Untitled

[lavenderprose]

Ilya is so lucky that Shane proposed. Ilya would have been a nervous fucking wreck for the entire day beforehand. Wake up in the morning. Look in the mirror. Today's the day. Sob. Breathe. Okay I'm good! Turn around and Shane's hair is all in his face, still asleep on Ilya's pillow. I am NOT good. Cold shower. Breakfast that Ilya does not eat. Morning jog wherein Ilya runs like someone is chasing him. Lunch that Ilya does not eat. Drive out to the cottage. Make Shane pull over because Ilya needs to dry heave on the side of the road. "Baby we don't have to drive out today if you're not feeling well." "NO WE HAVE TO." Get to the cottage. Immediately send Shane on some kind of extended fool's errand. Shane wants to stay because Ilya is SHAKING and he is so worried. "No my love I'm fine it's just the breeze off the lake haha." It's thirty fuckig degrees Celsius. Shane finally gtfo's. Yuna, David, Rose FUCKING Landry all descend to help Ilya set up. Well. Ilya is supposed to be helping but he is standing on the deck fully dissociating. Yuna brings him tea. "Are you going to throw up the tea?" "Yes probably." Yuna takes away the tea. 800 electronic tea lights on the deck. In a parallel Ilya has no way of understanding, he both puts on and takes off a suit. Yuna fixes his curls into the hockey boy quasi-mullet that magnetizes Shane's fingers to Ilya's hair and says, "Oh, you're so handsome!" Ilya cries big fat tears. David tells a story about how his proposal to Yuna almost didn't happen because David went to the hospital for heart palpitations that morning. Thank You David That Does Not Help Even Remotely. Ilya slav squats on the lawn for twenty minutes. Shane's car pulls up in the driveway and everyone hides while Ilya vibrates in the entryway. Shane has no less than thirty grocery bags hanging from his arms, still complaining about why the grocery service cancelled their delivery last minute. Ilya leads Shane and all thirty of his grocery bags onto the deck. Shane is doing his favorite thing (bitching) and his second favorite thing (Follow Ilya) so he doesn't notice his own mother tiptoing behind him collecting the grocery bags he drops like breadcrumbs. There is an Oscar-winning actress hiding under his sofa and Shane does not notice because Ilya takes him on the deck and drops to his knees and Shane is like, "Haha, right now?" and then he sees that Ilya has a look on his face like he's just been told the sun is never coming up again and he has his hands on Shane's knees and he is saying, "Shane. Please?" and Shane puts his hands on his head and says "Oh my God baby what's happening to you" as Ilya melts and melts and then from the depths of the cottage someone who sounds a lot like Shane's very own father is whispering "The ring the ring" and when he looks back down Ilya is fumbling a ring box out of his pocket. The first picture of their proposal is Shane glaring into the middle distance with a hand cradling Ilya's curls like a baby while Ilya ugly sobs into his knee.

[urie]

when is route 96 kanata being updateddddd [remembers you shouldnt pressure an author of a WIP for updates] im sad route 96 kanata hasnt been updated [remembers this is emotionally manipulative] i dont care about it at all actually [remembers encouragement and positivity is what keeps writers motivated] Anonymous author of route 96 kanata im asking for your hand in marriage [remembers undiscussed public proposals are also emotionally manipulative] Nevermind ummmm i just love your fic and cant wait to see where you take it

[orcboxer]

by disagreeing with me on this topic, you're aligning yourself with everyone else who disagrees with me, which includes the Chaos Death Cult, and they chaos kill people so....

[lokaror]

we dont chaos kill that many people.

