pasta

zooweemama fam

[pastabrand]

Spoilers as a just-in-case butttt

Is this a safe time to mention that in 02x1, I’m like, 85% sure Langdon was getting a drug test done and that’s why he was waiting in the lobby until he was told “you’re good!” by I thinkkk Donnie?

I haven’t seen it mentioned anywhere, but it felt notable enough for me to remember and now bring it up because of conversations

[pastabrand]

Beating a dead horse here but I think the thing that’s throwing me off the most about Al-Hashimi’s reaction is the fact that the show implies/somewhat states that she knew Langdon was at PTMC, and specifically it’s ED beforehand. As always, more below the cut.

Like when I first saw her reaction, I was upset, then thought that, hm, maybe she didn’t know what it was PTMC he diverted from. Like, she knew and mentioned he was in a PHP (which is where we learn of this term/development, mind you), to the point of congratulating him on it. So I was like, okay, yknow what, yeah that shock is completely understandable girl I get you. Imagine you’re congratulating a coworker on getting clean and taking the steps to enter back into the workspace in a completely new environment and the other boss is lowkey treating them like shit over it. Only to find out, no, actually this was the SAME environment that he diverted from and no one told you about it and you deadass just let the person who REPORTED him for diverting stew together in tension not even 30 mins ago and it looks like shit is deeper than some “beef” that the other boss, who, again, is still being highkey shitty to the coworker, says. Especially with the way Robby just dropped that fun lil bit of info, gave a shitty shady ass defense about, told you “don’t fuck this up”, then dipped 😭

So it’s like, woah wtf. But then, I remembered that she, at one point, said that she was glad that he was BACK. I had to go back to make sure I was remembering that right too. Meaning that in some way, she recognized that he had been in the PTMC ED before. So now it’s like, did she think he diverted at a different hospital, left, came to PTMC, left again, then came back or something? Or that it didn’t really click that having an addiction means that he could’ve diverted from the hospital? Which just seems short-sighted for a character like her. I just, I don’t know man. I’ve always maintained the position that Langdon more than likely should’ve been sent to another hospital both for mental health reasons and for staff-conflict reasons, but I know for the sake of the show they can’t necessarily do that. But now it’s kinda just convoluted the story to the point that it’s making all of them (Langdon, Robby, Al-Hashimi, and hell even Santos) look worse than they justifiably need to be compared to if the show was just a touch more straight forward with us about how this process is supposed to go. Bc regardless of anything, now Al-Hashimi is forced to recontextualize everything she’s seen and be tossed back into the wild with little-to-no time to process it, leading her to treat Langdon a bit colder/more distant than she had before.

And there’s something to say about people finding out/knowing Langdon has an addiction and, subconsciously or not, now acting like his actions and skills as a doctor can’t be trusted and need to be questioned with more scrutiny than some of the others in the show, but that’s another thing for another time.

I like TV drama, but not when it gets exceedingly vague to build up a massive reveal that…really shouldn’t be a massive reveal imo.

All that is to say, Al-Hashimi girl I understand you and your shock still, even if I am a bit confused, so ima hold off on any negative opinions until the season finishes out. I, too, freak tf out and need some proper time to process things before I can act accordingly. As for Robby…ik you’re going thru hell right now and I pray you get the help and care you deserve, but your communication skills are ASS and you should’ve locked in months ago when you had the time.

[pastabrand]

This is about to be disgustingly rambly, and by god am I no master on the topic here, but one thing I think people are fundamentally misunderstanding here about Langdon’s situation is that, there is no other shoe to drop and that, in translating from the show to real life, nothing about his situation would’ve changed.

I’ve seen many a post saying that they understand why Langdon is getting a second chance, why he is back in the hospital, etc., etc., but then pivot off into “…butttt in reality he should’ve gone to jail/lost his medical license/receive harsher punishment” and it’s like, no? In reality, he’s doing exactly what one who wants to recover from addiction, maintain his sobriety, and maintain his license would do. Like, he isn’t in the clear here regarding his license and won’t be for a long, long time, y’all do know that, right? He has to maintain his sobriety for a minimum 3 years, but more than likely 5 years to for sure know he can keep his license. It’s important to me that you know this. (more rambling below the cut^^)

