yes i live like this @padawanduck - Tumblr Blog

tagging psa

this is my personal blog so it's a huge mixed bag of what i'm obsessed with but i'm usually very good at tagging posts

The new season of Big Brother has started and this terrible show consumes my life every summer. BUT every post will be tagged #bb28

Any Heated Rivalry posts should be tagged with #heated rivalry and/or #hr posting. And any posts about the show supernatural will be tagged #spn

And once the hockey season starts again in October I'm a lightning fan so any game lbs will be tagged #bolts lb and otherwise posts will be tagged #hockey or #tampa bay lightning

otherwise i'm usually pretty good about tagging fandoms/characters/people but feel free to reach out if you'd like something tagged

#I mentioned these specific things because i see myself posting about them a lot AND bc the tags are specific and consistent #with the bb tag starting to come to life i thought i'd go ahead and make this post #pinned post #adding that tag bc i accidentally unpinned it and i do not want to risk that happening again #i switched the order of the fandoms i mentioned as i shift into bb mode lol

quixoticclown

Yes, these Muppets have taken Manhattan. The question now is can they HOLD it

hollanoveau

about to say something brave

hollanoveau

i like when the guys from the gay hockey series play hockey

#lmao prev tags #heated rivalry #i actually do really like hockey

penandinkprincess

I read your fic of Tuna Meltdown being averted because Shane didn't want to tell his mom he broke things off with his "partner" and. That is the FUNNIEST possible opening for the most chaotic Fake Dating AU of all time. Please please PLEASE be my fake boyfriend so I don't have to tell my parents their son is having meaningless sex. Nothing has to change, I swear, we'll just pretend to be chaste and polite and affectionate when my parents are around and have debauched and meaningless sex when they aren't. This will be so fine and normal and is totally a thing we can do.

GOD

yuna and david were supposed to go to this game but thought they would have to cancel because they'd already agreed to going out to dinner with some friends who canceled last minute and then david had to work late, so yuna decided to drive up to montreal after all, and SHANE! WHO THOUGHT THIS PLAN WAS ALREADY CANCELED! THUS DIDN'T CHECK HIS PHONE WHEN HE AGREED TO LET ROZANOV COME OVER THE DAY BEFORE THE GAME, WHICH THEY DON'T ALWAYS DO.

which means yuna lets herself into shane's apartment (because why wouldn't she? shane's not texting back, which is strange, but maybe he's sick? it is flu season. and she has his key anyway.) ONLY TO FIND! SHANE AND ILYA ROZANOV SHIRTLESS ON SHANE'S COUCH AND ALMOST GIVING EACH OTHER BLACK EYES WITH THE SPEED WITH WHICH THEY SCRAMBLE OFF OF EACH OTHER.

and like??? really only ONE FUCKING THING they could have been doing!! very obvious what she just interrupted!!!

and oh...OH. all of this talk about how it's complicated and how shane can't openly be with his partner and yeah. yeah she gets it now. (yuna, oh my god). it ALL makes sense now. (yuna, please.) and yeah, kind of a mindfuck that her son's partner is the man?? who is supposed to be his greatest rival?? but she's already had a year of knowing shane was seeing SOMEONE. sooooo uh. hello, i'm yuna, we've met before but not under these circumstances, it's so nice to meet you finally for real, and-

and meanwhile ilya?? no fucking idea what's going on. kind of having a heart attack because jesus FUCK does he have a lot to lose if this gets out, but also?? she's shane's mom?? so she can't out him without outing shane and he's pretty sure she's not going to do that-

and then he registers that shane is Fully Freaking The Fuck Out. like straight up looks like he's about to pass out. and he doesn't know what's going on, but he knows shane looks like there is nothing happening in his head but aol dial-up noises and car wreck noises. and like. listen. ilya is also thrown for a loop, but he's not actually an asshole. he can tell shane is fucking TERRIFIED, so he's going to try and do what he can.

and what's the easiest answer to give when he doesn't know what's happening? agreeing with everything yuna is telling him.

yep. he is indeed shane's partner. he doesn't FULLY know that he understands exactly what that is, but he can figure that out when hollander doesn't actively look like he's going to pass tf out on him.