[orcboxer]

Well If You Say It's Not That Many

[twistcmyk]

no, i do not have cameras in your home (yet)

[mcmilkan]

Neil josten:

[radialarch]

ilya rozanov between locker room shower and 9pm:

orders in poutine for dinner. it squeaks! decides he likes it.

hits the hotel gym to do bicep curls.

back to his room to shower. a fortifying cigarette.

half an hour in front of the mirror trying to decide between two nearly identical black tanks. eventually picks one. examines the arms. yeah, they're good.

can't go out into the hallway in his fuck-me shirt. carefully picks jacket to layer on top.

it's eight forty. debates merits of showing up early, but not worth the risk of spooking hollander. turns on the tv for fifteen minutes to practice his english, but everything on is stupid.

eight fifty-five. last look in the mirror. should he be wearing different underwear? he doesn't have time to change. whatever. it's fine.

an aspirational condom in his pocket. the elevator doors open with a soft ding. he probably shouldn't be half-hard in the hotel elevator.

FUCK, IT'S HOLLANDER'S MOTHER.

fuck, thank god, fuck, fuck. he is no longer half-hard in the hotel elevator. ilya's heart is pounding. he needs another cigarette.

1410.

[clytemnestraaa]

👁️👁️ the base assumption both of them have that Ilya Always wants sex… imagining a younger Ilya who doesn’t actually want to have sex but knows he’s supposed to it’s what he does there’s a hot girl here and being an even bigger asshole to subconsciously scare her off but it doesn’t work so he shrugs and disassociates through it and believes himself later when he says he had a good time. because he always wants to have sex whenever it’s possible. or easy, like he’s easy, because he always wants to have sex. 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

truly that assumption that he's ALWAYS after it is crazy when actually shane is the one who always wants to have sex. and ilya kind of just picks up on that and makes it happen. but shane's got too much baggage around wanting sex and so ilya is like okay well i guess i'll just pick up those bags then. it's kind of wild how ilya is like well if my partner experiences a desire, it's up to me to then fulfill that desire, no matter what it is. of course i'll get rid of all my cars baby. it's not that i think he DOESN'T want to fuck, like i don't think he's asexual or something. i just am not sure ilya could actually tell you if he's really dtf sometimes or not. or at least at halloween for sure. he seems kind of cut off from like... decision-making there. he is famous for having a lot of sex and he likes sex and sex feels good and he loves shane and shane wants to have sex and sex makes shane happy and if shane is happy he won't go away and so ilya follows the flowchart in his head and goes okie dokie.

[jimmysownworld]

Marleau drunk in the club monologuing to the new rookie about his dead wife, getting genuinely emotional with tears in his eyes as hes like “she was so beautiful, and kept up with me so well, she understood my schedule and made sure i knew i was loved. she was so fun to go clubbing with and get drunk with, and she enabled me when i was drunk which led to some of my favorite memories…” and Connors leans over and just says “hes talking about Rozanov by the way” and Marleau bursts into tears and shouts “shes never coming home! i miss her so much!” and sobs into his bear

[myshangel]

myshane is a terminal boyfriend I fear . he's giving Ilya his hoodie when it's cold . hes kissing his knuckles while he drives. he's calling him baby. he's carrying ilyas bag. he's fixing the wonky table when Ilya offhandedly complains about it. he's getting possessive over ilyas Calvin Klein ad and posting a single black and white picture of his hand on ilyas thigh to his Instagram story . he's falling for every social media trend that Ilya tries on him bc he's not online like that. he's intermittently trying to blow luca haas up w his mind every time ilya compliments him. that's MyShane

[grabmyboner]

rival detectives undercover fake marriage au

or

pretty women au

what should i write as my first multichap fic?

rival detectives undercover fake marriage au

pretty women au

results / zo button

Voting ended onMay 16

[themoonandmyman]

Can everyone vote pretty woman for me specifically

[penandinkprincess]

fucking CACKLING after thinking about how seeing ilya made shane's heartrate go down in the hospital because i'm imagining shane being out of it and mildly combative/confused/upset after something like getting his wisdom teeth taken out or something and really ONLY calming down with ilya right next to him, which is very sweet

except for the fact that it's now ilya's turn to be VERY nervous about what shane is going to say in front of his parents in a reversal of shane having about three heart attacks concurrently thinking he was going to have to hear ilya explain the concept of fuckbuddies during the dinner scene

because yes very sweet that shane wasn't listening to ANYONE about rinsing his mouth out until ilya said to do it, but shane's obedience is not limited to heeding medical instructions, and ilya is SWEATING about shane's drugged mind playing connect the dots with how much he likes ilya telling him to do things and deciding to start talking about it

