Alyssa Marie

I guess it's fair, I wasn't really there

[leave-the-past-behind]

It all comes in a glance  Like I was put in a trance  laughter and a love  I am no longer a part of  It's sad to see you leave  I hate myself for letting go  I think you're the best thing that ever happened to little old me I think our time is over  just a memory to be  I hate to think of you with someone other than me  I guess we aren't soulmates after all Oh, I was so sure you were the very one  I was looking for 'The love of my life'  I guess that died with us Is it even a thing I'm beginning to doubt  the fairytale that is  true love and soulmates  If it was real  We would be the poster children and we wouldn't be apart and I wouldn't be trying to move on from  The Love Of My Life

[leave-the-past-behind]

Take a shot, you miss him don’t you His small smile and bright eyes They used to make you feel alive Now they don’t, was it the lies? Another cup of gin, he’s doing it again Drunken voicemails and love confessions How long until he realises you’re not worth it Is that even a question? Vodka on the lips, the mind is getting hazy Was he really the love of your life Or was he just another in a long line Just another lover waiting in the afterlife Whiskey from the bottle, this is heartbreak, isn’t it He’s moving on, at least that’s what they say If this meant anything, how could he move on Why didn’t you just ask him to stay The Beer is the last drink left, he was the one who bought it Remember how he used to feel, used to love The taste of him on your lips, the smell on your bed Were you just that easy to get rid of? Brandy in the cabinet, hasn’t been open for years Didn’t need comfort while in his arms And now that he’s gone, you’ve come back to its hold How long until everything wears off, even the charms

[leave-the-past-behind]

maybe its cliche to want to part ways maybe it's selfish not to want you maybe its right we've fought our fight maybe it's fine you're not mine maybe it's good or even great maybe it's just a break but probably not maybe it's sudden but I've given it thought maybe it's too soon to be getting over you maybe it's time to think of myself maybe it's freeing to let you go maybe it's self-love to want to be alone maybe it's the end hopefully, you'll stay my friend but maybe not yet I'm fine with that

Maybe (moving on) ~ alyssa marie

[leave-the-past-behind]

Watching from the sidelines

It's been a while

I've watched you fall in love

But all from afar

I've watched you with him

As he left for something more

I watched with her

Who claimed you were not who she

Was looking for

I watched with her again

I almost thought you'd last

Yet at the drop of the hat

You were in my arms

The only time you're in my arms

Is when they leave

And then you have needs

But I can't be there all the time

I can't watch as you give your heart

To those who don't deserve it

And damn it if that's what you're looking for

I don't deserve it either

Let me love you

Let me feel your pain

Let me hold you in the bad days

And fill the empty space

Honestly I'd take your scraps

I'd take the leftover love

That you throw out

As long as its laid near me

Please love me

Don't waste you love

Don't love someone only to end up

Back in my arms

I cant handle it, give me something

Or not, I can live without you

Maybe...

[leave-the-past-behind]

They say it’s normal  but it doesn’t feel that way the blade so close to me  brings back memories I’d rather not tell It’s a normal way of life apparently  but I do not know how not to hide  It’s not for looks, it’s for safety  a safety blanket while all hell breaks loose  you say it’s time, get over your feelings, hide them deep I think you’re right to hide these feelings  everything hurts more now that you’re gone  the cold blade comes closer  and I can feel the panic rising, it shouldn’t be that hard I shouldn’t feel like crying everytime my hair doesn't cover  every insecurity I try so hard to bury deep inside  honestly, I feel a little crazy,  about how I feel right now  It shouldn’t be this hard, I just want to go home  I can see the remanents on the ground, I feel cold to the touch Why is it this hard? Why do I care so much?  These questions go off like a mantra in my head  they spin until words are twisting, and saying everything I dread Without this safety blanket, how can I live? They say it’s normal, people do it all the time How does that help me now, I want to scream  No comfort comes my way, I’m not in a dream Why does it hurt so much? For such a mundane practice maybe it’s the process or the pain… or maybe it’s the fact I can’t feel anything at all.  - My safety blanket (hides the pain)

