Blonde Squirrel, Rambling

Just another frustrated origami novice. I am the shouty sparrow. I am the pomeranian that yelps in the night. I am le tired. I am too old for this nonsense.

[jcrewguy]

[unpretty]

In a statement to The Post, a spokesperson for NBCUniversal claimed the tree work is simply an annual ritual at this time of year. “We understand that the safety tree trimming of the Ficus trees we did on Barham Blvd. has created unintended challenges for demonstrators, that was not our intention. In partnership with licensed arborists, we have pruned these trees annually at this time of year to ensure that the canopies are light ahead of the high wind season,” they wrote. “We support the WGA and SAG’s right to demonstrate and are working to provide some shade coverage. We continue to openly communicate with the labor leaders on-site to work together during this time.”

[laughingcatwrites]

If those trees were pollarded annually, the cut areas would NOT look like that. There would be big knobs of old growth at the trimming sites. Not seeing any of that here. The way those trees were topped (not pollarded, which is a very careful process that has to begin when the tree is immature) is excellent way to kill them due to loss of hydration, open sites to infection and parasitism during the best time of year for both, lack of nutrition due to so little greenery and new budding growth being left, sunburn and other exposure damage, and a myriad of other possibilities. Plus, if they were topped annually, they would not have the lovely drooping branches seen in the other picture but would have tons of vertical suckers instead.

This is what an annually pollarded mature tree should look like:

If this was done by the city, the public works arborists should be protesting in front of city hall and screaming their heads off right now. I'm not hearing about that, so... Tree law!

[vaspider]

The Studios: *speak*

Botanists and other Tree Experts:

[sparkletindi]

Update and confirmation of Imminent Tree Law:

He mentions later in the thread that not only do they not trim the trees annually, they’re trimmed at best once every 18 years. Supposed to be every five, and only in dormancy, which even my layman’s ass knows about tree trimming.

And yes, Universal can probably eat the fine. But it’s gonna be a whopper even if the trees survive (which is as mentioned kinda unlikely), California is a triple damage state for tree law, and it may increase dramatically if there were nesting birds in the trees.

All this to be a Captain Planet filler villain to some writers. And yes, it’s currently just the writers officially picketing there; SAG-AFTRA recommended against it for petty bullshit like this and the suddenly necessary sidewalk construction.

[femmeboyant]

I asked my dad— a retired arborist—about TREE LAW and he just kinda blinked and said (i paraphrase because Dad Tangents, amirite?):

"Worst and best case I ever saw was a guy who was caught in the act of cutting down a C&C tree by two Department of Urban Forestry supervisors while they were randomly driving around on a Saturday. Not only did he have to deal with the cops showing up and months of paperwork and bureaucracy, but he also had to pay the fines AND cover the cost of the tree removal + stumping + buying a new tree + planting the new tree + wages for the regular crew plus the extra workers they needed to get the jobs done. That tree ended up costing him upwards of $35K, and that was over 20 years ago."

So yeah, respect Tree Law or pay out the bootyhole.

[pdxjenni]

To the point about nesting birds in the trees: You think Tree Law is hostile? Wait until you get to the Migratory Bird Treaty Act of 1918 & the Migratory Bird Treaty Reform Act of 2004. Universal done gone and fucked with federal law. https://www.fws.gov/law/migratory-bird-treaty-act-1918 If they weren’t selling the birds, it’s a misdemeanor, but still. Not a good look. https://www.epa.gov/enforcement/criminal-provisions-us-criminal-code-title-18-and-other-statutes#bird

Also, Universal’s claim that they do this every year? And the city looking up permits & saying “no permits issued for the last three years, bro.” Means that Universal, in their infinite wisdom, has made an admission of guilt. Even if it isn’t true (and the appearance of the trees would indicate it isn’t), they have claimed, out loud, in public, with their entire chests, to have repeatedly and for years violated both Tree Law™ and Bird Law™. 

Smart people. Very wise. Wow.

[super-metroid]

if shes your girl then why have i slowly been replacing her parts until there’s nothing left of her original body? is she then still your girl?

