She was cursed with the power to protect herself

Submissions always welcome.

[fxlthyangxl-deactivated20240122]

[thereisnothingwrong]

I can’t stress this enough

Male victims shouldn’t be

• laughed at

• mocked

Male victims should

• get justice

• get love and support

• be validated

• have a voice

It isn’t that hard people

[northw0man-deactivated20201019]

Here’s a cool trick to see if a man actually respects you: try disagreeing with him

[the-rain-monster]

A friend of mine did something with online dating where, before meeting a person, she’d say no to something minor without a reason for the no. For example: “No, I don’t want to meet at a coffee shop, how about X?”, or “No, not Wednesday”, or “No, I don’t want to recognize each other by both wearing green shirts”. She said how the potential dates reacted was a huge indicator of whether she actually wanted to meet them, something I readily believe.

I’ve mentioned this to a few people and sometimes I get very annoyed and incredulous responses from guys about how are they supposed to know that it’s a test if the girl is being unreasonable? How are they supposed to know that and let her have her way? I find it difficult to explain that if you find it unreasonable for someone to have a preference of no consequence which they don’t feel the need to explain, then you are the one being unreasonable. You can decide for yourself that it sounds flaky and you don’t want to date her, but you don’t have a right to know and approve all of her reasons for things in order to deign to respect that she said no about it. Especially in the case of someone you haven’t even fucking met yet.

[the-real-seebs]

The point isn’t to know it’s a test, the point is that if you would only say “yes” if you knew it was a test, then what if it’s not a test, but because she hates coffee shops, or because she’s attending a funeral Wednesday and doesn’t know you well enough to want to share that, or whatever else? Because if you’re making rules for when other people can have preferences and not explain why… yeah, that is a thing they can reasonably want to avoid.

[teratomarty]

@ all the angry dudes in the replies: the point is not to trick or manipulate men. The point is to see how a potential romantic partner reacts to a minor inconvenience.  If they say, “oh, ok, would seven work instead?” or “well there’s this Armenian tea house I’ve been meaning to try out, want to go there?” then that’s a good sign that they’re safe to date.  If they throw a fit and/or demand to know every little detail about your rationale over something as simple as rescheduling dinner plans, that’s a bad sign. A really bad sign.

It’s like this, dudes. Women in Western society are socialised to cooperate and compromise. Some men are socialised to get all their own way, all the time.  These dudes are incredibly dangerous to women their partners,* and the only way to tell them apart from the OK guys is to pay close attention to how they react.  If you’re one of the OK ones, this isn’t about you. Learn to take “no” for an answer, and you’ll be fine.

*Updated to reflect the fact that abusive men can target any gender, and the fact that I used this screening tactic to good effect during my Big Gay Slut phase.

[lierdumoa]

The thing a lot of the men reblogging don’t get – they think this post is telling women to lie. They think this post is telling women to start a fake argument and to be manipulative.

Actually, this post is doing the opposite. This post is telling women to be straightforward, and forthright, and upfront about their values and opinions.

This post is telling women, “I know you’ve been socialized and conditioned to nod and smile at everything a man says your whole life, since you were 4 years old and your grandma told you that little girls should be seen and not heard. I know that by now it’s second nature to you, and you probably don’t even realize you’re doing it half the time. You don’t even realize that the laugh that just came out of your mouth is a laugh of appeasement, rather than a laugh of genuine humor. ”

It’s telling women, “Force yourself to resist your conditioning. Consciously make an effort to be open and honest in that initial conversation, when you’re making small talk, about small things. If he says something you don’t quite agree with (and he inevitably will, because nobody agrees on everything), don’t smile and concede the point like you’ve been trained to do. Consciously make a point of vocalizing your real opinion.”

It’s telling women “If a man doesn’t respect your real opinion about a small, insignificant issue when you first meet him, then he’s not going to respect your real boundaries later on when you’re in a serious relationship.”

[3fluffies]

Seriously, ladies, read this to men already in your lives. If they get outraged…maybe reconsider their place in your lives.

[thebootydiaries]

Hey I just saw you get stabbed and I’m gonna say it, I would never stab you like that you deserve to be treated like a princess,

[a-hurricane-thundercloud]

To those of you that fear recovery because you’ve become so comfortable with your suffering:

You don’t notice it leave. It goes away slowly and you don’t even notice it’s gone until youre happy and content.

You won’t miss it. It won’t hurt. You won’t be empty. I promise it will be so much better than your head tells you.

