super late but hereās a very specific ship dynamic iāve been obssessed with recently
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@mrrussellsprout
super late but hereās a very specific ship dynamic iāve been obssessed with recently
i met a polyam girl last week who calls all her partners, romantic or platonic, affections. she said oh yeah this is a picture an affection of mine from another city took. oh an affection taught me how to cut my hair. i'm still. thinking about it. to be someone's affection.
A Perfect Shot
It took me so long to get that it was literally a ābullseyeā
āThe prince just fell in love with Cinderella because of her looks!ā
Wrong. Okay, picture thisā
So thereās the prince, okay? Heās like, smack dab in the center of the ballroom, and he is like, horrifically aware that this whole ball thing is a result of his dad falling into a panic about the royal lineage or whatever and heās stuck listening to highborn girl after highborn girl, all lined up, introducing themselves like,Ā āOh yeah my familyās been a longtime supporter of the crown, and I think youāre cute, *cough* Iāve been told I have child-bearing hips *cough* Who said that? Anywayāā and Princey boy is just smiling through it, he has been the center of attention for entirely too long, he misses his emotional support horse, and is just internally likeĀ āSomeone please kill me now.ā And then⦠he sees herāThis isnāt a love at first sight thing, this is aĀ āwhat the hell is going on over thereā thing, because this girl has not gotten into the Debutante line for a solid 45 minutes.Ā
Sheās just at the hors dāoeuvres table going HAM on the prosciutto-wrapped asparagus, and like, sheās polite about it, sheās happy to move aside for other people grabbing punch and canapes (and sheās really so sweet with the wait staff, itās kind of cute because theyāre like⦠definitely not used to being acknowledged) but itās like,Ā āDamn girl, did you not eat today?ā and then the prince is kind of stuck with the uncomfortable thought ofĀ āhow many girls starved themselves to fit into a corset for this.ā And then the Prince realizes heās missed the past 4 Debutante introductions because heās watching Mystery girl hork down crab rangoons. So heās like,Ā āExcuse meā and manages to break free from the never-ending parade of girls who will hop on his dick for status.
Ā And as heās approaching Mystery Girl, itās kind of hitting him that somethingās not quite natural about her. Not fake, but not quite real. But at the same time this whole eveningās been just a whole circus of people acting fake as hell, so like, someone seeming a little off doesnāt seem bad, necessarily. And he sidles up to her like,Ā āHi,ā and sheās like,Ā āOhāhey, have you tried the tapenade?ā and she points to one of the plates, and at this point, he could hit her with theĀ āYou donāt know who I am, do you?ā deal or theĀ āVery funny, I see your playā deal, but at this point it occurs to him that, no, he hasnāt had anything to eat throughout this whole damn ball, partially because of being stuck in the debutante parade, partially because of nerves, and thereās something so disarming about the question that he grabs a crostiniĀ and she still seems so food-focused that it doesnāt seem possible that this is a play. So they both grab little plates and ditch the party.
She pretty much clears her plate in under two minutes and then has half of his plate, heās cool with it, mostly heās just absolutely fascinated listening to her.
See hereās the thing about Cinderella:
1. She doesnāt know heās the prince. Like yeah, heās been at the center of the room, but sheās kind of spent half the party eagerly looking around everywhere sheās allowed to go (āHave you seen rose garden? Have you seen the solarium??ā further confirmation that she doesnāt know who sheās talking to) and the other half stuffing her face with food.Ā
2. She assumes sheās never going to see anyone here tonight again, and no one recognizes her, so she has no filter.
So sheās just talking about whatever with this guy. He seems cool. She talks about her friends, who are rats. She makes little outfits for them. Sometimes they bring her little gifts. She is already the coolest person the prince has ever met because of this. She pretty much offhandedly talks about whatever is fucked up about the kingdom that would take his advisors two hours of hemming and hawing and watering down to address. She just says it like itās nothing, just funky little things sheās observed, and again, sheās not aware that heās the prince, but itās still pretty damn bold to bring up at a literal royal ball.
