[ratbastarddotfuck]

you have to forgive the printer because it's one of the most machine-ass machines we interact with on a day to day basis. that thing says kerchunk. hardly anything says kerchunk these days. you can't get mad at her when she kerchunks up a little.

[digitalsymbiote]

Crazy that tech has gotten so bad that we're doing printer forgiveness now

[stuckinapril]

Literally cannot believe I was ever scared of getting older like this is awesome. Learning so many new things about myself & reacting to things that used to get under my skin so differently. This is so sexy.

[blessyouhawkeye]

forever thinking about that girl at my uni orientation who, after being told to pour out her water bottle before entering an event, looked at me and said "they tell us to stay hydrated and then make us pour out our water, this is like totally kafkaesque" and then poured out what was very obviously an entire water bottle full of whiskey. hope she's doing well.

[nicolegendary]

sometimes you just gotta fuck up your sleep schedule by reading all 100k words of a fic you're not even enjoying, and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise

[aletheyass]

the first woman who saw cave paintings must've felt craaazyyyyyy. she couldn't even reblog them..

[madeofstardust17]

Ilya loves calling Shane nonsensical nicknames, but he knows Shane is uncomfortable with him using them out in public, even after they're out, so he abstains from it mostly. But he still wants to so badly, wants everyone to know how much he loves Shane, that they belong to each other.

There's one name though, one that Ilya pulls out when he wants Shane's attention, when he feels fond but knows Shane is in that mood that won't let Ilya be gentle with him. Shanya.

It's the closest thing to a Russian diminutive Ilya has come up with, and when he realizes it's one of the only names he can get away with on public, boy does he take advantage of it.

The Centaurs notice. Of course they do. They notice how Shane's jaw clenches when they call him "Holly" or "Holzy". They notice, and some guess, just how many comments, how many "jokes" the Metros had to make to get Shane to react like that to what should be an affectionate nickname.

And so, when Ilya starts calling him Shanya in practice, and Shane gets this not-quite smile in his face, the rest of the team catches on quickly.

Surprisingly, its Luca who tries it first, the vowels clear and precise just like Ilya does it. Teasing, but fond with it. Shane starts a little, and they all hold their breaths, subtly waiting for the downturn of Shane's mouth, the tightening of his shoulders. And then Shane rolls his eyes upwards, that half smile that talks of fond exasperation, and everyone sighs in relief. It's fair game after that.

"Damn Shanya, what a fucking shot!"

"Shanya, how the hell did you manage that?"

"There anymore water, Shanya?"

"You okay, Shanya?"

Idk something about Shane's nickname changing from what the Metros called him, to a name given to him by his husband, a name used by the team that loves him, given by the man that most loves him.

[deletiaclementine]

I do not have time to write it but I would love to read a fic where there is no Sasha and Shane is Ilya’s first time with a guy too, Ilya just lies because he’s a boastful 19 year old who doesn’t want to look dumb in front of the hot boy he’s been crushing on for two years (even though Shane wouldn’t have cared obviously) and maybe Shane finds out many years later and it makes him feral

[shrekhollander]

Rookie Ilya asking Rookie Shane how much does he weight (how many pounds or kilograms) at the hotel gym and Shane tells him the number but he is like ???

AND THEN ILYA STARTS DOING WEIGHTED HIP THRUSTS WITH THE EXACT SAME WEIGHT THAT SHANE TOLD HIM AND HE IS ALL SWEATY AND JUST LOOKS AT SHANE AND GOES ;)

[distinguishedenthusiastcatt]

In Pride month, I think it's important to remind you of this iconic dialogue. You don't have to talk about who you are if you don't want to❤️

[queer-as-in-fuck-12]

drug addicts deserve housing, food, water, and healthcare btw

[gaynehollander]

Ilya on Twitter, so proud, after Shane scores a hat-trick: Did you all see my husband? 😍​😍​😍​

Certified husband guy Ilya Rozanov after someone calls him a cocksucker on the ice: Have you seen my husband? Yes, I suck his cock. So sad for you that you will never get to.

Ilya Rozanov, showing up late to a gala after his husband, Shane Hollander, was away for some commercial shoot and he didn't get to see him before the event, looking genuinely frantic: Have you seen my husband anywhere??

Ilya out for lunch with Shane, when the bill comes along: Oh, my rich hockey player husband will take care of that.

Ilya Rozanov, drunk out of his mind at his husband-mandated night out with Cliff (because he needs the enrichment), not so gently turning down some woman who's blatantly flirting with him: Do you even know who my husband is???

Ilya "Down Atrocious" Hollander-Rozanov when one of Shane's commercials plays at Monk's after a game: Everyone shut up! My husband is on TV!

[grabmybush]

ilya rozanov who’s known to boston as the mysterious fuckboy from russia who chirps like he’s getting paid for it and is crazy good at hockey. one day a teammate is absent from a few games in a row and turns back up to practice with a fucking newborn and they’re all in their hockey gear fawning over this tiny baby. then once everyone’s said hi before practice, the crowd parts and ilyas just stood by the doorway, a literal deer in headlights staring at the bundle of blankets in his teammates arms and-

“do you wanna hold him?”

ilya’s moving forward before he can process the words and everyone’s holding their breath as he gathers the newborn into his arms, pausing to take his gloves off first. it’s a few tense seconds before the baby babbles and shifts slightly before tucking his head into the crook of his arm and swiftly falling to sleep.

ilya looks up to see his whole team stifling grins, “i think we’ve found the new babysitter” and he bites back a chirp because he doesn’t want to wake the baby he’s holding so delicately to his chest.

he’s stuck on the sidelines for the whole practice while he rocks the baby through the slams against walls, waving its little arm towards its dad when it eventually wakes up.

and yeah pictures surface soon after of fucking rozanov staring down at the baby in his arms with the fucking softest eyes and twitter has a field day proving he’s a softie at heart

[hyphenemdash]

shane sees the photos and had feelings that send him into the most intense panic attack of all time. the thought stays hidden in the back of his mind until he’s laying in his bed, at the cottage, with ilya draped over him and both of them are whispering i love you in every language they know and then the image crawls out of the recesses where he shoved it and holy fuck that might be possible one day holy fuck

[mewwon]

Sexting like “makes sense. sounds good to me.”

[shieldofiron]

Sing it with me!!!

[sermna]

When you're unsuccessfully looking for something and start gradually increasing your It Could Be There range. Like yeah sure maybe the rice cooker pot is in the freezer, idk

[iapislazuli]

when i was at walgreens (at 3 in the morning which explains all of this) the cashier was talking to her coworker about how shed rather be a werewolf than a vampire because vampires are condemned to hell but werewolves arent and then she asked me what i thought and i said vampire because im already condemned to hell and she said in the nicest tone of voice “i dont think anybody is condemned to hell….” paused, stared at me for a few moments, and added on “…not even gay people” 

[iapislazuli]

Happy pride month to the filthiest most brutal read I’ve ever been given in my life

[tall]