- Beau Taplin

tannertan36
AnasAbdin
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

shark vs the universe

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

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Kaledo Art
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸

oozey mess
h
occasionally subtle
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Peter Solarz
we're not kids anymore.

izzy's playlists!

Discoholic 🪩
todays bird
$LAYYYTER

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@mainofnyapp
- Beau Taplin
“When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is trying to hide their tears, it may also be noble to pretend you do not notice them.”
— Lemony Snicket
here are some things I just heard:
a door slamming
someone exclaim “oh, you sneaky bastard”
the sound of a bell jingling down the hallway
someone at the end of the hallway gasping “hello beautiful!!” in that very special I’m-talking-to-an-unexpected-cat voice
some things I heard myself:
a light thud
someone exclaiming “listen here, one of us can see in the dark and it’s not me, so we’re gonna have to figure this out”
a meow
literally every minor sound from the street carries up to us since it’s so narrow, last year this happened:
a deep voice going “HEY”
me immediately concerned, it is dark, what is happening
same deep voice: “WHAT DO YOU HAVE”
the playful jingling of dog tags
“WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR MOUTH”
jingle jingle jingle
Here are some things I just heard:
• the crack of a bat
• the sound of a fly ball hitting the pocket of a glove
• a teenage girl say, “dad, if he gets out is that, like, bad?”
Homes were at a baseball game…
Y’all being pregnant while moving into a new house is BUCKWILD
My husband is an intelligent man, but he has gotten in his head that if I lift one box I will PERISH
Here is the problem in a nutshell
Would I love to let my husband do everything? Of course?
But this absolute GIANT of a man after TEN YEARS together still has no spatial awareness and NO AWARENESS that his a A FOOT AND A HALF taller than me. If he is left to put thing away, he will do so diligently but he PUTS EVERYTHING ON THE TOP SHELF and my TINY TREX ARMS CAN NOT MAKE THAT TRIP
I threw out my back and he’s now convinced that it’s his fault for letting me carry paper plates in the house my self and that he’s going to be a terrible father
This man has a LAW DEGREE and is a PRACTICING ATTORNEY
“You have two skeletons inside you right now that is double the amount I have. You are my sweet special Eldritch Horror” - My Husband
Thanks I think?
“It’s insane that we just made a person! I’ve never even met a baby before what do I say?!”
Not worried about diapers here folks, just first impressions
“I’m going be be a dad which is just buckwild. I have your pregnancy checklist but here is my fatherhood check list
1. I need a riding lawn mower
2. I need a white tank top
3. I need a beer, particularly an amber colored one
4. I need a book of puns
5. I need a baby back pack to carry said baby
6. I want my own diaper bag, and I want it to be STYLISH
Kait are you writing this down this is important?”
Me: a lot of people on the internet are calling you a himbo, would you like to respond?
Husband: I am often very dumb, and I do drink the respect women juice like fine wine, however I am not very strong, and I just don’t know if I can accept this title if I do not meet all the qualifications
Me: I don’t know, you lifted all those boxes on your own
Husband: this was simply DAD ENERGY
🤦♀️🤦♀️
I can not with this fool
literally marry him
I have great news my friend
marry him again
I’ve read him some of these replies and he got very upset and yelled (which if you know my husband is barely over a whisper) “I CANT MARRY YOU ANY HARDER I KNOW IVE GOOGLED IT MANY TIMES”
Y’all I’m obsessed with this idiot
We had the baby! She was 13 weeks early! My husband got to hold her for the first time yesterday (due to her being in the NICU) and he took one look at her and said
“Oh yeah yup. I’m never going to be able to tell you no to anything ever in my whole entire life. We’re gonna have so many dogs. Oh I’m in so much trouble”
Also it’s his birthday
So he’s doing great ❤️
Absolutely the cutest
**ON THE SIXTH DAY… **
God Creating Spiders
God: Make it have 8 legs
Angel: Seems excessive but OK
God: And 8 eyes
Angel: You need to calm down a li-
God: Give it a bum rope
God Creating Kittens
God: make them fluffy & adorable like little furry hugs
Angel: that’s so swee….
God: And put razor blades on their feet
God Creating Mosquitos
God: I wonder how I could get everyone to spray chemicals on themselves and also slap their own faces…
