I can’t ever lose you from my head

morgan. 30s. back on my bullshit. bi. she/her.

[butimaficwriter]

before dick and kisses

after dick and kisses

from 😾 to 🙂: an ilya rozanov guide to keeping your shane happy

[mybloodstream-caffeine]

Fandom is so obsessed with contrasts in ships that they force them onto hollanov, a couple who are FAMOUSLY supposed to be similar. There is no slutty one and prudish one. They both love sex. There is no smart one and dumb one. They both excel at the same career where traditional metrics of academic intelligence don't apply. There is no jock and nerd. They are both professional athletes. There is no neatfreak and slob. They both pay other people to clean their houses. Please release yourself from the need to manufacture an opposites attract dynamic in every facet of their relationship, ESPECIALLY when the central conceit of hollanov as a couple is that they're more alike than everyone else seems to think.

[tomorrowisyesterday119]

Heated Rivalry is a closed door hockey romance in the sense that they fade to black on the hockey. The sex is explicit, but the hockey is implied.

[mercurys-in-retrograde]

let the contemporary record show mr beast was pretty ignorable for his whole career if you were just like, busy.

[haunted-phantom-student]

In the HR universe instead of the Ben Affleck smoking meme it's an identical picture but Ilya Rozanov and Ilya actually hates it because every time it pops up somewhere for Shane to see it reminds him to bug Ilya about his smoking

[hollanov-words]

MyShane was DEVASTATED when "Ilya Rozanov Best Hits Compilation" by Hockey_Guy435423 disappeared due to copyright claims. It only had like 200 views and 100 of them were Shane watching with his dick in his hand.

There are others from SportsNet and ESPN but that one just had a certain je n'ais ce quoi that got Shane going. Shane DMs Hockey_Guy435423 but doesn't hear back and goes on a deep dive trying to figure out if there's a way to recover deleted youtube videos and he never does but it's okay because in the process he finds like 5 more Ilya Rozanov fight compilation videos from small creators. He meticulously downloads these to a special folder just in case and adds them to the regular rotation.

[lavenderprose]

Like I just knooooow people are tired of them. Everyone knows without being told that they are having freak sex CONSTANTLY and that they are so in love about it. Like how does it feel to be together for twelve years married for one and you are STILL knocking the walls down every night. Everyone said it HAS to stop at some point and they are WRONG. Second season on the Cens Shane is still coming in routinely with bite marks on the BACK OF HIS SHOULDER and there is only one mathematical explanation for how they got there. Like ohhhh my name is Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov and the only thing I do is win Stanley Cups and have hot freaky athletic people sex with a man who would kill and die for me and I make MILLIONS OF MONEYS while doing it. I know people hate them.

[darlingofdots]

people who definitely know that Hollander and/or Rozanov have A Thing With A Man (of variably certain identity):

various dentists

hotel housekeeping staff

the kid who works late shifts at the drugstore where Ilya buys condoms (often) and lube (less often)

cleaners and laundry service employees

a kid on vacation with his parents in Vegas bored out of his mind because he's 14 and not allowed in the bars or casinos at their hotel and he's really hitting the grumpy teenager phase so he's pissed at his parents because he wanted to go birdwatching in the desert and instead he's on the hotel roof at night pointing his sick-ass binoculars (which he bought himself with money he earned by mowing their neighbours' lawns for a year) at the surrounding buildings and oh look there's two people making out on that rooftop terrace—wait, isn't that the guy from the Rolex ads?

Janice at the grocery store closest to the Hollander cottages who knows damn well that "David's boy" doesn't eat Nutella

the Voyageurs' nutritionist knows Hollander is fucking someone working for the Bears because he might not log it as sex but even Hollander doesn't actually do extra cardio after a game

employee at an airport phone repair kiosk in Chicago who was checking Ilya’s battery specs when "Jane" texted him "If I win you suck my dick first"

one of the parents at Game Changers Hockey Camp who is a couple's counsellor and a bit too good at her job

Gerry (78) three doors down from the Hollanders who has lived in his house since he was born and has made it his solemn duty to know everything that goes on in his neighbourhood

the owner of the bespoke jeweller's shop once Shane Hollander purchases the second ring, which is identical to the first, and a plain gold chain

the apprentice of the bespoke jeweller's shop a week before that when he recognises the ring he watched his boss make for Shane Hollander sitting on Ilya Rozanov's bare chest in a post-game interview on TV

[snowsmoked]

David did not tell Yuna what he saw at the cottage. But, he did come home visibly upset so he had to tell her something.