He would’ve absolutely lost his license had he diverted the meds with an intent to sell, or if he had been continually resistant in wanting to recover and get clean, both of which did not happen. He wouldn’t have immediately lost his license simply for diverting medication, as that is about as common as a healthcare worker having an addiction in the first place due to the nature of the job and the ease of access to said medications. These systems account for a more than probable case of diversion alongside an addiction to the point that a med/prescription audit is standard when they receive a report. There’s no significant difference in outcome of a healthcare worker from HOW the meds were diverted (i.e. taking extra meds from a Pyxis/Omnicell leading to a miscount vs taking overprescribed pills vs taking medication from a vial and diluting it vs writing a bogus prescription for someone to pick up, etc.). And to clarify, all of these have equal chance to harm a patient, one is not more dangerous than the other as they all fall under some variation of medication diversion. BUT, following on that, there is a significant difference in outcome based on the INTENT of the diverting medication was used for (i.e. aiding one’s own addiction vs selling it to others vs trying to replicate/produce a crude/cut version of the medication, etc.).

It’s like, some of y’all know what a PHP is (as it’s been brought up more and more in light of recent episodes) and understand fundamentally what the purpose of it is, but idk, think it’s somehow being presented as more lenient than how “it would go IRL”?? Or that the hospital system he’s in only know half the story, and that it’s a matter of time for “the whole truth to come out” and Langdon is kicked out when, in reality, they already more than likely know everything and have been aware since whenever he joined said PHP.

The show isn’t being explicit in everything that Langdon had to go through in order to qualify for a PHP, and that’s obviously on purpose, but they’ve damn well been doing their best to show that addiction isn’t something to villainize or immediately assume criminality over. It was so blatant with the convo with Oligivie and McKay, but it’s just being ignored or twisted up somehow and I guess I don’t understand.

It’s the same chain of some people trying to make a distinction in his addiction to say he should’ve gone to jail for diverting meds, not being an addict, and therefore the hospital must not know he also diverted meds, just that he had an addiction and it’s like, also no?? One, he diverted meds BECAUSE he was an addict. And two, any higher up who has to handle the legal and logistical side of PHPs wouldn’t be worth a mf rock to think that, hm, my healthcare employee, a PHYSICIAN at that, just reported he has an addiction to benzos, but well, we have absolutely no clue where he could’ve gotten said benzos from, oh well. Sorry but, hello?? 😭 like, c’mon guys…please. The acts go hand-in-hand, and Langdon would’ve more than likely confessed to the actions regardless (as that is a condition of being apart of a PHP. If they find out he lied/withheld info, he would’ve been penalized, maybe even kicked off said PHP based on how significant the lie is, and thus lost his license and all that jazz).

I guess I don’t understand why it seems so unbelievable that Langdon is going down a very common path of recovery for a healthcare worker who is wanting to make that change. Is it because of the method of med diversion, even though it’s common? Is it because we as a society are used to criminalizing everything? Is it because it’s that unbelievable that they would care to preserve an otherwise capable physician? Are we thinking that he “got away with it scot free” purely because he’s a white man and absolutely nothing else?

And to be clear, I’m really not looking for answers to those questions here. Just more rambling thoughts I’m having.

[pastabrand]

Imagine being Robby in s1 with some of the best senior residents in the (his) world. You’ve got Collins, someone who he had a romantic relationship with in the past but still able to get along and banter well because of it. You’ve got Langdon, your “favorite resident” of whom you’ve already written a stellar recommendation letter for his teaching fellowship, of whom you KNOW will come back to work with you one he’s done. Collins maybe hasn’t said much, but you’re kinda hoping she stays for the ride too and the next year it can be all three of you sharing the burden of attending but making the most of it because you have each other.

Then, the cracks start to show. Your new intern is poking at your senior resident. Weird, but okay, people can have tension. But that tension doesn’t go away. To the point you have to intervene. Then she tells you something you can’t ignore and it’s TRUE. And all you can think is, how long? When did it start? Why did it start? Why didn’t you come to me?

At the same time, your old partner/colleague is becoming more and more distant, defensive with you. You finally sit down, talk, and you realize she wasn’t nearly as happy as you thought she was. That she didn’t hold you as close as you did her. Or maybe it was mutual. Who knows? There could’ve been a child, there could’ve been a story for you two. But the child passed, and she didn’t tell you, and she let it be her burden. Again, how long? When did it happen? Why didn’t you come to me?

You end up sending both of them home. One stays gone, the other comes back, you both argue and are left more hurt than anything.