[frederbee]

(tags absolutely NECESSARY via @penandinkprincess) #ilya being a very sweet partner and holding a cup up for shane because there's some blood in his mouth after changing the gauze out#and telling him to spit#and shane who is in OUTER SPACE just half-smirking and ilya knows what's coming even before shane slurs out a#'that's not what you usually-' 'SHANE. THE BLOOD. SPIT THE BLOOD OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.'#and there is no way for ilya to tell yuna and david to leave because their son is not audience aware rn#and really likes being bossed around in bed and is thus playing apples to apples in his head with instructions rn#ilya as shane's emotional support in this setting except man is fucking STRESSED#shane's straight chilling and feeling very pampered and safe with ilya#meanwhile ilya has the resting heartrate of someone being hunted for sport#yuna and david both <3 :) enjoying watching their son's partner prove he's a loving and supportive and gentle life partner#and meanwhile ilya is just fucking PRAYING that helping shane put gauze back in his mouth isn't making him think#about things he LIKES having in his mouth#(it is)#shane keeps spitting it back out because Texture Bad#and ilya (not thinking) is just 'stop doing this. i am going to get a bandana or something and you will look like a kidnapping victim.#is this what you want?'#and shane is just *big happy sparkly eyes* 'i mean i liked when you tied a belt ar-'#and ilya just 'NO'#thank GOD yuna and david were talking to the doctor at that moment#but now he can SEE shane thinking about it and being so happy in his memory#and ilya is sitting here listening to discharge instructions just thinking 'don't speak don't speak don't speak don't speak'#as hard as he can at shane

[penandinkprincess]

@commanderbabyboy

ilya uses the like 0.5 seconds he's got when david is going to get coffee and yuna is stepping into the hall to SO gently take shane's face in his hands and get his attention like "hey, hey, shane, can you focus, please? ye-no, sweetheart, don't touch the gauze again. okay, do you want to be good for me?"

*muffled because there's cotton in his mouth* "yesh :)"

"good, you are always so good for me" *head kiss* "now, i need you to be VERY good and NOT talk until i say so, okay?"

"but you like when i'm loud, don't you?" *big, teary eyes* "you don't want me to tell you when i feel good?" *wobbly lip that would break a FAR harder heart than ilya's, especially when shane also currently has some very cute chipmunk cheeks happening*

"no, no, dorogoy, you know i love all of your pretty words and sounds." *smooch smooch* "but this is a new game, okay? we are trying something new together."

*still slightly sniffly but nod nod* "my shafeword is fashe-off"

*clinging to composure with the tips of his fingers* "yes, very good. but right now you are not going to say ANY words, okay?"

*nod nod and pleased little smile because he remembers The Rules under these circumstances* "then i tap you three timesh"

*SO close to fully having a breakdown* "yes, very good. and now time to be quiet, yes?"

*shane almost hits himself in the face miming zipping his lips shut*

and this works GREAT

...until the nurse asks shane what his pain level is on a scale of 1-10, and shane remains SILENT. and the nurse is, "shane? we can adjust your pain medication if you need. it's not a trick question." and shane just lolls his head over to the side and BEAMS at ilya because Look How Good I Am Being. :)

and ilya is about to just start beating his head against a wall.

[hardlyhinged]

Op’s tags

[penandinkprincess]

in fucking TEARS imagining shane whining through his nose (because not speaking! he remembers The Rules!!) as ilya is now trying to pull his hands away, and the nurse is just "oh, honey, don't worry. no one's going to be selling photos of the two of you holding hands here. we don't let cameras in past the door."

and thank you, ma'am, that's very kind

but it's NOT the fucking issue here

adding @nightquills

because i am truly CACKLING about the idea of shane just inventing his own rules as they go and now ilya has to try and keep him quiet while ALSO solving riddles from HELL trying to figure out what new rules shane is introducing from his own beautiful (drugged) mind

[penandinkprincess]

