Mr. Zero Knew

"And they're standing there, three huge guys, right, one of them wearing a t-shirt that says, Don't Fuck with Mr. Zero" - Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally (1989)

[agendertxt-deactivated20150130]

[dangerhamster]

what do they want this time

[frawgs]

i dont care if i reply in 1 second anymore judge me all you want bitch i love you

[mytearsrricochet]

this morning NASA abandoned their mars rover Opportunity (aka Oppy) because it (she) got hit by a storm on Mars and it knocked her camera and wheels out and her last words to the team were “my battery is low and it is getting cold”. I know she’s a machine but I’m devastated. Oppy is the one who discovered water on Mars. RIP oppy ily space baby

[mevsthhighway]

they didn’t abandon her!! they tried eight months to reach her!!!! as their last farewell to her yesterday they played her “I’ll be seeing you” by Billie Holiday:

“I’ll find you in the morning sun

And when the night is new

I’ll be looking at the moon

But I’ll be seeing you”

They love her so much and they tried so hard!!!

[pcktknife]

[probably-voldemort]

my uncle brought his one night stand to meet me in the hospital when i was born

i guess they’d just gotten back to his house when he got the call from my dad and they detoured to the hospital before i would assume going back to his place

but like imagine your otp

“i know we just met like half an hour ago and we definitely came here to hook up but like my brother just had a baby so would you mind putting this on pause for a bit?  you can come meet her too she’s probably a really cute baby”

[probably-voldemort]

when my sister was born, apparently my parents just ran into him in the lobby of the hospital

they thought he’d somehow magically found out my mom was in labour and he thought they’d gotten his message to come pick him up

he’d possibly broken his arm playing beer pong apparently and was very drunk

apparently there was a confusing conversation in the lobby before my uncle decided to skip the x-rays he was supposed to be heading for and sit outside my mom’s delivery room and occasionally bring in vending machine snacks

i guess there was a minor panic probably considering he didn’t actually make it to x-rays until a few hours later after deciding labour was taking too long and the people at x-rays were really concerned on how long it’d taken this drunk guy to make it from the er to the x-rays

anyway, he made it back to my mom’s hospital room after my sister was born with a cast and the x-ray tech’s number

[random-reblogger-298-deactivate]

Your uncles got mad game dude

[emotionalempowerer-blog]

Please, reblog! IIt’s called self defense. Apart from having here, in the US, one of the highest cases of homicide and rape in the world and high rate of GBV, think about how this could help your mother or sister

[lovelyballetandmore]

[awfulbear]

This is the greatest video I’ve ever seen in my life

[everythingfox]

The wolf is so done with the fox’s bs 😂

[evilkillerpoptarts]

Foxes are cat software being run on dog hardware.  Clearly this fox is operating on the Kitten OS.

[misselaineofoz]

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog

[abdulraveman]

[yassmines]

im losing my mind….shes jus a lil baby…

[minotauri]

some of you have never been chased by a merciless farm animal as a child and it shows :/

[whimsywandering]

if you're having a bad day

just remember that I, a registered nurse with a bachelors degree, accidentally glued a patient’s foreskin shut over his penis and had to call a urology doctor to come help me get it to retract

[whimsywandering]

I had to send a page that said “I glued the patient’s penis shut. send help.”

The urology resident said, “Wow. I’ve never seen anything like this. Let me go ask someone else.”

[whimsywandering]

It’s been like 5 days since this happened and I’m just sitting at the nurses station with some coworkers and the urology resident walks by and says “hey! Glue any penises shut lately??” And keeps on walking

THEN ALL MY COWORKERS WERE LIKE WHAT JUST HAPPENED

and so yeah, that freaking doctor exposed me and went on his way

[gif87a-com]

[flutegod]

this is the most beautiful thing i have ever heard

[dragonsateyourtoast]

Sorry all I can think about is how pissed off everyone else in this dorm must be

[quousque]

what is this song i should know this i feel like a dumbass

[prince-atom]

“Binary Sunset” from Star Wars.

And man, is this gorgeous.

[scarletjedi]

this is my favorite piece of soundtrack orchestration, hands down, in any movie, ever.

[spidey-whities]

Shit imagine going up to your dorm and suddenly you hear that from downstairs like I’d be following the sound of it ready to discover a lightsaber in a box for me to start my journey lmao

[nitramaraho]

here have a second video of the ones that missed the cut for part one

[prussiandragon]

This is such a weird mix of some of my favorite vines and ones I’ve never seen before and I love it

[nitramaraho]

glad you like it

[shygirlacademy]

can u believe that red lipstick lip sync vine lady and TAMPONS brother vine guy are married now

[nevaehtyler]

this is iconic

[teealwayschillin-deactivated201]

This shit is so hilarious

[destinyrush]

Dude: Do you wanna get married? Girl: Yes. Dude: …..I gotta…..

[theimaginarythoughts-deactivate]

“YOU’RE FAT!! 😢” LMAO homie was hurt

[dicknurse]

actual definition of BDE

[sweetsunhoney-deactivated202005]

whaddup guys it’s achilles and today we’re going to talk about why you shouldn’t let your boyfriend wear your clothes

[babyanimalgifs]

You ever seen a cat with a deep meow??

[brbjellyfishing]

that cat smoked 3 packs a day for 20 years

[toytowns]

“woah, wow, woah”

[bunjywunjy]

get this cat a jazz contract, stat

[pizzaotter]

HAUSVIABEJSBAKMSJDK WHAT IS THIS OMFG I LOVE HIM 😭

[chocolatemilk4029]

Imagine staying over at their place for the first time and shitting yourself in the middle of the night because you think james earl jones is meowing at you from the door

[hotdogsngiggles]

oh my god

[blackberryshawty]

me and my friends bonding over shared trauma™️:

[keficafe]

Studio Ghibli: the name of our movie would be “Laputa: Castle in the sky”

People who don’t speak Spanish: OH that’s amazing

People who speak Spanish: *choke on saliva* La QUE?!