it's also at this point that yuna clocks back in enough (listen, sue her, okay, she has been DYING to know for a year now, so yeah she got excited and single mind tracked for a bit) to realize that her son and her son's partner are both still shirtless and she CLEARLY just interrupted Adult Alone Time, so she 180s and is like, "i'm going to go get some coffee, honey, you two can...*vague handwave* and oh! actually! your dad might miss the game, but he can still drive up tonight and we can have dinner here and-" and she is full Yuna Hollander Full Steam Ahead.

and then yuna is gone and it's shane and ilya.

and shane just. slooooowly curls up on his knees on the floor because What The Fucking Fuck Just Fucking Happened.

and ilya is also still a little ???? but puts a pin in that to talk hollander down from the ledge because man looks Bad.

and now they've got like. MAYBE 30 minutes to try and come up with a fake ass story for this dinner they're apparently going to have.

AND THEY STILL HAVE TO PLAY A FUCKING GAME BEFORE THEN.

and shane is just, "i know this is so weird. i am so sorry. trust me, i would willingly walk into traffic if i thought that would fix this. please just go along with it and i will explain whatever i can explain later-"

so they end up having dinner and managing to pull this act out of their ASSES. and they nearly fumble when shane starts to call him rozanov, but he can't do that with his partner, can he? that feels weird. so he calls him ilya, and ilya feels a little !!! zip inside him because oh!! that's!! new!! and oddly nice!! so calls him shane back.

so now they've broken the seal on first names. apparently. some fucking how.

and because yuna is yuna and DID HER FUCKING WAITING, she is inviting ilya to come to ottawa for the easter long weekend since they'll have time and it's not a couple's holiday anyway and he won't be going back to russia with such a short turnaround time-

and. listen. does shane feel great about this? no.

but it still feels better than having to look his mother in the face and say his partner is actually just a guy he fucks sometimes with no strings attached (jesus christ, shane.)

and ilya...is kind of just. going along. this is weird and also potentially complicated, but now gets to put his arm around shane? and call him shane? and he gets to pretend to play boyfriends because they have the understanding that This Is Fake? tbh? kind of ideal. the fun of playing boyfriend without having to admit ANYTHING to himself.

and the easter weekend ends up being the first time they share a bed because!! they get to ottawa!! and of course yuna assumes they'd be sharing!!! oh my god!! there was only one bed because his mom just assumed they wouldn't need another!!!!

penandinkprincess

laughing about them both simultaneously thinking they're running a con and getting away with something because they're both SO dedicated to playing boyfriends (for SURE not real boyfriends!! just pretend!!! ilya is doing shane a favor and shane just REALLY wants his parents to buy it!! it's ALL fake, though, guys, don't even WORRY ABOUT IT).

like shane isn't actually bold enough to really initiate anything, but ilya (at least from what he would say) has no horse in this race and tbh? kind of fun to play boyfriend. it's SO OBVIOUSLY FAKE OF COURSE, but like. sitting next to shane. and holding his hand. and kissing his cheek. and even putting his arm around him. and doing things like grabbing him a ginger ale if he's already up. it's all of the stupid daydream things he's *thought* about. and now. he gets to do them.

BUT IT'S ALL FAKE. IT'S JUST FOR THE SAKE OF LYING TO YUNA AND DAVID. THAT'S ALL.

and meanwhile shane?? is getting cuddles?? and gets to offer affection in return?? and ilya is attentive and responsive and even texts him often now?? because they need to have their story straight with each other and what's going on?? so they talk pretty often now?? and they've even cooked together a few times because shane panicked a little when trying to come up with Shit Couples Do when talking to his parents about what he and ilya do and just threw out "COOKING" because his parents cook together (meaning yuna gets to watch like it's her personal food network show and play taste tester), and then yuna and david who both know that shane has allergies and is a little particular about things with texture, etc. are just ?? ilya knows how to cook in a way you like??? and shane is just. Yes That Is Absolutely A True Fact About My Relationship With My Very Real Partner Ilya Rozanov.

and i'm laughing about these two IDIOTS both feeling like they're getting away with something and both enjoying it and feeling guilty about it AT THE EXACT SAME FUCKING TIME.