THEN. Season 2 happens.

Here comes next year. New students, more staff, but it’s still just you. Your senior residents? Langdon, the person you thought you wouldn’t see for three months, or ever again. Langdon, who looks like he’s been doing better, if fumbling around a bit because he’s back too soon, and Mohan, someone you’ve been trying to be so so critical of and hard on because she’s compassionate and caring and maybe a little bit too much to the point that it affects her personally. To the point that she’ll bottle it up until she can’t anymore and it manifests in a breakdown. They both shine a mirror to the traits you see and hate in yourself, and represent everything about absolute failure of an attending you’ve been for various reasons. You don’t even have Collins, she left for good. You’re happy for her, but sometimes you wonder…and on top of that, there’s another attending is coming into observe. Someone who sees right through your bullshit in the first minute and calls it out every time. The same way Collins would’ve, and it feels like some form of cruel irony.

You were supposed to have your trio, and now it’s just you and everyone is starting to see the cracks that have formed on you, no matter how mean, and vicious and snappy, and aloof you are.

[pastabrand]

As an FYI because I’m starting to see it happen, you CAN’T separate Langdon’s drug diverting from his addiction. They go hand in hand. You can’t say “oh he should’ve lost his license because of the stealing NOT because he’s an addict” because the two go hand in hand. He diverted BECAUSE he was an addict, that is an objective fact. In the eyes of whatever investigation he went under (because he did, regardless of what people think), they have to take all that information into consideration, hence why he is still with his license in the PHP and was allowed to leave for 10 months to get rehab. That includes looking through his prescription track record. Addiction and drug diversion are COMMON in healthcare, looking at a healthcare worker’s medication history (ex. what and how much nurses pull from the Pyxis/Omnicell or providers and their prescription history) is standard procedure. The show shouldn’t have to hold your hand and walk you through every little step that happened to get people to believe, but alas.

You know what likely would’ve gotten Langdon fired and maybe even thrown in prison? If he diverted medication for no reason. Or if he diverted medication with the sole intent to sell them. Because then that would’ve showed intent to harm others without remorse or without care. But that didn’t happen. He diverted them because of an addiction that, if we are being fully honest here about, we still don’t know fully developed. A question to ask is: if he didn’t have that addiction, would he have still diverted medication?

Trying to separate the two to justify your position that he should’ve gone to jail is flimsy at best and a cop mindset at worst because those two are not mutually exclusive for his situation. Whatever system he got reported to, whether it be a self-report, or Robby reporting him, deemed him as someone worth giving a second chance to, as a provider worth keeping their license, and someone worth rehabilitating because THAT is what the system is for. I hate the healthcare system for a lot of things, but not this. This is one of those few instances where they try to catch and save those falling through the cracks and good god do we need something like that more often. THAT is what evidence-based practice is and should look like for everyone. The moment we lose empathy and start throwing people in jail the moment they fuck up is the moment society goes completely to shit.

Some of you truly need to ask yourself what you think throwing Langdon in jail would truly gain for him, and then even broader for all the healthcare working out there who are suffering.

[pastabrand]

There’s a lot of people who are wanting Langdon to apologize to Santos and are getting angry about it, but all I can think of is, if he had done so the same way he had done with Robby (as some point out as reasoning for why Langdon’s not being genuine in his recovery n whatnot), regardless of how the conversation had went, there would be a good chunk of people who would then turn around and say he was using his position of authority to force her into an apology talk :/ if she reacted negatively? “Oh he was intimidating and harassing her instead of letting her confront him when he’s ready!” if she had reacted positively? “She might’ve felt cornered/forced into accepting his apology because he’s a white man/R4/senior resident, etc.” it’s a damned if he did, damned if he didn’t situation. The apology would/will never be enough if he isn’t groveling at her feet (and even then there would still be some people that say he’s somehow manipulating the situation)

She isn’t showing any signs of wanting to talk with him, and seeing how Robby reacted, he’s likely gonna keep his distance until she either shows signs of wanting to talk or she talks to him herself. And a lot of yall aren’t ready to accept that

[pastabrand]

Sometimes I’ll be scrolling the app, hoping to read some good, nuanced takes, then I’m viscerally reminded that like, 75% of the watchers have no clue how hospital systems handle those who divert/steal medications and simply sigh in resignation. I fear it’s not as simple as y’all would like to think it is and it SHOWS. Horrifically.