"Is Shane okay?" Was Yuna's first question.

"Yes," David was quick to reassure her. "He's fine. He's great."

"David," Yuna said worriedly, hand on his bicep. "Is Shane okay?"

"He really is. I promise, sweetheart. I would tell you if he wasn't," David promised her because he would. "But I - he was - he's probably going to be headed over here soon."

"Why?" Yuna started to get more worried, despite her husband's reassurances. "David, what happened? Did you two fight?"

David did interrupt his silent retreat but Yuna couldn't imagine Shane getting into a fight with his father over that.

"No," David caught her eyes. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"Then please don't ask. I saw something I shouldn't have and I - I want it to be Shane's choice if he tells us. I promise you he's safe. We didn't fight. He's - he might be upset with me, but he's okay."

Yuna searched his face for another moment before she slowly nodded.

She had an idea of what David might have seen.

She had considered that Shane's 'silent retreat' might not be the complete truth. She also recognized how upset her husband was at unintentionally learning something about their boy that he wasn't ready to share.

"Okay," Yuna pulled him in for a hug. "I'll make some tea."

"I feel so horrible."

"Shane loves you, he'll understand," Yuna said.

"I hope so," David pulled back. "I can make the tea. Shane will probably want some if he comes over."

He used to make Shane hot chocolate after nightmares, or doctor visits, or difficult practices. When he was a teenager, he started asking for tea instead.

Yuna, sensing David needed something to do, said, "use the new one my aunt sent us. It takes a little longer but I think Shane will like it."

~*~*~

"So, what did you see," Yuna asked her husband as they watched their son and his boyfriend, Ilya Rozanov, drive away.

"I wondered how long it would take for you to ask," David smiled.

"Hush you," Yuna glared. "Like you wouldn't be curious. Unless, god, did you walk in on-"

"No," David stopped her. "They were just walking up from the dock. I would have left but when I noticed it was Rozanov - or Ilya, I mean - I was just frozen there."

"Then how did you know they were, you know, together?"

"Well they kissed on the porch," David winced. "And Ilya..."

"Ilya what?"

"He, uh, had his hand on Shane's…bottom."

Yuna and David stared at each other for a few seconds before Yuna couldn't take it anymore, smile spreading across her face and burst out laughing, hand gripping her husband’s shirt to hold herself up.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Yuna laughed out.

"Yuna!" David admonished but he was laughing too. He reached out to steady her. "It's not funny!"

"When you put it that - that way!" Yuna tried to gather herself. "Ilya Rozanov. Ilya Rozanov. I can't believe it."

"He's a sweet kid," David was still smiling, thinking about Ilya standing awkwardly by his son, happily eating pasta, saying he'd leave the team that drafted him for their Shane.

Yuna softened. "He really is. He looks so much younger in person."

"Well," David wrapped an arm around her waist. "I think he might be ours now."

[fuck-customers]

[hyacinthsgareth]

headcanon that like his son, david hollander too can also stare at his partner with big doe eyes and get what he wants. it’s rare for ilya to see it but the first time he does he points aggressively and goes “YOU!!! is your fault i never win an argument!!!!” david just blinks while yuna nods solemnly and tells ilya that unfortunately shane learned from the best

[hr-rep]

Shane getting criticized for not using pride tape and he’s caught on a mic later that week saying I didn’t realize it wasn’t the sucking dick that made me gay but the rainbow . Which is how he comes out.

[hr-rep]

@persimmony-snicket EXACTLYYYY

[shaneswetbrowneyes]

i actually think that what's being missed in the 'why does everyone love heated rivalry' conversation is just that it's good

it's well made, well shot, well directed, the music is interesting, the costumes are both thoughtful and subtly period accurate, the sex scenes are intentional and, again, accurate to what hooking up when you're like 18 actually feels like...the actors are of course attractive but they look like real people. the characters are varied and well fleshed out, the acting is really, really strong

so many shows and films shoot and then slot in whatever music kind of fits or could be licenced in the budget after time, but you can tell that the scenes in hr were shot with that specific music in mind. and the same intentional approach runs through the whole thing

it feels...so nice to watch a show that cares about itself

[raincitygirl76]

Nobody knew in advance that this show would become a massive international phenomenon. It was a mid-budget Canadian show (which means low budget by US standards) adapted from a Harlequin romance novel. The deal with HBO for US distribution rights was only signed a few weeks before it began to air.