[dekutree]

girl: good afternoon

thirsty boyz: it is a good afternoon haha you are always speakin the truth that’s why i like you =) you’re not like most girls you always tell it like it is and don’t care about other people’s opinions. how are you so cool haha =) anyway i just wanted to let you know you’re a real cool chick you know that right? and you’re really cute btw haha =) 

[endofeva1997]

There’s a narrative about abusers that, while rings true for probably a lot of people, falls short in my experience. Not all abusers are calculating and malicious. Some people just. Think abuse is the proper way to interact with human beings. (Can’t get someone to do what I want? Emotionally manipulate them! And then say that they’re the manipulative one!) not all abusers intend to be abusive or even know what they’re doing is abusive.

That doesn’t mean the abuse is any better for the victim. It usually means we question it more. Is it really abuse if they didn’t mean it? If they tell us they love us? If they’re not malicious? If they just don’t know any other way to behave?

Abuse just has many forms and they all suck balls

[operatorfortheboogeymen]

This is true. Shitty and unhealthy is just who they are and I believe it’s more effective than using a carefully constructed facade. They believe that what they’re doing is normal and they make you believe it’s normal. It’s so ugly.

[writingsforwinter]

If you lose interest in someone, tell them. 

If you’re not looking for a relationship, tell the person you’re seeing.

If you’re thinking of ghosting someone, tell them.

If you can’t handle meeting up with someone after all, tell them.

If you’re terrible at responding to messages, tell people.

If you prefer talking in person to texting, tell people. 

If you’re seeing several people at the same time, tell them.

If you’re looking for sex rather than dating, tell the person you’re seeing.

It is not difficult to be a decent and honest, open, communicative human being. Respect those whom you interact with and have relationships with by telling the truth instead of leading them on or being deceitful.

[venusmacabre-deactivated2019053]

Dear girls, be intensely wary of men considerably older than you obsessed with “mentoring” you. They’re most likely trying to groom you. Speaking from experience.

[venusmacabre-deactivated2019053]

I want to make it clear I’m not just speaking to underage/teen girls. Any younger girl, and this can happen to not that young women as well.

Just because the guy isn’t technically a pedophile, doesn’t make him any less predatory. When you’re in your 20s you may not be a kid anymore, but you’re not fully developed as an adult either. You’re still vulnerable to predators who have the advantage of more experience and thus tools you don’t yet have, in addition to the other advantage of power imbalance due to gendered relations.

A man who wants to be your mentor, especially if he says he wants to “shape” you or anything similar, is a man who’s trying to turn you into his puppet, to make you “develop” (be molded) into the girl/woman that serves his pleasure, even if not directly sexual.

There’s predators who get off on the intellectual performance of the younger female objects of their obsessions. There’s predators who get off on your social development fitting their not-necessarily sexual fantasies. There’s predators who get off on the idea of taking a depressed girl and becoming her “savior”.

There’s people who get off to feet and fucking statues, you best believe there’s predators who get immense satisfaction from mental games against vulnerable girls/women even if they’re not (directly) sexual. And even if those things aren’t sexual at all to you, it will fuck you up. Because you’ll know or feel that you’re being used against your will, that you’re not being treated as a human, you’ll feel trapped, you’ll feel controlled, you’ll feel hopeless and disgusted with what he’s turning you into.

It’s about control, it’s about possession, it’s about ownership of who you are, it’s about having the perfect doll to play with.

It’s about you becoming mentally, emotionally, intellectually, socially dependent on them. It’s about a boost of their egos.

Regardless of your age, but especially if you’re considerably younger than him, and you see signs of him being fixated on this, RUN AS SOON AS YOU CAN.

[venusmacabre-deactivated2019053]

Can people reblog this version? Because I’m tired of people who supposedly care about abuse victims dropping any concern and compassion for female victims of grooming as soon as a girl turns 18 like she wasn’t a literal kid five minutes ago.

[dudepositivity]

Dudes who date women: your girlfriend should NOT be demanding you share your location with her. 

She should NOT be forcing you to put tracking apps on your phone or to let her go through personal conversations you’ve had with friends. 

She should NOT yell at you or hit you when you make mistakes.

She should NOT accuse you of cheating or scream at you when you only looked at or talked to another girl.

 She should NOT make fun of your body, voice, or appearance in general.

Just because you’re a guy doesn’t mean that a woman cannot be abusive towards you. If ANYONE you’re in a relationship with does these things you need to talk to somebody about this. 