[averysoftsheep]

They ship of theseus’d my girl

Can’t have shit in Detroit

[roach-works]

this actually perfectly demonstrates the transitive property of memes: you can replace a meme piece by piece until it only structurally resembles the original, and it is, in fact, the same meme.

call that the meme of theseus thesis

[fadeverb]

tumblrites can have a little intertextuality as a treat

[heroofthreefaces]

my naym is ship and when i’m broke the broken part from me they toke

replace the part had been the plan but in the morn hand door car man

[trickstertime]

*me shoving transitive properties into my purse* sorry, I have to go

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

We owe the reddit refugees an apology for making them see posts like this

[cat-with-no-name]

no we don’t this shit is enrichment in their new enclosure

[marlynnofmany]

*slaps roof of Tumblr* This baby can fit so many rare vintages, you just have to go deep enough, there are some great memes in the cellar, come see

[pdxjenni]

This Is Just to Say... I have taken the vintage memes that were on your website.

And which you were probably saving for Facebook.

Forgive me they were humorous so sweet and so old.

[snootyfoxfashion]

Rainbow Riot Sticker from starsalts

[pdxjenni]

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[reniadeb]

[sky-bears]

@smol–jelly I can’t-

[pdxjenni]

WHY WOULD YOU HIDE THAT GENIUS PUN IN THE TAGS?????

[birdandmoon]

How to tell a raven from a crow. Made with corvid researcher Dr. Kaeli Swift for her blog post on the subject!

[theprinceofsnark]

These are all well and good (accurate and informative and also fun) but here’s the best way to tell the difference between the two:

Ravens are FUCKING huge.

[fun-with-colors]

The best advice I’ve heard about this is as follows:

If your thought is “wow, is that a Raven??” It’s a crow.

If your thought is “Holy shit is that a CAT?!” It’s a raven.

[sexhaver]

and if your thought is “wow, is that a crow?” it’s a grackle

[jennenen]

@elodieunderglass

[pdxjenni]

For those of us not using the superior form of measurements (fight me, I dare you), 1.5m = 4′10″, or 58 inches. A RAVEN’S WINGSPAN IS THE HEIGHT OF AN AVERAGE TEN-YEAR-OLD. I AM FIVE FEET TALL AND HAVE LONG ARMS, MY OWN WINGSPAN IS ONLY FOUR INCHES LONGER THAN THIS POETIC DEATH OMEN.

[prismatic-bell]

I need answers. Are mermaids kosher? What did your rabbi say???

As per my rabbi, mermaids are NOT kosher, due to the following:

1) If mermaids are like Ariel from The Little Mermaid, then they have human intelligence and free will. This makes them human (whatever King Triton might have to say on the subject), and thus eating one is committing murder, which is against halacha. (She could convert to Judaism, though!)

2) If mermaids are like the original little mermaid, then they have intelligence (possibly of human levels), but no souls and thus no free will. This means they are not human, but they appear human, and thus eating one is in violation of lifnei iver, which means “before the blind” and comes from the verse “do not place a stumbling block before the blind.” In other words: someone seeing you eat the mermaid may assume the mermaid is human, and thus that eating human is okay, and thus they may commit murder to eat human, which is against halacha.

3) Mermaids that do not fit the “human top, fish bottom” tradition of mermaids may not possess fins and/or scales, thus marking them as not kosher.

Thus: Mermaids are not kosher.

[jewishpangolin]

Big Jewish Mood

[shai-akivah-and-oranges-deactiv]

Doesn’t point 2 imply that turkey bacon isn’t kosher

[prismatic-bell]

And here we see why Jewish arguments never end, folks. Because @anarquista-shaita just opened up a whooooole other can of worms and yep, there’s debate about this, too.

[lovelife1818]

What if you just “figuratively ” want to eat the mermaid. Is it traif?

[prismatic-bell]

Do you mean in the French sense?

[ecrivainsolitaire]

Wait, what if you eat turkey bacon, but you show everyone the package and leave it on the table so any onlookers may realise it isn’t pork? Is that kosher?

