Making the world cuter, one plush at a time

lumishkabibble.etsy.com

[excellentrectangles]

[butchprinxe]

Tag yourself I’m competitive falling

[theconqueeror]

I’m stabbing people for points

[lumishkabibble]

Going back to my roots with angry zebras.

[darthvaders]

May the 4th be with you

[breelandwalker]

May the Fourth Be With You

Don’t forget to wear glitter, take your meds, and practice self-care in honor of our dear departed Space Mom.

Blessed Be She Who Drowned In Moonlight, Strangled By Her Own Bra

[stability]

[lumishkabibble]

This was the reality of life in the ATL tho

[doctorwhoandlokitoo]

The biggest flaw in ME:A is that Reyes Vidal is only in about 15 minutes worth of gameplay yet he’s more interesting than like half the characters.

[ultrafacts]

The same thing is done with racing horses. Except that they use a goat. [x]

(Fact Source) Follow Ultrafacts for more facts

[absolutepie]

HELLO FAST CAT I AM YOUR DESIGNATED DOG FRIEND

[vancity604778kid]

Opponents would literally attempt to kidnap each other’s goats in an effort to upset the horse and cause them to lose the race. [x]

[ultrafacts]

[actuallyasisterofbattle]

I have a weird derailing question. Is this the origin of the idiom about getting someone’s goat?

[crowmeme]

As a matter of fact, it is!

[thatsthat24]

I just learned so much from this one post.

[crocomire-deactivated20151208]

do actors get boners while making sex scenes this is one of the things i’ve wondered my whole life

[missingdinosaur-deactivated2013]

Idk if you actually care for the answer, but they have to put their dicks in little sleeves that attach to the leg so if they get a boner it just get held down.

[princekarkat]

that sounds like a garment that should be sold everywhere and considered polite if not mandatory to wear, like bras

[sassyhiddles-deactivated2016031]

Omg I can’t

[mr-dilliams]

As a guy I second this.

[microbewrangler]

If I have to wear a titty sling because there might be an event where it becomes chilly and my nip noops become visible through my shirt, people who have a peenor should be expected to wear a peenor sling in case there is an event where a gentle breeze occurs and their peenor becomes erect.

[naamahdarling]

I kind of feel like if we’re gonna do that we should go all-out and they should be IMPOSSIBLE to size, VERY expensive, flimsy, and made of uncomfortable, itchy materials.

[chadjesus]

And the little ones should have cute designs but the big ones only come in white,black, and tan

[daftpunk-delorean]

and there should be a company that sells them called Victor’s Secret, that has uncomfortably large, close-up photos of enormously-endowed male “angels” stuffed into their gorgeous little pouches spread all over every mall and TV channel, which changes societal expectations on penis size as a whole, so that men who don’t have incredibly large penises feel impossibly inadequate and feel compelled to make up for it by spending a fortune on overpriced penis pouches as a way of compensating.

Then Victor’s Secret should be sure not to actually carry any of these garments in the sizes that they advertise, so that only modestly-endowed men have the privilege of being seen in the shop, which is the type of place that simultaneously clamors for huge dicks, but refuses to cater to them in any way, leaving everyone involved vaguely uncomfortable and slightly ashamed.

[uriigamii]

This is legit one of the best posts I’ve ever found on tumblr.

[sadiene]

VICTOR’S SECRET

[fancypants-qc]

WHERE HAS THIS POST BEEN ALL OF MY LIFE?

[sussexbound]

I am honestly so glad this is back on my dash.

[bechloe-beatchell]

VICTOR’S SECRET JFC

[delphemeral]

Obviously reblogging for nip noops and peenors.

[bringyourownhappiness]

YES. MAKE IT. NOW.

[twisteddoodles]

THE GREAT BRITISH BAKE OFF

[tastefullyoffensive]

My kind of party. (via _cooper)

[dutchster]

Wait! there’s more!

this is the best thing ever

[lumishkabibble]

An epic saga. I’m glad it has a happy ending.

[awkwardwebarebearsscreencaps]

[theweirdwideweb]

:-O

[battlships]

It’s not actually known if lemons were made by humans or if they were just natural hybrids of citrons and sour oranges. Apparently it’s super common for citrons to fertilize basically anything they’re near.

