trying to have sex with my point-n-click wife but she keeps saying "hmm...i don't think those two things go together"
$LAYYYTER
One Nice Bug Per Day

oozey mess
Jules of Nature
h
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

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Three Goblin Art

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blake kathryn
KIROKAZE
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Game of Thrones Daily
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
🪼

Kaledo Art
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Cosimo Galluzzi
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

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@mrweightgainer
trying to have sex with my point-n-click wife but she keeps saying "hmm...i don't think those two things go together"
Insects may as well be the size of elephants for the way I react to them.
You’ve captured the essence of the show marvelously, OP
Rating the birds in my backyard by tendency toward violence
Northern Cardinal, 4/10
I'm sometimes worried the male is sexually harassing the female but I'm pretty sure they're just doing some elaborate public pickup roleplay. The rest of us didn't agree to participate in your kink, guys.
American Robin, 1/10
Literally just some dude hanging out. Never bothered anyone but worms. Big fan of the way you just stand there in the middle of the grass like you forgot what you were supposed to be doing.
House Sparrow, 10/10
You're a gang. You're participating in gang violence. There's ten billion of you living in a single wood pile and it's been civil war for three years now. When will the bloodshed end?
Tufted Titmouse, 1/10
A shy baby. A pretty little guy. I saw you on the neighbor's garage roof and time stopped. There were anime sparkles around you. Come back.
European Starling, 9/10
Why is it always you? Listen, I know, I KNOW the sparrows are the problem, and YET. When the fighting starts, it's always you in the middle of it, provoking them and then screaming like you're an innocent bystander defending yourself. I'm onto you.
Carolina Wren, 3/10
This rating is not for physical violence, which you don't engage in, but for your role as an incurable narc. A tattle tale. I know they're fighting again, okay? I see it. Our yard has been a warzone for years, you don't have to make a big announcement every time someone misbehaves.
Eastern Wood-Peewee, 0/10
If this were "birds who think they're better than everyone else," you'd get 10/10.
Red-bellied Woodpecker, 6/10
It's a utility pole. It's not a tree. You're surrounded by trees that are full of bugs. But there you are, on the utility pole. Committing vandalism.
American Crow, unrated
For who am I to cast judgment on the actions of La Famiglia? I assume you are doing what is best for the neighborhood. If I could, though, without criticism, make a single observation. That when large numbers of you gather in the ominous dead cottonwood - no? No, you're right. None of my business.
Great Crested Flycatcher, 5/10
Frankly, I think you could be doing more. I think your name implies a great potential. I think you should massacre the insects. I think your beak should drip with viscera.
Stay tuned for more criminal activity!
(continued)
Common Grackle, 7/10
La Famiglia does not suffer you to stop in our neighborhood long, and I trust their judgement in this manner. You have the look of a guilty bird.
Tennessee Warbler, 2/10
You keep to yourselves, and I respect that. I get the sense that you could defend yourselves if it came to it, though.
Brown-Headed Cowbird, 3/10
You're not a crow, and eventually they ARE going to figure it out, kiddo.
Gray Catbird, 5/10
Would you. Respectfully. Would you shut the FUCK UP.
Eurasian Collared-Dove, 0/10
You're doing great, sweetie, everyone loves you.
Red-Breasted Nuthatch, 4/10
A comedian. A little jester of a bird. You're so silly. Sure sometimes you incite violence in others but, really, is that your fault? If it is, we forgive you.
Blue Jay, 12/10
If you could learn any human behavior you wanted, it would be how to build a bomb.
Honorable mention:
Turkey Vulture, 5/10
You weren't in my backyard, but you WERE eating roadkill in the street in my neighborhood. I know the animal was already dead when you got there, but you get violence points for frightening the small children that walked past you. Incredible work.
*rolls you a square blunt in minecraft*
I'm gonna roll your head if you keep asking questions you fuckin square
okay what the fuck
There is so much beauty in the world.
magic staff
spell components
scrying orbs
ritual altar
wizard tower
rocky horror is the worst and is also transmisogynistic can we please finally get over this shit movie
ok but like the writer is transgender nonbinary and the language used in the play was the preferred language by trans people of that time can we not deny parts of our history because we’ve evolved since then thanks
So fucking much this.
