An Uninteresting Life

She/her, 16, LGBT & vegan. The personal blog of me - probably including stuff about veganism & LGBT stuff 100% British.

[lemmingsandwolves]

New year, new chances

I’ve been away from running for a while because of a stress fracture in my foot, but today I managed a 5k run (which is short for me, I’m a long distance runner) without pain in my foot. I’ll still be cross training a lot of cycling whilst gently easing back to more and more running. It just gives me the feeling that this year is going to be a good year. I had a tough 2017, but I still achieved things - I went vegan, I passed my exams, visited Sweden. I had good moments amidst the intermittent severe depressive episodes.

This year, I have a new set of goals. I’m taking everything up a level. I’ve already entered, so I’m going to now start training for, my first half marathon. In the summer, I’ll be going to India for three weeks, I’m planning on booking a trip to Northern Ireland for a few days at Easter. I’ve already applied for one, but I’m definitely planning on getting a job to fund all of these things (as well as basic living y’know), but I’ve heard nothing back from the job I really want. I’ll be applying for uni as well at the end of this year. I also plan, after my half marathon to enter (but won’t be doing it until 2019) a marathon, hopefully the London marathon.

Thank you for my challenges in 2017 that have made me stronger, let me take forward my strength into this year.

Wishing all of you all the best for 2018 <3

[lemmingsandwolves]

Insomnia

So it’s opening up time!

I’ve suffered from insomnia for years of my life and it’s such a pain but I do my best to deal with it. For example! Last night I slept very little - went to bed at 9:30pm and 11:30 I was still literally wide awake and tossing and turning and just thinking “pls sleep pls just let me brain be quiet pls pls” but that just frustrates me and then I get angry and can’t sleep even more. I got up at 11:30 and went downstairs as my brother got home so I talked to him until about midnight, then I went back to bed. 1am. 2am. 3am. And I was still lying there. I drifted off sometimes after 3 and then my alarm went off at 6 and had to get up. I’ve tried the whole “sleep hygiene”, I’ve done everything my counsellor has told me but nothing works.

Then during the day I just get exhausted. Today I got into school at 8am and had a free first lesson so decided I’d go sleep until 9:30, but guess what! Couldn’t sleep! Not even a nap was possible, even though I was in a quiet room with a blanket and headphones. By this afternoon I was practically falling asleep in maths and then biology but now it’s 10:15pm and I’m wide awake again. I’ve had no caffeine or anything, I’ve even taken my anxiety meds and I know I’m exhausted but I’m awake and I won’t be able to sleep.

Anyway it’s something I’ve had to put up with and I have to try to study with but it’s difficult and it’s a challenge, and it makes my other mental illnesses (depression, anxiety and OCD - although I often can’t sleep because of my OCD making me get up and do things) considerably worse. Nevertheless, I got 100% in my biology test which was a very pleasant surprise and I’ve got another few tests next week before the Christmas hols! I’ve been told by all my teachers not to do work and to rest over Christmas but I need to work so that’s not going to happen. Still, it’s nice to know my teachers aren’t putting pressure on me to work so I can do as much or as little as I like.

[lemmingsandwolves]

Mid-November goal setting

I’m now going to be, every month or two, setting some goals to help me achieve what I want from... well... life in general. Why wait until the end of the month though? One of my favourite quotes is “One day or day one”. Ok so here goes!

-Improve my Welsh. I’m going to aim to make a blog post in Welsh, which even if it’s not perfect whatever, I’ll try and get feedback from some fellow welsh-speaking Tumblr.

-Make a start on my Extended Project. To achieve this I’m going to finish reading my quantum gravity book and do some research into the mathematics of black holes.

-Improve my diet: Stop eating more than one packet of mini rice cakes in a day, and make myself lunch to bring into college otherwise I either eat nothing or get crap from the corner shop at lunch which is a waste of time and money. Buy fresh veg from the local market so I actually eat my greens y’know.

-Fitness! Follow Army Fit app so I can get my press up count up to the minimum army standard otherwise I might actually fail.