[leave-the-past-behind]

they asked me to chose if you were my sun or my moon I laughed and replied you are my moon mine only at night until you leave to come back the next night to many admirers like the stars and the others who watch you yet they don't know you like I do, they don't know you at all they don't know the face they stare at or the light you reflect they also don't know that you're more than a pretty face and an afterglow they don't understand but I do, and I only have you at night because you never stay for morning light but also you are my sun outshining everyone else and so bright it's hard to look at you light up everyone while lighting yourself up everyone admires you but only I know you, the real you my friend by day, my lover by night i watch as you brighten others anyone but me, your friend that's what I am your friend with too many feelings involved I'm sorry I acted upon them now we have this thing where I fall more for you and you just use me for yourself so to all those who ask you are my one and only the one I want to wake up to and the one I want to see in the end like the sun and moon, a constant but you don't think of me the same I'm just another in a long line of lovers another to fulfill your requests just another one to hold your hand and hold you at night yet I still wake up to an empty bed and only you in my head

- you're my sun and moon (yet I'm nothing to you)

[leave-the-past-behind]

I know you said not to tell me how you’ve been and not to tell you what’s in my head but I’m sorry it comes out naturally it’s on the tip of my tongue whenever we’re alone yet I must bite my tongue and play along with the mantra of deprecating thoughts flowing through my head telling me that you wouldn’t want me alive or dead I know it’s true The things they say about you How you’re moving on from me I hate it Watching from the sidelines Hurting while watching you with her It stings, it burns The voices in my head Tell me everyone wants me dead Especially you But after all I’ve been through I can’t believe it You wouldn’t do it But they insist that I’m the one you’ll never miss But the worst is the fact that I’m starting to believe them Starting to believe the words they mutter Silently, just for me It hurts The fact that you’ll never get to clarify Would you even care if I die? And in the back of my mind There’s no doubt You wouldn’t care I’m not the one you love I’m not the one who’s there I used to be We used to be perfect And you used to be mine Yet not anymore That I’m sure of I watch as you fall for her Yet I watch from afar As you talk to me about her Does it even matter that I’m hurting too? You’ll never notice That I put on a fake smile Every time that you’re around Because we’re friends And that’s what we’ll stay I have no doubt on the fact today I’m done With the following my heart I guess this is where we part As friends, as used to be lovers I hope you know I hate this More than you would ever know But this is the end I’m stuck with cold sheets And a lost love And you have her To be fair she’s great If she makes you happy, I’m happy Damn I’m such a cliche - Why can't I tell you (the voices are talking)

[leave-the-past-behind]

when you walk away will my heart follow or maybe it will stay but honestly i doubt it  my heart has always  it's always been yours  and yours it will stay but here you are walking away from me  i guess it's following hurts me more than you  i bet you don't even notice  my heart following yours  i noticed it  I'm already mourning the loss of the love i gave  that decided not to stay  and left when you walked away without thinking of the things left behind  and the heart in hand  I can feel the loss I just can't understand  I gave you the world  and you walked away  heart in hand  - Walk away (at least let my heart stay)

[leave-the-past-behind]

when you first smiled at me  I knew i'd be yours  turns out i was right  yet you're not mine  not anymore  i let you go  said you could find someone else and you can you deserve it  but i still don't like it  i don't like the fact that you have someone else someone other than me  you once said we'd be forever  guess forever doesn't last as long  i remember holding your hand  i remember laughing at your side  i remember your eyes  do you remember anything?  do you remember Sunday mornings?  my tousled hair?  do you remember me  after all... i remember everything about you  - I remember (Do you?)

[leave-the-past-behind]

I know that we're through

And honestly my one regret

Is not loving you

Why didn't I love you

Why didn't I hold your hand

And after everything was through

Why didn't I understand

I'm sorry, really

I lead you on

Made you think there was something

When it was all just petty lies

I needed somebody to love me

I needed to feel love

I guess I didn't think you would need yours

And it makes me glad you're getting over me

For I was never a good choice

At least not for loving you

And I regret it, you know

Not letting myself fall in love

Especially with someone as precious as you

And obviously I hurt you

I made you cry and honestly why did I

I could've held your hand

I could've kisses your cheek

I could've stayed for more than a week

I'm sorry, honestly I think this is it

An apology for someone I'll never forget

- one regret (never loving you)

[leave-the-past-behind]

At least I got to kiss you At least I held your hand  and forever i'll be your's  until the very end  Now you're gone  you've got someone else's hand  they're saying I love you They say until the very end  and I shouldn't be mad  I should've stayed away from you  I'm no good for you  Yet you we're the best thing for me  and I'm sorry for ruining you  I'm sorry for calloused hands  and broken smiles when everything seemed to be  about the miles in between  and I know i'm not number one  Instead i'm on the sidelines so that if he hurts you maybe you'll come back to me even if just for a second even if just for a moment a fleeting moment in which I was yours and you were mine, but that's not an option I can't ruin what you have now he cooks you breakfast and he holds the door he says I love you he's what you're looking for and I'm sorry he's not me ~ He says forever (i said it first)

