noise dept.
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Not today Justin
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One Nice Bug Per Day
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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Been a while since I drew a furry comic based off of a tumblr post
Ok but that last panel/ payoff is everything.
my harem romance but the male protagonist doesn't realize the women have been working together to crack his egg
When they finish and she transitions, the all-female polycule locates an egg, becomes "his" harem, and the cycle repeats, with the harem one woman bigger.
Bad idea: this story is shown from their perspective and it's like a heist movie.
They're recruiting women with specific talents and doing dry runs to practice the plan to crack his egg.
One of the women got dragged in for one last job.
Lynne Cox is an accomplished American open water swimmer. Twice, she held the record for the fastest crossing of the English Channel. Cox was the first woman to swim the Cook Strait and the first to swim the Straits of Magellan and around the Cape of Good Hope. Cox swam the Bering Strait from American soil to Soviet soil in 1987, at the height of the Cold War.
Look at her.
I know open water swimming isn’t really glamorous, but Lynne Cox is arguably one of the greatest overlooked athletes of the 20th century.
And quite possibly a mutant.
She can withstand water temperatures that you or I would die from because of her training and her body’s unique reaction to cold (you know how the blood will leave your fingers and toes when it’s cold, to preserve heat? her whole body does that, pooling her blood in her core and insuring her body temperature stays toasty where it counts).
She funded the Bering Strait swim herself, clearing out her bank account when she couldn’t get corporate sponsors. After she succeeded (to almost everyone’s surprise: if you get in the Bering Sea without serious gear you generally just die) Gorbachev mentioned her during treaty talks with Nixon: “Last summer it took one brave American by the name of Lynne Cox just two hours to swim from one of our countries to the other. We saw on television how sincere and friendly the meeting was between our people and the Americans when she stepped onto the Soviet shore. She proved by her courage how close to each other our peoples live.“
She wasn’t just the first woman to swim the Strait of Magellan. She was the first person to make it across.
On top of setting multiple world records, she swam a mile+ to the coast of Antarctica, in just a bathing suit, and did not die.
She’s swum over 50,000 miles.
And look at her. This is a photo from when she was young, at the peak of her career and setting records all over the world. She is a great athlete. She is a human who can do things most humans would die trying. I’m sitting here at 1 AM getting all teary eyed because this is the first time I’ve looked up a photo of her and I am so surprised, so gratified, so overwhelmed to find out that this world record setter, this literal superhuman, has nearly the same body type as me.
Since they wouldn’t let her be a fantasy creature in a video game, she just did it in real life, I guess.
Anyone who thinks there is just one athletic body type isn’t paying attention during the Olympics opening ceremonies.
Her body type is optimized for her sport. The shape of her body and the presence of fat both provide insulation to keep her core warm while she swims.
A lot of open water swimmers aren’t this chunky, but that’s because most of them are actually triathletes, and their body type is a compromise between the ideals for the different sports.
There really is no one way to be fit and athletic. For some reason, we tend to get ourselves hung up on the body type of track and field athletes, especially that of marathon runners (who tend to carry almost no extra fat) as the ideal.
Dude HOLY FUCK she’s a badass.
When Lynn Cox was training to swim the English Channel at 14, her practice regimen had her swimming off Long Beach pier from 3am-6am each morning and then going to high school. Her coach asked that she be excused from morning gym so that she could have extra time to shower and do homework. Her gym teacher refused to allow it because she believed that Lynn Cox was too chubby and too clumsy to be missing 9th grade gym.
And here’s a joyful, more recent photo of this tremendous athlete.
it’s almost like human body fat isn’t evil and is actually an evolutionary advantage…
I love her
Fun fact my grandpa was in the Air Force but only because he cheated his way in
So he did a great job with everything all along the way, until he hit got to his marksmanship test.
Now, my grandpa is a great shot. The catch is, he’s left-handed. And the people administering the test did not like that and insisted he shoot righty.
Naturally, he sucked at it. But he had a few tricks up his sleeve. And by tricks, I do mean a pencil.
When my grandpa went up to retrieve his target, the man pulled out a pencil, stabbed a bunch of holes in the center, and called it a day.
The grift worked, he passed with flying colors, and he began a 30+ year career as an Air Force engineer, helping design the B-2 Bomber, and being a general badass.
Also, he’s led me to believe he knows information about aliens, and the man would never joke about something like that.
People are asking about the alien thing. All I know is that my grandpa had access to confidential information and absolutely no sense of humor. He has learned classified secrets and he would never pull a prank. When my mom and her sisters were kids, they once joked about if aliens are real, and he stopped them in their tracks to sternly tell them that they never, ever, ever are to joke about that again.
