prompt: hanahaki!au where jihoon has hanahaki disease because of the reader but the reader is in a relationship with one of the boys.
genre: angst (I’m so sorry)
a/n: my heart honestly broke while writing this. my first attempt at angst, I hope you enjoy!
The familiar feeling washed over Jihoon as he felt the rough stems and delicate petals leave his body, followed by the flowers, the most painful part of all. They were now floating in the toilet, in amongst a cluster of thorny stems and petals. It would have been called beautiful, had it not been for the deep pain it brought to him and the harsh reminder it was of his unfortunate situation.
He remembers when it began, over a year ago, a month after he met you. You were a friend of Soonyoung’s from home, now living in Seoul thanks to your new job. Soonyoung had invited you over to dinner on your first weekend there, to make sure you had some friends in the city. You had found all 12 of them extremely kind and friendly to you, but you gravitated towards the more reserved, quiet boy. Upon talking to him you both instantly hit it off, his usual quiet, shy demeanour disappearing the more you talked to him. They were all surprised to see how much you brought him out of his shell, and that evening you left with a smile on your face and 12 new numbers in your phone, but you knew there was only one you really wanted to make use of.
You spent more and more time with them, growing closer and forming strong friendships with them all, but you spent most of your time with Jihoon and Soonyoung. The three of you were virtually inseparable, always doing things together, until you gradually became busier and busier, spending less time with them. That’s when it all began for Jihoon.
He had heard of this disease before, it had been widespread up until his parents’ generation, but was much rarer in his. He was the only person he knew with it, and he couldn’t believe it the first time he felt the searing pain being pushed up from his lungs to his throat. He knew instantly what it meant, but at first was unsure who it was about. He was convinced there wasn’t anyone he saw in that way, he was too busy with all his work and producing to pursue someone romantically. But after the third weekend in a row of you ditching plans with him and Soonyoung, the first set of petals appeared in the toilet, and the reality washed over him. It was you, he was in love with you.
He was shocked by the truth when he figured it out, and it took him some time to process and accept the reality of his condition. He didn’t dare tell anyone, but the weight of the secret began to take its toll on him; he snapped more frequently when his younger friends took a joke too far, spent less time with them, pouring himself into his producing and songwriting to the point he spent more time in the studio alone than with his best friends. He purposely avoided you, as he was afraid of what would happen when he finally did meet you face to face.
At first, he spent one evening a week with his back against the cold white tiles of his bathroom walls, waiting for the pain to start. But the frequency of his regurgitations and the number of petals that appeared in the toilet steadily and rapidly increased after he learned of a fact he never wanted to hear.
He was not the only one of his friends who was intrigued by you when Soonyoung introduced you to his friends. Seungcheol, the oldest of the 13, had also taken an interest in you and had spent time with you on numerous occasions since then. You found him charming, but he wasn’t the one who caught your eye. However, your inability to say no to people had sent you down a route you could not return from, culminating in him asking to take your relationship to the next level, and from fear of hurting his feelings, you agreed. You announced your relationship after your fifth date, which completely shocked and astounded Jihoon, as well as taking the other 11 boys aback too. That night, Jihoon experienced the worst pain so far from his disease and felt something in his lungs that would not budge. This feeling was to increase the more open you became in your relationship with Seungcheol, until after a particularly rough night, Soonyoung came into the bathroom, finding Jihoon sat amongst a mess of petals. The realisation washed over Soonyoung and he was lost for words. He merely said your name, and with the trace of a nod Jihoon gave in response, Soonyoung helped the smaller boy up, cleaning up the petals and comforting him as the few tears he had first spotted on Jihoon’s cheeks turned into sobs.
All the while, you were growing more and more comfortable with Seungcheol, and forgetting about the butterflies you had felt when you heard Jihoon’s laugh as now you felt them every time you heard Seungcheol laugh, and before you knew it you were nearing your five-year anniversary. He had something special planned, and on the evening of the occasion after the gorgeous dinner you had shared, he got down on one knee and asked to spend the rest of his life with you, and through your tears of joy, you agreed. You walked back with him to the dorm, where no one knew what news would await them.
They were all in the living room, watching a movie on tv, when the two of you came in, holding hands and beaming at each other. You all greeted one another, exchanging small talk and smiles until Seungcheol cleared his throat, and Jihoon felt his stomach drop.
“We have some news” he began, glancing excitedly at you and his 12 best friends. You merely beamed at him, before holding out your hand and showing off the beautiful ring he had given you, not even needing to say the words before shouts of joy, delight and congratulations erupted from 10 of the 12 boys present. Soonyoung instinctively went to Jihoon, whispering into his ear about how to get him out of the situation safely, but little did he know it was too late. Jihoon slumped forward on the floor, the pain wracking his whole body until the whole floor around him was covered in petals. There was a tense pause, where all noise in the room died down, and all you could hear was Jihoon’s heavy breathing and then one last gasp of pain as a single white rose gracefully placed itself on top of the sea of white petals tinted with the red of his blood. The silence was broken by the single sentence you uttered in tears, confirming what everyone else had been thinking. “White roses are my favourite flower”. No one could look at you, all they could do was stare pitifully at Jihoon, as Soonyoung gently rubbed his back.
Everyone had decided to act like nothing had happened at the request of Soonyoung, who knew Jihoon didn’t want a fuss. They all knew what the flower meant, it was the beginning of the end for him. The flowers were slowly filling up his lungs until he could barely breathe. But he had already booked his appointment and was counting down the days until all this pain would be over, and all the love he felt for you would be gone.
A knock on the door brought him back to reality, all memories of that fateful night and all the reminiscing of the pain and suffering he had been through disappearing. Soonyoung’s voice called through the door, telling him to get some rest. Tomorrow was a big day, not just for him but for everyone. He had done everyone the favour of booking his operation for the day of your wedding to Seungcheol, which no one knew except Soonyoung. He was desperate to be rid of the pain, knowing he was in his last few hours of suffering. He tried not to imagine what it would have been like if he had confessed to you on the day he had intended to all those years ago, would it be him who you would be marrying tomorrow. This thought, which had haunted him since he heard of your relationship, brought a fresh set of sobs as he tried to calm himself down. Tomorrow it will all be over, he told himself. Tomorrow, he would no longer be the victim of a one-sided love.
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