hello darkness my old friend

they/them || 28 || beleaguered adult

[shinyjolteon]

im gonna cry this person is so sweet to their fish

[scribefindegil]

I was in a long-term relationship that fell apart partially because I was ace and my partner was very much not, and every time we looked for relationship help we got told that I was the problem. Not just that a significant mismatch in sexual desire could be a problem in a relationship, but that it was My Fault, Specifically, for not being willing to suck it up and have a bunch of sex I didn't want. To my ex's credit, he cared about consent much more than any of the professionals we talked to and refused to pressure me even when my (lesbian, billed as progressive and pro-LGBT) therapist was actively telling him to.

But it meant that we had absolutely no help or support when we were trying to work on the relationship in ways that *did* value my autonomy. There's basically no advice for people who want to try to make a relationship where there's a big desire gap work that isn't "well you should just have sex anyway" or "just break up lol". And that sucks!

Sometimes breaking up is necessary, and that's what ended up happening with us because there were other reasons we worked better as friends, but there *should* be better frameworks for discussing what people want and need that don't automatically assume that one partner's feelings are automatically more important or valuable than the other's.

[geese-in-flight]

I was dating someone who wanted to be accommodating and work with me to figure things out but lacked the EQ to do so in any effective way. It was my first relationship and I was still figuring out what being ace meant for me. It’s been eight or nine years, but I still remember very clearly the moment I realized we’d been approaching the entire discussion as if my orientation was the problem to be solved, and that it would be equally as valid to say that hers was.

She was significantly less impressed with this revelation than I was, but I tried to hold on to it ever since (although obviously the real problem wasn’t either one of us, but the mismatch and the lack of tools to deal with it). I think it’s super important to remember that we aren’t the ones in the wrong while our theoretical partners are the ones in the right. I was surprised by how much I’d internalized the assumption and I don’t think I’m the only one.

[ineffectualdemon]

The other frustrating aspect of this is allo relationships will often have periods of time where libido does not match (I'm not derailing and this will swing back to asexual people)

Just after giving birth, during a family crisis, during a mental health episode, during health problems, during stressful periods at work

There are a lot of times when one person is horned up and raring to go and the other has no interest

And the solution often presented is that the person who is going through something should just put out because they are the problem instead of like...finding ways to engage in non sexual intimacy to reaffirm closeness

An asexual person is going to get 10x the amount of pressure and blame put on them and no advice on how non-sexual intimacy can help their relationships and if they get that at all it will only be to sell it as a bridge to sex they don't want.

I really hate the selling of intimacy as only equaling or facilitating sex. Intimacy comes in many forms and should be explored more by every couple as a non sexual act. And it the given importance it deserves. In fact I would argue if we as a society put more value on non sexual intimacy more relationships would be happier and healthier

And asexual people would stop getting shit for being themselves.

[the-haiku-bot]

And asexual

people would stop getting shit

for being themselves.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[hylianengineer]

All of this, in ace AND allo relationships alike, is toxic as fuck. If someone is trying to pressure you into sex you don't want: that is wrong. That is sexual harassment at best and potentially sexual assault.

As an asexual, there are a lot of things I wish allos would learn from us. Right now I want you all to understand we ALL deserve better than this. Consent fucking matters, and sexual assault or harassment within a relationship is NOT okay!

[venus-is-in-bloom]

i enjoy video games because they let me live out my wildest fantasies, like being assigned a task and then completing that task

[gayhoediaz]

“it sounds like you’re justifying their actions-“ i am. they’re a fictional character. i’m okay with anything they do all the time. hope this helps.

[some-stars]

this shit from the comments is unironically so fucking sad to me. this is where we’re at now? “aren’t books supposed to have morals?” genuinely let’s all just pack it in and go home, we tried the whole “experiencing life and art at a greater complexity level than an eight year old can handle” thing and it didn’t work out, somebody break the news to oscar wilde, we’re done here. “books are meant to teach you something.” christ.

[napalm-waistcoat]

[bioloyg]

@astromachinations I actually need this on the post

[riverofmolecules]

true allyship

[trans-ralsei]

[trans-ralsei]

[caughtthedarkness93]

I love my job, but reblogging employment jelly for someone else I love.

[s4renka]

I'm blocked by OP because my aura too strong but still needed this image here

[depsidase]

[haunted-hideaway]

I’m glad that OP:

1) Figured this out.

2) Shared so others can learn from their mistake.

[medic-mercury]

What they typed is AI-generated trash. AI bros are never beating the allegations.

[marinella-ela]

[drtanner]

I need to tell you, the sound is VERY important, and the final frame of the video is 👌👌👌.

[the-frightening-ghoul]

ㅤ

[draconym]

[draconym]

great work everyone hit the bathhouse

[sodomit]

I was looking for photos of one physical condition that happens to penises and came across this photoset.

[sighinastorm]

there be some specific-ass types of wizard nowadays

[emptyjunior]

This fucks exponentially no more "good rep" I want exclusively bad evil metal hardcore rep

[finalpam8000]

Here’s how the creator confirmed they were Nonbinary, which might just be the best way to confirm any character as Nonbinary.

[slutwater]

[jamie-goblin-child]

[sandstorm01121]

Even with all the Monastery art, I can't forget that scene: Antonius complains about Siskin, and Henry just randomly brings up Hans Capon! LOL. Henry, how obsessed are you!? Why mention Hans to a total stranger? Even I wasn't thinking of him then. He's really on Henry's mind 24/7!🤣

[kingcatnine]

guards! read me my bedtime yaoi

[seven-oh-four]

my liege if you keep having all of the guards come to your bedroom to read you bedtime stories, there will be no one to actually guard the castle during that time!

[kingcatnine]

any intruders are welcome to join us for story time

[cvntkisser]

my liege the enemies to lovers yaoi is affecting your perception of the danger of real enemies.

[kingcatnine]

when will it be my turn.

[o-kenki]

[kingcatnine]

holy fuck

[kingcatnine]

happy one year to bedtime yaoi

[marathehomosexual]

Persona fans are really mad at this because of how accurately portrays how shitty the modern franchise writes its female characters

[solarzilla]

[lycanthology]

wish ppl understood the power nowadays in not giving something attention. things today are so focused on attention and reaction and #memes that the best way to shut literally anything down is simply not give it exactly what it wants. like you arent going to own that bigot on twitter youre going to boost their original message whether thats your intent or not and you arent just playing with ai for shits and giggles you are giving it free learning and data. just stop engaging with things that dont deserve it