GOD yuna and david are only both there in the first place because ilya has never actually dealt with coming-out-of-sedation shane and while he's very good at handling him normally, shane has a tendency to be a flight risk because he's confused and Not Happy About All Of The Everything, so they wanted to be there just in case

and now they're here still just as backup in case it's needed but also aw :) how sweet :) shane is so calm :) how nice :)

meanwhile ilya is just planning the vacation he's going to reward himself with after this is over

he may or may not bring shane along on it

[sheheatedonmyrivalry]

Cliff teaches Ilya the prayer he says to St. Anthony when you lose things (Tony Tony please come down something’s lost that can’t be found) and now ilya walks around the house like

“TONY, you motherfucker, I need my KEYS! WHERE ARE MY KEYS TONY”

[sheheatedonmyrivalry]

I am so sorry to pull up the rock that is hiding this in the tags @papereyedgirl, but i am obsessed with this level of miscommuncation/complete lack of communication thats going on in here

[penandinkprincess]

in love with ilya's facial expression when he's disagreeing with the timeline because he's looking at YUNA when he starts talking like

"no, no, he is wrong. one second. let me get him together. i can't believe he is embarassing me like this in front of my future mother-in-law. please hold."

[clytemnestraaa]

diabolical heatriv recs part iii

by the neck on a piece of string by kostas (hiiiii 24x81)

the mother wound by Idday (oh irina....)

north american sentimentalities by courierstruck (homes and bodies and grief across continents...)

apple tree, my brightness by campholmes (i am OBSESSED with this oh my god)

no roses for my grave by hollanovsvevo

fool in the fetter by twnkwlf (baby boy...)

Teeth I barely knew I had by distressednoise

nothing makes me feel as good by bitterbloodyorange (THEE jj fic like truly so so good)

undiscovered country by conturbat_me

[whisperwarm]

“shane can’t acknowledge his identity as a gay man outside of his hookups with Ilya, maybe not even while he’s in them actively engaging in homosexual intimacy. what’s really intriguing is that hockey’s just the vehicle for their foreplay. it’s a socially acceptable path for men to engage in intricate rituals of physical touch and domination. Marilyn Frye wrote in The Politics of Reality: Essays in Feminist Theory that ‘All or almost all of that which pertains to love, most straight men reserve exclusively for other men. The people whom they admire, respect, adore, revere, honor, whom they imitate, idolize, and form profound attachments to, whom they are willing to teach and from whom they are willing to learn, and whose respect, admiration, recognition, honor, reverence and love they desire... those are, overwhelmingly, other men.’ So in Shane’s mind, he’s avoiding the cognitive dissonance of his internalized shame by masquerading his desire for Ilya as another form of competitive play between two men, something that’s become so normalized and frankly even desirable for him as a career athlete”

[fuckrozanov]

i think part of why the book canon of shane hooking up with two other people works for me is thinking about how disappointing it must’ve all been. he probably goes into it feeling almost optimistic. like okay, enough time has passed. maybe ilya is out of my system. maybe this is just a body problem. an itch i can scratch with a little friction and somebody else’s mouth. and then of course the awful part is that it does feel good, just not in the right way. he spends the entire time feeling the lack. their hands on him but in all the wrong places. they don’t pin him down and kiss him on the backs of his knees or behind his ears, everywhere, all over. he spends the whole time missing the exact kind of attention ilya pays to him that has ruined him for sex with other people forever. the devotion. and by the end the real disappointment isn’t even that these other guys can’t compare. it’s that shane, on some level, already knew they wouldn’t. the worst part is that i don’t think shane is even being fair about it. these guys are probably attractive, probably competent, probably doing everything right. and it still doesn’t matter, because what he wants isn’t “good.” he wants that terrible, microscopic feeling of ilya seeing right through him. how he takes every horrible, dirty thought shane has ever had and makes it into something good and permissible. not only something he’s allowed to want but something he deserves to have. of course nobody else can compete with that. ilya taught shane’s body to answer to him specifically. how could anyone else possibly keep up.