PS, youth of today: you’ll be saying the same damn thing about art from this time before too long, for good or for ill. Terminology will, in fact, change. Definitions will, in fact, shift. It always does, they always do.
PPS, it is pretty much impossible to overstate how life-alteringly important this movie was to kids who didn’t conform to standard expectations of gender and sexuality, back in the day. Especially when back in the day was the mid-to-late 1980s, when the only queers you saw on TV were neutered AIDS tragedies, Bowie was playing straight, and even Elton John was married to a woman, and midnight showing of RHPS were pretty much the only place that felt like home. It was mental life raft for a lot of people.
I was one of them.
#the queer youth of today has forgotten all its history and is spitting on its ancestors and i hate it (via @gaythreats)
beautifully phrased
ALSO IT’S A SATIRE IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE AN “OFFENSIVE” PORTRAYAL IT’S MAKING FUN OF STRAIGHT PEOPLE WHO ARE AFRAID OF US IT’S EXAGGERATING THEIR IDEAS OF US TO THE POINT OF LUDICROUSNESS THAT’S THE ACTUAL POINT
in tears rn
They put his pussy bones in his knees
Getting pussy bones in your knees is just part of the Sith lifestyle.
im glad we all agree
my fav m/m while we’re at it
continued
Controversial Truths About Ancient Egypt Masterpost
The pyramids were built by contemporary workers who received wages and were fed and taken care of during construction
The Dendera “lightbulb” is a representation of the creation myth and has nothing to do with electricity
We didn’t find “““copper wiring””” in the great pyramid either
Hatshepsut wasn’t transgender
The gods didn’t actually have animal heads
Hieroglyphs aren’t mysteriously magical; they’re just a language (seriously we have shopping lists and work rosters and even ancient erotica)
The ancient Egyptian ethnicity wasn’t homogeneous
Noses (and ears, and arms) broke off statues and reliefs for a variety of reasons, none of which are “there is a widespread archaeological conspiracy to hide the Egyptian ethnicity”
The carvings at Abydos aren’t modern machines but recarvings over old carvings. Sure they look like them but if you can read hieroglyphs and know that Ramesses II will even usurp the carvings of his own father just to be a little shit
‘No soot on the ceilings and walls of the Dendera temple!’ is actually because of extensive restoration works and not because Egyptians were in on shit like Baghdad “batteries”
While the Egyptians were fine-ass astronomers they didn’t align any of their enormous and/or important buildings to modern star constellations, because constellations look very different now than they did ~5000 years ago
The pyramid is the simplest, sturdiest shape with which to build and many different cultures discovered this in their own time. There were never any weird fish humans/aliens involved
The sphinx of Gizah is only an approximate 5000 years old; the 10,000 year/rain erosion nonsense is proven hokum
Speaking of that particular sphinx, the Napoleonic expedition is not responsible for its missing nose
Akhenaten was not a “heretic” by contemporary standards
Ramses II appropriated a lot of his predecessors’ buildings/reliefs and isn’t really deserving of the epithet “the Great”
The Battle of Kadesh ended in a stalemate (twice)
While they had feline deities throughout their history, Egyptians didn’t actually worship cats themselves. This was a later Greek/Ptolemaeic addition
It was not, in fact, practice to shave off eyebrows after cats died; Herodotus lied about that
Herodotus lied about a lot of things and many misconceptions about ancient Egypt can be traced back to his Greek ass
I can’t believe I forgot my favourite Hill to Die On
Seth was not the god of “evil”, and despite his chaos providing a foil to order, he wasn’t completely villified until very late in Egyptian history, when he became associated with despised foreign enemies
Hats off to the few of you who’re reblogging this with tags saying you’re going to check my claims later. You make me not entirely despair of this hellhole.