[claryfairhild]

i’m so done with the way girls in twenties are treated. i’m so done with people who literally create timetable for us. 20- 24  find a guy, 24-26 make him propose to you, 27-29 get married. i’m so done. i’m do not want to get 2 a.m texts from my best friend who is freaking out that she is gonna die alone. i do not want see my 20 years old friend wasting her time on some guys who are not even interested in her. i do not want see us falling for every nice guy who does not look creepy. i do not want to see girls get sad or paranoid just bcos they do not fill in the schedule. you are ok. you should enjoy your life at its fullest and one day you will find 10/10 so do not pursue 6 just because you do not want to be single. it is ok and one day you will find someone. do not split your love with people who does not deserve it. keep it for yourself and when time will come you will know. i know it hurts. i know you wish u could just open part of yourself and release the buzzing love. but not every kind of love is romantic. show it to your family, friends, plants, yourself.

[kaerya]

Not a real criticism, just an expansion really, but …  it’s not just the timetables we need to get away from, but the goal itself, I think.  “One day you will find someone,” sounds comforting, but the reason it doesn’t lay fears to rest is because we are all smart enough to know it’s not necessarily true.

My aunt is over sixty, never married, and never, so far as I am aware, ever even had a great romance.  She dated a lot, but never clicked and now seems to have given up.  My mentor is over seventy, divorced her asshole husband more than half her life ago and has never found anyone since.

We all know women (and men) like these.  And because we know them, we know that “one day you will find someone,” is just … hogwash.  Because sometimes you just … don’t.  Or sometimes you do, but he turns out to be a cad.  Or you do and the universe rips you apart in the most unfair way possible.  And because society has us so fixated on finding “our other half” or whatever, we view these women as cautionary tales.

But … 

My aunt trains dogs.  Her schipperke is the national champion for his breed.  She spent so much of her life as a librarian, nurturing the love of books in kids, myself among them.  I ride horses because of her, and it’s one of the very few things I do that makes my soul feel at peace.

My mentor is one of the best criminal defense attorneys in her state.  She has devoted her life to fighting to ensure that everyone gets a vigorous defense.  Because of her countless people have had the opportunity to turn their lives around.  Because of her, they’ve had a life to turn around.  Because of her, the prosecution and the police in her jurisdiction are forced to behave ethically and adhere to the rule of law.  She’s still, even now fighting to abolish the death penalty.  It’s because of her that I am pursuing the life I am.

These women’s lives are not nothing.  In fact they are a whole lot of something, and it makes my heart hurt that I ever, in my dark 3 am’s, thought of their lives as something to be avoided at all costs.

So love your family, your friends, your pets, your gardens.  Love your job or your hobby or your raison d’ etre, whatever it is.  Love sunsets and the smell of rain and yourself, and don’t love these as something to do as a placeholder until the buzzing, romantic love comes, but love these as things worth loving all in themselves.

It’s fucking hard some days.  The dark 3 am’s still come sometimes.  But most days, I am so much more at peace knowing that I am not incomplete or waiting, but that my life, if it ended today, is worth it because of the platonic, familial, friendship love I have shared.  And if the other kind does come someday, that’ll be nice, but it won’t make any of the others less.  It’ll just be caramel sauce on a sundae–tasty and wonderful, but the sundae was perfect without it too.

[moisemorancy-deactivated2022061]

This.

[skzhhssh-deactivated20190330]

can you believe female hysteria was considered like an actual medical thing… god

[skzhhssh-deactivated20190330]

mary louise moneybags in 1880: im horny all the time and also sad and i feel dissatisfied with my shitty life i dont want kids i hate my dad and my husband

dr mis o’geny: i diagnose you with WOMAN

[skzhhssh-deactivated20190330]

fun fact if you’re a man you’re not allowed to laugh at this joke bcus i don’t go a day without hearing about how girls are all overemotional unstable and crazy so you all still think like this you’ve just gotten better at phrasing it in a way that doesnt seem like bullshit at first glance

[niambi]

I’m????

[alarajrogers]

Oh my God this actually explains so much.

So there’s a known thing in the study of human psychology/sociology/what-have-you where men are known to, on average, rely entirely on their female romantic partner for emotional support. Bonding with other men is done at a more superficial level involving fun group activities and conversations about general subjects but rarely involves actually leaning on other men or being really honest about emotional problems. Men use alcohol to be able to lower their inhibitions enough to expose themselves emotionally to other men, but if you can’t get emotional support unless you’re drunk, you have a problem.

So men need to have a woman in their lives to have anyone they can share their emotional needs and vulnerabilities with. However, since women are not socialized to fear sharing these things, women’s friendships with other women are heavily based on emotional support. If you can’t lean on her when you’re weak, she’s not your friend. To women, what friendship is is someone who listens to all your problems and keeps you company.

