Not Applicable

Any pronouns, old enough to do my own taxes. Will not accept donation/financial asks. One time I lost a fight with a punching bag.

[namesnotapplicable]

About the Creatures

Any pronouns, old enough to do taxes. Polymorphic creature in a suspiciously-oversized trenchcoat.

Please do not submit asks or posts requesting donations or financial help. These will be deleted, especially given how hard it is to verify that a request is real instead of a bot scam.

For most people:

Creature?

Who said that anything wearing a human suit has to be entirely human?

I'm a polymorph. I'm also a furry. These two things are, surprisingly, not directly related.

Creature in a trenchcoat?

My brain has pocket change. Sometimes I'm a guy with really talkative parts of me. Sometimes I'm two guys (or even three guys). Sometimes I have background brain processes running that tell me what to do. Sometimes I hear voices. Sometimes the whispering creeps in through my window at night and winds into my head until I wind up huddled in the corner screaming poetry at the top of my lungs until someone comes to listen. It's all expressions of the same thing- make of me what you will. I don't tend to fit well in boxes!

What‽

If you want the full crazy spiel, here's my FAQ. Good luck.

For plural groups:

I don't give a shit about the discourse; please keep it away from me. I support the right to self-determine but my opinion is complicated beyond that, and I really don't want to care about any of it. It's the argument itself that's the problem given that it prevents folks from spending their energy to create constructive resources or advocate for all of us.

I refuse to be categorized as plural, singlet, -genic, etc. Screw jamming myself in a box forever. I am one whole and I am a seething sea of voices screaming into the void. I create myself and I was created by the world around me. All of me is holding hands and sometimes biting those hands.

I believe that my existence is what I make of it- the line is arbitrary and the binary is false. What matters is that all of me is here, nothing is lost, and the idea of a wholly unchanging entity is nonsense. It's turtles all the way down and up.

"Do I contradict myself? Very well then, I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes."

[writing-prompt-s]

After the long war, you return home, as a famed battlemage, hoping for peace and time to heal your bruised soul. But quiet life escapes you: children beg for stories, villagers need magic, and monsters keep intruding. Yet somehow, this chaotic little town is exactly what heals you.

[darkbluemint]

It starts with a child...

"Mage? Can you make it so it doesn't rain tomorrow?"

You want to tell her to not bother you, that your name is not Mage, that you're trying to rest.

But you remember those other children, the ones you saw scattered in the town, the ones who won't grow up.

"I don't mess with the weather."

"Why?"

"Because if I stop the rain I might cause a drought and then the crops will suffer."

"Oh," she's disappointed, you don't care, "tomorrow we were going to dance in the town center, but not if it rains."

She leaves, a sadness about her.

The spell is simple, and the town center is not that big, so making it that area is not affected by the rain is easy.

Children laughing.

It's a nice sound.

--

A week later a man comes.

"Mage! We need help, the dam is about to come down, can you hold it while we fix it?"

"Why do you think I can help?"

"Didn't you do the same spell for the children?"

For a moment you're going to refuse, but if the dam breaks your house might flood, and you'll have to find another town.

"Fine."

This time was a little bit harder, the rain was gentle, the river was not. It takes most of the day and part of the night to finally fix the dam, by the end of it you're exhausted.

"Here," the man from before, he hands you a piece of bread and a small pot, "my husband made it, the best stew in the region!"

You accept the food, and eat while hearing the chatter of the people who fixed the dam.

It is the best stew you ever tasted, it leaves you feeling warm.

--

A woman shout in the middle of the night.

"To arms! We're being attacked!"

You wake up, it's automatic to grab your things, to be the battlemage who fought a war.

There are monsters attacking, and this time you don't need anyone to convince you, this is the reason you learned magic. To protect.

You feel good when you hear that there weren't any losses.

You go back to sleep.

--

"How did you get that scar?"

"I fought a werewolf."

"Did you win?"

"What do you think?"

"I think you did."

--

"I was wondering if you could help my mother."

"Mm?"

"She fell and broke her leg, is there any magic..?"

"I know a spell, she will still need to rest."

--

"Wanna help with the crops?"

"Will your husband make the stew?"

"Isn't it too warm for stew?"

"It's the best stew in the region."

"Fair enough."