[morbidlyqueerious]

great now we gotta kinkshame the fruit

[themarginalthinker]

Everything about this post is going in so many directions at once 

[lesbiansandpuns]

13 Reasons Why

Don’t watch it. Do not watch this fucked up mess of a show. Listen, I’ve been working in suicide prevention for almost six years, and I grew up in an area that had epidemics of teen suicides. The area is actually so well known that the show-writers and producers met with leading experts in the area on the ways that the media contributes to youth suicides - and then did almost everything they were warned not to do, even going so far as to actually show the suicide on-screen. Many of the experts that they’ve spoken with are expressing grave disappointment with how the show proceeded despite their advice.

If you’re suicidal, if you’re depressed, if you self-harm, and/or if you have any trauma associated with that, please do not watch this show. It was incredibly irresponsibly handled and puts people in very real danger.

[deadparrish]

reblogging this again because it is insanely triggering and i want you all to be safe

[queenoftheimps]

that book was the most suicide-glorifying thing i ever laid hands on and i cannot believe it got as popular as it did because it really tries to drop the message of “hey if you die, everyone will realize what a beautiful, tragic figure you are and also that you were RIGHT ALL ALONG and they will regret everything they did to you” and it’s just an awful, dangerous message to send ESPECIALLY to anyone who might be having harmful thought so yes, seconding this message

[rowsin-deactivated20180306]

Reyes Vidal + tumblr tags

[lumishkabibble]

So true.

[steelsuit]

Bang bang!

[lumishkabibble]

Well, this is beautiful. <3

[libraford]

dire-sloth

you should have offered them four 12x12 squares and a bottle of glue

As hilarious as that is…

… we’re out of glue. 

Completely out of glue. The glue slime trend that has swept the middle schools in our area has maxed out all outlets of glue from December 18th to today’s date- February 6th. We keep getting shipments of glue, but they only come in 20-bottle boxes and they are completely gone by the time the weekend is out. Children are buying them by the armful. 

And I would find this cute and honestly amazing that these kiddos are getting their first taste of entrepreneurship (mine was in high school, where I made novelty school ID’s) if it weren’t for the involvement of the parents. 

Because the kids are like ‘aw, you don’t have any? Ok. We’ll try somewhere else- thank you! Where’s your glitter?’

The parents… oh gods the parents. 

Calling us up at 9am- “What do you MEAN you don’t have any glue!? ITS A BASIC CRAFT ITEM! YOU HAVE TO HAVE GLUE!”

“You’re telling me that you DON’T CARRY GLUE?”

“I’m calling your corporate office to tell them just how wholly unprepared you all are because this is the fourth store I’ve called and NONE of you have any glue.”

“Can I pre-order? What do you MEAN I have to order from the website?”

“When will you be getting more? You don’t KNOW! HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW!? Two weeks at the EARLIEST!?”

“Can you call me when you get some? YOU CAN’T EVEN CALL ME WHEN YOU GET IT IN?”

I once caught one of our framers taking a call like these and I saw her re-inact Winona Ryder’s entire range of facial expressions a la SAG awards, eventually ending in her left eye going slightly wall when the angry parent finally hung up. 

And there are some that call every single day, asking the same questions and hoping that they’ll get a different answer. But no. I’m sorry. The Glue Fairy didn’t make a surprise visit last night. We did not plant the glue seeds in time for the harvest and now there is a glue famine. The small child that we sent to fetch more glue has been captured by witches- who are now intent on raising her as their own and we wish them luck. 

One day, my brother will have children and they will ask me about the Glue Famine of 2017 and I will recall a very specific instance wherein I could feel flecks of spittle coming through the end of the phone. 

One day I shall die and a team of necromancers will raise me from my crumbling sarcophagus and the very first words from my revived, husk of a maw will be ‘WE ARE STILL OUT OF GLUE, CRETINOUS FILTH!’

And this is how I knew that 2017 was going to be a bad year. Retail-mancy: I divine the fall of our nation by the fact that we are perpetually out of basic adhesives. And its not the children that buy them that make it a problem, but the parents who imagine that we somehow have control over the entire damn glue industry. 

Here. Buy that shit online and teach your children the benefits of buying bulk, because apparently it’s too late for the fucking adults, if my previous encounters with adult entrepreneurs is any indication. 

Why you want to yell at me for telling you the truth is beyond me when you could be putting all that energy towards not sucking. GIT GUD. 

