Jeff found a genie in a bottle
Who said, “I can give you anything you ask”
“You can have your wishes three
And a million more for free
It’s unlimited, just set me to the task.”
Well, Jeff thought a while,
Said, “I want houses,
“I want boats, I want fancy modern art,
I want tickets to the Met, I want my own private jet,
And a rocket into space just for a start.”
Well, the genie waved her arms and made it happen
His every wish bolted from the blue
And folks all over town grew enamored, gathered ‘round
To admire the man whose wishes had come true
They said, “Let’s hear it for the man who has everything!
By good fortune he’s been set so far apart.”
“Yeah, let’s hear it for Jeff who has everything!
‘Cause his wishes are only at the start.”
Well, Jeff heard their shouts and he grew worried
He said, “Everybody’s getting in my way.”
The genie smiled as before,
“You’ve got a million wishes more.
You can even give a bunch of them away.”
Well, Jeff got confused and sorta quiet
‘Til he finally said, “I have just one wish more.”
“I am satisfied, so I wish that you would die
So you cannot grant wishes anymore.”
Well, the genie’s eyes got big and sad and shiny
‘Til she finally said, “Your wish is my command.”
And with an effervescent sigh, she disappeared before his eyes
And no wishes were ever granted there again
So, let’s hear it for the man who has everything!
By good fortune he has set so far apart
Yeah, let’s hear it for Jeff, who’s got everything!
Every single fucking thing except a heart