--

"Did you ever fight a dragon?"

"Yes."

"Do you think I can fight a dragon?"

"No."

"Why?"

"They're big and powerful, you need friends to fight a dragon."

"You had friends when you fought the dragon?"

"Yes."

"Where are they now?"

"Some are back in their homes, others are gone."

"Oh..."

--

"Can you make butterflies appear during my wedding?"

"Why?"

"We both love butterflies, but I think trapping some might be cruel."

"What color of butterflies?"

"All the colors."

--

"It's like these monsters don't know you live here!"

"Maybe we should make a sign, right Mage?"

"I don't want to be on a sign."

"We'll write, home of the best battlemage in the region!"

"And my husband's stew!"

"Home?"

--

"I think I can fight a dragon."

"I told you--"

"Because Henry is my friend, and so is Tiffany, and you're also my friend, and you're very powerful."

"Maybe you can fight a dragon."

--

"Hey!"

"I'm not working today, the magic is gone."

Your friend laughs, the man who asked you for help with the dam, with the kind husband that makes you a cake for your birthday.

"You act as if I only come to ask for things."

You don't answer.

"We bottled some of the ale, I cooled it in the river."

It's a nice afternoon, the weather is nice, a cold drink will be nice.

"Pull up a chair, tell me how you and your husband met."

[bashcrandicoot]

Based on a true story

[mattibee]

You know that cute way bugs wave their front legs looking for the next leaf to walk on I'm doing that to cute transgenders on this website

[mattibee]

bug 2 bug communication......... :3

[banchie]

i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges

[gallusrostromegalus]

seconding these tags by @ragsy: #if the social consciousness has decided that duckduckgo is the Only Othet Search Engine#might i suggest 'go duck yourself'

[faceless-crowd]

Mafia boss smoking a cigar: Why’d you gotta squeal, Squealin’ Stephen? I trusted you. Now I gotta send my best goons to show you what happens when you cross the Big Boss…

Guy tied up in chair: uh…theres just one guy over there.

Mafia boss: Yeah. That’s Lil’ Tony. He’s got one of dem conditions where he’s got multiple mooks n’ his head. But when Big Tony fronts you’re gonna be in big trouble.

Lil’ Tony: We actually all agree we’re gonna kick your ass.

[flowerbleedme]

it's not frequent enough to be considered a meme or a trend, but I like how every so often this site gets a new "woke mafia boss" variation.

[ooo-silly-worms]

Pottery sounds terrifying to me. Every post I see is like "Here's this awesome art I made!! Pray for me that it survives The Kiln™ :')" I don't think I could cope with making art that could quite easily blow up and I have no way of controlling that. You guys are true heroes.

[claypigeonpottery]

@bazanite you are so correct

[theblob1958]

I HOPE YOU CAN LOVE THE ACCOUNTANT IN ME

[kingsillysmilez]

Happy Pride Month !!

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

(guy who doesn't really know how software updates work) i hope they keep the keyboard letters in the same order. i was just getting used to them

[beyondthereeds]

My finished borrower house designs for class!

[watchacat]

The one who fits. The one who sits.

I had to, im sorry xD

[dajo42]

it’s been ten years

[geniusoflove]

its been 12 years

[shivshivshivvyyy]

13 years

[pinkthinkspalistineshouldbefree]

14 years

[momperlman-deactivated20251022]

15 years

[dammmithardison]

16 years

[fruitsfag]

17 years

[virtualgirladvance]

loss is an adult now :D 🎉🎉🎉

[night-the-starfish]

Fish out of water, gouache and markers on paper.

[throwusaboner]

murderbot and arts first meeting is literally so funny. like imagine you meet a biblically accurate angel and instead of being all 'be not afraid' it says actually you SHOULD be afraid. and then when you are in fact afraid it goes oh shit oh fuck. not THAT afraid, sorry. wanna watch tv? and then you watch tv with it and it keeps telling you to pause it when its favourite characters are in danger so it can calm down. and then it asks to do surgery on your bones. Asshole Research Transport character of all time

[cheaphalloweencostume]

“be gay do crime! but sex is yucky and crime is wrong!” ass website

[cheaphalloweencostume]

literally 😭😭😭

[miamaimania]

“Charlie” ⦿ Lola Dupre — mixed-media collage