-Sleep. At reasonable hours. No late night tumblr or messaging.

-Become a teetotaler. I’m done with making an idiot of myself with alcohol. I’m so done with that demonic liquid. I have one bottle of vodka which idk what to do with so I’m going to one more party at which the other people will drink it.

-Take up a new hobby. I’m gonna play around and find something I can actually enjoy and do regularly and cheaply.

-Stop walking out of lessons. Seriously! It’s annoying and I don’t know why I do it. I need to get my shit together and deal with it rather than leaving the situation.

I’m hoping to have achieved some of these by the end of December.

Have a nice evening!

[lemmingsandwolves]

A little return

So I know I haven’t been posting for a while. My life’s been pretty hectic recently and I’ve been quite ill (mentally). I’m sat on my sofa watching Pirates of the Caribbean and trying to finish a biology write up at the moment.

I’m pretty done with people at the moment. Whenever I make a comment online it feels like everyone’s ignoring it and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong to make people not want to talk to me. I’ve also made a complete and utter idiot of myself. I drunk texted my whole class yesterday afternoon and they’re never going to let it go. They’ll laugh about it tomorrow and I’ll have to laugh with them even though at the moment I just feel shame and generally shit. Also if my teachers are in the room when this happens they’ll judge me. It’s not like me to go out and party. I’m usually too cripplingly anxious but I had too much to drink and it interacted with my anxiety meds making me very tired and just more drunk than I would usually be.

Screw this. I’m just so fed up of people at the moment. People don’t like me and never will because I’m just generally a miserable bitch to which there’s no reason why anyone would want to spend their time with me. I’m just gonna have to go it alone whilst I try and pick up the pieces of the mess I’ve made. People will eventually forget because they always do but until then I just need to force myself to continue with everything that I would usually and pretend I’m not affected by it.

This is probably just the hangover talking anyway so I’ll report back in a few days to see if I might be able to spread joy rather than misery.

[lemmingsandwolves]

On Friday I finished my third day of sixth form, and I can honestly say that it’s been a busy week. I’m taking A levels in physics, maths, further maths and biology and I’m the only person in my school taking said subjects, so if you’re reading this and that’s what you’re doing too - please knock me up so I know I’m not alone!! We’re starting with Pure and Statistics in maths, Biological molecules and cells in Biology, and Electricity and something else in physics.

I’ve found my bullet journal so useful in organising my work already. I’ve got one double page spread for each subject for homework and write it down in detail with the number of the assignment next to it. Then, on the set date I write it in, and also on the due date, with [S] & [D] respectively. On the set date and due date, if it’s my first piece of physics work, for example, that I’ve been set that term, I’ll write [D] Phys1 or [D] FMat6, which means I know to go and look on my physics or further maths spread and it’s the 6th assignment on there. So far it’s working as I’ve completed all 5 pieces of work I need to hand in on Monday, and I’m currently working on the work due Tuesday at the moment, but as I have a study period tomorrow morning I’m not worried so much about it.

I didn’t think I was going to enjoy the statistics modules, as I’ve never really done much stats before and it’s quite different to what I thought it was. I’m enjoying it just as much as Pure at the moment! We’re doing the new A levels so it’s all a bit new and different and there are no past papers for me to go through as it’s a new spec for maths, but there are some physics ones and biology ones as they haven’t changed quite so much.

I’ve only had a couple of physics lessons, but physics is my favourite subject but I’ve got the least workload for it at the moment due to the lack of lessons but you can expect more physics posts in due course.

Biology I picked as although Physics and Maths are my main strengths and subjects, I wanted to do something that wasn’t all numbers so I don’t actually die, ironic it now seems that for the first week or two we’re starting on “Mathematical skills for biologists”, so I may die from all these numbers in my head. We have two teachers per subject and I’ve just finished my notes on polysaccharides and will do the logarithms sheet soon, but I’ve only just got home so I’m going to at least finish my tea first.