So this disconnect men are suffering from is that they think that only a person who is having sex with you will share their emotions and expect support. That’s what a romantic partner does. But women think that’s what a friend does. So women do it for their romantic partners and their friends and expect a male friend to do it for them the same as a female friend would. This fools the male friend into thinking there must be something romantic there when there is not.

This here is an example of patriarchy hurting everyone. Women have a much healthier approach to emotional support – they don’t die when widowed at nearly the rate that widowers die and they don’t suffer emotionally from divorce nearly as much even though they suffer much more financially, and this is because women don’t put all their emotional needs on one person. Women have a support network of other women. But men are trained to never share their emotions except with their wife or girlfriend, because that isn’t manly. So when she dies or leaves them, they have no one to turn to to help with the grief, causing higher rates of death, depression, alcoholism and general awfulness upon losing a romantic partner. 

So men suffer terribly from being trained in this way. But women suffer in that they can’t reach out to male friends for basic friendship. I am not sure any man can comprehend how heartbreaking it is to realize that a guy you thought was your friend was really just trying to get into your pants. Friendship is real. It’s emotional, it’s important to us. We lean on our friends. Knowing that your friend was secretly seething with resentment when you were opening up to him and sharing your problems because he felt like he shouldn’t have to do that kind of emotional work for anyone not having sex with him, and he felt used by you for that reason, is horrible. And the fact that men can’t share emotional needs with other men means that lots of men who can’t get a girlfriend end up turning into horrible misogynistic people who think the world owes them the love of a woman, like it’s a commodity… because no one will die without sex. Masturbation exists. But people will die or suffer deep emotional trauma from having no one they can lean on emotionally. And men who are suffering deep emotional trauma, and have been trained to channel their personal trauma into rage because they can’t share it, become mass shooters, or rapists, or simply horrible misogynists.

The only way to fix this is to teach boys it’s okay to love your friends. It’s okay to share your needs and your problems with your friends. It’s okay to lean on your friends, to hug your friends, to be weak with your friends. Only if this is okay for boys to do with their male friends can this problem be resolved… so men, this one’s on you. Women can’t fix this for you; you don’t listen to us about matters of what it means to be a man. Fix your own shit and teach your brothers and sons and friends that this is okay, or everyone suffers.

[dollbeshop]

The next time a guy says, “What? You don't want to be my friend?” I’ll text him this and then ask if he really wants to be friends or just have another potential girlfriend.

[sounddesignerjeans-deactivated2]

y’all I am living for these analyses where the new way to fight the patriarchy is to teach men to love each other and themselves

[astronomically-androngynous]

Im a communication student and can confirm the above is absolutely 100% accurate and it’s called agentic vs communal friendship theorized by Steven McCornack

[lord-kitschener]

Sure, relationships typically start with a honeymoon phase that then grows into something deeper but a bit more mellow if things work out, but it’s depressing as fuck that this has turned into a really, really common script for straight relationships that says it’s totally normal and inevitable for dudes to just become more and more emotionally checked out of the relationship, and leave it to their girlfriend/wife to perform if she wants to get even a crumb of affection from him. I’m so fucking tired of seeing women constantly being taught that decades of emotional neglect is just our lot in life.

[neverthere12345]

Millie Bobby Brown says ya’ll need to stop coming between her and Drake.

[black-rose0205]

Her response proves the point about this being an inappropriate “friendship”.

[dicapito]

Her response also proves her parents care more about the money than their own kid.

[xmagnet-o]

I was just thinking that too.

[dicapito]

I just don’t get why they’re sitting back and allowing this. For fame? I mean damn….at least try and be a parent.

[xmagnet-o]

Sadly, many parents love money more than their children.

I just hope someone steps in to protect her.

[jamaicanblackcastoroil]

What’s really fucked up is we know if he wasn’t rich they would’ve called the police on him a long time ago.

[pussysoupforthesoul-deactivated]

and unfortunately a lot of teens don’t recognize how young they are. like despite feeling n acting mature they can’t change the fact that they aren’t n don’t fully understand the potential ramifications of relationships like this. it just feels like infantilization to them which is frustrating to kids who don’t see themselves as kids. and its not until they’re older do they begin to realize why these situations are so concerning n after that it ends up being too late n just a whirlwind of trauma following right after 

[medusa-grove]

I try to make sure all my posts are tagged with as much as possible, since this is supposed to be a safe space, so please feel free to let me know anonymously or otherwise if you have anything specific you’d like tagged, if I missed something, or if you have any ideas on how to improve my current tagging system!