A Place For All My Thoughts And Feeling

The safe place to truly express myself. Free of judgement, fear and shame.

[nomore-silence]

[nomore-silence]

[nomore-silence]

Caught between wanting to be alone, but not wanting to be lonely …

[nomore-silence]

The Mountain

When I was young I couldn’t see

The mountain that was in front of me

And when I got to the bottom and looked up

I couldn’t see my life with a full cup

I was broke down, beaten and shattered

In my mind, I didn’t matter

You raised your voice and threw me out

I was all alone and filled with doubt

I had some help along the way

We climbed that mountain everyday

And one day, the clouds cleared

And the top of the mountain appeared

But down I fell back down the side

All because a so called friend lied

They hurt my mind, body and soul

All the damage they did really took a toll

I fell so far, I never believed

I’d get back up, I wanted to leave

Away from this world and all the hurt

Tired of being kicked down to the dirt

Through the courts, therapy and meds I pulled through

The confidence inside me grew

With much help from family and friends

I started my climb and to make amends

I started to find myself along the way

My steps grew bigger day by day

It took a long time but I began to see

The person that I wanted to be

So strong and confident and full of life

And one day I knew I’d be a good wife

As time past, thought I had found the one

I thought my climb was finally done

A husband, house, dog and kids

This is the dream that most everyone lives

But as time went on I started to feel

That in your eyes, I was no longer a big deal

I ignored the feelings, I pushed them away

I kept living my life without a say

I started that climb down the mountain again

I knew I would fall, I just didn’t know when

I couldn’t take this anymore

So I took the steps to get out the door

It seemed so easy, I knew for sure

That my life was worth so much more

But the longer I looked, the longer I stayed

I did not think a move would be this far delayed

Emotions took over, the thoughts in my head

Made things so hard to keep going ahead

So down the mountain, there I go

I didn’t except to get this low

I try so hard to stay afloat

Wished someone was coming with a lifeboat

To save my soul from sinking down

So I could get back up, and fix my crown

I knew from the bottom, I can find my way to

The top of this mountain with a better view

And although there are bumps along this trail

I’ll have some guidance, I will not fail

For the top of this mountain is where I want to be

Where I can live happy, healthy and be free

So I’ll keep on climbing my way to the top

I’ll always keep climbing, I’ll never stop.

By: Kay Coleman

[nomore-silence]

A Rut

Stuck in a rut, cannot get out

Getting nowhere, head filled with doubt

No one can help me; stuck at a stand still

Trying to rise up, but keep falling downhill

When will I get the break that I need

So many out there filled with greed

I’m moving forward but getting nowhere

I’m stuck in this rut and it is not fair

Trying so hard, have to stay strong

Trying to show there is nothing wrong

I breakdown in silence so no one can listen

Then pick myself up before they knew I was missin

Keep on trying, that’s all I can do

I know there are others that are dealing with this too

Hopefully soon I’ll catch a break

Cause who knows how long or how much more I can take

But I’ll keep on trying cause I know in my heart

One day this rut will be blown apart

And I will get where I am trying to go

Doubt will fade away and I’ll finally glow

So I’ll keep my head up, keep my eyes on the price

And hope one day soon I’ll get out of this demise

By: Kay Coleman

[your-anonymous-poet]

an introduction

an introduction to my quest

of sorrows, sadness, fear and death

of secret thoughts from heart and soul

of inner demons; being whole

don’t worry friend, you aren’t alone

consider this a second home

a place to stop and rest your bones

a place to lose your thoughts in poems

your stay may be long or short

perhaps with time we may consort

exchanging words of ink and light

exchanging dreams that survived night

a warning, before i am too late

these words i weave, they hold much weight

i won’t hold back when things get dark

i won’t hold back these tears or marks

and though you’ll see into my soul

a place no person ought to go

the truth of me you’ll never know

anonymous, my poems flow.

[nomore-silence]

[nomore-silence]

I’m really starting to think I’m not meant for happiness …

[nomore-silence]

Let Go

Thoughts swirl in my head

So many choices to make.

Hard decisions need made

More than my heart can take.

Which path do I choose?

Stay stagnant and suffer

A lifetime in misery

Always being your buffer.

Or break free of these chains

And finally be free.

I’ve my life again

And be the person I’m meant to be.

The choice seems so obvious

Wander why I stay

Locked up in unhappiness

The hope of change my delay.

It wasn’t always this way

Things use to be better.

Wish things could go back

Before my heart was in stormy weather.

But things have changed.

We have grown apart.

We are two different people

And it’s breaking my heart.

I didn’t want it this way

But you leave me no choice

I told you how I feel.