[libraford]

I just learned today that tomorrow our store will be hopping on the glue slime trend and making an end cap to make easy access to our stock of glues, glitters, and I suppose we might be adding borax to our inventory. 

Need I remind you that this is what our glue stock has looked like for the past two months:

We just got some in two days ago and its already gone. 

So you have to imagine the position we’re in here- where we’re advertising glue that does not exist for more than three days every two to four weeks because of these tots are hell-bent on selling slime to their sandbox buddies.

 We’re not selling glue. We’re selling the concept of glue. We are selling the desire for glue. We are inspiring others to covet the glue we do not have. The glue is unknowable. It is invisible, intangible, ineffable. One day the glue uprising shall be upon us, and none shall speak its name. 

So like just in case you didn’t get the message-

We are out of glue.

Glue we are out of. 

Out of glue we are.

We glue of are out.

[libraford]

Because the dozen or so rows where we used to stock our glue is now a gaping cavity of woe, our heathen customers have decided that this is the perfect space to lazily put things that they just suddenly decide they don’t want anymore. And for some ridiculous reason, the most popular thing to leave where an associate can find it is fake flowers. 

Not even the first time this has happened, people. People are attempting to build a memorial to the glue that was, and will never be again. The time of glue has passed, we shall remember it fondly. Ashes to ashes, goop to goop. 

Rest in Particulate, Glue Aisle. 

[libraford]

Its about to get…

…significantly worse. 

[libraford]

I’ve had several people contact me about an email that went out from our company, advertising Glue Slime and giving out a recipe (instead of borax, using baking soda and contact lens solution… I weep for our local optometrists). Luckily, we were sent a large ration of glue on Thursday in preparation for the endcap that we just put up.

And for a moment, the balance was restored. We could rebuild! There was enough glue to fill the dozen or so places in its home and have a good amount for the display. Sadly, we were only given a few bottles of clear glue- which is the one that people really want because…. clear slime. But things were looking better!

But little did we know… 

… President’s Day was coming. 

And the children… needed something to do… 

Here is a photo of the display on Saturday morning. 

And here it is on Monday morning:

They have ravaged our glue surplus to 1/10th. The glue that filled its home space is completely gone. I am honestly surprised that the meager 40 bottles we have left are still there, and by the time I finish writing this- they may not be. 

Why would you do this to us, Mr President?

So while we have those 40 bottles, we can at least fend off the screaming parents, but I anticipate that a considerable amount of screaming will have already started by the time I start my shift this afternoon. 

I shall scream as well. 

I scream, they scream- we all scream into the yawning void of the glue section in hopes that the Elmer, God of Cheap Adhesives, will hear our cries and grant us the glue we so desperately yearn for. We shall be united in our despair. 

[libraford]

We have reached a place in our glue stock where we are consistently keeping up with demand, more or less. We get it in on Wednesday, they all come in on the weekend and we’re out by Monday- giving people one day to bitch and moan because what would these people do if they weren’t allowed to scream at us for a whole thirty seconds?

Well, I came in to work on Wednesday and I found this at our customer service desk:

Look out world- we have the gallons!

People asked for the gallons of glue, they got the gallons of glue. 

There were 20 of them on that endcap. I saw a woman buy three of them at once (and of course she wanted to use a coupon on each and every one of them because ‘gosh- who knew that glue would be so expensive!’ Like… lady- you’re getting this at 20 cents an ounce if you get it without a coupon. It’s not expensive, you’re just a cheapskate.)

By the end of Wednesday, they were all gone. We sold 20 gallons of glue in four hours. People were laying down $60 for glue. I could feel my Great Depression-raised grandpa shaking his head from…. I dunno, probably Purgatory.

Now the entire area knows that we have the glue gallons- the word has spread. But we don’t have them in stock and guess what emotions they have over it! If you guessed ‘anger’ then you’re right! So they do what they’ve always done when they need a literal gallon of glue and there are no gallons of glue to be had: they buy a ton of individual bottles. 

But now knowing that there is an easier way to do this that is yet inaccessible to them fills them with ennui, and as they walk through the store their excitement over their hoard wanes and they put some of it back. 

Now, any person of the retail-worker persuasion will tell you that a customer never puts an item back where they’re supposed to. That would be, frankly, preposterous. So instead, as they lose their grip on their desire for glue, they leave a single bottle where it is most convenient to them- a symbol of their defeat. 