God Creating Bees
God: Put a needle on it’s bum
Angel: Come on God, what –
God: Make it’s puke delicious
Angel: What the hell!!!
God Creating Praying Mantis
God: Make an insect that does karate
Angel: Okay…
God: Now make it bite her husband’s head off
Angel: Dude, we need to talk
God Creating Dogs
God: Oh these turned out great. I’m going to want all of these back at some point
God Creating Pandas
God: Cow bears
Angel: What?
God: Did I stutter?
Angel: ??
God: Take a cow and make it a bear
God Creating Snakes
God: How about a sock that’s angry all the time
God Creating Alligators
God: See that log?
Angel: Yeah?
God: Fill it with teeth
Angel: Say again?
God: FILL IT!
God Creating Jellyfish
God: How about an evil bag?
God Creating Parrots
God: How about like a tie Dye Chicken who screams actual words at you?
“I don’t care if we on good terms or not, the secrets and insecurities you shared with me would never leave my mouth.”
— Unknown (via quotefeeling)
“Never miss an opportunity to tell someone how much they mean to you.”
— Unknown (via resqectable)
“I don’t understand you.”
“Hm?”
“You’re kind. Even to me. Even after all that’s been done to you. Even after all I’ve done to you.”
“The things you’ve done to me really aren’t so bad, comparatively. I’m the forgiving sort, until certain lines are crossed, which you haven’t.”
(TTM spoilers and long post below. Set before/during the Rayllum let’s-do-this-together scene.)
(I didn’t edit this at all lmao enjoy word vomit)
Sue Zhao
petition to make online clothing stores have multiple models of different sizes so we can see how an item of clothing fits different body types
I’LL SIGN
He redeemed himself
The duality of Manguin
got obsessed with the penguin drama
his girlfriend’s name is lulu and she doesnt deserve the naughty list for this. :C mac’s gone too far and dragged her down wish him. glad he redeemed himself
also look tux is such a bastard that taking him down = good behavior
THEY KEEP REFERENCING THE PIER INCIDENT saldkjfah its like his defining moment
im just losing my mind with penguin receipts right now
and he’s pepper’s bf from above, who got on the good list while they had to call out tux for being lazy sldkjfa
u deserve ur spot in the 2020 poll mr. tux. go call out to UR girlfriend to get her food and maybe u can have a redemption arc too. see how well its working out for mr mac
REDEEMED HIMSELF U EVIL POLLSTERS
(since this started out as me wanting to check up on whether or not the penguins were alive, they ARE and u can meet them virtually BY THE WAY)
PEPPER IS MR MAC’S DAUGHTER??!??!
this entire family is problematic but lulu was framed and that’s my conclusion
I’m so invested in the penguin drama
I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.
I have a deep appreciation for this human
Look, I don’t make the rules but you’re legally required to watch this.
TikTok
The dude is having an existential crisis at the end and I UNDERSTAND
@brattylikestoeat unsure if cursed but it sure makes me feel something
Everyone in the 50s was on coke, I just know it.
A professor gave us an extra credit option: take a picture of yourself outside, doing something that you would not usually do. We were told not to take it too seriously. Here is my entry:
I maintain that sticking my head in the mailbox is not something I do on a regular basis.
Love that some of you are reblogging this. You looked at a picture of a guy with his head in a mailbox and went "yeah"
Can't wait to see if everyone did something like this or if they had a normal reaction. I will keep you posted.
[ID: a photo of a pale person wearing a black t-shirt and jeans with his head in a mailbox /END ID]
Hello to everyone asking for an update!
The professor has said that he will put all submitted pictures into a powerpoint to be shown in class tomorrow (Tuesday, March 9th). I am very much looking forward to seeing the reaction from him and from the rest of the class. I promise to keep you informed.
Update: the professor saved my picture for last. I was told that I had "truly embodied the spirit of the assignment" and that I had gone "above and beyond."
Also, to everyone who is worrying about whether or not I got my head out, I was gifted with a very small head, and while I got out just fine I would NOT recommend this if you have a large head or even a normal sized head.
Hey you guys should make this into a meme.
Hows this?
Perfect
I think it’s pretty great😂
everyone’s talking about his accent in the notes but i just want to know what the fuck he’s drinking
Coffee. He post vids everyday of his morning coffee and also he post the suicide hotline number.