He knows SOMETHING is what I’m saying.
😳😳 😫😫😢😢🤧
As an autistic boy, I approve.
THIS NEEDS MORE NOTES
“Wrong Century” by Tomas Kucerovsky
the look of wistfulness on her face just punches me straight in the heart
this is literally my favorite piece that ever comes up on tumblr and if you want me to change my mind well then goOD LUCK WITH THAT
a while ago I was thinking about the fact that early dnd is literally just lotr with the serial numbers filed off & also also about how odd it is that dnd originally had a class that was just called ‘thief’ and then it hit me. that Bilbo is. a burglar.
is Bilbo a rogue. is Bilbo the original rogue. discuss.
Later in life he multiclasses into bard and gets down to writing
but is he a rogue who multiclassed in bard… or a bard who multiclassed in rogue…
Bard who multiclasses into rogue Bc the party is not balanced.
He’s like a bard who specializes in the language of flowers and riddles
is Thorin’s company just like, a wizard, a bard who’s working on multiclassing as a rogue, and 13 fighters
upon reflection, they are the inverse of the IPRE crew (1 fighter 1 cleric 5 wizards)
Merle canonically was one of the dwarves who was not asked/did not want to join the quest for Erebor
oh my god
Probably for the best. No one wants 50 shades of green, Mirkwood edition
Ori, in Mirkwood: good thing we didn’t bring Cousin Merle along… he’s have loved this…
Bilbo: wait if he’d have loved it why’s it good he didn’t come along
Ori: you don’t want to know
I’ve discussed this before actually with my sister and so I’m gonna go on a short rant please excuse me.
The Hobbit, as a D&D game, has awful party composition. It’s a 14-15 person party with a single spellcaster who is actually just the DM’s character. The DM’s character a level 20 wizard and a level 15 fighter, he’s also an absurdly overpowered homebrew race. You have 13 dwarven fighters and only like, one multiclassed as a support class but the multiclass is level 1 and totally useless, and they’re all wildly varying levels otherwise. Then you have the newbie who is a level 1 halfling rogue and about halfway through the game the rogue decides he doesn’t want to be a rogue anymore and just before the confrontation with the young red dragon the DM set up so the rogue wouldn’t be under-leveled for the battle of five armies later, took a single level in bard, then didn’t take another level for the rest of the game. One random person joined for like, a day and in that day his level 10 ranger managed to kill the young red dragon in one hit and then they left. Also like, three of the dwarves died because the party comp was so bad.
Lord of the Rings is marginally better in its party composition, starting off with a party of four level 1 halflings, specifically a fighter, two rogues, and I’m gonna assume Sam is like, a ranger or something, he’s a support class that can use a sword. Eventually they get joined by a human ranger, an elven ranger a dwarven fighter, and a human fighter who are all higher level, plus the DM’s OP wizard who is now a level 20 wizard and a level 20 fighter but dies during a fight somehow but the DM brings him back with like, a level 20 cleric tacked on. Like halfway through two of the halflings run off and the halfling rogues get kidnapped so the DM is running like 3 fucking games and one of the halfling rogues multi-classes as a bard at some point? Like when all is said and done a least the team is marginally more balanced and the DM adds actually useful NPCs this time and not 50 variations on “annoying jerk” and a player comes in halfway through with a human paladin and is like “ok but imma make it a lady” and the DM’s like “k cool you do that but every NPC will be condescending” and she ends up killing a major boss because the DM did the “no man can kill me” and the player was like “NOW’S MY CHANCE”.
TLDR: running these two D&D campaigns, as a DM, would’ve been a massive headache.
Best suggestion for Sam I’ve found is actually Skirmisher, which is a spellless ranger.
There are a couple of interviews with kids that were on the show floating around and basically they were stressed out from filming all day with no breaks and Nick could only afford to give out like 2 prizes a year so they screwed with the kids to make sure they messed up. One of the girls interviewed mentioned she still has nightmares about the temple guards 25 years later.
I’m sorry
WHAT
“Pet crows give their owners names. This is identified by a unique sound they make around specific people that they would not otherwise make.“
oh my GOD
well shit
Clearly, to the crows, we’re the pets.
But what if your childhood was shitty and traumatizing and you were meek and quiet as a kid so get a sweet little kitten and eventually as you grow and realize your worth and become more confident that kitten slowly grows into a lion.