[pastabrand]

Dare I say the reason Silent Salt looks to be the most negative about Mystic Flour is because he likely recognizes that they’re probably the most similar in ideals when it comes to cookiekind? Like, they were both betrayed by the ones who they swore to help and had their kindness spat back in their face with little to no regard for how it would affect him/Mystic Flour.

I’d argue that if Silent Salt weren’t so laser-focused on his grudge against the other beasts for their conjoined part to play in his fall from grace (aka, became fully, 100% corrupted like the others had), he and Mystic Flour would absolutely get along the best over their shared loss of faith and harbored disdain for cookiekind and shared belief that all cookies should be crumbled. They just go about it in different ways, but the sentiment is the same nonetheless. Plus, it’s not like the other beasts aren’t unaware that they each probably played a part in the other’s corruption, they simply just choose to move past it and continue to push their corrupted narrative. Silent Salt is the only one to hold it personally which…duh, is absolutely valid 😭

[hahasimp]

[aquilacalvitium]

Okay fuck it if this post reaches 666k notes by the end of 2023 I’ll practise basic self care

Why 666k? Because it’s funny and impossible so good fucking luck

[lizluvscupcakes]

Well, OP, I’m officially invested in this shit. Your whiny ass is doing self care if I have to drive to your goddamn house and do it for you.

[aquilacalvitium]

By Talos this can’t be happening

[oysters-aint-for-me]

reblog this everyone i wanna see what happens when op’s reverse-hubris forces them to practice basic self care.

why? because it’s funny and completely possible actually so good fucking luck op

[tungsten-moon]

I figured out roughly how many notes it’s been getting per day and multiplied that by the number of days left until the end of 2023

If we keep it going at this rate we’ll be far past 666k

[aquilacalvitium]

IMPORTANT

Okay so clearly I’ve underestimated y'all

So how about we make this more interesting?

I will practise self care if this post reaches 666k BY THE END OF 2022

[moonlarking]

Op you have fuckethed with the devil this post has gained 30,000 notes since I reblogged it last night

[catgirlcaliphate]

OP I hope you are ready to practice some self care because if there’s one thing the gremlins of tumblr love it’s a challenge.

[saint-batrick]

i normally hate these “oh noo don’t give me a ton of notes” posts but this one? this one i love.

posts that have 666k notes TO ME. and hopefully to you, too, OP. 💜

[solarmama-plantsareneat]

Let’s all practice self care if this post hits the magic number…

[purpleblobfrompluto]

Yes

[purpleblobfrompluto]

YALL HELP US

@bigfootshonkers @dollopheadsandclotpoles @gwaine-the-rock-johnson @hannahhook7744 @knightofwoodsbeyond @reality-schmality @thirteenthedoctor @yoursassybookwormfriend if you want to of course @fuckyeahsnackables

[purpleblobfrompluto]

Op telling us we’ll never make it to 666k by the end of 2023 (only having to make it 2022 after all):

Us:

[aquilacalvitium]

I was going to wait until y'all hit the mark, But I feel like I should say this now

When I made this post, it was supposed to be a joke

I mean, none of my posts ever get more than 20 notes if I’m lucky, so what are the odds of one reaching 666k? Impossible, haha

But then, something happened, something I didn’t expect

People actually began to… like it? And… reblog? And comment?

Before I knew it, my notifications were swarmed with comments after comments after reblogs after comments all on this one post

Then, still in the mindset of this being a joke, I realised I’d made the goal too easy, so I upped the stakes

But… the notes just got more frequent from there

And it started to hit me just what was happening

For a while, I was overwhelmed with a feeling

A feeling I wasn’t used to

It was like… all of a sudden… I mattered…

My existance was actually noteworthy

People actually… cared?

