, flatly: boys, i don't think this is a very good- *resigned* oh who am i kidding, you aren't my legal responsibility,
Alfred: tea, anybody?
Dick, from the floor: i'm gonna tweet that i'm so proud of my little brother for outliving his NDA requirements and then @ you.
Alfred:
Alfred: *heavy sigh*
I don’t want to be rude, since we all have to start somewhere and all that, but I aspire to have the confidence of comic “fans” who only read fanfics.
I saw a skit on TikTok about Tim’s lack of a spleen (because it has become a fandom joke, and I respect that because it is funny) and someone in the comments asked for an explanation. They got a reply saying that, ‘Ra’s Al Ghul stole Tim’s spleen and he constantly brings it up, etc etc.’ That comment also got a reply from someone, quite rightly, explaining that no the fuck that’s not what happened, to which the person who explained in the first place was like, ‘oh ok I’ve not read it.’ So why the bloody hell did you comment then?
Same with someone talking about the ‘Krypton didn’t die in a day’ line from the new Supergirl film. There was someone in the comments explaining that the line was about the rise of fascism on Krypton. On the one hand, I get that they’re trying to combine the first film with the next, but at the same time, the comic that it’s based on is, like, 8 issues. You can read it in one sitting. You can pirate it.
Why are we just talking out of our arses here?
Because it is funny.
And Superman lore has continuity problems
Kon: Hey guys! Sorry Jon and I are late for game night. There was a-
Dick: *agrily swipes the game board and all it's pieces off the table* FUCK ALL OF YOU! SEEE IF EVER COME BACK HERE AGAIN!!! *walks out*
Every member of the bat family: *Bursts out laughing*
Jon:...what's up with Dick?
Tim: *snorts* He really thought challenging a former and current ceo, the heir to a kingdom, and a drug lord to a game of monopoly was a good idea.
Damian: Plus we formed alliances behind his back to mess with him even more.
Bruce: I still think the alliances was a step too far.
Jon: *nods* Yeah Dick really should have known better.
Kon: Speaking from experience?
Jon: Yeah...that was a tense day in Titans Tower.
Jason: Ha! Who challenged baby bat?
Jon: Lian thought Oliver taught her enough to stand a chance against him.
Damian: Tt. I was taught how to conquer from the age of 2. A few lessons with Queen doesn't stand a chance.
Reblog with a dancing gif to join the dance party! Tag your friends and followers! Anyone can join! Free snacks! bring whatever you like! I brought pixie sticks!
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I’m bringing a disco ball u cretians
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DANCE PARTYYY (love how I got mentioned twice in a row)
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AYYYY TYSM FOR THE TAGGGG also cool new theme??
anyways yall PARTYYY <333
I have the headcanon that Gotham doesn't get invaded most of the time because Gothamites act like a top-tier private military.
Just think about it, the city is overrun by crime, and it only got more violent after Batman. So most citizens should be capable of self-defense, and that increases the average skill of the criminal, and that creates a hellish loop of a weapon race.
So when the alien scout gets to Gotham and gets beaten by 2-3 middle schoolers, they just choose to leave that hellish place in peace.
Batmobile Radio Shenanigans Part IV
Bruce and Jason, after an arguement:
Dick in the backseat:
Dick: Ca-
Jason: SHUT THE FUCK UP DICKHEAD U FUCKING CUNT
Dick:
Radio: starts playing Apple by Charlie XCX
Jason: THATS IT
Dick: Hey now-
Jason and Dick, full on brawling in the backseat:
Bruce: Boys. Boys please.
Jason and Dick: SHUT THE FUCK UP
Ideas for how Tim could get his spleen back:
1. Clone a new spleen since he has experience and it’s probably easier than cloning a Kryptonian
2. Capture Vandal Savage and steal his spleen since he’ll just grow a new one
3. Targeted application of the Lazarus pit to specifically the spleen area
4. Tim is a meta with the very specific superpower of regrowing his spleen like a salamander and its tail
5. Steal a spleen from an Arkham inmate because terrorism loses you spleen privileges
6. Use the whole fake shooting thing to have Tim Drake-Wayne not have a spleen and then get a spleen via the organ donation system
I like to think Bruce Wayne became the bogeyman for rich Gotham parents with latchkey kids. Like they saw Tim Drake get scooped up by Bruce and went "oh no, we thought we were safe".