Usually, when I bring kids their Companions, it’s a happy day.
Most parents like to throw parties for their children. Make it a big ‘lifetime milestone’ type deal. Sometimes, if there are a lot of birthdays on the same day, they do events at the local schools. I never really have to call ahead - people know I’m coming. The roster at the head offices keeps a running record, and Deliverers like me pack up the Untouched Eggs (wearing gloves, of course), and set out to cover their area for the day. I work six days a week, and sometimes I take emergency runs if I’m nearby and another district is overwhelmed. Overtime is common, but so are short days, when only a small number of kids are hitting ten.
It’s a job that has me travelling a lot. i go wherever there’s the most need for Deliverers. We don’t like to be late; tenth birthdays are an important matter. But I like being on the road. It lets me see a lot of the country.
Keep reading
It’s always such a pleasure to read a short story that so clearly, cleverly, and magically creates a whole different universe. I would read a seven book series of this, from any perspective. Thank you @feynites for writing this and posting it on here! This really made my day something special.
you know hes like. a known abuser right lol
*she
Amber Heard abusing Johnny Depp
For two years now we know that she abused Johnny, yet everyone keeps ignoring it. Today Johnny made a claim in court papers which he can proof with photos. there also are a lot of other things that proof her abuse:
At the Sept. 14 premiere of Johnny Depp‘s new film Black Mass at the Toronto International Film Festival, photographers captured the passion on the red carpet between the star and his wife, Amber Heard, who kissed and cuddled for the cameras.But away from the shutterbugs, a source says, the newlyweds got hot and bothered in a different way. Amber, 29, hovered near her hubby as he schmoozed, and when she saw him chatting with a young woman, the source says, “she stormed over and tried to butt in.”When Johnny, 52, continued the conversation, she “looked livid” and quickly pulled him aside. The source says, “She talked to him like a child. Johnny smiled awkwardly and seemed to calm her down, because the next minute they were holding hands again and she was all smiles.”According to the insider, this volatility is nothing new for the couple, who wed in February and bicker about everything from his female fans to Johnny’s recent weight gain. She’s bothered so much that Amber has begun dictating his diet. “She says he looks like a mess now,” says the source.“Amber is very loving toward Johnny — but if things aren’t the way she wants, all hell breaks loose,” the insider says.Friends who’ve witnessed the actor bend to Amber’s controlling ways are wondering what happened to his rebellious spirit. “He’s blinded by love,” the source says. “He’ll do anything she wants — and she knows it.”http://www.celebitchy.com/449943/star_amber_heard_was_livid_at_johnny_depp_but_all_smiles_for_cameras/
there are more stories like this example: at the lone ranger premiere in disneyland she was super rude to everyone basically,
when they were on their honeymoon Johnny was greeting fans and got annoyed by that
she hits him multiple times during that stupid Overhaulin’ episode he did specially for her
she pulled him away from his fans at a Japanse airport in 2013 (notice how she really pulls him and just refuses to let go)
she also pulled him away while he was in the middle of a conversation with someone at the hollywood film awards in 2015
she taunted him on instagram by posing with her fist and adding a comment about ink (referring to his former slim tattoo) she had made countless of refs to him in interviews in such, still taunting him
she can’t do an interview without mentioning him, bullying him
combine this with Doug Stanhope’s statement:
We’d watched it build like this since before they were married. We’d watched her manipulate and f— with him for years. We didn’t say a word. To each other, yes, but never to him. When your friend is in an awful, abusive relationship — man or woman — …http://www.thewrap.com/johnny-depp-is-being-blackmailed-by-amber-heard-heres-how-i-know-guest-column/
and here abusing her ex-wife:
http://www.tmz.com/2016/06/07/amber-heard-domestic-violence-arrest-partner-tasya-van-ree/ (in this link you can find an audio of her in the court room)
https://people.com/movies/amber-heards-arresting-officer-speaks-out-i-am-so-not-homophobic/http://www.inquisitr.com/3185259/amber-heard-arrest-the-homophobic-cop-is-a-gay-woman-tasya-van-ree-was-lying-to-protect-amber/
and the statements from his bodyguards and the police:
normally she was the one who had to be physically pulled off of Johnny. Reportedly she would throw bottles, scream and “charge” at him. The guards will testify during the restraining order hearing in June. http://hollywoodlife.com/2016/05/31/amber-heard-johnny-depp-bodyguards-no-abuse-claims/
