I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why I find it so difficult to say uncomplicatedly nice things about Anakin and, as cliche as it is, I think it always comes back to this. Part of it is of course the fandom discourse that surrounds his character and feeling like you have to head off the idea that he wasn’t responsible for any of it, so you nail everything down in the original post, etc. But I don’t think that’s the very root of it for me.
It keeps coming back to this. And this isn’t a judgement of anyone who sees the character differently (he is, after all, a fictional character that will inspire different reactions in people), it’s an exploration of where I’m coming from myself and why I have a tough time being on Anakin’s side in anything. Because, for me, any good qualities Anakin has–and he does have them!–cannot be divorced from that he is Darth Vader and all that Darth Vader will do, that Darth Vader isn’t a separate character, that Darth Vader is Anakin Skywalker, that Vader’s issues are Anakin’s issues, and that Anakin’s issues lead to that he willingly murders children. The entire time we know him during the Clone Wars, he is someone who has already murdered children and whatever he feels about that, all we see of it is him feeling perfectly justified and then that everything is totally fine.
Every kind moment he has with Ahsoka, he is still a baby murderer. Every time he has a sweet moment with Padme, he is still a baby murderer. Every time he has a good moment with Obi-Wan, he is still a baby murderer. Every time he has reasonable fears and understandable hurts, he is still a baby murderer. Every time he does something nice for someone, he is still a baby murderer. A baby murderer who doesn’t feel bad about the babies he murdered.
He is still the character who is going to murder more children. It doesn’t matter that he hasn’t done it yet, when I watch anything of the prequels or TCW, I know that he is the kind of person who would genuinely do it, that is already in him, that is a fundamental part of who he is.
Does it come layered with a lot of other stuff? Yes, absolutely! I actually genuinely do relate to Anakin’s character far more than I do any other in Star Wars, I do interpret him as someone with severe anxiety and a terror of facing the worst parts of himself, who is terrified of rejection by those he cares about, who struggles to genuinely believe that those around him are telling him the truth and genuinely care for him. All of that shit rolls around in my head every single day of my life and it makes me empathize with Anakin’s character so much. I love analyzing those parts of his character, too!
But it cannot be separated from that he is someone who is absolutely willing to murder babies. Every bit of anxiety he has? It leads to baby murder. Every bit of terror he has about fear of loss and rejection? It leads to baby murder. Every time someone is less than kind to him? He’s still hiding baby murder. I just cannot find anything that outweighs that when I look at the character, just about every single moment of his life that we see is soaked in a willingness to murder babies.
It’s inescapable because it’s part of his character and I just cannot find it in my heart to look at a scene of, say, the Jedi denying him an unearned rank of Master or Obi-Wan faking his death in the middle of a war where lives were on the line, where even when Anakin’s hurt feelings or being upset at the situation were valid, and have any of that outweigh baby murder. It doesn’t matter if he is or isn’t justified in a given scene, because I look at him and I see someone who is willing to and has murdered babies. It’s always, always there. And it’s bigger than anything that was done to him. (Other than Palpatine’s abuse of him across the span of his life.)
To be clear, it’s not just the baby murder, it’s also the lies and the betrayal and the unwillingness to really look inside himself and do the hard work of personal growth, but the baby murder really is the big one. It’s always there and it’s never addressed!! If Anakin had made real effort to make amends or grow from it, I could probably get over it, but he never does, so it’s just always sitting there. Baby murderer is a neon flashing sign over his head. It’s inescapable because he never is shown to regret it or deal with it, it’s always just there, a part of him.
The closest I can get to being on Anakin’s side is to head into “he’s my trash baby and I dug him out of the dumpster fair and square” because I feel like that at least addresses the monstrous things he’s done and that they cannot be divorced from any given moment in his life.
Anything in the canon that’s purely Anakin-positive (at least by the time he’s 19, but even then he’s someone willing to do it) I just can’t fully connect to (props to others if they can, I would love to join them!) because it feels false to me, it feels like it’s hollowing out the character of a fundamental part of who he is, that he’s Darth Vader, Baby Murderer.