If anyone else has just started year 12, especially if you’re doing the same subjects as me, please send me a message!

-Lems

[lemmingsandwolves]

Day 1/22 - wholefoods

Woke up today with an awful lot of motivation and energy so I decided to start my wholefoods challenge a day early.

I started the day with peanut butter and avocado on toast (had no almond milk in the house to make porridge), which kept me full till lunchtime so no snacks needed.

After going to the shops I made a stir fry for lunch - link here. This was stir fried tofu with courgette (aka zucchini) and carrot, and shiitake mushrooms with a sauce made from tamari (basically gluten free soy sauce) and apple juice with arrowroot to thicken it. This was pretty nice but I’m not an awful fan of tofu, I find it a bit bland. I think I’m going to marinate some tofu soon and try and get more flavour into it.

In the afternoon I baked some cookies, the recipe in the book “One Part Plant”. They were made from almond butter, blueberries, oats, maple syrup (real maple syrup not “partially inverted sugar syrup with flavouring” that lots of the cheap brands are). They were very crumbly but very tasty - the rest of the (omni) fam enjoyed them too.

I’m feeling really energised today, possibly just because of a good night’s sleep but probably also because I ate well yesterday (almond milk porridge, lentil chilli, ‘superfood salad’, nakd bar).

Ready for work tomorrow!

--EDIT--

The date this post appears on my blog is not actually day 1 for me, I’ve now almost finished said challenge but I accidentally pressed ‘Save draft’ instead of post and only just realised that I did so now I’m actually posting it because of the #qualitycontent

[pickupaquillstartwriting-blog]

Any LGBT+ Studyblrs?

Hello, I just feel like I haven’t seen any around! Reblog if you are and I’ll definitely check out your blog!

[lemmingsandwolves]

Yo I lesbean blog and studyblr posts but obviously it’s the summer holibobs at the moment so I’ll be gradually ramping up the study posts as it gets closer to September! 3 weeks to go today and I’m back at sixth form!

[lemmingsandwolves]

Wholefood vegan challenge, day 5/22

The day before my challenge (when I was vegan but not wholefoods) I weighed 9st 3lbs, then on Tuesday I was 8st 13lbs, and today I’m 8st 12lbs, so I think that’s definitely an indicator that I’ve reduced my sat fats and sugar intake quite considerably. I’m still making sure that I’m getting enough calories, and I’m still eating fats but in the form of avocados and coconut milk, still eating sugar but in the form of fresh, unprocessed fruit. I’m feeling great at the moment, although I am suffering a little from hayfever, and today I’ve only had 2 hours sleep which isn’t healthy, but I’m holding it together surprisingly better than usual, probably helped by the fact that I’ve had a lazy day, eating homemade chickpea coconut curry for lunch and a lentil stew for dinner. Will be going out for a short run soon and then an early night, ready to go out partying tomorrow.

[lemmingsandwolves]

I’ve been watching VFK’s live vids for a while now and I find his really motivational, no fuss, no shit attitude is catchy. If you’re ever losing vegan/training/whatevs motivation then just watch one of his live vids and you’re sorted. He gives a lot of tips about training and eating well and you can ask questions etc. I don’t know about all you guys, but I don’t want to be another one of those people who gets motivated, starts and gives up after a few days but VFK really gives some no fucking messing about messages and I’m really getting back on track and ready to kick-ass at my wholefood 22 day challenge on Monday (kinda already started tho... better early than late tho).

Anyway, just a short post. If you haven’t checked his IG out already, go do it, @veganfatkid on tumblr and IG.

-Lems

[lemmingsandwolves]

22 day wholefood vegan challenge

I’m already a vegan, but I’m gonna confess now - I have junk-food vegan habits. I became vegan for a mixture of ethical and health reasons, and whilst I can honestly say I’m succeeding on the ethical front, I think I can do better on the health front. I’m not saying I’m not feeling the benefits of a vegan diet - I am. I eat a lot of healthy foots, I just also eat a lot of not healthy food, namely oreos, vegan ice cream, faux meats, etc. Now I’ve come through the hard part of transitioning to a vegan, I want to make sure that I make the most of it. I don’t need faux meats anymore, I never needed oreos except for comfort food, and ice cream is well... ice cream.