[prismatic-bell]

Found the rabbinic scholar, everybody 😂

[queerasaurus-rexx]

OK BUT

what if i only eat the fish part of her?

people will see me and assume i’m just eating fish and i probably don’t have to kill her to eat the tail

[azuleopal]

How the good loving joyful fuck do you eat a mermaid tail without harming said mermaid

[queerasaurus-rexx]

i never said it wouldn’t harm her, i said i wouldn’t have to kill her.

obviously cutting off her tail would harm her.

[azuleopal]

OH okay. So like…. starfish regeneration? How are we doing this? And if not, how do you harm her without causing her to bleed out and die?

[prismatic-bell]

That’s still treyf because for an animal to be kosher it has to be killed in a single stroke and can’t have any blemishes. You just introduced blemish and tore meat from a living animal, which is expressly prohibited.

[terriwriting]

Isn’t that one of the Noahide Laws? *checks* Yep. So within the context of this discussion “not tearing the flesh off a living animal and eating it” isn’t just forbidden to Jews, it’s the bare minimum expected from humanity in general.

So no eating live mermaids, unless metaphorically.

[blackmantagirl]

I have a Question and it’s based off of the Series (which has Mermaids in it) called Siren.

In Siren, their Mermaids, when they want to walk on land/adapt to land, can shed their tails and get legs and the tails look like they still have meat on it.

Would it be Kosher to eat the tail if you have permission from the Mermaid? Or even just the tail?

[prismatic-bell]

Please see the original point #1.

[bemusedlybespectacled]

Wildly off topic but now I’m trying to figure out if it would be possible for a mermaid to observe Shabbat if they can’t light candles underwater.

[pdxjenni]

For safety purposes, battery-powered lights are permitted on land, so I would think that bioluminescent algae could be used underwater in place of flame. And now I want someone to do art of a Jewish mermaid with a menorah; a lanternfish is the shamash...

[kasael-deactivated20250929]

tumblr meme culture is really just a form of neo dadaism

[kasael-deactivated20250929]

I’d like to clarify:

dada was a largely european art movement that took place after wwi. this time and place is not a coincidence. let me explain. 

dada art made no sense. the artists who made dada lived in a world in which nothing made sense - in which conventional logic led to the senselessness of a world war. so, making art that made no sense, making - well, you can’t really call it art, so making ANTI-art that rejected the conventions that brought about that atrocity in the first place - it made total sense. (if that makes any sense.)

so the artists did weird things. new things! putting things that were already made together and calling it sculpture, cutting up bits of pictures and putting them together and calling that something to frame - this site has some nice examples.

but from my perspective - there’s serious intellectual continuity between the absurdity of attaching a bunch of tacks to the bottom of an iron, rendering it useless, and say…. bath bomb posts. Put a fucking macbook in a bath. it’s useless now. Nobody fucking cares anymore. you want something funny? you want a punchline? gun. that’s your punchline. Take it. I am laughing

in a way it could be a method of venting some of the frustration and hopelessness and dissatisfaction that tumblr’s userbase (largely, disenfranchised millennials) feels in the modern day. I can’t really speak for anyone else, but… at least from a US perspective, there’s plenty to be disillusioned about. growing up in a constant state of questionably justified war, income inequality, an economic recession caused by the actions of a handful of wealthy fucks who didn’t even get properly punished, growing awareness of police brutality, being called lazy and self-absorbed by the generations that gave us these problems in the first place… I can’t help but think that these factors (and more) could produce a similar mindset to the one that precipitated the first dada movement. 

so of COURSE we make nonsense jokes. it’s a coping mechanism for a world which doesn’t make any sense.

related: this isn’t by tumblr but I have to plug UCLA’s atrocity of a virtual gallery once more. it really needs to be experienced, but… it’s definitely also millennial neo dada. from the presentation (like an unplayable video game) to the content (THE DOGS HAVE ARRIVED), it is exactly what I am talking about. it is a fucking shitpost. and it’s high art, too! I love this

tl;dr: my generation is fed up with this bullshit, and the best way that we can express that is by shitposting. alternatively, dada was an early precursor to modern shitposting and we should all thank duchamp for signing a fucking urinal

[kasael-deactivated20250929]

a dear friend has given a perfect update to some of my phrasing, courtesy of their word replace extension:

you see this? this is exactly what I’m fucking talking about. the thing that I’m talking about is:

[gayasscommie-deactivated2017090]

I’d also say that while Dadaism was obsessed with the technological aspects of Modernity, of newspapers, of industrial mechanics and factory made clocks, neo-dadaism (of which shitposting but also the increasingly broad reach of the New Aesthetic and net aesthetics) is obsessed with the technological aspects of our time, or at the beginning of our time.