But everybody involved treated it as if it was serious art anyway. Not just some little Canadian streaming show that might well disappear after airing. Based on a book from a genre that is usually ridiculed by people who consider themselves serious film people. The cast, the crew, the writer/director, the music supervisor, everybody. They all did their best work for love of the game.

[plague-vulture]

washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes

[snowsmoked]

Shane and Ilya will often ask each other to explain little cultural things. For Ilya, it’s the odd English word or Canadian phrase. For Shane, it’s translation of Russian media or a pop culture reference.

So when they’re lying in bed one day after a long evening practice, scrolling on their phones, Shane turns towards Ilya and asks, “what’s a ‘slavic stare’?”

“What?”

Shane turned his phone screen towards his husband. It’s a list of ‘Top 10 Athletes with Best Slavic Stare’.

“I am only number four?” Ilya frowned.

“What is it?” Shane pressed.

“Is this,” Ilya tossed his phone aside and rolled over on top of his husband. He had himself propped up on his hands, strong arms bracketing Shane’s head.

Shane looked confused at first. Ilya closed his eyes and set his features. When he opened his eyes, they were gazing up at Shane, chin tilted down. His jaw was set tight with a hard line at his brow. All playfulness had fled his features.

It was the same expression Shane had seen during important games. Games where Ilya wasn’t just trying to win, he was trying to destroy the other team.

“Ilya?” Shane breathed.

But Ilya just stared. It was intense, focused, like his world narrowed down to a single task.

It felt like… how Shane imagined a rabbit would feel caught in the eyes of a wolf.

“Ilya, stop it,” Shane wiggled, hands on Ilya’s chest to push him off. The fact he used about 10% of his strength to do this meant nothing.

Ilya grabbed both of his hands in one of his and pinned them above his head.

He said something in Russian that Shane only caught fragments of. His voice was deeper like it got when he spoke his native language. Shane got “you” “wanted” “good boy” and “me” but it was enough for him to vaguely catch onto the meaning.

“Ilya, I’m…,” Shane whined and unsuccessfully tried to yank his hands back. “I’m tired. I just wanted an…explanation.”

“But you are hands-on learner,” Ilya said in English but with a thick accent, not dropping the stare.

Shane squeezed his eyes close as Ilya dipped to capture his prey.

Fuck.

[regainingparadise]

When #myshane retires, he doesn’t go into coaching or podcasting or whatever.

He becomes a consultant who shitty teams trying to not suck, good teams who want to last further into the playoffs, great teams who want to finally win the cup, call to Fix Them.

He is paid absolutely bonkers amounts of money to watch a team play for five minutes and immediately diagnose what’s wrong with them. He is always right.

Ok 5 minutes is probably an exaggeration. The coaches send him a bunch of tape to review in advance. They probably focus on their best players or the ones they think need the most improvement, but half the time Shane requests more, focusing on players they hadn’t paid much attention to before. Then one day at practice, the players look up into the stands and are filled with awe, terror, and wonder, because Shane Hollander is sitting there staring directly at them with a scarily thoughtful look on his face.

He meets with the coaches and gm and reports his conclusions. Who to trade and for who , how to get better results from certain players, how to run power plays and penalty kills, changes in line makeups.

Some lucky players get to meet with him. He takes about five minutes to list off or demonstrate everything they need to do to stop sucking. He has no time for chit chat or hero worship. Focus, listen, learn, and do exactly what he says and you will be good. Fail to do what he says and you will shame your entire bloodline.

I think that, if he’s not the one actually playing, this would be a dream job. It involves Knowing Things About Hockey, Judging Shitty Hockey Players, Getting Recognized As The Best at Hockey, Being Correct, and Making Hockey Better. He should get to do all these things

[ilya-sweetheart]

Ilya: Okay everybody listen the fuck up!

Raiders: 👀

Ilya: My Jane said she will send me glasses pic if we win tonight!

Raiders who have experienced this before: Fuck yeah brother 😫🙏

Ilya: So I am not loosing to New fucking Jersey and missing a picture of my pretty Jane in her glasses!

The whole team realising oh shit he means business: Yes captain! 🫡