I Have No Clue What I'm Doing

I really don't, send help

[baetology]

Stop letting your heart and your pussy choose your men.

[trapbinch]

I’m confused, what is left…

[trapbinch]

Oh nvm lmao my brain. You right sis lol you is right

[baetology]

You really forgot your whole brain.

[pussylipgloss]

she read this post with her pussy

[its-a-gold-song]

How To Draw A Horse - a comic by Emma Hunsinger

ppl have been tagging me as the artist, and i dont want to take credit for someone else’s work!! emma hunsinger is an illustrator who does a lot of the New Yorker cartoons and made this comic (which was featured in the new yorker) glad to have bring some ~emotions~ to you all though :))

[whitepeopletwitter]

[kalesrebellion]

So funny story actually. One of my friends was hooking up with this girl, they were friends with benefits. She needed a date for some work party so he agreed to go with her. Turns out her dad owns like 3 dental practices and she worked as the business manager for one of them.

Anyway my friend had some not so nice teeth and during dinner the father of his fwb was like “you work where you work, you sleep with him and his teeth look like that? Get him an appointment.”and then bounced. So his fwb made him an appointment at the practice she managed and my friend ended up needing like 3k worth of dental work and his friend with benefits just gave it to him for free.

So that is the story of how my friend not only got sex, but dental out of the friends with benefits deal.

[helloitsbees]

[first-sight-and-second-thoughts]

op disabled reblogs so here

[roughstar]

It's so hard to come to that conclusion though, like at this point unalive is a part of gen Z culture. It's just using a word, they're not even thinking about talking on TikTok or YouTube anymore, they're just talking. It's a lot like people getting mad over AAVE because it's not grammatically correct and yes it's not, but AAVE is a cultural usage of English, a dialect if you will. They use it because their friends and family use it, everyone talks that way. Nobody thinks about grammar when speaking AAVE. It's actually kind of offensive if you try to correct someone. It's like that with unalive too. It's a clashing of culture, we don't understand it because we see it as it was formed, a response to a shitty half ass language filter, not as it is used, which is just another word for kill, death, or died. I really think this one is just not a big deal enough to fight. I think that teacher in the first part, while I agree with the sentiment and find the story funny, it's also in my opinion not about maturity but just a culture thing.

[evelynstarshine]

From working with children, the way kids who use unalive react when they hear someone say kill or suicide, it's not just slang or comparable to minoritised dialects, it's self-censorship, active and deliberate with fear of consequences built into it.

[dammitradar]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Also not to derail but AAVE does in fact have grammar.

[blackfilmmakers]

Very willing to derail, but bringing up the racism that comes with mocking AAVE(cuz that's what it is) is not remotely the same as "gen z talk" derived from younger people scared a social media platform will ban them

"No one thinks of grammer when speaking AAVE" correction: no one is thinking of grammer when they talk in general. Do you know how exhausting that is?

Yall need to stop saying AAVE and Gen Z lingo are interchangeable somehow, cuz what even are these takes?

[writtenletterstotheworld]

This

[yasfera2-deactivated20220905]

[mortimermcmirestinks]

every fucking time I see this I miss the "7 month old" part, then when I see the image I fucking lose it. god fucking dammit

[huffylemon]

[triviallytrue]

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

[friendshapedhole]

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

[triviallytrue]

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

[max1461]

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

[triviallytrue]

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

[ghostpalmtechnique]

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

[triviallytrue]

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

[notwiselybuttoowell]

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

[nightingalesoul]

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

[sleepy-bebby]

[racheldotgov-deactivated2016123]

ppl managing to live where they grew up is really bizarre to me

[hakushokuwaisei-deactivated2017]

Hi! Croatian here. As an inland country, I found a job processing uranium. We have a lot of it.

[mediumsizedboy]

God I wish I was processing uranium in Croatia

[theocseason4]

I think about this post every day

[tardis2101]

Hey, another Croatian here! Croatia has a coastline and I can’t find a single mention of uranium in Croatia. I don’t know what kind of paralel universe this person is from.

[casual-comedy-enjoyer]

@one-time-i-dreamt

[one-time-i-dreamt]

As a Croat, this is my favorite post on this website.

[p1ss]

[ejacutastic]

I DIDN’T LEARN ABOUT THIS IN DRIVING SCHOOL

[biszumletzten]

Stop says the red light, go says the green

Wait says the yellow light, twinkling in between. 

KNEEL, SAYS THE DEMON LIGHT WITH ITS EYE OF COAL  SAURON KNOWS YOUR LICENSE PLATE  AND STARES INTO YOUR SOUL

[demonsnakes-deactivated20160829]

THIS IS ALWAYS FUNNY

[brightlotusmoon]

@irritatedlifeguard I agree with your tags.

[hellsite-hall-of-fame]

ooooh I wholeheartedly agree

my archive is full of said classic posts, if anyone wants to make this happen :)

[great-tweets]

[teasugarsalt]

The blue eyes mark this crow as young, not a full adult.

You’ve been pranked by a teen hooligan.

[animefacialrecognitionsoftware01]

You’ve been pranked by,

You’ve been sticked by,

A teen hooligan

[viktor-sbor]

Mongolian armour - Huyag.

Most armour was made of hardened leather and iron, laced together onto a fabric backing, sometimes silk.

[catchymemes]

[cannibalchicken]

[animentality]

[afterword]

idk who needs to hear this rn but suffering is not noble. take the tylenol

[wahoo-shem]

One time when I was younger I was refusing to take headache medicine and my mom said “the person who invented that medicine is probably so sad you won’t let them help you” and now every time I find myself denying medicine I just imagine the saddest scientist making those big wet eyes like “why won’t you let me help” and whoop then I take the medicine

[modogoblin]

[j-femmescoli]

fascinating

[prguitarman]

I like how it’s shocked you took a screenshot like they know they’ve been caught

[kirianthedivorce]

Absolutely losing it at this Reddit post

And the update

She buttered Jorts

[anoonzee]

The outrage summed in a perfect Tweet:

[notemily]

FINALLY

I’ve been collecting the best Jorts tweets and waiting until the moment he showed up on my dash to post them. So here you are, the curated best of the past, oh, day or so:

[rhipidurafan]

Some additional quality memes from the past 24 hours:

Meanwhile, OP has continued tracking trash can mishaps on twitter:

And a quality photo of this sweet potato:

[rhipidurafan]

An update for those not following Jorts’ twitter account, starting with a transcription of the Wellerman cover:

Link to the lovely video

There once was a ship that put to sea The name of the ship was the Jorts and Jean The ship she rolled and her closet doors closed Oh no, where’s Jorts? Oh no!

Soon may the smarter cat come To save poor Jorts so orange and dumb One day when the butterin’s done We’ll take our leave and go

When Pam came on, she had a plan To teach our Jorts about garbage cans Pam meant well but her plans fell flat When HR said, “don’t butter the cat”

Soon may the smarter cat come To save poor Jorts so orange and dumb One day when the butterin’s done We’ll take our leave and go

Now Jean the smart cat comes She saves poor Jorts so orange and dumb Now that the butterin’s done We’ll take our leave and go

We’ll take our leave and go

We’ll take our leave and go

Additional quality memes:

A recipe for Buttered Jorts:

Recent Jorts activities:

And some very wise words from the cat himself:

[petermorwood]

This is the largest Jorts post I found before I decided to stop, and combines a lot of memes in one convenient package.

Along with cats, of course. Smartly done!

[calligrafiti]

The person running the Jorts Twitter is using it to promote unions, which is awesome.

[breelandwalker]

FNALLY! All the premium Jorts content in one place!