On May 21, 2016, officers responded to a domestic incident radio call…” LAPD Sgt. Marlon Marrache says. “The person reporting the crime [Heard] did not insist on a report and no report was warranted. There was no evidence of any crime. A crime did not occur so the officers left the scene and left a business card.”Marrache adds that if there had been any signs of abuse, officers would have conducted an investigation, regardless of what Heard said had happened.http://ew.com/article/2016/05/27/johnny-depp-amber-heard-police-investigated-abuse-claim-no-evidence-crime-found/
a part of the court doc (from johnny suing the sun for defamation because the called him a wife beater which he clearly isn’t) in his evidence list which can be found below you can see that johnny has photos as evidence that match the timestamp of this attack
the complete document can be found here:https://www.docdroid.net/JU2xOOU/johnny-depp-assault-amber-heard-iphone-incident-doc.pdfit describes in detail her abuse and lies
and his evidence list: (which includes text, photos, witnesses)
see full here: http://bybyeblackbird.tumblr.com/post/168411141303/so-it-turns-out-that-the-evidence-and-witness
after that witness list was revealed she dropped the case and ro with prejudice:
court doc: http://becauseitisjohnnydepp.tumblr.com/post/173707760332/since-the-link-i-was-using-doesnt-work-anymore
also this interview where he talks about the false accusations: https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/johnny-depp-interview-2018
And this:
“In his GQ interview, Mr. Depp is simply defending himself against Ms. Heard’s lingering, false abuse accusations,” Adam Waldman, Depp’s lawyer, said in a statement issued to Newsweek. “Johnny Depp is a victim of violent abuse.”
Depp’s team rejected that statement, and his attorney suggested the “shameful psychological abuse” it mentions stems from Heard’s “continuing cynical manipulation of the important #metoo movement and its real victims.”
“Ms. Heard has been previously arrested and spent the night in jail for domestic abuse (an arrest that was initially blamed on police homophobia, although the arresting officer later averred to being a gay rights activist),” Waldman said in the statement to Newsweek. “Ms. Heard has admitted to multiple violent attacks against Johnny Depp that caused serious injury. Eyewitness, photographic, and previous sworn testimony will be presented to the court.”
Added Waldman, “Regarding the confidentiality agreement of which Ms. Heard’s counsel complains, Ms. Heard started violating it before the ink dried, first with a statement, and soon after with a domestic violence PSA asking ‘how is this happening to me?’ purporting to give advice to real victims. More breaches followed.”
Waldman confirmed to Newsweek that court proceedings into the abuse allegations will take place in November in Britain. Depp’s team intends to submit evidence proving Heard “faked” all allegations of abuse. Depp’s camp will present “clear evidence of the violence committed serially against him by Ms. Heard and the serious injuries that he suffered,” Waldman added.
https://www.newsweek.com/johnny-depp-victim-abuse-amber-heard-1153422?utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Twitter&utm_campaign=NewsweekTwitter
and this:
“Two days ago, Amber Heard’s lawyers professed their ‘outrage’ to the media that Johnny Depp had finally spoken in self-defense,” Depp lawyer Adam Waldman of The Endeavor Group wrote in a statement to The Hollywood Reporter on Friday. “I responded with what happens next — we will submit overwhelming evidence to a U.K. court next month that Ms. Heard repeatedly violently attacked and severely injured Mr. Depp, and then faked abuse allegations against him. Ms. Heard became in the process an imposter in the #MeToo movement who abused the trust and experiences of real survivors for her own reputational gain.”
Depp’s team is previewing the evidence that it will present in the upcoming court hearing in the U.K. this fall tied to a defamation lawsuit against The Sun for an article that labeled the actor a “wife beater.”
“Our evidence will include photographs, sworn testimony and admissions, and eyewitness accounts,” Waldman wrote. “Ms. Heard, who has a prior arrest for domestic abuse, and her lawyers have responded to these remarkable disclosures with two days of profound silence, excepting social media posts of Ms. Heard wrapped in an American flag asserting: ‘we survivors…’”
Waldman concludes, “Ms. Heard’s lawyer publicly claimed Ms. Heard has unconsulted witnesses, but none have materialized. We would like to hear, and believe the public should hear, what, if anything, such ‘witnesses’ have to say, so that those statements may be held to account against our imminent court filings.”
https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/johnny-depps-legal-team-prepares-court-hearing-amber-heard-abuse-claims-1149731
and this:
An attorney for Depp tells PEOPLE in a statement, “Were Ms. Heard’s faked abuse claims presented yet again at a real #metoo event this week a ‘confidential arbitration’? Ms. Heard (and lately her new attorney) have been peddling easily disproven fake abuse claims for over 2 years in public, and now that real evidence is coming, exhibit a sudden and predictable desire for confidentiality.”
https://people.com/movies/johnny-depp-speaks-grindelwald-jk-rowling-supporting-him/
Amber Heard is an abuser
When you falsely accuse your husband of domestic abuse, but instead end up bringing your abuse of him to light.