I opened up my voice.

But you will never understand

And probably never will

Why I’m making the choice I am

That will make you feel ill.

The damage is done

There is no mending my heart.

Little faith is left

It’s been torn apart.

Some things are better

But it doesn’t change

My feeling about

How our lives are arranged.

I’m meant for better things

And if I stay

My purpose in life

Will just slip away.

The signs are all there

For me to leave.

I need to let go

And leave you to grieve.

It’s all lining up

The things I need to do.

It was all so overwhelming

Then life gave me a clue.

I’m meant to be better

Than who I currently am.

I am meant for greatness

I’m opening up my dam.

Things won’t be easy

It’s going to be hard

But the play is in my hands

And I’m playing my card.

This will not be easy

But I must not forget

This is my life to live

I must not forfeit.

I deserve to be happy.

I deserve to be free

Of the pain I’ve been feeling

I deserve this for me.

Written by: Kay Coleman

[thoughtkick]

“Some people think that to be strong is to never feel pain. In reality the strongest people are the ones who feel it, understand it, accept and learn from it.”

— Unknown

[thoughtkick]

“The best kind of people are the ones who come into your life, and make you see the sun where you once saw clouds. The people who believe in you so much, you start to believe in you too. The people who love you, simply for being you.”

— Unknown

[snorlax-and-co]

[nomore-silence]

My Demons

I’m sorry for the pain I put you through

It was never my intent.

My mind was taken over

And my soul was not content.

The thoughts I had were not my own

Overtaken by my head.

One million thoughts raced on by

They would not go to bed.

Numb the tears and hide my fears

The only thing I could do

To hide my pain from everyone

That also included you.

I can’t explain what my mind does

When things start getting bad

And the fact that I even had those thoughts

Makes me extremely sad.

Ashamed that I had let my demons

Reek havoc on my mind

They talk so loud, I’m far from proud

That they leave me so blind.

Those thoughts are not what I want most

About this short lived life.

I battle with these thoughts

I tell myself to put down the knife.

And even though I’m now okay

The though still worries me

That those demons will come again

And will not let me be.

I’m sorry if I scared you

I’m sorry if you fear

If the thoughts come back, can I fight back

And try and keep you near.

I wish I could help you understand

Why my mind it gets so crazy

But even I don’t understand

Why my vision gets so hazy.

So please be patient with me

And try to understand

Those thoughts that were going through my head

Are buried in the sand

And if those demons should arise

Again another day

Understand that I’ll reach out

Because I want to stay.

Written by - Kay Coleman

[nomore-silence]

Numbing

Numb, hiding the pain I feel from the world.

Unwell, don’t let them see the hurt in me.

Hide away the tears I cry;

Cannot explain why I feel this way inside.

Overwhelmed by the world,

Nothing going right today.

Lost in my mind, cannot escape;

So I’ll sleep the day away,

Forget the world if only for a little bit,

But then I awaken and it’s back again.

Emotions flood my mind and soul.

I breakdown, It’s uncontrolled.

Hate feeling like this but being numb

Only hides the pain from everyone.

Still feeling emotions bottled inside;

Physically sickening my body and mind.

Hoping tomorrow is a better day;

Cannot take this forever,

Missing joy and laughter.

The real me I seek after.

Until then I stay hidden inside

Numbing the sadness and tears.

Sleeping them away, preventing my darkest fears.

Until I am free of my burdens and pain.

When there will be no more need to numb this pain.

Written by - Kay Coleman

[nomore-silence]

Breaking Silence

Silence,

The deafening sound of two people with no words.

I reach out but no comfort to be found.

I sit alone with all my thoughts scurrying around.

You cannot see it but I’m hurting inside,

While you sit blinded by the thoughts in your own mind.

Silence,

All I get for all I do.

I feel broken, worthless and abused.

I cannot take this feeling I’m being used.

You do what you want with no cares and free,

While I feel trapped, not ever really feeling like me.

Silence,

The only sound to be heard.

I crave for attention, help and love.

I need to break free like a dove.

You hold me back with your selfish actions,

While I sit dark, along feeling no compassion.

Silence,

Don’t want to feel no more.

I refuse to go down a dark and lonely road.

I will not fall apart and wrinkle like a toad.

You make this choice so hard, but you refuse to see,

The actions you have taken are affecting me.

Silence,

it will be no more.

I’ll take back my life and live it fuller.

I’ll break these chains and no longer be the puller.

You’ll lose me forever,

And I’ll be so much better.

Breaking the silence,

I’ll break out of this fence.

I’ll be free;

I will once again be me.

Written by - Kay Coleman

[nomore-silence]

[nomore-silence]