As just a comparison, the Clock in Absurdist and Dadaist art is both a symbol of the uplifting beginning of industrial relations (as one of the first complicated machines made by manufacturers, as the symbol of mankind’s ability to triumph and analyze nature and better ourselves) and as the deified symbol of horrific modernity (of demarcated time, labor hours, the oppression of the working class via managerial time), Neo-Dadaism/Absurdism has a similar relationship with early computers, which both symbolizes the utopian attitudes which we entered the digital age with, and the horrifying period we live in now, where the Digital is ever present and semi-deified.

[sam-keeper]

My favorite dada satire is probably from Georges Grosz who takes the kind of robotic modernist tube people of folks like Leger:

and turns them into these mindlessly patriotic broken automatons chanting rote phrases:

And it’s so so funny to me that there’s all kinds of Gen X artists out there creating art about the millennials on their damn cellumar phones who think they’re the inheritors of this aesthetic but really it’s people who use the Madden gif generator to shitpost because they’re taking the technology meant for a coherent purpose for a particular narrative and they’re breaking it and turning it back on itself.

[mizulyn]

I think you might be onto something…

x

Aside from color palettes and materials used, I see literally zero difference.

[blackwoolncrown]

This is one of the top 3 best posts I’ve ever seen on tumblr and I’ve been here for years.

[play-dolls]

Love

[fringnubs-deactivated20160831]

[mustangsally78]

STATUS: DAY MADE.

[pdxjenni]

Twitter reminded me of this today and I needed to reblog it so as not to lose track of it again. I was explaining this concept to my kid a few months back, and nearly pissed my pants when I described “bitch I might be.”

[flirting-with-psychology]

The Passover Story in Memes

My family has an annual tradition of telling the story in a creative way so here it is, told through memes:

[dont-go-to-law-school]

When you start using Westlaw outside of law school and realize the site charges your client like $40/min to look up cases.

All research after that becomes

[accidental-criminals]

Government attorney here so we have a set contract - is it really that much?!

[dont-go-to-law-school]

It depends on your plan (and your practice area), but it’s pretty ridiculous. Especially if the firm doesn’t/cannot use a set contract:

Law firms usually charge their clients $100/search to make up the costs.

(Still probably better than 30 hours wasted on Lexis though...)

[biglawbear]

When I was at the firm they absolutely hated when we like. Did research. Cuz it cost money.

So I did all my searches on Lexis cuz they're free and put the cites directly into westlaw cuz that was free

Being a govt lawyer is so much better, even if my agency only has Lexis which is the worst

[pdxjenni]

Oregon has its own Westlaw/Lexis type system called FastCase and it is free to use for anyone who’s a member of the OR state bar & I cannot believe Westlaw is that expensive holy shit what a goddamned racket.

[12b6]

oh to be a role playing youth and not a lawyer in sweatpants with anxiety

[thelawfulchaotic]

If I were a roleplaying youth, I would come up with better shit than “a judge told me today that it wasn’t so much that I won the trial as it was that the prosecutor lost it” 

[biglawbear]

If I were a roleplaying youth I would be winning landmark civil rights cases at the Supreme Court and not staring at UCC Article 9 for an entire day

[reuniclus]

If I were a role playing youth I’d be fighting a school district for more special education resources for a student instead of looking at a bunch of nonsensical bank records

[biglawbear]

I know you’re being sarcastic but like, my specialty is bank regulation and oh my god looking at bank records is like my jam, I just hate the UCC

[reuniclus]

That sounds interesting but here I’m moreso like tracing community property stuff and credit card payments lol

[times-chu]

There’s a Lawyer community on tumblr??!?!?!?!