Here are some vetted Egyptological books/sources (that are by and large appropriate for a lay-audience) you can find most, if not all of the above:
Lehner, M., The Complete Pyramids
Wilkinson, R. H., The Complete Temples of Ancient Egypt
Hornung, E., The One and the Many: Conceptions of God in Ancient Egypt
Dunand, F. & Zivie-Coche, C., Gods and Men in Egypt
Kemp, B., Ancient Egypt: Anatomy of a Civilization
Bard, K., An Introduction to the Archaeology of Ancient Egypt
Stevenson Smith, W., The Art and Architecture of Ancient Egypt
Kitchen, K. A., The Life and Times of Ramesses II, King of Egypt
Sweeney, D., Sex and Gender (in Ancient Egypt)
McDowell, A. G., Village Life in Ancient Egypt: Laundry Lists and Love Songs
Te Velde, H., Seth, God of Confusion
Guys do me a solid and reblog this version instead of continuously asking for sources on the other versions thanks
wait…. there are people who take Herodotus 100% seriously?
do they not know that his nickname is “the father of lies”?
people like that would buy copper ingots from just anybody without checking
come to the Discworld fandom, we have:
a book that sets off a series-wide sub-plots of sapient automatons laboring to have themselves freed in a socially responsible way and fantasy dwarfs embracing being openly feminine in a way that comes off as extremely trans subtext
Death, as in the personification of the process of death and a literal psychopomp, is a recurring character. he really likes cats, is a very dorky grandpa, and really likes being a fantasy pastiche of Santa Claus because people were happy to see him for once
there’s a book series about reviving the postal service, introducing paper money into a city whose reliance on the gold standard is resulting in regular financial decline, the invention of the printing press that in turn leads to journalism, and these are some of the most interesting books in the series. There are multiple murders, attempted murders, an extremely routine-oriented cat, and the first one has an antagonist that is almost certainly a very blatant ‘FUCK YOU’ at the works of Ayn Rand.
there is a Once and Future King. he has actively declined all opportunities to actually become the king because he thinks its better to be a regular guard because that’s a job that’s of actual value to the city
the power of stories and tropes is an active, though non-intrusive, phenomenon in the books that multiple characters actively strive against or worry about in the sense of what it says about free will. Various attempts to weaponize tropes like ‘its a million to one chance’ tend to backfire hilariously
there are trolls who have computer brains and bodies of living stone, gnolls that are implied to be like trolls but made of refuse, the most pitiable and tragic goblins you will ever see, a heavily autistic-coded orc, adorable sad dragon puppies with a tendency to explode, and... Nobby Nobbs. Just Nobby, no one is sure what the hell he is. Death doesn’t know what he is. NO ONE KNOWS WHAT NOBBY IS. Some speculate the only way to portray him accurately in movies might be some kind of trained chimpanzee. Odds are he might actually have some goblin ancestry but that’s the best we got.
there’s vampires. their need to feed on blood is a literal metaphor of ‘aristocrats eat the poor’ and socially conscious vampires switch this fixation for a more socially acceptable one, so in this setting vampires become better people by voluntarily assuming some kind of hyper fixation.
in one book there’s a plot point that it is more potentially embarrassing and destructive to your social life to come from a lineage of professional clowns than it would to be a vampire.
there is a guild of assassins. Unlike most fantasy series where this tends to be regarded as threatening or scary, here they are largely regarded as a bunch of pompous windbags and rich kids who are completely harmless outside of the extremely specific circumstances in which they may assassinate people. (If you’re not wealthy enough to afford an Assassin or protection from them, they’re obligated to not do anything to you.) Their guild is furthermore a parody of British private schools, with the knobs turned up to 11 and a resounding vibe of ‘these schools are awful’.
One time someone asked Sir Terry Pratchett if he got the idea for his wizard college from Hogwarts even though the first appearance of Unseen University (the Discworld’s wizard college) is probably dating back to 1986 and thus at least ten years before the first harry potter book, and so Pratchett sarcastically replied something to the effect of ‘Not only am I a plagiarist, I apparently also own a time machine”. This is not strictly relevant and does not show up in the books except for the Art of Discworld i think but i like this story anyway
at one point there is a tyrannical dragon doing standard evil dragon things who looks into the mind of a human who tried to control it and is horrified at the unspeakable cruelty of human history and gives a harsh remark about how dragons were SUPPOSED to be evil and terrible but at least they never tortured and ripped each other apart and called it a moral thing to do; this is later brought up in the book as the populace of the town allowing the dragon to eat people and do whatever it wants as long as its not THEIR family being killed by it, leading to a recurring character making a defining speech about how it is the most ordinary and banal of evil that happens because people don’t care enough to say no. Each book is guaranteed to have at least a few of these moments that punch you in the face and it’s a good pain.
