Feelings Dump @mainofnyapp - Tumblr Blog

- Beau Taplin

“When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.”

— Lemony Snicket

dankmemeuniversity

sidras-tak

here are some things I just heard:

a door slamming

someone exclaim “oh, you sneaky bastard”

the sound of a bell jingling down the hallway

someone at the end of the hallway gasping “hello beautiful!!” in that very special I’m-talking-to-an-unexpected-cat voice

sandersstudies

some things I heard myself:

a light thud

someone exclaiming “listen here, one of us can see in the dark and it’s not me, so we’re gonna have to figure this out”

a meow

tehriz

literally every minor sound from the street carries up to us since it’s so narrow, last year this happened:

a deep voice going “HEY”

me immediately concerned, it is dark, what is happening

same deep voice: “WHAT DO YOU HAVE”

the playful jingling of dog tags

“WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR MOUTH”

jingle jingle jingle

mainofnyapp

Here are some things I just heard:

• the crack of a bat

• the sound of a fly ball hitting the pocket of a glove

• a teenage girl say, “dad, if he gets out is that, like, bad?”

Homes were at a baseball game…

kaity--did

Y’all being pregnant while moving into a new house is BUCKWILD

My husband is an intelligent man, but he has gotten in his head that if I lift one box I will PERISH

kaity--did

Here is the problem in a nutshell

Would I love to let my husband do everything? Of course?

But this absolute GIANT of a man after TEN YEARS together still has no spatial awareness and NO AWARENESS that his a A FOOT AND A HALF taller than me. If he is left to put thing away, he will do so diligently but he PUTS EVERYTHING ON THE TOP SHELF and my TINY TREX ARMS CAN NOT MAKE THAT TRIP

kaity--did

I threw out my back and he’s now convinced that it’s his fault for letting me carry paper plates in the house my self and that he’s going to be a terrible father

This man has a LAW DEGREE and is a PRACTICING ATTORNEY

kaity--did

“You have two skeletons inside you right now that is double the amount I have. You are my sweet special Eldritch Horror” - My Husband

Thanks I think?

kaity--did

“It’s insane that we just made a person! I’ve never even met a baby before what do I say?!”

Not worried about diapers here folks, just first impressions

kaity--did

“I’m going be be a dad which is just buckwild. I have your pregnancy checklist but here is my fatherhood check list

1. I need a riding lawn mower

2. I need a white tank top

3. I need a beer, particularly an amber colored one

4. I need a book of puns

5. I need a baby back pack to carry said baby

6. I want my own diaper bag, and I want it to be STYLISH

Kait are you writing this down this is important?”

kaity--did

Me: a lot of people on the internet are calling you a himbo, would you like to respond?

Husband: I am often very dumb, and I do drink the respect women juice like fine wine, however I am not very strong, and I just don’t know if I can accept this title if I do not meet all the qualifications

Me: I don’t know, you lifted all those boxes on your own

Husband: this was simply DAD ENERGY

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

kaity--did

I can not with this fool

catgirlnailpolish

literally marry him

kaity--did

I have great news my friend

404computerhamstersnotfound

marry him again

kaity--did

I’ve read him some of these replies and he got very upset and yelled (which if you know my husband is barely over a whisper) “I CANT MARRY YOU ANY HARDER I KNOW IVE GOOGLED IT MANY TIMES”

Y’all I’m obsessed with this idiot

kaity--did

We had the baby! She was 13 weeks early! My husband got to hold her for the first time yesterday (due to her being in the NICU) and he took one look at her and said

“Oh yeah yup. I’m never going to be able to tell you no to anything ever in my whole entire life. We’re gonna have so many dogs. Oh I’m in so much trouble”

Also it’s his birthday

So he’s doing great ❤️

mainofnyapp

Absolutely the cutest

badjokesbyjeff

**ON THE SIXTH DAY… **

God Creating Spiders

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

God Creating Kittens

God: make them fluffy & adorable like little furry hugs

Angel: that’s so swee….

God: And put razor blades on their feet

God Creating Mosquitos

God: I wonder how I could get everyone to spray chemicals on themselves and also slap their own faces…

God Creating Bees

God: Put a needle on it’s bum

Angel: Come on God, what –

God: Make it’s puke delicious

Angel: What the hell!!!

