Peachiesaur

She/her, we do be vibin even though we do not know what we be doing

[sketchupnfries]

Since Rocky and Grace have access to a ton of video games on the Hail Mary, I figured eventually they'd play Just Dance during their trip to Erid

[jellyfishforest135]

Typical science teacher behavior

[local-dragon-haunt]

Has this been done yet

[amanitaphalloides]

maybe next year instead of amateur fireworks on every block for hours and hours we can try holding up a single beautiful flower

[meburgers]

theyre so dupid

[byjove]

The modern American Democratic Party needs more rednecks and hillbillies to succeed, I am so serious. They need to do more to target rednecks and hillbillies and break down their white collar elitist image Fox News has been harping on. It’s crazy, it’s not true, the Republican Party is doing everything in its power to ensure the rich get richer and the poor and middle class get poorer but if they keep hearing “GOP is the party of backwoods middle Americans who work for a living.” type of slop slop and they turn on the television and see Gavin fucking Newsome, they’re going to keep voting red mindlessly.

[byjove]

And the thing is you see the mainstream candidates the Democratic Party is putting out and you’re like “Oh yeah, that is definitely a guy who’s parents went to college, that is a person who has never had to eat cup ramen to survive, there is nothing about that person that seems relatable.” if they’re going to keep pumping out ‘safe’ moderate white guys, they need to choose ones who look and sound like actual human beings.

[andallofthemwitches]

wasn't that the guy from maine with the nazi tattoos

[byjove]

No, I don’t think being the son of a lawyer and a swanky restauranteur and the grandson of a modernist architect reflects the average redneck, not to mention being a prison guard at Abu Ghraib. They do try to do this periodically, push a candidate as a working class everyman who is very much not a reflection of a working class every man.

[queenrizzardnthelizardscissored]

the issue is that the actual "working class everymen" right now would want to murder trans people for existing, hates lgbtq people in general in fact, & thinks lesbians just havent met a "good enough man" yet. oh also they're virulently racist. like i see where ur coming from but right now basically everyone outside the cities in America are kind of doomed

[byjove]

Hey, I think you might be massively classist and the exact reason that the Democratic Party and leftist movements keep failing to sway large swaths of the population. I say this as a transgender person from rural North Carolina. We exist everywhere and we have friends and family who love us. Automatically assuming that everyone who isn’t from a city and is working a blue collar job is racist, transphobic, homophobic and irredeemably stupid and backwards is a great way to make sure they stop listening to you.

[trapped--under--rice]

please behold the 24 Hours of Lemons race, in which you can only spend $500 total on a car to cross country race for 24 hours

named after the legendary 24 hour Le Mans race, Lemons rallies barely legal cars in an endurance race across America. had the privilege of sharing the freeway with this race and seeing the absolute art od this event

[friendly-neighborhood-patriarch]

This is so American I could CRY

[hogmilked]

oh this is nothing. some of my favorite lemons entries are:

an airplane stuck on a toyota minivan

this miata built by rocket scientists

the mr2 boat

the nyan cat bmw that i think actually played the song at all times

the homer simpson car built by uranium workers

this limo whose brakes caught on fire

the dumbest corolla and supra wearing funny hats

and so much more. 24 hours of lemons my beloved

[zoctopode]

can you imagine being a parent in the pokemon world and your kid comes home with one of those straight up basically human pokemon. i know those motherfuckers can talk.

its morning. i see my childs Throh getting some oj from the fridge. 'morning', i say. he doesnt catch himself in time and says 'morning' back. he freezes and we both stare at each other knowingly. 'throh,' he says, but its too fucking late

[glamrockmike]

realizing that the online sphere and especially tumblr is NOT a good sample for ‘what everyone thinks’ is so, so, so good for your mental health and moral OCD. i swear to god. realizing that you don’t have to live your actual life like you’re being hunted for sport because the average tumblr user will hunt you for sport for wording something slightly weird or engaging in the wrong stuff or whatever is so incredible. like no you’re actually not fucked up and evil for not donating or for watching that one indie cartoon or questioning a post that everybody is agreeing with. that’s just tumblrs georg making you feel that way

[estro-boi]

[what-even-is-thiss]

When the cats don’t come when I call them for dinner I’m like “what part of *clicks tongue* don’t you understand?” and then they just stare at me because they don’t understand anything

[whosname]

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

[jame7t]

Top ten signs your puppy is toxic & manipulating

[rickybabyboy]

its puppies which is evil

[deslizada]

man sometimes friendship really is just "I saw this and knew it would give you psychic damage. please respond with agony" and then they do. and it's great

[the-tomorrow-road]

@ghostlyarchaeologist

[machinot]

I would take a job pushing the Sisyphus rock if it paid 20 an hour and I could wear my headphones

[swagophile]

important reminder that most people you follow online are significantly lamer than you think they are including me. and if you feel insecure comparing yourself to someone online: DON'T. theyre probably also lame and weird. most people on the internet are

[most-sane-classicist]

reblog if you're also lame and weird.

[klapollo]

if youre in the US (especially the northeast + michigan) i would avoid bagged salads/greens and generally wash your produce very thoroughly unless you want the diarrhea parasite

[klapollo]

Outbreak of diarrhea-causing parasite grows to more than 1,000 cases

Michigan is experiencing its largest outbreak of a parasitic infection that causes severe diarrhea. Nearly 1,000 people have been diagnosed

this is not life-threatening, but also who wants weeks of diarrhea and a fucking parasite in them lol. if you suspect you've already had this and it's passed, i would see a doctor. you might need an antiparasitic anyway. if you're actively sick, see a doctor and they might be able to prescribe medication to help you get over it faster.

try to avoid eating raw vegetables, scrub fruit with a produce brush and rinse thoroughly with water. again, don't bother with premade greens or bagged salads. if you buy lettuce, remove the outer 2-3 layers of leaves.

there are UNVERIFIED rumors that the greens have been linked to a company that sources to taco bell. some locations have been actively pulling fresh ingredients like lettuce, avocado, and pico de gallo to mitigate the threat, so i would avoid any products from them just in case. considering how vast supply chains are, i'd be wary of any fast food greens in general for now.

[stuckinapril]

I love the whole 30 is the new 21 trend like yes queen so true. Your 30s are not for having children and settling down. They are for traveling, building your career, and going to the CLUB. Freeze ur eggs if u must I don’t care. Any 30 something year old woman who’s choosing to enjoy her newfound financial stability and not spend it in an unhappy marriage has my wholehearted stamp of approval.