the most uncompromising and righteous Lawful Good characters in the series include a crabby old lady who yells at actors for lying (because she doesn’t like the concept of a theatrical performance) and a guard who likes to wind people up by saying deliberately weird things and also doing the EXACT same thing to the point that people genuinely can’t tell if he’s pretending to be dense as a joke or he honestly is a bit slow on the uptake.
Discworld is amazing and I will never pass up a chance to promote it.
Cuz fuck JK Rowling.
Was she knighted for their body of work? No.
Sir Terry Pratchett was knighted and went out and made a sword from meteoric iron.
FINALLY got a button pop on video!! 😳
I used to wear a small. I think those days are behind me as my belly stretching my shirt in front of me 😅
Foods For Weight Gain:
Gigantic gummy candies, I recently purchased a gigantic cherry and raspberry flavour gummy worm. I purchased mine at vat19.com the worm itself wasn’t that expensive, it was the shipping that blew up the cost of my purchase. The gummy worm is 4,000 calories, and the gummy bear is 6,120 calories. I’ll be doing a stuffing with it, and I’ll keep you guys posted if I felt like it was worth 53 dollars.
Sugary liquids, hot chocolate, soda, juice, etc. Some people believe that you should completely replace water with soda, however I disagree. So long as you are drinking 2-3 litres of water a day, you can afford have a few cans of soda. Personally I like to mix it up, but I do regularly drink soda, both for bloating to increase my capacity, and as just something sweet to drink. Some sodas are more notorious for helping pack on weight, I’m looking at you Coke, but honestly I feel any soda can aid in weight gain if you drink it often enough.
Butter/margarine/lard/oil, when you’re frying up some eggs for breakfast, I’d suggest putting a nice sized glob of lard on the frying pan to lube it all up. Lard has an extremely high fat content, spread it on sandwiches, eat a few tablespoons of it, dissolve it in soup, you can seriously add it into anything. And lard doesn’t have a dominant flavour, some oils you can really taste them when you add them into things and it changes the outcome of what you’re cooking. My second suggestion would be peanut oil, but obviously don’t add that to things you wouldn’t enjoy having a peanut taste. Here is a cooking oils reference that can give you an idea for what things are good to cook with, you want something that’s high in saturated fat, and trans fat: fattable
Protein not fiber. Excess protein that your body doesn’t burn that day will be stored as fat, so it’s good to invest in protein powders/bars, and eat meals that are high in protein such as eggs, chicken, and nuts. Fiber while still healthy and good for you, will make you poop regularly, in turn your body will be rushing through mounds of food you just ate and shoving it out the door, instead of it sitting on your stomach and being stored as fat. The more you poop the more weight you can potentially lose, be careful to avoid foods that give you diarrhea: for me I just recently found out that I’m lactose intolerant, and since cutting dairy out of my diet I’ve managed to put on weight at a much faster pace. Don’t drink lemon water, avoid probiotic foods, cereals with lots of fiber in it, typically these things are alright in small portions, but if you eat it often you will shed weight. If you’re curious about a certain type of food, just look it up online and research it for yourself.
Someone recently donated to me “MET-Rx Big 100 Colossal Meal Replacement Bars” 400 calories per 1 bar, and 28g of protein. I got two boxes, it’s hard to say how much weight I put on with these because I am actively gaining and eating other high calorie foods. However, in the time that I had these I jumped from 160-165 in a week. You can find them on places like Amazon, and they come in a bunch of different flavours, I’d highly recommend them. I like to eat them while I cook, as snacks, or as a dessert after I finished a big stuffing, dip them in chocolate, marshmallow fluff, caramel sauce, or peanut butter, for extra calories.