Suddenly, all of the Gotham elite are actually engaging with their children, attending recitals and school plays, playing catch in their palatial gardens. Gotham Academy parent-teacher nights are actually a full house for once. Parents cross the road with their children when they encounter Bruce on the street.
Think about it.
The board aproves of bruce because he can increase the values of Wayne enterprise just by adopting rich kids with dead parents
One thing I wish was more explored whenever relationships happen with anyone in the bat brigade is wealth.
Don’t get me wrong. I have seen a couple Timber fanfiction that kind of explore this but usually it’s done in my least favorite trope.
Honestly, my problem with that is the same issue. I have with Hallmark movies it always centers around the giving up all of the money all of the prestige in order to get that small town/normal person life.
If you have Bernard telling Tim he needs to go work at bat burger i’m tapping the fuck out.
Everyone has already heard my rants about house boats/you’re rich let’s not lie.
Do I sometimes not love the whole sugar, daddy bat thing yes but I will always prefer that to- Let’s get in a circle and pretend we actually know how much bananas cost!
Have you ever heard the saying about money doesn’t buy happiness? Or whatever there’s a few-
It does.
There is almost no problem that cannot be fixed by money. You can even get into the specifics of interpersonal relationship issues or mental health therapy and medication can be purchased with money.
If you’re miserable with $40 billion that is a you problem and it’s a choice.
Why we always go back to the everyone’s poor and struggling versus exploring the insanely intricate, rich people bullshit baffles me.
Jason, I think is also a great example of the we really like to lean into the poor thing. Immediately people are about to send me an angry paragraph but just hear me out.
Do you know what is insanely expensive and not easy to acquire if you don’t have money? Weapons.
Sure, some rifles and handguns are cheapish but most likely Jason is either using Colt M1911 or desert eagles. An argument for some a variety of Sig Sauer. 
Although I think the colt is kind of debatable and honestly, the desert eagle too are more of looking at a comic panel and trying to place what it could be.
* Slightly off-topic, but I don’t understand where the belief that it’s Jericho comes into play, but that’s a whole other rant!
We’re also running to hold the issue that so many firearms came after he was originally written holding a gun so once again comic book logic.
I got off-topic, but these aren’t cheap. His assault rifles are not cheap. Never mind that everything has to be customized. We’ve seen him literally have like painted guns, even the most basic custom work on the cheapest of these firearms would be bare minimum four grand. Do I think he might steal some shit sure but you don’t just randomly customize firearms or start fucking with shit if you don’t know what you’re doing.
There are throwaway lines in fics about Jason bitching that ammo isn’t cheap. Any of your gear/weapons would cost thousands even millions of dollars.
Do you think you can find Kevlar in the bargain bin?
Special tools are required to work with certain materials or say melt down to make bird/bat themed throwing shit.
Every single vigilante suit I don’t care if it’s the littlest robin costume to Batman’s full decked out gear cost millions of dollars.
In conclusion from my long ass rant where I got very distracted, thinking of the of weapons you cannot make poor vigilantes unless you’re doing Peter Parker Level bullshit.


While i agree with most of it.
I think jason is the only one logical here. The guy is a crime lord most of the time and even if he stopped doing it the stockpile of money will not go away. He can spend it on black markets and buy guns preety easily but to buy a hous or any legal shit would be much harder
I made a thing….
Bruce, concussed after a kidnap attempt: Who are you? You look familiar?
Green Arrow: I'm Green Arrow, Mr Wayne. Now, these guys are going to get you to the hospital. You just hang in there, OK?
Green Lantern: Before you go Mr Wayne, what can you tell us anything you know about-?
Bruce: Clark Kent and Superman are having an affair.
Hal:
Oliver:
Bruce: I walked in on them at last year's mayoral ball. I'm OK with it, Superman was just using me for my body but we can't tell Lois Lane. She's going to be so mad 😭.