So. Starting on Monday 7th August, I’m going to cut out oreos, veg ice cream and faux meats and see how I do. As apparently it takes 21 days to form a new habit, though I’m not sure how much I believe that, if I go for 22 then I’m hoping I should be able to maintain said habits (but less strictly) indefinitely.

My aim for this is to feel, look, and be healthier. I want to cut my body fat percentage down a few notches but I’m not bothered about my overall weight as long as it stays under 59kg for lightweight rowing purposes. I’m not overweight, and at the moment, I’m a healthy weight but I don’t have much muscle, so I want to start lifting more weights again (I got lazy) and doing more running too. I just want to not be picked on as a target for being small and skinny, I want to be leaner and stronger and feel better within myself. I want my mental health to improve and to form some habits that will stay with me forever. After watching Forks Over Knives many months ago, one quote that has stayed with me since then is “Eat to live, don’t live to eat”, and I think eating a wholefoods (already) vegan diet is the best was to prolong my life, and not just to survive, but to thrive.

I’m writing this whilst eating grapes, sat at the table on my laptop, having been for a long, soggy hike/run this morning, so I don’t think I’m doing badly. I’m going to aim to post a few pictures/recipes of my meals each day, along with posts of how it’s going and how I’m feeling, as well as with my exercise too. For reference on future posts, I currently weigh 9st, 5′6″ and I’m not sure what my BF% is at the moment but I will check as soon as I get home from Scotland (and I’m female).

If anyone else wants to take up this challenge with me, please let me know by sending me a message! Doing a challenge together is far easier than doing it alone, for my sake and yours.

-Lems

[lemmingsandwolves]

I’ve had a few difficult days recently. Out of nowhere, with no triggering event, I had really bad sh urges. I went out for a walk and then when I was in a secluded place I could not stop myself from pounding my legs with my fists over and over until my hands were too sore to continue, then hitting fence posts until my hands bled. I don’t know what came over me, there was nothing apparent that triggered it, which is what worried me so much as if that kind of thing can happen without any triggers, and how out of control I felt then. I’ve settled down since then, and I think I actually may be going into a hypomanic episode. I’m so restless all the time, happy but not happy. I think about bad things but still I feel happy, but not an emotional happy, a chemical happy like it’s just chemicals in my brain making me think I’m happy but I’m not, I’m just alone in the dark. Having so many things I want to do, I want to go and do weights at the gym, I want to run a marathon, I want to be healthy, but instead I’m just too desperate to do anything that I can’t do anything because I can’t decide, by the time I’ve decided what to do my brain’s moved on, looking for something else, looking for another fix. I’m nervous about getting my exams results back that every night I have dreams that I’ve failed. I’m away from home at the moment and I feel this change in schedule and scenery is helping a bit, but I’m scared of going back home again, I don’t want to hurt myself, but sometimes I’m not myself and I just can’t help it.

[lemmingsandwolves]

Stockholm - A Place For Vegans

I'm in Stockholm at the moment and if you know where to look, there's a lot of vegan food. Yesterday I walked for 2 hrs to the SoFo area and found two vegan cafés on the same street! However they both only accept card NOT CASH, and as I have no card I couldn't eat there despite walking for two hours :( I went to a corner shop, however, and found a vegan wrap, falafel and bulgar. The two cafés were Mahalo and Delivore if you're wondering (Femtopia is also next door to Delivore, a LGBT friendly vegan café but it is closed for the summer). Today I went to Kafé 44, again a vegan café, with second hand bookshop and concert place. They had a great vegan burger brunch with mini pancakes and fruit and nachos. They're known for pro-socialism and anarchism as well as anti-fascism which all the books in the book store are based on. Kafé 44 does accept cash! I shall check out some more places tomorrow and might go back to Delivore or Mahalo with my parents' card and I'll let you know what I think of the food. Most people speak English so that's no problem in asking for vegan options as last night I went to a pizza place and got a cheese free pizza without using a word of Swedish. Stockholm is more vegan friendly than my home town, at any rate!