It wasn’t a game anymore, it was a race to assure a stranger on the Internet that they were actually worth something

Hundreds of people all gathering in one online place to help out

Leaving messages and well wishes

Making me smile

Making me laugh

Funny comments

Jokes

Fun facts

Even simple comments

It all suddenly felt so real

This was never a joke to you

This was important

And I won’t let any of that go in vain

So… stay tuned I suppose

I’ll look after myself, and I’ll post proof of it too

I’ll catalogue every time I put my health first

Physical and mental

I’ll acknowledge my bad days and celebrate my good days

But most of all

I won’t forget this

Any of this

Ever

(Tagging all the people in that screenshot)

@deepsea-bathyna @royalsampaguita @timeturnerturns @twerkyvulture @reblogspamletsgoooo @gender-crisis-time @obsidianstrawberrymilk @shana-rosee @thefandombringer @sunshinedarlingiloveyou @bregee13 @moonlarking-blog @arcan6yo @crazyw3irdo @xinea @ghastmaskzombie @killthestairs @abalidoth @leesbian42

[kittydesade]

THIS ONE. REBLOG THIS ONE. LET’S GO SELF CARE 2023

[boozehund-blog]

ppl who celebrate fictional character birthdays are annoying pass it on

[wolfprud3-deactivated20170620]

FUCK this post and happy birthday sonic

[bitterblackboricua]

[axolotldrevm-deactivated2022101]

by the way purpled has literally been looping montero for almost four days at this point and his spotify updates account is on their last canon life

[aleatoryw]

I love showing people a picture of my cat for the first time and they go "aww" and then I say "her name is Pigeon" and they go "aww her name is PIGEON" bc this knowledge has made her cuter

[aleatoryw]

this is Pigeon btw

[majestydeerakuma]

I wanna hug heeeer, aaaaaaa

[hamletthedane]

Want to learn something new in 2022??

Absolute beginner adult ballet series (fabulous beginning teacher)

40 piano lessons for beginners (some of the best explanations for piano I’ve ever seen)

Excellent basic crochet video series

Basic knitting (probably the best how to knit video out there)

Pre-Free Figure Skate Levels A-D guides and practice activities (each video builds up with exercises to the actual moves!)

How to draw character faces video (very funny, surprisingly instructive?)

Another drawing character faces video

Literally my favorite art pose hack

Tutorial of how to make a whole ass Stardew Valley esque farming game in Gamemaker Studios 2??

Introduction to flying small aircrafts

French/Dutch/Fishtail braiding

Playing the guitar for beginners (well paced and excellent instructor)

Playing the violin for beginners (really good practical tips mixed in)

Color theory in digital art (not of the children’s hospital variety)

Retake classes you hated but now there’s zero stakes:

Calculus 1 (full semester class)

Learn basic statistics (free textbook)

Introduction to college physics (free textbook)

Introduction to accounting (free textbook)

Learn a language:

Ancient Greek

Latin

Spanish

German

Japanese (grammar guide) (for dummies)

French

Russian (pretty good cyrillic guide!)

[girlfictions]

QUACKITY LORE TEASER!??!?!

[girlfictions]

hell o

[malewifenat]

What does the arab in your carrd mean? Is it like afab and amab?

.. i’m palestinian

[captainlordauditor]

same energy

[princesskuragina]

[unscharf-an-den-raendern]

[definitely-not-lordenglish]

[catradoraism]

[thousandfoottallowl]

there’s more

[snenby-with-two-daggers]

[0palite]

[hulking-godless-child-beast]

[augustdementhe]

SIGH

[i-restuff]

[sangononya-kokomeow]

here’s another one

[daeva-agas]

IT GETS WORSE WITH EVERY ADDITION

[elamikaaa]

how does this get even worse

[moontideempress]

I think about once in a while...

[chamomiletea-baggins]

We have another one...

[notemily]

[zenon-karr]

This is the internet now tho 😭💀

[sigridlaufeyson]

@lifeistooshorttowasteyourtime @marril96 @latent-thoughts @suometar

😂😂😂

[latent-thoughts]

Omg so many additions since I last saw this post! 😂😂😂

[rosalysaoirse]

It's funny but incredibly telling how entitled/ignorant/insensitive some of these people are... idk if it's an education gap or purposeful ignorance.

[mastreworld]

The really bewildering thing to me is that I remember when you needed to get up and pull a dictionary off the shelf, or visit a library to look up the facts you needed. Now people have all kinds of information literally at their fingertips and they can’t be bothered to use it.

[wolfpawn]

[malicemismanager]

Oh dear gods, it's gotten worse

[fierceawakening]

When you know politics but no facts

[anarchistmemedistro]

don’t take people too seriously on the internet

[captaindibbzy]

This hits different when combined with that "Americans don't learn other countries exist till they're in 5th Grade" post from the other day.