She⦠seems to have the majority of graces that lots of girls from Respectable Families⢠have, but thereās something strange about it, something simultaneously broken and hardened, like the way you can see where ice has thawed and re-frozen. Also the way she talks about her family, and the way she avoids talking about her familyā is raising several red flags, not in theĀ āOh this is another person trying to take advantage of meā sense, but in theĀ āOh fuck, somethingās gone really wrong and you need helpā sense and also lowkey a ādamn is she even getting fed?ā sense. But he canāt say,Ā āHey, thatās not fucking normal for people to say that to you or treat you that way. We need to get you out of there,ā without sounding crazy himself, so for now, heās just going to chill, make sure sheās comfortable, and keep enjoying the evening. Sheās somehow befriended like 4 of the waitstaff so theyāre willing to cover for them while they disappear for a little bit, and they get plenty of time to talk, but eventually it hits her that she hasnāt danced yet and sheās likeĀ āCome on! I bet we can make the prince jealous!ā and he just bursts out laughing at that likeĀ āhell yeah, letās make the prince jealous. Heās a real asshole.ā Like clearly sheās having a good time, so who is he to make it weird? So they head back to the ballroom and they dance. And our girl, Mystery Girl, Cinderella, while theyāre dancing, becomes acutely aware that everyone is staring.Ā That doesnāt seem quite right. Like, yeah sheās hot, she knows sheās hot, but at least a good third of the party should still be focused on the prince, right? Where is that guy, anyway?
Oh.
Oh wait.
Oh shit.
And Princey Boy actually picks up on her realization and they whisper argue for like 3 minutes.Ā āWhy didnāt you tell me?! Now I feel like a goddamn idiot!āĀ āI dunno it was nice being treated like a normal personāĀ āWell me treating you like a normal person makes me a goddamn felon or something did you consider that?!āĀ āHeyāHeyāitās coolāyouāre coolāI think youāre amazing, and if anyone says shit about you, I can shut it down.āĀ āWell I donāt like that! Thatās fucked up!āĀ āI agree. It is fucked up, but I believe in you, and I think you should have a chance, and Iām here to back you up. I know power is fucked up right now. I know. But are you cool with working with me to change that?ā And our girl Cindy pauses on that for a couple seconds, because.. sheās just spent hours with this guy and like.. she knows heās a good guy, she knows he means well, so sheās like,Ā āI donāt know how long I can actually work with you.ā and the prince is likeĀ āLook, I know your home situation is complicated right now, but I really think we canāā
And then the bell starts ringing.
Itās midnight.
And then she takes off in a panic, and our prince just met the coolest person ever, and like, heās pretty sure whatever situation theyāre headed back to is fucked up, and all heās got going to find her is a shoe. A shoe.Ā
the only way this works for me is if he also has prosopagnosia, aka facial blindness. in any version of this story, itās just ludicrous to think that he canāt even string together a physical description of her. but this was total gold. i want to see a cinderella who horks down crab rangoons and has no filter lol
Ah yeah prosopagnosia, a reasonable explanation, however that lends to the other plot hole that there were countless others at the ball who could have recognized our girl Cinderella, including her Stepmother and Stepsisters. If the evil Stepfam recognized her, it would be all over.Ā
Thankfully the Fairy Godmother thought of something for that.
So picture Cindy, sheās in the garden under the hazel tree where her mother was buried, sheās just gotten the kickass dress, sheās doing the skirt twirlies, sheās checking herself out in the reflection of the garden fountain, and all of a sudden this horrible realization falls on her and she whirls over to look at her Fairy Godmother like,Ā āWAIT. If my stepmother recognizes me, Iām dead. Iām so dead.āĀ
And Fairy Godmother is just like,Ā āOh pffft kiddo donāt sweat it. Thereās a memory charm stitched into the dress.ā
āMemory charm?ā
āOh yeah. Fae standard. Thereās already illusion spells on the dress so no oneās gonna recognize you, and like⦠once the dress and the carriage and everything disappear at midnight, pretty much the only space youāll occupy in peopleās brains is like⦠theyāll basically remember you as a cloud of white noise. A talking cloud of white noiseātheyāll remember what you say, but not the sound of your voice.ā
āI donāt know what white noise is.ā
āDonāt worry about it.ā
āWaitāā Cindy perks up, āEverythingās going to disappear at midnight?ā
āYep. Everything,ā The fairy godmother is smacking her wand against her palm, trying to figure out how much juice is still in it.
And then this ripple passes over Cinderellaās face.Ā āEven the slippers?ā
āThe slippers?ā The fairy godmother glances up.