[fuckrozanov]

also reblogging to add like. how crazy i think this makes shane about the sex they’re having in general. i think he would honestly become so obsessive and crazy about the fact that nothing else feels as good. only ilya can get so deep. only ilya can make him come hands free. only ilya can tell him what to do and make him actually want to do it. do you know how insane that could make a person. to believe there’s only one pair of hands and one dick and one mouth that can make you feel liquid and white noise down to your toenails. god

[penandinkprincess]

okay but some hotels requiring a minimum age of 21 for booking a hotel room has me extremely in my feelings about the idea of early days hollanov starting out in hotel rooms they weren't even old enough to book for themselves

[penandinkprincess]

GOD. shane's wallet drops out of his bag in the locker room one day and stuff spills out, so a couple of the guys help him gather things up, and one is just?? hold up?? 🤨 hollzy, is this a fake id???

and shane is full fawn in front of headlights freeze mode, but he's still 18/19 atp so the older guys just give him some playful nudges and maybe ruffle his hair with, "mad you can't drink when we hop the border, huh?"

and shane is just Yep. This Is For Drinking In America, Something I Definitely Do Please Don't Ask Any Follow-Up Questions Thank You.

[nightquills]

shane is lucky it was his teammates that saw his fake id and not his mother. yuna would have gone off (probably while david was in the background reminiscing on how he used to have a fake id, too). that interrogation would have led to shane coming out right then and there with how bad he is at lying to people's faces.

(the funny thing is imagining how this would change the eventual first meeting between ilya and shane's parents. the angsty thing is imagining how this might have scared shane enough to stop hooking up with ilya instead.)

you added my tags, and now i'm adding yours!!

i do love the idea of ilya finding out about this years later! of course they have to fuck about it. they're probably trying to do some sort of lowkey roleplay about their hookup years in whatever hotel ilya books, but they're completely failing at keeping the vibes the same—the love and romance just keeps leaking through because ilya is feeling so particularly sappy about it all.

[penandinkprincess]

oh my GOD it's years later when shane is old enough to get hotels on his own now but just still has it in his wallet because he just never thought to take it out, and i am cackling at the idea of shane in the middle of the "oh my FUCKING god" of it all just pulling a desperation play of, "i'm only seeing-well, i'm kind of-it's-it doesn't matter. i'll stop seeing him, i promise, it doesn't-"

"honey, no! i would NEVER want you to do that. that's so sad."

and shane has already very obviously been pushed to his fucking limit, so david taps in here and helps settle things down in which shane doesn't have to talk about His Special Friend (shane fully gags when yuna says this because she's over-correcting and doesn't want to assume terms until she's done a refresh on some online forums to make sure her words will be accurate) right now and can just wait until he's ready. and they love him and they'll love whoever he loves (shane is fully breaking out in hives at the L word getting tossed around like this), but they can wait until he's ready for that.

and now shane is in the position of his parents don't know WHO he's seeing, but they know he's seeing SOMEONE, and they are CHECKING IN NOW. AND THEY ARE ASKING HOW HIS PARTNER (the word they've arrived at after boyfriend, significant other, and special friend all made shane visibly nauseous) IS, AND. WELL. FUCK. HE DOESN'T WANT TO LIE TO THEM WHEN THEY'VE KIND OF MADE PROGRESS TOWARDS HIM GETTING TO LIVE HIS TRUTH.

WHICH MEANS HE CAN'T CUT THINGS OFF WITH ILYA EVEN THOUGH THAT'S HIS PANIC INSTINCT BECAUSE THEN HE'D EITHER HAVE TO LIE ABOUT IT (BAD) OR SAY HE BROKE IT OFF AND RISK GETTING ASKED FOR DETAILS (ALSO BAD).

which then offers the extremely funny possible canon divergence opportunity after the tuna melt when shane makes it to the door but then gets hit with the thought, "oh god i'm gonna have to tell mom about this." which means he's facing down either having to talk things through with ilya or talk things through with his mom, and before he's even made a conscious decision, he's already hitting a 180 because even now, ilya is the less nerve-wracking option in that equation.