[12b6]

Baby welcome

[iamilex]

Yo, I miss the bank records. Used to be in financial services and moved to more general lit practice. Banks are so organized and practical compared to other large companies.

[pdxjenni]

You know who else combs through bank records, looking for irregularities? Domestic relations attorneys. Guess what I get to do next week when two different cases have discovery due! Yayyyyyy::weeping::

[pdxjenni]

!!!!!!!!! @whatsahufflepuff the zingermans arrived and OMG carbssssssss!!! Lawblr secret Santa is best secret Santa!!

[lawschoolruinedme]

Sixth Annual Lawblr Secret Santa

Forget spooky time bitches, it’s time to think about presents!

I am very excited to announce that unlike last year where I had just delivered a whole ass human out of my body, I will actually have the brain power to personally participate in my own gift exchange

Because of the Pandemic, I am also creating a sub-category of exchange buddies who just want to do handmade gifts, because broke bitches still like presents

A refresher on the basics:

Each year dozens of law students / lawyers sign up to exchange small fun gifts in order to brighten each other’s lives during what is usually an awful hellscape of exams / q4 billables etc.

After the sign-up deadline passes, I send you two emails, paring you with two different buddies for the exchange: one to send you a gift, and one to receive a gift from you

The “secret” part of it is really the level of anonymity you choose to retain from your tumblr pseudonym. I don’t take people’s addresses, because that’s creepy and I’m not a serial killer

Traditional Rules of my Dictatorship Can Be Found Here - (x) (x) (x)

Sign Up Deadline Is October 30 (x)

[pdxjenni]

THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE MOTHERFUCKING YEARRRRRR

[frederick-the-ii]

*RARE* John Denver & Johnny Cash - Take Me Home Country Roads

Found this while going through my granddad’s VHS tapes and couldn’t find it anywhere online, so here it is.

[nunyabizni]

Every time I’m lucky enough to have this hit my dash I listen to it, and every time I get chills all the way through.

[friendly-neighborhood-patriarch]

superb

[urbanfantasyinspiration]

I’m so at peace rn

[beetleboo]

@nuka-nuke

[lehcarrose]

imagine harmonising with johnny cash on your own song, i’d die on the spot this is beautiful

[makenzie-rush]

That was John Denver’s gift though. He was an amazing song writer, but the man could harmonize with just about anyone.

[hiboudeluxe]

@tyrantisterror

[pdxjenni]

My mother died in 2009. John Denver & Johnny Cash were two of her favorites, and this was one of her favorite songs. 11 years, and I can still find things that hit me in the gut, knowing that she likely never saw this thing that she would have loved. I really hope the people who believe that when you die, you know everything that ever was and ever will be, so that somewhere out there my mother’s essence/soul/ghost/whatever can hear this on repeat. 

For now, I have to clean myself up because i have a Serious Talk™ to give in about an hour.

[clientsfromhell]

I have a client who communicates exclusively via Microsoft Word.

If she has something to tell me, I’ll receive an email with nothing in the body, but a Word doc attached. That’s where she writes her message.

Whenever she wants to email me a photo, she does so via an empty Word doc with said photo set as its background.

But my favorite thing was the first time I witnessed her visiting a website. She had me spell the URL (“W… W… W… dot…”) and with my own two eyes I watched her type it into Word, made it a hyperlink, and Ctrl click it to go there.

I was so fascinated I didn’t even say anything.

[pdxjenni]

S C R E A M I N G

[lawschoolruinedme]

Portland Mom Says She Was Groped & Assaulted by Feds During Protest Arrest

Jennifer Kristiansen is a Portland mother and attorney who was arrested at a protest while part of the "Wall of Moms." She says was groped and assaulted by federal officers.

One of our own was arrested (and thank fuck released) in Portland. She was peacefully protesting as part of the #WallofMoms

Kristiansen said was taken into the federal building and was not told her charges or told that she was under arrest. She said they handcuffed her behind her back and took her into an elevator. Inside the elevator, she was pushed into a corner by a federal officer, she said. Kristiansen said there were four officers in the elevator with her. One told her to “stop resisting,” and she said back, “I’m 100 pounds, I’m not resisting.” She said he then yelled at her, “shut up.”

