I wish my parents had taken me to a psychologist when I was in early grade school, like second or third grade. But it wasn't until fifth grade, and all I was diagnosed with was generalized anxiety disorder. Was that a misdiagnosis? No. But it was incomplete. It's comorbid with my autism, ADHD, and depression (not gonna talk about that).
My first and second grade teachers asked my mom if I had ADD or ADHD (this was early 2000's, you had a pretty even mix of both diagnoses) and she said no both times but only after the second one did she take me to a doctor. I had some severe tonsillitis, so I wasn't sleeping because I literally couldn't breathe because my tonsils and my adenoids were so huge, they were blocking my airway.
Even after I got them removed, my teachers still thought I had AD(H)D. And it's because I do and I always have, but I never got a diagnosis from a doctor. I have quiet ADHD that parents don't notice, but teachers do because I don't pay attention in class well, at all. It's not that I'd start talking to the other kids about unrelated topics, but I would stare out of the window or look at things around the room or fidget with my things. I wasn't loud, and I wasn't disturbing anyone but myself.
I'm also self-diagnosed autistic. I was a totally different kid at home, and I always have been. I was a calm, quiet but distracted kid at school and then at home- it was a total 180. The problems weren't constant, if i was playing or otherwise entertaining myself or playing with my parents or younger brother, I was fine and I was happy. But homework and chores? That's when meltdowns would happen. I'd get confused and ask for help to only get more confused and no help, so then I'd have a very loud meltdown in my room. My mom would warn our neighbors every time we moved until it stopped. But it only stopped because the way i would have my meltdowns changed. When i was little and had those meltdowns, my mom thought i wanted to be alone so she wouldn't come up until I'd calmed myself down, and she wouldn't let my dad come up either. So i had to learn how to calm myself down and comfort myself, at an age where I should be learning and having fun and playing with friends. Only i didn't understand what i was supposed to be learning, and the only fun i had was with my family because kids my age didn't like me. I didn't have friends. I was bullied all the way until sixth grade, and honestly? It's because everyone at school was afraid of my best friend that i met in fifth grade when i moved to where i live now, in the middle of the school year. She's my extrovert, and I'm her introvert. That and the neighbor kid that tried to didn't get away with it because his mom always believed me and would make him apologize and if the behavior didn't stop I'd tell her again, and guess what, he'd actually be in trouble and eventually he quite trying to fuck with me. I also punched him one time because he wouldn't leave me alone and i had a lot of anger that i was shaking and it was his fault. So i punched him. His dad almost verbatim said: "I'm sure he did something to deserve it".
I've always known that I'm different from the other kids, since before I can remember. Yes, I'm self-diagnosed. No, it isn't any less valid. I still have the same struggles. My neurotype is still autistic and ADHD. I am valid.