[dzamie]

Demily recently got another one lads

Also, I love that, in the sign language one, it seems like the last image might've been a gif of "fuck you," screenshot at the perfect time to let you know they were about to sign "fuck you"

[rickhunolt-deactivated20260329]

As a romanian person I gotta add this one too

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

This is my favourite post on this website

[i-wish-we-were-jedi]

Dream SMP Quotes as if it were the 1800s (or maybe Shakspeare. I can't tell which anymore)

"Behold! I wear a garment of chalk! Why dost thou imagine me a keeper of answers?" - Fundy ("I'm wearing a crayon suit. What the f do you want from me?")

"I have just slain a woman. All is well." - TommyInnit ("Just killed a woman. Feeling good.")

"Master Tomathy, are we knaves? Are we the villains of this grand tale?" - Wilbur ("Tommy, are we the bad guys?")

"Thou wish'st to be remembered as a hero? Then perish as one!" - Technoblade ("You wanna be a hero, Tommy? Then die like one!")

"If I cannot be blamed of laughter, then upon my honor, I shall be blamed of tears." - Fundy ("If I can't make people laugh, then I'll make them cry.")

"Doomed! Doomed from the moment of inception!" - Eret ("It was never meant to be")

"If the path of blood be the only choice, then I walk it with bold stride." - Technoblade ("There's no other way. I choose blood.")

"Behold the pickax in my hand! It shall rearrange thy mouth!" - Technoblade ("I have a pickax and I'll put it through your teeth!")

*Quick aside: Techno is just SO quotable, it's incredible. It's what he gets for being an english major :)*

"Art thine eyes blinded? Dost thou not behold history circling back upon itself as before?" - Technoblade ("Don't you see what's happening? Don't you see history repeating itself?")

"When next the sun rises, it will rise on a world unfamiliar to its ancient eyes." - JSchlatt ("This place is gonna look a lot different tomorrow.")

"Give us liberty or give us death." - Wilbur ("We would rather die than give in to you and join your SMP.")

"Hades opens his arms to me and I am drawn into his warm embrace." - Ranboo ("There I go. Down to hell.")

And finally, my favorite one:

"For all their stark differences, the people of the world share a common tongue, though they realize it not. It is the language of the beasts in the wood, the language of fists and blades, of strength and domination. We speak this language, too." - Technoblade ("The only universal language is violence, and we've spoken that language.")

Comment or message me with quotes you'd like to see done, or repost and add your own :)

[i-wish-we-were-jedi]

Wow, I didn't expect this to get this much attention. So...back by popular demand.

"Apologies, my brother. I gift thee a carrot, as an easement for thy nerves." - Tommy ("Sorry, Wilbur. Have a carrot please. Calm yourself.")

"The cruelty of this world redoubles upon heroes, Master Tomathy, with none of the good." - Techno ("The thing about this world, Tommy, is that good things don't happen to heroes.")

"Zounds! A lady fair standeth upon mine threshold! Wrongfully, methinks." - Tommy ("There's a woman in my house! That's not right.")

"Emperor I be of this exalted land! Manberg, hear well my first decree! With these words I do revoke from Masters Soot and Tomathy all rights of citizenship. Cast them out into the darkness beyond the walls!" - JSchlatt ("My first decree as president of Manburg, the Emperor of this great country, is to revoke the citizenship of Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit."

"The honeybee! Upon mine honor, the golden light of the sun cannot compare with joy of the industrious bee!" - Tubbo ("BEES. Oh my gosh, I love bees!")

And lastly (for now. I've got more quotes coming), by request of @ace-and-gay :

"I have beheld the ichor of the gods dripping golden upon the snow. Pierce but a little deeper, and the immortal heart will soon run dry." - Fundy ("If gods can bleed, gods can die.")

[i-wish-we-were-jedi]

ILLEGAL amounts of fun are being had rn. #kidding #notkidding :)

"I defy thee to speak to me of the fires of hell, of the wrath of the gods above, of the countless scourges of earth! Thy bluster is as the dundering of the oak ere felled for burning. I wield the ax and care not." - Dream ("Go ahead! Threaten me all you want! I. Don't. Care.")

"I have acquired for thee a lady fair. But alas, her beauty is tainted by the light of far-off shores, for she is a wren flown from yon dreadful rebel colonies.” - Tommy ("I've got you a woman. Bad news - she's American.")

