get paid, get laid, minutemade

Kay | homo sapien | dyke | inline skating | ps4 | poetry

[dimir-charmer]

Girls will be like Idk why im so unproductive recently and then you ask whats going on in their life and they list eight lifestopping crisies and then say 'yeah but i should be fine :/ '

[le-dollarbean]

-how are you?

-well, I'm breathing

[jenroses]

Have I told y’all about my husband’s Fork Theory?  If I did already, pretend I didn’t, I’m an old.

So the Spoon Theory is a fundamental metaphor used often in the chronic pain/chronic illness communities to explain to non-spoonies why life is harder for them. It’s super useful and we use that all the time. But it has a corollary.  You know the phrase, “Stick a fork in me, I’m done,” right? Well, Fork Theory is that one has a Fork Limit, that is, you can probably cope okay with one fork stuck in you, maybe two or three, but at some point you will lose your shit if one more fork happens.  A fork could range from being hungry or having to pee to getting a new bill or a new diagnosis of illness. There are lots of different sizes of forks, and volume vs. quantity means that the fork limit is not absolute. I might be able to deal with 20 tiny little escargot fork annoyances, such as a hangnail or slightly suboptimal pants, but not even one “you poked my trigger on purpose because you think it’s fun to see me melt down” pitchfork.

This is super relevant for neurodivergent folk. Like, you might be able to deal with your feet being cold or a tag, but not both. Hubby describes the situation as “It may seem weird that I just get up and leave the conversation to go to the bathroom, but you just dumped a new financial burden on me and I already had to pee, and going to the bathroom is the fork I can get rid of the fastest.”

[cipheramnesia]

I like this and also I like the low key point that you may be able to cope with bigger forks by finding little ones you can remove quickly. A combination of time, focus, and reduction to small stressors that can allow you to focus on the larger stressor in a constructive way.

[aro-leo]

!!!

[mkaiser323]

It’s fun to chant “Bloody Mary” into your car’s side mirror three times and watch her jog and try to keep up.

[iamdone9]

Being a dick even to demons

[deadpresidents]

It’s also worth noting that nobody in their 90s will ever master Twitter better than John Dingell

[thothoes]

this is the funniest twitter thread i’ve ever seen in my goddamn life

[myheartisbro-ken]

The ‘what color’ guy is going places

[yourrescuemission]

[confusedvillager]

gays are too much. i hate us

[andre-30008]

this reporter had absolutely no clue how to respond to any of that 😂

[antiandrogen]

fjdjshdkjdjfsk

[advanced-procrastination]

There is a 0% chance he does not have a hidden tumblr bc normal people do NOT develop this kind of humor in a vacuum

[lubricates]

“i cant explain witchcraft” “does that make sense?” “maybe” lololololol

[a-flickering-soul]

squid pillow squid piLLOW SQUID PILLOW

[a-flickering-soul]

one…….tentacle…….

[a-flickering-soul]

tentacles……………c o m p l e t e

[a-flickering-soul]

every day you grow more beautiful…….

[a-flickering-soul]

SHE’S HERE SHE’S HERE SHE’S HERE SHE’S HERE

[necrominty]

This post radiates sincerety on a level I can only hope to approach in my lifetime

[somecutething]

[catsbeaversandducks]

“Oh, for me?? THANK YOU!”

[drtanner]

Christ, I fucking love dogs.

[actionables]

[toostoked]

art

[mattheuphonium-blog]

This is my fucking favorite thing I’ve ever seen I’m sobbing

[celestial-naiad]

I thought the baby was copying them, but its actually the other way around and now I’m cackling. This is stupid cute.

[aregrettablehullabaloo]

This video clip has watered my crops and cleansed my angry soul!

[nigiyakapepper]

please watch this clip that had me in stitches last night

[curlyhair-kid]

[fuckboyzuko]

Um… how the fuck is there a lure on an unreachable pokestop? Like, I’m watching this thing, and there are no boats near it. Why is there a stop even out there?

[fuckboyzuko]

I mean, I have a kayak at home. I could go get it and paddle out there just to see what the deal is. Is it worth it?

[fuckboyzuko]

I AM FUCKING DOING THIS.

[fuckboyzuko]

I am literally sitting here in a kayak catching pokemon, and I still can’t figure out how someone got a lure on this pokestop. It’s just me out here, no other boats, like what the hell. People on the shore are staring at me. I can feel them judging me for actually paddling out to this pokestop. GOTTA CATCH EM ALL.

[fuckboyzuko]

When I got back to the shore, a guy asked me if he could borrow my kayak to get the pokestop, and now I’m charging people $10 a pop to use it.

