Man I’m showing the Loki show to my wife and watching the last season for the first time (I wanted someone to watch it with). And just.
I love Loki. I think he is my most favorite character. Every iteration of him. In every freeze frame of the mcu story you could pause and I’d be like, yeah he’s my favorite character to ever character. The best and worst version of him. Even if he never grew into the best version of himself, which I think he did.
His story, and any story he’s in really, it gives me a feeling of coming home. And i mean that in the best way. The way only someone who’s felt the worst version of coming home, could love the best version of it. Every version of Loki just feels like someone I know. Someone I’ve known for a really long time, even when you meet them for the first time.
That ache you can see when he makes that exact expression. I know that ache. I want to scream and fight over every injustice he’s faced, but if I wrote his story. I don’t think I could get myself to change it.
I feel like when you love a character that really is the difference between the love you feel for people. The restfulness I feel when lost in those stories is only possible because of the catharsis I get going on that terrible journey with him. Being the silent but caring witness for the character that I wish I had in my story. But I can only do this if the character suffers. So I can comfort and care for past me when they wear a mask of his face.
It’s a cruel thing to do to a real person. And I often feel cruel doing it to fictional people. Using them as a place to project my self pity.
This character has been floating around my life for a large majority of it. I think he always will be the character for this purpose. Somewhere to put all the self love I don’t know how to give myself. It’s healing. It feels safe.
