The Crab @onebreadstick - Tumblr Blog

They know what they're doing. The people they're signaling to know what they're doing. Those of us trained in spotting this stuff for our own safety know what they're doing.

It's time that everyone else stops giving them the benefit of the doubt

kelpasaur

As he fucking should

ineedmorevat7kinmylife

I'd like to share a few pre-odyssey stories from Odysseus's life that I think are fun.

He didn't choose to go to war. He was drafted into the war as a general. He tried to get out of it by pretending he was crazy because he didn't want to leave Telemachus and Penelope. So, when the guys came to his castle, he was out in the field pulling a plow, with the horse behind it like the horse was driving him. And most of the guys were like, "Wow, he's totally crazy!" but the head dude was like, "No, he's tricky. We gotta see if he's actually crazy. Bring out his newborn son!" So they brought Telemachus out, and put him in the path of the plow being like "If the king is actually crazy he'll run over his son!" Odysseus didn't do it, he swerved around Telemachus, and his cover was blown, so he had to go to war.

There was a prophecy that the first soldier who set foot on the beaches of Troy during the attack would die first, so when Odysseus's army were on the boats about to attack, none of them wanted to get off, in fear of dying. Odysseus was like "okay we need to get this show on the road." so he made a big show of talking about how ridiculous prophecies were, while secretly throwing his shield down on the sand. Then he was all "I'll jump down first, to prove that it's silly!" So he jumped off the boat onto his shield, and his army was like "Wow! he landed on the sand first! We've got nothing to worry about now!" So they all jumped off, and sure enough the first dude that landed was the first to die.

kratt09

people who don't wear glasses are so weird like you just wake up and your eyes are pussy fresh??

kratt09

thats not the word I meant to use

coldspicyy

None of these words are in the bible.

godmodebeginswithlesbians

au contraire, mon ami

transarsonist

dont weird pussy, that's woke stale. penis absolute.

saintjosie

i’m sorry cock is in the bible?

freeformtarsier

Matthew 26:34 KJV

Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, That this night, before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice.

saintjosie

huh i didn’t know edging was in the bible either

virtualgirladvance

Of course it is, they've been waiting over two thousand years for the second coming

synder-sync

molabuddy

having long distance friends is so fucked. do you wanna come over to my house and play (it will cost us 1 william dollars)

cher3pakhi

just remember, one day you're going to open tumblr and the crabs will be raving like they never have before

naamahdarling

We will meet here again on that day. This is my sacred promise to you.

honeyed-ghost

Back at home my wife awaits for me.

She’s my everything.

My Penelope.

Based on Paolo e Virginia by Alessandro Puttinati.

sylusbitch

my favorite hc is that penelope was told by the ladies in waiting to go and stay in her room and not to come out for anyone

and she hears screams and whatnot and is like oh fuck now theyve done it, the suitors are gonna destroy the place

only to hear the screams lessen in volume and being like ? are they killing each other?

but then she hears a scream clear as day "THIS WILL BE YOUR FATE" and she's like🧍‍♀️no fuckin shot my husband is down there on a murder spree

and she immediately starts pacing back and forth like "LADIES HELP ME PREPARE I NEED TO LOOK DIVINE" and it's a full makeover sequence

and they're posing her and being like "hold on, tilt your chin up a little bit, turn to the side like 12 degrees- BOOM my lady you are serving such cunt"

and then they hear odysseus' loud ass steps going up the stairs and all the ladies scatter while penelope tries to look nonchalant like "AHEM....😳 is it you? have my prayers been answered?"

velvetys

How is bnha anime of the decade...... they aren’t even anime of the hour of the minute of the second

grimeclown

The notes on this post were so toxic that staff just axed em

abraxasrinbalt

1969.........

harperhug

Yes, when the original post is deleted from the server (not just the blog, but the Tumblr servers), there is no root post for notes to be added onto, and also no root post for time to be counted from, so it starts from zero. Most computer operating systems use Unix, which was launched in 1971 with t.he epoch date of midnight on January 1, 1970 as 1. Therefore zero is one second behind that date: December 31, 1969. Also, very unfortunately, this also means nobody except you and anyone you reblog it to will see this explanation, as you cannot open the notes to see comments when there are no notes.