Be your own kinda beautiful

My blog is all about my life. Finding the beauty in everything you do even the negative. It’s not always easy. If it was easy it wouldn't be fun. I am 28 years old. Like most people I’m following on here your either a suffers of fibro, RA, PCOS Anorexia or you’re a fitness junky who inspire me to push past the pain every day.

[mollynix]

When people around you are making things happen and you have felt stuck and unsuccessful for a long time it really brings those incentives up even more than before.

Some days I feel like throwing my hands in the air. Giving up. I have hard days that I really struggle with my body. I can’t show that side to anyone. It’s better to suffer in silence. That’s what I have been told. Now that it’s ingrained into my head from my past. Be silent push through. Live for others because are not worthy of love.

Working two full time jobs. Paying bills with no saving and nothing to show. Nothing to say you see all this hard work bought that dream home, dream car, that big garden, nothing.

I never want to be looked at as ya she is the sick girl. She who cries wolf. She who is helpless or worthless. So… I sit silent. Broken. Forgot.

Lately more insecurity come up.

I thought I was at the bottom.

Suddenly I’m swallowed whole.

Darkness creeps in.

If tomorrow this illness took my life. They would say. Not surprised. She was fat. She was didn’t take care of her self. Who would really know her enough to say she gave everything and expected nothing.

Here I sit crying inside never to show my broken piece. Never to ask for help to be glued back together.

Forever that back shelf porcelain doll.

🖤🧡🖤beautiful soul

[mollynix]

I just want to make it through my best friend’s wedding.

[endometriosismemes]

[mollynix]

Seriously I think everyone has at least felt this a time or two.

[mollynix]

Day after day the feeling never goes away. After a 8 year marriage 9 years together. The trauma of being yelled at and having things thrown at my face for even stating I was tired after a 16 hour shift. It’s hard to openly talk about all the things In the picture. Happily divorced and found my person.

Things I wish I could say without ridicule:

This was not in my job description.

I think it’s unfair that we have assigned parking and I’m the furthest parking spot away from the door based off I’m the youngest when I am indeed permanently disabled and have the paperwork to prove it and a handicap parking permit.

My body is relapsing and I need to have the day off or work from home.

My legs lost feeling. I CANT WALK A-HOLE!

I need help.

Why am I always the responsible adult.

I know there are many medications for this issue. We don’t share a body. In return you don’t know my pain tolerance or my thrush-hold. Trust me. If I wanted medication I’ll go to a doctor’s office.

I sleep 15 hours. Yes. I am still tired. Let me fall back to sleep and you do what you wanted me to do.

[mollynix]

Is it just me or is EVERY community falling a part internally?

[spoonielols]

[mollynix]

Fair

[mollynix]

Its been a hot sec!

Well, I am back. Back here to do what I do best. What have you missed...well, Since you asked. I have moved to Washington state to start a whole new life. I am working my ass off as always. I am working multiple jobs. My favorite job is my side hustle. I am a sex educator with pure romance. I am the dildo lady hahah. Fun time fun times. I love all the wild ones. 

[mollynix]

[mollynix]

[mollynix]

How I feel about my heart. So sick of heart break.

[mollynix]

[mollynix]

My Heart

My heart slowly fades into the nigh Numb from the pain Pain in which I wish I could feel Who thought I'd want to feel after all this Nights of crying wishing it wasn't silent Deep into a pillow Almost suffocating myself Just to be sure no one can hear. Wishing that the verbal knife would be pulled from my chest Some days I wish it was physical only to view my chest cavity to be reassure that my heart is still there.

[mollynix]

[mollynix]

When your guy says good morning and you've got a hangover from meds and don't want to function.

[mollynix]

My New journey

So like most of you know life always throws you a curve ball.well,my curveball had just been released out of someone's hand and now it's all about me standing there at Homeplate bat in hand ready to take a swing at this thing called life once again. Finding my purpose all over again. Determined not to strike out. I will overcome all my battles again.

[mollynix]

Beyond stressed! I try and yet everyone around me makes me feel like shit. Some days you just want a simple I see what you are doing and thank you. No no no. A big fuck you. Your a dumb bitch is so easy for people to say. No respect.

[mollynix]

Rocking my flowers. Sunshine. It's a good day for a spoonie like me.