This is a fancy way of saying that I found a bottle of glue in every aisle one night because someone got pissy about not being able to buy it by the gallon and forgot to get a basket. 

[breelandwalker]

THE EPIC SAGA CONTINUES

[thenumbergenerator]

how the fuck did we get from 12x12 squares of paper the the glue famine

[libraford]

Embrace the absurdity or be doomed by it. 

[linguistic--nerd-blog]

@cannibalcoalition how’s it going now? Is the famine still surging? 

[libraford]

Thank you for checking in! Your interest in our dire situation is crucial to the spread of information on our nationwide plight. 

Since getting the gallons of glue, the phone calls have slowed down to a reasonable and manageable level. People now only call if they need to know whether or not we have the gallons and believe me: they are not pleased when they hear the answer ‘we carry them but are currently out of them.’ 

Not. Pleased. 

Purchasing smaller bottles is not an option, even if it was the only option  less than a month ago. The smiley face hastily drawn on the gallon bottle of glue in that photo taunts me- a vision of forced pleasantry for the truly, truly exhausted. After awhile all the complaints sound like goats bleating and I imagine that I am peacefully roaming the countryside. 

I have just recently had a title change and my interaction with customers is now more limited than it used to. Now, instead of running the front, I am in charge of shipping orders. I come in early, I don’t talk to anyone, I put stuff in boxes. I leave. It’s great. 

I get to work this morning and what’s on the pull list but FIVE DIFFERENT ORDERS FOR GLUE. 

Now, this would have been a major problem a month ago when we were at the very pit of The Glue Famine, but since the glue has made a second coming we’re not too worried about it. 

Except. 

They all. 

Want.

Clear. 

And I cannot stress enough just how important clear glue is to the biodiversity of the glue ecosystem. If you do not have some clear glue available in stock, you have lost 75% of your active customer base because it is that important to these people. If you don’t have clear glue, they don’t just go ‘aww…well I guess I can make it with white glue.’ They nope the fuck out and high-tail it to the next possible retail avenue, which- if all of the comments on this post are any indication- amounts to hardware stores, auto supply, and the smallest of small corner stores. 

So I have to weigh my options carefully: do I ship the requested clear glue bottles so that the people starving for glue in New Jersey are not left glue-less for another week or do I leave some for our own small community of slime children?

There is no ethical solution. 

There is no one who does not suffer from this outcome. 

This is a dilemma. I am distraught.

[libraford]

I know that I said that I would wait until the event happening this weekend to give you an update, but I came into work this morning to find this:

Our glue endcap has been upgraded to a Drive Aisle in the very front of the store. Note- the only reason it is empty right now is because it was in the process of being built. We do have… most of the materials needed for this piece. Most of them. That is to say… we can put things on it, I wouldn’t say that we would be able to fill it. 

We’re about to have gallons of clear glue. I will be keeping an eye on that particular item very closely. 

The glue is now right there as soon as you walk in the door and you will be able to know right as soon as you stop playing with the closed circuit video camera footage whether or not we have glue in stock because it will be right in front of your face. 

Oh, who am I kidding? They’ll still ask where the fucking glue is. This will just make them more angry because no matter how politely you indicate the location of the glue, they will feel like you’re calling them an idiot. 

Let me make this clear- none of us are calling anyone an idiot. No one here thinks about anyone else for too long. It is how we survive. We have created shells around ourselves to prevent every last shred of empathy from ever occurring to us. We are empty, dead-eyed, automatons. Our retail voices belong to someone else- someone more alive, someone with dreams and energy and hope. Someone programmed into us, whose cache is cleared hourly to process new insults. 

The robots cannot take our jobs away. We will become the robots. 

But this is all rising action. There is a battle ahead of me that I cannot avoid. I am on the schedule for Saturday. 

The Slime Bar awaits me as I drive into the storm. 

[lumishkabibble]

Glorious and horrifying. But glorious.

[telvani-archive]

Anyway keeping the peace in Kadara Port must be whiskey business 

(i’m sorry).

[lumishkabibble]

the ryder twins pt. 18 "scanning"

scott, scanning a plant: sarah! I found an organism that shows 82% bio-

sarah, scanning scott: scott! I found a little bitch