āI justā¦ā Cinderella fidgets with her dress a little, āI really like them. Theyāre so pretty and thereās⦠Iāve never seen anything like them in my life. I wouldnāt sell them or anything, and I know It would be much harder to hide the dress so I figured I couldnāt keep it⦠but⦠I just hoped I might have something so Iād know this night wasnāt a dream. Just something to take out from time to time and look atā¦ā She seems to catch herself and straighten up a little.Ā āBut I understand. Youāve already done so much, I should be thankful forāā
And Fairy Godmother is massaging her temples likeĀ āUrrrghhhh oh god youāre making the faceāOkay. OKAY. Iām bending like 15 rules for this butā¦ā she snaps her fingers and the slippers on Cinderellaās feel just a little heavier,Ā āThere you go. The shoes are physical and permanent. But heyāHEYākeep track of them. This means the memory and illusion charms donāt work on them. These are going to be the only recognizable things about you from this night. You got it?ā
And Cindy nods.
āI mean it! After this itās going to be months before I can muster up enough magic to turn into a starling murmuration and peck your stepfamilyās eyes out. So I canāt protect you before then.ā
āā¦w-what about pecking out eyesā?ā
āOkay! Ball time! Go kiddo, go! Go! Go! Get in the carriage! Go!āĀ
1. Excellent.
2. As an adult, I just feel like that fairy should have been able to provide more substantial help then the ticket to the ball + accessories. Like maybe money and a ticket out of town at an earlier point?
It took the fairy godmother a very long time to first come into existence as a fairy (From the hazel tree Cinderellaās father planted) and then it took her even longer to become a fairy godmother because the other fairy godmothers had to keep explaining to her,Ā āNo we donāt kill people.ā
āWhat are you talking about. Weāre fairies. We kill people all the time.ā
āYes, other fairies do that, but we donāt.āĀ
āBut what if they suck, though?ā
āFairy Godmothering isnāt about curses and punishment.ā
āI think we should be able to kill people.ā
*sigh* āErlking help meā¦ā
āThe Erlking would kill these clowns!ā
So keep in mind that Fairy Godmother is wearing the Fairy equivalent of an ankle monitor when sheās finally able to help Cindy.
āWhat are you talking
about. Weāre fairies. We kill
people all the time.ā
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
I donāt think Iāve seen a single Cinderella rewrite on this website that didnāt have fairy godmother as down for murder and honestly I fucking love that, let the sweet magic grandma be as unhinged as possible.
pringles iron maiden
[reaches in]
AAAAAHHHGHHHHH!!! AAUUUGHH FUCK! SON OF A FREAKING MOTHER!!
[grabs chip]Ā
hoooh⦠okay. Iām okay. :)
[pulls my hand back out]
SHIT FUCKING HELL! AAAAHHHH AAAAAOOOOHH WHY-
[chip crunching]
mmm, yummy yummy! I think Iāll have another! :D [reaches in-]
The Finn we all deserve
Urgent need for a fanart of Naruto in this t shirt
With "And Sasuke" printed at the back PRETTY PLEASE
not fanarts but is this what you mean?š£š£
Same energy
trifecta
quadrifecta
āTortillaā would match toĀ ātortaā, whichā¦.is a real Spanish word that just means cake, yāall.
Tortillas are little flat cakes.
in addition, mosca means fly
mosquito does mean little fly
lmfao
ādumpā is an old adjective that meant ādoughyā so ādumplingā is basically ālittle doughy thingā
Yes but thatās not funny.
Doro still at large
that would be Chris Evans.
aināt no party like a Gatsby party because a Gatsby party donāt stop until at least two people are dead and everyone is disillusioned with the jazz age as a whole
happy gatsby pubic domain day
gatsby what day
public domain time baby!!!
happy āthe great gatsby is now in the public domainā day to all who celebrate
elon musk said this to seduce grimes
Everyone post ur favorite alphonse elric iāll start:
Alphonse, 1 year old
Fuck yeah!
marilyn elric š
Beach boy
Yeah, but look at this boy⦠His face⦠I canātā¦
something about this boy radiates an intense positive energy
i hope its okay i have many favorite als
BROā¦ā¦
Guys I finally found it
the best post on tumblr
When you throw out the packaging of a microwave dinner and immediately forget how long to microwave it for
a little man without a worry
Talk about getting two birds stoned at once lol