……..
Holy shit
Wow. I feel terrible that I thought Johnny Depp was the abuser. I made the same mistake with Evan Peters, thinking he was the abuser, and not Emma Roberts. Amber Heard is horrible!
Okay so first of all I want to make it very clear that I don’t blame anybody for believing Johnny was guilty. Nobody’s perfect and everyone makes mistakes.
That being said we must never forget that
We do nobody any JUSTICE when we RUSH TO JUDGMENT.
We only succeed in hurting innocent people in a way that cannot be undone.
The court of public opinion is a terrible place to look for Justice. No to mention, THIS is just another one of so many reasons why so many of us scream at the top of the mountain that
EVERYONE GETS DUE PROCESS.
I mean even the people we don’t like deserve due process if for no other reason than to protect ourselves should we find ourselves in the same boat.
Until we have all the evidence we can’t be 100% sure. THERE’S ALWAYS A CHANCE THAT WE CAN BE WRONG.
Even if someone wants to do the spiel about there not being enough arrest/ convictions, putting an innocent man in a jail DOSE NOT take a guilty man off the street.
I can’t stress enough that we should never take accusations like these as a proof guilt because we can not turn the clock back.
We might be wrong, but I’m keeping this anyway because this is the first time I’ve seen like all the counter-evidence in one place.
Wow…I feel really bad for Depp now, after all the things I said about him.
bc some people refuse to believe that a woman can also be abusive…
In highschool, there were a lot of girls who were violent. You know, the “cute violent” but in reality, it wasn’t like that…
Thank you for this post, oof I think I need some time to take it all in, but. If this is true I’m okay with feeling guilty as fuck about all I said about Johnny Depp, if it means acknowledging the true abuser in the situation
2019 is going to be a great year because we’re going to fucking make it that way, no more of this “I hope good things come to me” shit, I’m gonna go out and drag good things to me by the fucking hair
SAME FRIEND, SAME
2019 Is The Year Of Not Even Remotely Fucking Around
so hey who else was taught as a kid that “”””wanting attention”””” in any way was wrong and shameful and has grown up unable ask for help or support even in great distress/suffering
Parent: why do you never come to me for help
(two days later)
Me: I need help with something
Parent: CAN’T YOU SEE I’M BUSY WHY CAN’T YOU DO ANYTHING BY YOURSELF GOD YOU’RE SO-
Me: never mind
And don’t forget the You Can Tell Me Anything (Except Things I Don’t Want to Hear)™.
Bonus round of You Can Tell Me Anything (But If I Don’t Like It You’re In Big Trouble Even If You’re Asking For Help)
I’m Always Here For You! (Until You Upset Me In Any Way)™.
I’m lucky to have such a well behaved kid! (Until you make one tiny slip up and I yell at you for being dysfunctional)™
i’ll help you if you ask (unless its something that i consider easy in which case i’ll make you feel bad and think youre a dumbass for not knowing it even though its something i never taught you)
You’re doing great and you’re very good I’m glad you’re helping me out ( until you drop something or bring me the wrong thing, then you’re a clumsy useless child and can’t do anything well)
Also I’ll give you the option to decide to either come with me/help me with something or not and I’ll do it alone ( but if you’ll say no I’ll make you feel really bad and say that you don’t want to spend time with me)
For anyone confused about why they feel so off about their parent(s) even though their parent(s) never physically hurt them: all the above examples are textbook emotional abuse.
If you aren’t exclusively attracted to the same sex don’t fucking call yourself gay.
Then stop using the terms gay marriage, gay rights, gay bars, gay pride, and gay community when you mean LGBT+ or same-sex. Stop saying “lesbian and gay organization” to refer to LGBT+ organizations – looking at you, pflag! If you don’t want gay to be an umbrella term, stop using it as one.
You can’t force the label gay on bi and pan people against our will and then complain when we use it. It doesn’t work like that.
I'mma gonna reblog this again because it’s making the openly transphobic OP incoherently angry and I am all about that shit.
Dun dun dun there it is!
Like by OP’s ignorant concepts of gender she would bar gay men who date trans men and lesbians who date trans women from being gay, so fuck her tbh