[leave-the-past-behind]

I know I'm not the only one I know now that we're done I know you don't love me anymore I know I'm not the one you're looking for I know I still love you I know you don't feel the way I do I know you found somebody else I know your heart melts I know heartbreak is coming I know it's who I'm becoming And I'm sorry I couldn't love you enough Not enough to make you stay I couldn't hold you tight enough Not enough to make you stay I couldn't kiss you enough Not enough to make you stay I couldn't talk enough Not enough to make you stay I couldn't patch us up enough Not enough to make you stay And I'm sorry But this is the end Remember you'll always be My very best friend We could've made it We could've tried But instead we split And I'm sorry You didn't deserve the hurt The pain The guilt of not loving me I'm nothing good enough to love I just hope you understand I'll always love you Until the end

And I'm sorry (it's not your fault )

[leave-the-past-behind]

It's the end of an era It's the final goodbye I never thought this day would come But oh how wrong was I We're saying goodbye He has your heart But you still have mine I guess we'll live life apart I thought our love would last But I guess I thought wrong For you did not think like me But I'm going to stay strong We're moving on You with him And me on my own I guess our chances we're slim I love you still I just want you to know That you'll always have a place with me I'll always say hello It's been a while Do you think we'll last as friends Or will we grow apart like we've never been Do you think one day we'll make amends I said I'm sorry I said we'll be okay I guess I was lying But I only wish you could stay I wish we were okay I wish you still loved me And we were still together today I wish I was still carefree But I know you don't love me And I couldn't wish you to stay In a place that you hate This is just a damn cliche We're not friends I don't think we'll ever be again Because my fucking feelings I guess I can't complain

It's the end of an era (I wish it wasn't)

[leave-the-past-behind]

Are you mine anymore? That’s the real question Because Honestly I’m not sure One day we’re in love And the next I don’t even know you Am I just someone you dispose of? For once upon a time We were the dream couple But now everything I do is a crime The fights have gone on too long Honestly I’m kinda done And I’m trying way to hard to stay strong But I’m trying to fight for us But you’re just tearing us down I think this is something we should discuss Now it’s time I’m saying goodbye I guess you’re not sublime It was nice to be your half-time lover Sometimes I pray I could’ve been full-time But to be fair it was nice to be your cover

Your cover ( it was nice)

[leave-the-past-behind]

you write beautifully <3

Thank you!

[leave-the-past-behind]

It’s sad to see you go Maybe once upon a time We could’ve been something Maybe you could’ve been mine You were never mine For we were never a “thing” And maybe we could’ve been More than a quick fling But now you have her And I hope she treats you well Even though she should be me I’m sorry I fell I saw her post You seem happier with her I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy Maybe in this some feelings will stir I’m trying to move on It’s not going very well And my friends tell me I’ll get over it But they don’t think so I can tell I think I’m done I think I’ve moved on For I’m not that sad that your with her I think the feelings are gone I lied I’m still in love with you Why do I put myself through this I wish I knew Your mum called today She was crying and she asked me Why I let you go Honestly why doesn’t she see I never let you go You let go of me And honestly I want to know Why she hasn’t learned this fact you see I asked why she liked me so much For I was never yours Apparently I made you happier Doesn’t she know about the wars So I’m sending this to you And hoping you can answer Tell me if I made you happy Please just give me an answer

Once upon a time( maybe you could've been mine)

[leave-the-past-behind]

Dear you, How have you been Does he still make you smile Like I once did? Dear you, I saw his post I hope you know it hurts To see him boast Dear you, Do you miss me? Am I still in the back of your mind Do you feel guilty? Dear you, He asked you to marry him You said yes Oh how I feel grim Dear you, I got the invitation Of course you invited me And of course I’m filled with devestation Dear you, I just watched you get married It wasn’t to me And in the end my feelings I had to bury Dear you, Five years later And you have a kid And I’m sitting with a bloody razor Dear you, We met up the other day You had way to many stories to tell Why was I not in one I pray Dear you, I’m starting to move on Ten years later The feelings are almost gone Dear you, I guess this is it I’m sorry I couldn’t fall out of love For it’s been years since we split Dear you, This is the end Of course it had to end with this You in love not having to pretend Dear you, I’m saying goodbye For tonight I leave I’m going to paradise

Dear you, (I guess I’m not over you )