[lemmingsandwolves]

Sleep talking

So I'm abroad at the moment and sharing a room and I've just been informed (I usually sleep in a room on my own with a relatively sound proof door a walls) that I talk, or rather shout in my sleep. I'm gonna admit I find it quite embarrassing and worrying as I don't want to reveal something personal about myself, as I often dream about something that happened to me a month or two ago, but I've been informed that my sleep talking has been going on longer than that. I don't know what to do now to be honest because sleep talking can't really be cured from my research into this matter, and the potential triggers (the usual: stress, anxiety, etc etc) aren't really my triggers at least at the moment as I've got not exams, no work and I'm on holiday so I'm not exactly stressed. If anyone's got any tips for reducing sleep talking they'd be well received.

[lemmingsandwolves]

Day 12/100

Just settled down to watch Sherlock. I spent the morning out shopping for some new books with a Waterstones gift voucher I had, and for lunch stopped at Pret for a vegan salad & smoothie (I love how well labelled vegan stuff is at Pret). Since I started bullet journalling I really feel like my wellbeing has improved, I’m constantly thinking “oh have I drunk enough yet”, “oh gotta remember to have lunch” or “must go out for a run later” just so I can shade in a box on my habit tracker on my monthly spread. My bujo just helps me to organise my thoughts so I don’t have to rely on myself to remember things and instead can just look in every few hours.

Started reading some of the books I bought, but I’m saving Beren and Lúthien until I’ve finished the LOTR trilogy. I bought 4 books (one was a cookbook tho). I’m not so sure about the “You Were Not Born to Suffer”, it’s a bit too ‘alternative medicine’ for me and the author seems to rattle on about his past a lot and talk about God, some of the stuff he says has a point though so imma stick with it. Part of me thinks that maybe subconsciously I don’t want to be happy or that I think I deserve to suffer but I’m just trying to sort out my shit at the moment.

I was getting a bit anxious earlier about the amount of work I’ve got to do and how much I’m going to have to understand by September but decided I’d go downstairs to watch TV as I haven’t all day.

-Lems

[lemmingsandwolves]

An Introduction

So I’ve realised I never actually introduced myself even though I already post stuff.

You can call me Lems (one day I might share my real name but not today), I’m she/her and 16 yrs old, and LGBT+ (don’t give myself a more specific label than that but I’m not trans it’s my sexual orientation that makes me lgbt). I’m from Britain and I’m going to be starting my A levels in September, where I’m going to study Physics, Maths, Further maths, and Biology, with the hope of studying either physics or engineering at university. I’m a vegan so often post stuff about that, and about my LGBT-ness, but I also do a lot of productivity and bujo stuff, and general stories about my life. This is first and foremost a personal blog so I do lots of varied things.

I’ve scheduled this post as I’ll be on DofE when this posts. :)

[lemmingsandwolves]

2nd July 2017

Day 2/100 productivity

So I ran the 10k Race for Life this morning and have raised around £120 for Cancer Research UK which isn’t bad. Came home this afternoon to start filing my maps and things and I’m starting to make a list of everything I’ll need for DofE this Thursday - vegan DofE food is pretty hard so if you have any suggestions then I’ll gladly accept them.

Still going well with my bujo, I doubt I would’ve found the motivation to file my maps if I hadn’t tasked it to myself in my bujo, because I know how good it feels just to cross something off a to-do list. I’m just one of those people. I think bullet journalling is going to be something that really helps me next term as I’m enjoying it and I really think it’s helping me.

Going to do some vegan baking this week because I had an argument with my parents about vegan food so I want to make something nice for them. Thinking of a vegan cake then maybe a tofu or chickpea curry or something. I’m tasking that to myself for later.

-Lems

[lemmingsandwolves]

My bujo photos from today