God Creating Praying Mantis

God: Make an insect that does karate

Angel: Okay…

God: Now make it bite her husband’s head off

Angel: Dude, we need to talk

God Creating Dogs

God: Oh these turned out great. I’m going to want all of these back at some point

God Creating Pandas

God: Cow bears

Angel: What?

God: Did I stutter?

Angel: ??

God: Take a cow and make it a bear

God Creating Snakes

God: How about a sock that’s angry all the time

God Creating Alligators

God: See that log?

Angel: Yeah?

God: Fill it with teeth

Angel: Say again?

God: FILL IT!

God Creating Jellyfish

God: How about an evil bag?

God Creating Parrots

God: How about like a tie Dye Chicken who screams actual words at you?

thespilledquotes

“I don’t care if we on good terms or not, the secrets and insecurities you shared with me would never leave my mouth.”

— Unknown (via quotefeeling)

perfeqt

“Never miss an opportunity to tell someone how much they mean to you.”

— Unknown (via resqectable)

prompts-in-a-barrel

“I don’t understand you.”

“Hm?”

“You’re kind. Even to me. Even after all that’s been done to you. Even after all I’ve done to you.”

“The things you’ve done to me really aren’t so bad, comparatively. I’m the forgiving sort, until certain lines are crossed, which you haven’t.”

ray957-deactivated20210919

(TTM spoilers and long post below. Set before/during the Rayllum let’s-do-this-together scene.)

(I didn’t edit this at all lmao enjoy word vomit)

blossomfully

Sue Zhao

curesforwritersblock

petition to make online clothing stores have multiple models of different sizes so we can see how an item of clothing fits different body types

I’LL SIGN

He redeemed himself

The duality of Manguin

a3battery

got obsessed with the penguin drama

his girlfriend’s name is lulu and she doesnt deserve the naughty list for this. :C mac’s gone too far and dragged her down wish him. glad he redeemed himself

also look tux is such a bastard that taking him down = good behavior

a3battery

THEY KEEP REFERENCING THE PIER INCIDENT saldkjfah its like his defining moment

im just losing my mind with penguin receipts right now

and he’s pepper’s bf from above, who got on the good list while they had to call out tux for being lazy sldkjfa

u deserve ur spot in the 2020 poll mr. tux. go call out to UR girlfriend to get her food and maybe u can have a redemption arc too. see how well its working out for mr mac

REDEEMED HIMSELF U EVIL POLLSTERS

(since this started out as me wanting to check up on whether or not the penguins were alive, they ARE and u can meet them virtually BY THE WAY)

a3battery

PEPPER IS MR MAC’S DAUGHTER??!??!

this entire family is problematic but lulu was framed and that’s my conclusion

the-most-slytherin-hufflepuff

I’m so invested in the penguin drama

queen-of-thunder

filmnoirsbian

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

mainofnyapp

I have a deep appreciation for this human

moonlitmorphos

Look, I don’t make the rules but you’re legally required to watch this.

TikTok

atomskdluffy

The dude is having an existential crisis at the end and I UNDERSTAND

seawitchwadanohara

@brattylikestoeat unsure if cursed but it sure makes me feel something

brattylikestoeat

Everyone in the 50s was on coke, I just know it.

chaotic-archaeologist

A professor gave us an extra credit option: take a picture of yourself outside, doing something that you would not usually do. We were told not to take it too seriously. Here is my entry:

I maintain that sticking my head in the mailbox is not something I do on a regular basis.

chaotic-archaeologist

Love that some of you are reblogging this. You looked at a picture of a guy with his head in a mailbox and went "yeah"

chaotic-archaeologist

Can't wait to see if everyone did something like this or if they had a normal reaction. I will keep you posted.

arospacecase-moved

[ID: a photo of a pale person wearing a black t-shirt and jeans with his head in a mailbox /END ID]

chaotic-archaeologist

Hello to everyone asking for an update!

The professor has said that he will put all submitted pictures into a powerpoint to be shown in class tomorrow (Tuesday, March 9th). I am very much looking forward to seeing the reaction from him and from the rest of the class. I promise to keep you informed.

chaotic-archaeologist

Update: the professor saved my picture for last. I was told that I had "truly embodied the spirit of the assignment" and that I had gone "above and beyond."

Also, to everyone who is worrying about whether or not I got my head out, I was gifted with a very small head, and while I got out just fine I would NOT recommend this if you have a large head or even a normal sized head.

chaotic-archaeologist

Hey you guys should make this into a meme.