@minniestumblings - Tumblr Blog

turnipoddity

If only pre historic fish did not grow feet and crawled to the land

hombredeflorida

“This is YOUR fault!”

heck-yeah-old-tech

Uh, Minnie, I have something to tell you…

theradicalace

youd be scared too if a 6 inch tall naked human sprinted across your floor

real-bi-gemini

Thats fair

laffgaff

I got the words "jacuzzi" and "yakuza" confused.

Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

flowisaconstruct-deactivated202

I didn’t want to like it. But I did.

yourfavesparksjoy

You spark joy!

burndownthehousetonight

This feels like a threat

yourfavesparksjoy

Spark joy

peehat

(to the tune of uptown girl) uptown rat. he wears a very silly pointy hat

donkeykongsixtyfour

dragon-in-a-fez

look I know the instructions were right there but you have no idea how much time I spent trying to sing this to the tune of uptown funk

velmasdinkleys

the queen has returned

switchingtogeico

insomniac-arrest

new friend: gosh you are so intelligent and well-spoken

me: :)

me internally: you fool, that is because you are on level 2 friendship, by level 5 I will be mumbling nonsense and finishing every half-baked sentence with ‘ya know?’

duckbunny

basic friendship: we talk about issues in our lives and give each other advice

advanced friendship: same, but i always advise murder

pastelroyalty

This is the funniest email I have ever received from a professor

surprisebitch

also most considerate

rosewater1997

Are you there god It’s me your bastard child

ghostlyss

(Percy Jackson and the Olympians by Rick Riordan)

mrsroryhuntzberger

i’m not on here much anymore but i was rewatching elementary and wanted everyone to know that dr joan watson could beat the crap out of bbc!sherlock while elementary!sherlock films it and cheers her on

Tiddies

wait

Tiddies

for my bi gals:

Tiddies

hustlerose

sometimes u should accept an apology and sometimes u gotta say “rot bitch”

weheartfandom

black panther (2018): a summary

tlematimun

that’s the face of an older sibling who knows they’d get they ass beat if they pulled that shit

canadianstuck

One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.

And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”

He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.

ournameisfun

during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard

sammysausage

When I saw him in Ft. Lauderdale, there was a bar in the lobby that people kept leaving to go to. At one point, a guy in the front row just got up and BOOKED IT to get drinks. John Mulaney looked over at a woman who was next to the empty seat and asked, “Are you with him? What’s his name?”

She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”

He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”

Naturally, we erupted with “WE LOVE MILKSHAKES” and John Mulaney SWUNG around to face the drinks guy and said, “I bet you’re real confused now, huh, JASON?!”