[nerdgasrnz]

Pokemon is amazing this is like those moments when you would play the games and you gotta use “Surf” to see what item’s on the sandbar across the way

[andthentheywilleatthestars]

My first instinct was to dismiss this as a fabrication but then i remembered that summer 2016 was just like that

[viewtiful-kim-deactivated202105]

Hamlet adaptation where Hamlet is a vlogger and all his soliloquies are breakdowns he uploads to YouTube

[animatedamerican]

… I am unironically here for this

[oldfilmsflicker]

this is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life

[thornheart-needs-a-break]

No but like seriously. I do Shakespeare for a living. That is my job. I study it. I teach it. And this is 100% what this speech should be like.

Soliloquies are SUPPOSED to be conversational. You are supposed to talk to the audience like you talk to your therapist. All that has changed in 400 years is that there’s now a camera between us and our audience-therapists.

[sunshinetrooper-deactivated2016]

black and asian vikings 100% definitely existed (also, saami vikings)

you know how far you can get into eurasia and africa by sailing up rivers from the baltic and mediterranean seas? pretty fucking far, and that’s what vikings liked to do to trade

then, you know, people are people, so love happens, business happens, and so ppl get married and take spouses back home to the frozen hellscape that is scandinavia (upon which i’m guessing the horrorstruck new spouses went “WHAT THE FUCK??? FUCKING GIVE ME YOUR JACKET???????”)

and sometimes vikings bought thralls and brought them home as well, and i mean, when your indentured service is up after however many years and you’re a free person again, maaaaaaaaaaaaybe it’s a bit hard to get all the way home across the continent, so you make the best out of the situation and you probably get married and raise a gaggle kids

so yeah

viking kingdoms/communities were not uniformly pure white aryan fantasy paradises, so pls stop using my cultural history and ethnic background to excuse your racist discomfort with black ppl playing heimdall and valkyrie

[shrewreadings]

Also we KNOW they got to Asia and Africa. 

Why?

Because Asians, Africans, and Vikings TOLD US SO. 

[note-a-bear]

Also, we know there was significant mercantile trade between Scandinavia and parts of Pakistan, Afghanistan, Northern India, Kashmir, North and Eastern Africa because there is evidence in burial sites.

Check that out: the goods Vikings and Scandinavians were getting from their trade with the rest of the world was so important they buried themselves with it, as part of their treasure hordes.

We KNOW this.

There’s a reason you can still see many of the trade routes from the ancient world etched into the very earth.

[prokopetz]

Plus, we know that some Scandinavian cultures that participated in Viking raids had established minority communities of ethnically Mongolian folks living among them during the periods when such raids were common, and it’s difficult to credit that none of them would have signed on.

[hogna-lenta-deactivated20160930]

Islamic Ring in Viking Grave

Vikings in Persia

Black Vikings

Vikings in North Africa

Buddha statue in Viking hoard

Vikings brought Native American woman to Europe

Unflattering texts in Arabic about Vikings

Original text by Ahmad ibn-Fadlan

More about the Islamic World and Vikings (some Vikings converted to Islam! sort of sketchy site tho)

Viking technology came from Afghanistan

More on trade route determination via metallurgy

… is that enough? :)

[queer-wizard-dad]

Yet another on the pile of reasons why it monumentally honks me off when pusillanimous, pseudointellectual white supremacist scum try to use Scandinavian culture as a crutch for their arguments and act like Norse mythology agrees with their biases. No it fucking doesn’t, bitch. Odin would personally kick you in the dick for being a witless coward and then send your ass to the Realm of the Dishonored Dead.

[armory-rasa]

I don’t usually reblog stuff, but this thread makes me so happy. See, I love the Viking aesthetic – I love the fusion of organic and geometric in its designs, I love the natural colors, the complexity of textures you get from juxtaposing metal/leather/cloth/fur–

–and I hate how the entire subculture has been so thoroughly co-opted by white supremacists. To the point where I, a person who likes viking stuff, am deeply and immediately suspect of anyone else who likes viking stuff, guilty until proven innocent, cuz that’s what the odds are these days.

Anyway.

As far as I’m concerned, anyone can be a viking, and thus I am so, so pleased to find that the historical record backs me up.

(And amused that Arab intellectual Ahmad ibn Fadlan was so thirsty for vikings.)

[ayellowbirds]

reclaim vikings from racists 2kForever

[coolmariadotcom]

Thank, I thought I was gonna have to add some things, but I’m pretty satisfied. Atleast one Roman dude I know of has been dug out of a viking grave being buried with stuff that both labelled him clearly as of roman ancestry, aswell as integrated into viking life. Muslim coins were found in Sweden. Just. Lots. There’s so much proof of actual logical and interesting stuff. Imagine a society that shut out every other cultural infuence and remain uhhh… “pure”? How boring?? How unrealistic??

[i-was-today-years-old-when]

i learned there’s a cemetery in the Netherlands consisting of 8,300 US veterans who died in WWII. For the past 70 years, Dutch families have come to the cemetery every Sunday to care for a grave they adopted. Hundreds of people are currently on a waiting list to become caretakers (x)

[cannibalchicken]

[atreides-paul-deactivated202301]

My new favorite meme

[hippostin]