[marisatomay]

huge congratulations to drugs for continuing to win the war on drugs

[verypowerfulwitch]

I think I'm gonna keep wearing a mask forever just to piss people off. I don't want to breathe your air. Die mad about it

[curseworm]

consistently forget that medication that relieves minor incomveniences exists so when i have a headache or my eyes are itchy from allergies or whatever im like “oh… the suffering is endless. this human form is weak and the tiny pains do build like pebbles stacking to a mountain. i accept it” whole time theres aspirin and allergy eye drops in the cabinet

[transmechanicus]

Posts that be like “If I were a monster that had to eat people, i would just eat horrible people~” are so absurd to me. How often do you see Known Criminals on the street? Billionaires out for a nightly stroll around town? Effectively fucking never. If I have to drag myself to the grocery store, you think it’s gonna be any easier for me to hunt Bezos and Co. every time my stomach growls? I can’t bother to plan meals more than a day in advance, how am i gonna perform whole ass detective work to confirm someone’s a serial killer before i eat them? Ya’ll got that much time on your hands? Planning 5 course meals every night of the week? Don’t make me laugh. Eat a pedestrian and tragically wrestle with guilt like the rest of us, idiot.

[transmechanicus]

Experienced people eater weighing in with the most galaxy brain option

[prsephonies-deactivated20200815]

i miss the golden era of ‘men get pegged’ posting. you all gave up on the cause so quickly

[luidilovins]

its because we’re busy practicing social distancing

[incessant-kitten]

With a long enough strap, both could be accomplished.

[luidilovins]

you’re right I was thinking like a quitter

[strongermonster]

my mom, dead in the middle of a conversation, slams on the breaks in the middle of a country road so she can pull over and take a picture of all these cows running for cover from the rain and adsfkjlfkdjg and thi dskfjfgj

[strongermonster]

rthis is the only picutre she took sfdkjlfgddfs MOM this almost literally could not be worse fdkjfjkdf i love you so much

[strongermonster]

she also took a pictuer of a bluejay 

and believe it or not, a squirrel

mom vs the focus on her expensive camera vs her bad eyesight

[strongermonster]

ok i swear this is the last one but please look at this bluejay

[snorlaxatives]

new wealth redistribution method just dropped: we all take turns marrying and divorcing billionaires until everyone gets a chunk of the cheese

[eros-vigilante]

@death2america

[anxietyproblem]

[y-that-crazy-five-foot-two-chick]

[ketenkusu]

This is what hozier meant when he says he falls a little bit in love everyday with someone new

[actualmythicalcreature]

I once watched a girl in the produce aisle pick up a bushel of bananas that were precariously perched on the edge and move them farther back and under her breath she said “there you go sweeties - that will be more comfortable” before shuffling off and… I think about her often.

[therainshallmakeadoor-deactivat]

« Silent lovers » is such a sweet way to put it.

[dangerously-human]

I was driving on the highway and passed a dude absolutely JAMMING alone in his car, doing those little half dance moves you do when you’re stuck sitting down in a small space, bellowing unheard lyrics at the top of his lungs, and my instant reaction was to think “I love you.” And then to pray he had a good day, or whatever, because those fleeting moments of connection are so incredible.

[programmerhumour]

Just an amazing UI

[sufficientlylargen]

Gender: <entire source code of Quake (1996, Id Software)>

[kaijuno]

Installs Doom as my gender

[red-taileddolphin]

max 10 megs guys, come on

[marintuition]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Installs four copies of Doom as my gender

[bakwaaas]

does anyone feel overwhelming emotions seeing pictures of their younger self? like that’s me but it isn’t... I love her I wish she knew... I hope she’s proud of me.... I miss her

[snugglebearinc]

[naamahdarling]

I’m losing my fucking mind.

[kittykat8311]

oh my god

[cryptid-sighting]

my favorite part is that the guys just go along with it in spite of confusion/misgivings because they don’t want to miss out on stickers.

[signherepleased]

My favorite post

[sleepyoasis]

LIL NAS X'S NEW TSHIRT DESIGN IM ASNXKFBWJDJXN

[sleepyoasis]

WHY IS HE SO FUNNY

[catwomqn23]

IT GETS BETTER

[whitepeopletwitter]

[autotono-deactivated20221027]

[castiel-has-bees]

One time in 3rd grade I zoned out and I don't think I've ever zoned back in

[theanticool]

It is Kana Watanabe fight week people

[pixiecatsupreme]

[bumblebeebats]

Yesterday at work these two 12yo boys came through my line and i’m instantly like. oh Boy. Because solo children at a grocery store are always forces of chaos, good or bad

But thankfully these ones were totally pleasant, and when i asked if they wanted a receipt one of them pulled out a random fuckin receipt from his bag and asked “Do YOU???” and y’all, i lost my shit… What a power move. When will i ever be this funny