[…] Kristiansen said she is “not special,” but is speaking out about her arrest because she said it was wrongful and because federal poice “taking a very small, well dressed white lady without provocation unfortunately gets more news than the mother of a young man who was shot a few years ago who marches every Thursday in front of the justice center downtown,” referencing Letha Winston, the mother of Portland police shooting victim Patrick Kimmons.“I think more attention needs to be paid to the black moms who have been out there every single night, the mothers of the black men in Portland, who have been shot in Portland and do not have justice yet,” Kristiansen told Heavy. She said she and the other “Wall of Moms” joined the frontlines after they calls were made for white allies to put their bodies on the line.

Jenn has been my shoulder through some dark mom shit, so if her wish is that this story helps amplify the members of the black community fighting against literal fucking fascism then I am here to help

How to support the protests in Portland (from Harpers):

The Portland General Defense Committee’s GoFundMe supports those arrested by using donations “to pay for bail, legal fees and fines, lawyers, discovery, investigations, personal material support and any other financial needs that arise during the legal process.” DONATE HERE

The Portland-based Black Youth Movement aims to amplify Black voices in the city, with a current focus on defunding the police and redistributing resources. DONATE HERE

Don’t Shoot PDX is a Black-led, community-driven nonprofit organization. DONATE HERE

Defense Fund PDX is a jail support group whose work involves prioritizing the release of BIPOC and queer people from jail, as well as supporting those without homes. You can Venmo donations @defensefundpdx.

Equitable Giving Circle is a nonprofit organization that works to build economic equity among Portland’s BIPOC communities. DONATE HERE

Snack Bloc PDX supports community rallies, events, vigils, and more. DONATE HERE

Portland Action Medics is a group of volunteer medics who provide first aid to those injured at direct actions or protests. You can Venmo donations @Rosehip-medics.

Care Not Cops is an organization working to end policing in Portland and redistribute resources according to community needs. SUPPORT THEM HERE

Riot Ribs provides free food for those attending direct actions in Portland. DONATE HERE

[pdxjenni]

I love you all. So dang much.

[pdxjenni]

Portrait of a young-ish woman who has quit her job

Today was my last day. I quit my job, with nothing waiting in the wings, no new job to start any time soon. 

My gig had become unmanageably stressful. Working from home since mid-March, despite my boss’s desire to have me at the office, had led to insurmountable conflict. “You need to be doing more billables” but either not asking me to do tasks or not responding when I asked for tasks to do. Criticisms of my mannerisms that clients had told me - in writing - that they appreciated. The list goes on, but bottom line is on June 18, I gave my two weeks, and 7/3 was going to be my last day, but due to professional liability insurance running month-to-month & my boss unwilling to pay for 7/4-7/31, and no new gig to jump into, today, June 30, was my last day. 

Four years and one month at the same firm, my first job after passing the bar in 2016. I have no idea what’s next. I’m in touch with a recruiters, I’m scanning the job boards, I’ll be contacting the staffing agencies next week when I’ve had some time to breathe. We have enough savings to cover my portion of bills for a while (and student loans are deferred at least until September, which helps). I wouldn’t have done this had my husband not heard me vent one night and said “just fucking quit. We haven’t been spending hardly any money since lockdown started, we have enough in savings, this isn’t worth it anymore. I love you. Quit. Your. Job.” So I did.

If anyone knows of a decent position in the Portland metro area, my DMs are open. My experience™ is domrel, but I’d like to make a transition to transactional or -- ideally -- appeals. More research & writing & analysis, less Navigating Other People’s Dramas. Must be ok with profanity, understand ADHD is a Thing, and not balk at a requirement to work from home while we continue to ride out a fucking Pandemic. 

When I told my kids, they didn’t even blink. 14 said, “is it because of your boss?” and 12, when asked what he thought, said, “well, your boss is kind of rude, sooooooo...” They get it. We’ll be ok. For now, I’m focusing on taking care of them, and the house, and working in the much-neglected yard. I might pick up a short-term volunteer gig or three while I wait. Onto the next adventure.