“As the ocean ebbs and surges, forever longing to be united with her fair lover, Selene, so do we spend our days in endless pursuit of that which we know not, formed by the passage of time as pliable clay. And yet, like the tides, we return.” - Skeppy and/or Dream ("Time changes, and so do people."//“People change like the tides in the ocean.”)

"I have striven thirstily to overcome the waters. Let the waters now strive mightily against me and my thirst be quenched thus.” - Technoblade ("I had to take a break from drownin' to drink a glass of water.")

“Fie upon thee! Fie! I’d sell thee for a song, and would have paid too much!” - Tommy ("The discs were worth more than you ever were!")

“Manburg and Pogtopia are but two sides of the same coin. Spin it upon a table and you will find one cannot be distinguished from the other. Nor does it matter, for both together can be traded for a bottle of rum.” - BadBoyHalo ("Manburg? Pogtopia? Who cares?)

“All eyes are blind ere the moment they are plucked.” - Nihachu ("No one cares...until it's too late.")

"Fie upon thee, useless home-dwellers. What use are you? Honor demands I refrain from intrusion, even as thy hovels stand empty. Fling open thy doors, for I require shelter!" - Tommy ("Why do people live in homes? Why can't I just have them all?")

Anyone have ideas for funny quotes I can Shakespeare-ify? I’ve got a ton of dramatic ones I can do, but not enough funny.

Anyway, as always, we save the best for last:

“Alas! All for which we have fought proves itself as a vapor, now lost to the mists of time. So soon shall I be, and gladly. Farewell, great land of liberty and sorrow. I have seen too much of thee. Though scarce has he risen, I watch the sun set. The music halts unfinished, a last epithet.“ - Wilbur ("The thing that I built this country for doesn't exist anymore. It's over.")

[i-wish-we-were-jedi]

So this one was done by @felidaefighter and I just knew I was NOT going to be able to top it, so here's this --

“In truth I believe the Book Of Resurrection a falsehood, for Schlatt is dead! I have laid mine eyes upon his grave! His corpse lies rotting within!”

“If thou thinks this to be the case, meet with him in the afterlife and ask upon him for the truth.”

- Tommy & Dream (“I don’t think this Revive Book is real. Schlatt? He's f***ing dead! I've seen his grave. His grave is real. His corpse is there. Alright?" "Why don't you go see him then?")

Gorgeous.

And now back to your regularly scheduled programming :)

"Remember well the source of thy power. It cometh not from the jewels in thy crown, or the hill upon which thy castle stands, but from the shield at thy side and the ax in thy hand." - Dream ("Remember where your power comes from, cause it doesn't come from a pretty little crown. It comes from an ax and a shield.")

"The foul breath of hell has pursued me, yet here I stand without even the smell of smoke upon my garments! Technoblade lives eternal! - Techno ("Not even close, baby! Technoblade never dies!")

"Master Soot's path lies thence, barred to thee, for in Schlatt's footsteps I'll not follow, though his successor I may be." - Tubbo ("As long as I'm not the next Schlatt, you can't be the next Wilbur.")

"What ailment has afflicted thy brain!?" "Multitudes. My brain oft wanders, my tongue oft falters hence I have not the patience for conversation...the tax-man of my village hath recently vanished, though I admit to nothing..." - Tommy and Techno ("What's wrong with you!?" "Uh, a lot of things really. I have a bad attention span, bad at conversation, don't really deal with the social conversations well...uh, might've just committed tax fraud recently...")

***Okay, so quick question. Are there any scenes that you guys want to see written out in this style. I've got a few I want to do (Schlatt's death, Ranboo's "Choosing sides" speech, and Dream killing Tommy are a few). I won't be doing those under this post, but they'll still be on my page, but let me know which ones you'd want.

"As the warm days of summer close at the nearing of autumn, so do all things, in their time, reach an end. But though the snow deadens all, still the sun once shone on the green leaves of the forest. These trees have heard laughter, once upon a time. Let not the present erase the past." - Tubbo ("We had some laughs. It was fun, you know? All good things must come to an end eventually.')

And one that seems appropriately linked.

"Summer days there were. Yes! Summer, with laughter dancing golden beneath leaves gilded by sunlight. My brothers' laughter... But thou...thou came with winter's touch and deadened all. All lies. All deceit. Fie! A plague on thee! My past thou hast claimed with thy poison green... But my future is my own, and free of thy touch." - Tommy ("You ruined my past but you won't ruin my future.")