I Hate Turtlenecks

We all have a story to tell. Mine just happens to involve an intense love of cats and people I'll never meet.

[mapsontheweb]

Every state split in half by population – the densest half and least dense half

[knowledgetosorrow]

Me when i definitely know what halves are

[maximumsalt]

Oh you’re part of the densest half

[bobby-luv]

[commiescummie]

i’ll literally never have enough of that dylan b hollis dude cause like. hes a college student who just.,.blew up on tiktok. he has the soul of a man who has lived for 60 years in the body of a twink. he cooks and is surprised every single time. he goes CINAMIN everytime he uses cinnamon. he has the kitchen of a 60s house wife and cooks like hes going to kill someone

[teacupfulofstarshine]

other favorites include

- “moo juice!”

- E G G - G I E

- BUTTER GO BRRRRRRRR

[only-in-movies]

- Floof powder

[angryalliterations-deactivated2]

F I R E

[xanthumn]

[agoddamnedrayofsunshine]

Other highlights:

“It doesn’t tell ya how to eat it, so I don’t know if I need a knife and fork or if I need to tie my hair back” (about the very phallic looking candle salad)

“This pie is referred to as a chiffon. Now what does that mean? It means it was written by a white person.”

“We take our can of Spam and we cry :)”

“This doesn’t need salt it needs help!”

[zwoelffarben]

“I’m going to assume we have the same size package, although the last time I assumed that I wound up stunned and quite self-conscious.”

[acfan120]

“DEMON BABY!!”

(x)

[cd-call-official-blog]

“Nothing says the holidays like AMBIGUOUS MEAT!”

[turquoisemagpie]

*something falls in the kitchen as he’s making a bad one* “I think I’ve summoned something.”

“Do I need to call the police or a priest?” *oven beeps eerily on time* “… A priest.”

*opening a can of savoury beans for a sweet recipe* “Now I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…”

“ ‘Add nuts.’ Wha- How much? I need nut instructions.” *looks up as he realises what he just said*

*tastes a sweet pie that’s turned out great* “Nothing makes sense anymore! Why are you good? You have a bag of beans in you!”

*cooking a ‘date cream’* “I’ve never made a date cream before— I mean, I’ve never cooked a date cream before.”

[teejay-kaye]

“BEAN REBELLION!!”

[sergal]

alien 1979 seemed like one of those movies where i knew basically everything that happens in it without watching it just through cultural osmosis. but i was wrong. nobody talks about how its got an evil robot in it

[sergal]

AND he bleeds cum

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

idc if it sounds fake, i still think my future has the potential to be so happy and bright

[spyderz01]

let’s curl up with mama

[tourdion]

say what you will about the reserve bank of india these are some cracking coins

[theradicalkanji]

[cuntubus]

[skatingthinandice]

I am beginning to believe you are a good man, Lord Aldhelm. Not quite, Lady.

[rainbrella]

how is the cat ‘No’ ?

he just Is

[bathylychnops]

deleting files makes me so scared what if i Needed That

[infernalifrit-deactivated202605]

do not inspect my favourite characters too closely, i swear it will tell you nothing about me. i pinky promise

[captaintiny]

it's also genuinely hilarious that whilst in hunsford, lizzy keeps going on walks and running into mr darcy, and being utterly bewildered as to why. she then informs him what her favourite haunt is so that he might avoid it, and is even MORE bewildered when he shows up there. girl. where is your brain cell. im obsessed with you.

[ishowdespair-deactivated2026012]

[akindplace]

crazyheadcomics

[zangoonse]

i love the phrase "cruel and unusual." not only is what you're doing mean but it's also quite frankly fucking bizarre

[duckdotcom]

my body trying desparately to inform me I'm iron deficient: YOU FEEL BAD EAT MORE LEAVES

my brain: have we tried love. have we tried falling in love

[bananonbinary]

"menstruation is punishment for original sin" is a fairly common doctrine (altho in my experience it's usually more implicit than just baldly stated like that)

anyway this implies that of all the animal kingdom, humans are not UNIQUE in sinning, but are joined by bats, the elephant shrew, and the spiny mouse species Acomys cahirinus. (according to my 5 seconds on wikipedia at least)

[bananonbinary]

this mouse has committed crimes against god

[patrickrennie]

@apocrypals

[a-sentient-cup]

Yeah i'll integrate that into my belief system