Now tell me he wouldn't do that

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@lyrienne
Now tell me he wouldn't do that
Now, I love being a joy kill and all.
But. This really does suck.
Fewer violent fantasies in response to minor irritations, please.
god shut up
"Fewer violent fantasies in response to minor irritations, please 🤓" i cast bone spur on your jaw
HEY >:[
i hauve a cold
they won't tell you this in therapy but sometimes the best way to stop catastrophizing/anxiety is to interrupt your spiraling with "girl what the hell are you talking about"
This is true but the secret to it is that it can’t be paired with shame. It’s a neutral shame-free reaction and it goes a long way.
It's easy to think "nobody in the whole wide world cares about me" on an empty stomach but try doing it while eating Vegetables and Rice. Seems less convincing now doesn't it? That's simply the power of Vegetables and Rice..
Pokeballs
About ten, fifteen years ago I wrote a story about a guy living in a Capitalist dystopia. His walls, furniture, and tableware are all covered in smart displays. Basically animated wallpaper. It's sold as being able to turn your room or objects into anything - A nice forest view, outer space, a fantasy realm... but the companies that run this stuff keep sneaking ads in.
It gets so bad he's always being woken up by adverts that offer insomnia cures and better bedding that play when he tries to sleep.
So he buys the ad-free tier, and it's great... for a few months. And then he starts getting adverts from 'premium partners'. So he goes up a level... and the same thing happens.
So he jailbreaks his wallpaper and sends all the ad servers to 0.0.0.0 and voila... he can sleep.
Until this SWAT team blows his door off and drag him off to jail. The Ad companies are suing him for loss of revenue for the products he' notionally have bought if he'd watched their adverts, based on some weird 'The average consumer buys X products with an average value of Y' calculation.
The judge is like 'well I dun wanna annoy the sponsors' so he RICO's this guy's house and possessions and sends him to jail.
... which is a nice relaxed non-volent offender jail for the corporately disenfranchised. But because these people have no money... there's no ads and now he's happy because the only place he's free... is in prison.
Which at the time was a bit much and now it's like: Called it.
Elon's suing companies for not advertising because he's losing revenue. He's also cranking the price of Ad Free Twitter. Disney and Amazon play adverts on their paid service when services used to be free because of the adverts... and now you have to pay to watch the adverts or go up a couple of tiers.
And google's going around freaking out about ad-blockers.
OP did it hurt when Apollo's dodgeball hit you and made you write that story?
Gentle reminder that the human eye is naturally drawn by noise and movement, so the next time you walk into a crowd or a bit late into a lecture or something like that, they’re not staring at you or judging; it’s just an instinctive reaction that has nothing to do with you doing anything wrong.
This really helps my anxiety.
It’s literally a threat assessment/food gathering instinct. The steps your brain is doing, subconsciously.
-Check to see if movement is lion in grass.
-Also check to see if possible game animal and edible.
-No it’s just Dave getting into lecture hall a few minutes late.
-That’s boring.
-Lose interest.
I like to believe that for a brief second, everyone looks at me thinking I might be a snack
I am a snack. Obviously.
"adventurers are actually more scared of you than you are of them"
"he's literally just doing what an adventurer is supposed to do"
"do you think they think of us as Giant Adventurers?"
"do you know how many other creatures would be infesting our cave if there were no adventurers?"
"how would you like it if you were bumbling along on your little adventurer day, and some giant dragon thing squished you for the crime of being yourself?"
"y'know, so many dragons are grossed out by them, but i think they're fascinating! Did you know some adventurers form symbiotic relationships with small monsters? Some of them even do a simplified form of spellcraft! Like, with actual magic and everything!"
credit
Reblogging because everyone deserves to know the creator of this masterpiece
(The piece is called Master's Blessing btw)
Original post located.
Sadly, the original post was deleted, but I found the tweet archived here.
Master’s Blessing was posted to deviantart on September 7, 2016.
I need to draw my fancy Rat King again. This sketch is almost six years old.
You know the Grimm version of Snow White makes more sense than most versions if only because in that version Snow White was like 7 years old.
Like imagine you find a 7 year old in the woods and she’s like my mom is gonna kill me because I’m prettier than her and she’s not kidding. You know this queen is that sort of person. So you and your roommates adopt the kid and tell her don’t talk to strangers. And she keeps talking to strangers and getting poison combs stuck in her hair and whatnot.
Like yeah that’s kinda stupid but also she’s seven. She likes apples.
Also imagine it from the hunter’s perspective. The queen tells you this bitch is prettier than me I need you to take her out in the woods and kill her. And then you see who you’re supposed to kill and it’s a 2nd grader. Like how are you supposed to react to that sort of situation? Kill a human child? No. Because you’re not a brainless evil minion you’re just some guy dealing with a cartoonishly evil monarch. Of course you let her go.
Bad look for the Prince of course. Even if she did age while she was in that glass case. He saw a dead woman and just decided to keep her. And once she stopped being dead he was like we’re married now
He did cause the evil queen to dance to death in red hot shoes though. That was kinda cool.
With the acknowledgement that I'm grasping at straws, is it ever directly confirmed that the Prince wasn't also 7?
See, I think that still works.
You are the guardsman assigned to protect the eight-year-old Prince. You are currently in the middle of the forest because he absolutely had his heart set on "going hunting", and the royal second-grader should definitely not be traipsing around the woods on his own. You let him go a little on ahead and he comes running back talking about how there's a dead girl in the clearing and there's no-one else around and he wants to take her home because she's really pretty, Hans, and she's all alone!
You let him drag you to said clearing and okay, that is one angelic-looking dead child alright, and on the one hand the quality of her clothes and the craftsmanship on the coffin (who builds a see-through coffin?) speak to potential Consequences if you simply carry her off, but also for the amount of vines that have grown on the coffin she looks extraordinarily un-decayed, so you should probably get the court alchemist's opinion on that, and there's no way he's going to come all the way out here in his embroidered velvet curly-shoes. And also this kid is technically assigned by God as your natural superior, or something.
So fine. You hoist the coffin onto your shoulder (it's not like the Prince can do it. He's eight.) and head back toward the castle, Prince chattering blithely all the way. And then you turn your ankle on a rock and suddenly there's a thump and a cough and a lot of shouting from inside the coffin and you have now become a key player in a tense political incident with the next kingdom over.
You should probably ask for a raise.
Wouldn’t leave my mind sorry
horrible news: you have to practice to level up your skills because it's unrealistic to think you'll be good at everything first try
this applies to unlearning things like shame and creating better coping mechanisms and forming new habits
I need motivation cuz depression is kicking my ass rn so what the hell I'll try this again
At 5k notes I'll start trying to eat better (and more)
And a little bonus one for funsies; 7k and you guys get a short video of me playing some songs on French Horn
Edit: limiting to 10 comments per person
No-pressure tags to get this started:
@non-tyrannical-usa (ik you'll get tagged one way or another so I'll save you all the various tags) @nanochittle @same-pic-rick-roll @walmart-the-official @thee-silly-0ne @bees-official @bored-dromaeosaur