penandinkprincess

GOD i'm actually extremely emotional thinking about how kind this is from shane's pov. (and it is kind! ilya is doing him a big favor here! he's just also getting something out of this that shane doesn't know he wants and is enjoying). like. he obviously trusts rozanov in bed at this point. that's never been a factor, but any attempts at connection have been dismissed to the point that he doesn't really try anymore.

and yet back to a wall, no way out? rozanov had his back.

and still has his back.

and GOD the guilt of feeling like he's tricking rozanov when roz is already being so kind and doing this INSANE thing with him just so he won't have to admit something to his parents that he doesn't want to. rozanov is over here being the ultimate bro, and shane is the horrible person catching feelings and enjoying lightly snuggling with rozanov on the couch even though it's all a performance and means nothing.

and meanwhile ilya is getting to play happy family and kiss shane affectionately instead of just passionately and get things he wanted but always told himself no to before.

and he just thinks shane is putting up wtih all of this because he's just so golden boy that he doesn't want to admit that he's just fucking ilya casually. like yeah it's a little crazy to be doing this whole pretend boyfriends thing just so his parents won't know he hooks up sometimes, but like. it's shane. this tracks.

which means that ilya is the horrible person taking advantage of this agreement of theirs and playing boyfriend because it feels good and it's fun to be accepted into a family and yuna and david are so welcoming to him. like he is getting this taste of something he wants SO BAD.

and yet it's not his. not really.

and he has to wonder who's eventually going to come along and take this spot from him.

because it's not his.

it never will be.

penandinkprincess

GOD the first night at shane's parents' house sharing a room and a bed and it's a little bit awkward because how could it NOT be, and it's kind of ridiculous to feel so exposed in pajamas around someone they've been naked with so many times, but there's that kind of weird shuffle of "this is what i look like relaxed and about to sleep, and you've never seen that before, and i've never seen YOU like that before"

and there is a moment after they first climb in bed where they're just laying on their backs looking at the ceiling and they both think about the first time they hooked up and glance at each other and just KNOW the other person is thinking the same thing and can't help but laugh. and then that makes it all feel more comfortable because like. they've been a little awkward with each other before. they'll survive. and after that, it gets easier. like turning on their sides and talking until shane (who is usually RELIGIOUS about his sensible bedtime) is yawning more and more until he finally drifts off.

and ilya knows he shouldn't. this isn't what they are.

but he can't help edging close enough to put an arm over him and enjoy the solid warmth of him held close. and he plans to let him go! he does! one little snuggle just to find out what it feels like and then he'll be done!

...but he falls asleep instead.

so shane wakes up snuggled up all cozy and is just MORTIFIED. oh god. he got clingy in his sleep. he knows from when he was a kid that his parents used to tease him about being a barnacle and now he's done it AGAIN oh FUCK this is going to be so awkward now.

and they don't mention it. either of them.

but when they go to share the bed the next night, they fall into it a little easier.

penandinkprincess

OH GOD THEY GET ASKED ABOUT WHEN THEY STARTED DATING AND GIVE TWO DIFFERENT DATES

internally they both panicked and just went "okay first time i felt attracted to you-" JUST ASSUMING. PROBABLY THE SAME FOR THE OTHER PERSON.

so ilya gives the date they met in that parking lot, when this beautiful freckled talented player came up and SO obviously flirted with him. ilya was interested immediately because of course he was. (but in a CASUAL way. SO fucking casual guys. SO casual.)

but shane goes with their first time in his apartment. two years of leading up to it. so much anticipation. and the interest was always there because of course it was, but that night he felt WANTED. and safe. and like something clicked into place for him for the first time. and it's SO CASUAL OBVIOUSLY, but he felt SO connected and comfortable and at one with ilya that night that if he had to say when they started, he would pick then.

but now they're just staring at each other like "what do you mean" "what do YOU mean" because APPARENTLY this is something they should have fucking REHEARSED.

and then that night OF COURSE IT COMES UP. how could it NOT. and they're more comfortable sharing a bed now so that part isn't so strange, but they're about to sprain something tapdancing around actually answering while still DESPERATELY wanting to know why the other person picked the date they did.

#heated rivalry #long post #holy shit this is great