Tips & Tricks:
DONT SKIP BREAKFAST! I say this because there is the rumor that skipping breakfast makes your body go into survival mode, so when you eat again your body stores the fat. Honestly, who the fuck wants to skip breakfast? All you’re going to do is shrink your stomach, and decrease your capacity. Eat breakfast, eat lots of breakfast.
EAT BEFORE BED! Do you know whats better than having a snack warm milk and cookies before bed? Having a lot of warm milk and cookies before bed! Nothing beats laying in your comfortable bed, with a huge stuffed belly. Eat things that are heavy on your stomach, pasta, potatoes, oatmeal, that way you’ll feel like you have a delightful cannon ball in your stomach while you sleep, eventually keep increasing the size of your meal before bed, and this will hugely increase your capacity. You’ll wake up hungry and ready to eat your day away.
MIDNIGHT SNACKS! I like to prepare snacks before I go to bed, muffins and milk, oatmeal, it can be anything really. Then when I wake up I can grab a meal and top up on my already stuffed belly, I do this even when I’m not hungry. In the morning, because I’m not totally starving, I can take extra time to make a great fatty breakfast and snack on food while I cook.
My Recipes:
“Fatty brownies” recipe - I used Ghirardelli Triple Chocolate Mix, however you can make yours from scratch and just add the extra ingredients:
4 cups of brownie mix, (1 pouch) 2-3 tablespoons of of vanilla or chocolate weight gainer. 4-6 slices of crisp maple bacon, cut into tiny bits. (Instead of frying bacon and cutting it yourself you can add a few tablespoons of bacon bits.) 2-3 tablespoons of chocolate chips. 1-2 eggs. 1/3 cup milk/cream. 1/3 cup vegetable oil. 1 tablespoon of melted lard. Dash of vanilla.
Mix everything together and preheat oven to 325. The brownies are done when an inserted toothpick comes out clean, for this recipe it was 45-50 mins. (Some of the ingredients and baking instructions vary based on the recipe of brownie mix used)
The brownies are between 3,600 - 4,000 calories.
“Fatty icing” recipe - I 100% recommend making this from scratch and not using pre made icing, or adding pre made icing into the recipe. The amount of ingredients you use depends on how much you want, this amount frosts 13x9 inch cake.
2 cups of powdered sugar. 2-4 tablespoons of vanilla of chocolate weight gain powder. 1/3 cups of softened butter or margarine. 1-2 teaspoons of softened lard. 1-2 tablespoons of cocoa powder. 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla. 1-3 tablespoons of milk.
As something optional for more calories you could add nutella, chocolate pudding, or chocolate milk flavouring to taste, meaning how ever much tastes right to you.
Basically you just add everything together and use and egg beater, making sure it’s very well blended. If it’s too liquidy, add more powdered sugar, if it’s not creamy at all, add more milk, keep adjusting until you get the right creaminess.
The icing is between 2200 - 2500 calories.
I’d suggest adding the icing to the brownies for combined 5,800 - 6,500 calories, and it just adds to the yumminess.
The amount of calories vary based on your brand of weight gainer, powdered sugar, type of milk, etc.
For my brownies I added the icing, drizzled caramel sauce, and topped with chopped honey roasted peanuts. I really love the way these turned out, the chewiness of the maple bacon, the crunch of the chocolate chips, and the sweet icing… Let’s just say these are totally addictive and really hit that sweet spot.
Feel free to reblog this if you found it helpful, you never know who’s in need of some guidance or tips.
Check out my other tips and tricks!
Liquid Bloating: For Beginners Weight Gain Tips Foods For Beginners Weight Gain Apetamin Review
I need all the help I can get!!
Can I reblog this 100000 times? :D
I thought I was huge in the first pic. That was a little while before I hit my highest weight a couple of years ago. On the right is me a couple of weeks ago. Do I look fatter? I’m so close to my highest weight again!
One of these days Immah be faster about posting my doodles after I finish them :V
Anyhoo, I finally did a thing featuring my Jake and @dumdumdrawstumtums boi Nik(olai). Fueled by some bath bomb-inspired shenanigans that needed to be drawn lol
||PATREON|| ||KOFI||
The last thing you see before you get squashed under my gut.