the age old question
what if a bear fucked me…

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@penpanpen
the age old question
what if a bear fucked me…
every day i have to try and trick myself into thinking doing tasks is better than doing fuck all but my brain knows on an instinctive level that doing fuck all is my one true calling
things i’ll not call you a whore for:
sexual activity
how you dress
things i’ll call you a whore for:
stealing my food
stealing my lemons
my cat likes you more than me
why are lemons separate from food op?
everyone knows lemons arent food
lemon stealing whores are a huge issue separate from food stealing whores. there’s a whole documentary about whores stealing lemons from the trees of unsuspecting victims. you can see the first two minutes of it here.
Thats a rickroll. That totally is a fucking rickroll. No fukin way. Not falling for it.
dude, trust me, that isn’t a rick roll. its something worse
Me to the rest of tumblr after actually watching what was in the link:
…I really don’t know what I was expecting.
What the fuck did i just watch.
It- it’s not a Rick roll
Have we really reached a time when the Lemon Stealing Whores are no longer common knowledge.
oh yes, scrumping whores
Apparently they're selling post content to train AI now so let us be the first to say, flu nork purple too? West motor vehicle surprise hamster much! Apple neat weed very crumgible oysters in a patagonia, my hat. Very of the and some then shall we not? Much jelly.
may the state of israel crash & burn within our lifetime amen
I need a life update on klahadore. he really despised being a pirate so much that he made an overly elaborate plot that included murdering a heiress, hypnotism, destroying an entire village, and killing his entire crew just to end up right back where he started as the captain of a crew— except worse bc now his entire crew knows he wanted them dead. he could have just minded his business, stole a few antiques from the mansion, and lived in the mountains but noooooooo
Pussyfooted too close to the sun
gaza's health ministry reports that their hospitals have declared total collapse. they were already functioning at half capacity, using vinegar for antiseptic and operating on children without anaesthesia. and now they're gone, in a population were millions are living on the streets, where there is no longer any water so diseases are running rampant, where people are wearing masks because the bombing that has already decimated 50% of gaza's infrastructure and buildings has made breathing difficult for everyone due to the dust and ash in the air, where only 14 trucks of food or water or medical aid have been allowed to enter when the estimated need is over 500. imagine how it is for the 50,000 women in gaza who were pregnant before october 7th, for all the disabled residents, for all the diabetics, for the cancer patients, for the ICU patients, for the neonatal units, for people with severe burns, for people with broken bones
no hospitals
there is no limit to the hatred i have for people who are still saying "it's complicated" about gaza. how many thousands of children have to die before it stops being complicated buddy
I… becamed a vampire.
Yea so , earlier I had a bite in my neck and I didnt know from what bit me… and then when I woked up, their light from my curtain fuckeing hurt my eyes alot. And well … I am going too work in my powers and hopefally master their so I can use them for good includeing
1. Suck blood
2. Dark teleport
3. Mist form
4. Unholy flame grapple hook
M-M-M-MULTIKILL!
Kidd saw the other red-haired one-armed pirate on Elbaf and instantly those Scottish senses kicked in like "There can only be one"
Wonderful week to be Killer in the anime
Fucking terrible week to be Killer in the manga
Okay fuck it if this post reaches 666k notes by the end of 2023 I'll practise basic self care
Why 666k? Because it's funny and impossible so good fucking luck
Well, OP, I’m officially invested in this shit. Your whiny ass is doing self care if I have to drive to your goddamn house and do it for you.
By Talos this can't be happening
reblog this everyone i wanna see what happens when op’s reverse-hubris forces them to practice basic self care.
why? because it’s funny and completely possible actually so good fucking luck op
I figured out roughly how many notes it's been getting per day and multiplied that by the number of days left until the end of 2023
If we keep it going at this rate we'll be far past 666k
IMPORTANT
Okay so clearly I've underestimated y'all
So how about we make this more interesting?
I will practise self care if this post reaches 666k BY THE END OF 2022
Op you have fuckethed with the devil this post has gained 30,000 notes since I reblogged it last night
Reblog to throw a hedge apple in OP's driveway
What the fuck is this eldritch fruit? I'm in.
It's Maclura pomifera, commonly known as the osage orange or hedge apple. It is known to be native only to a small area of Texas and the edge of Oklahoma and Arkansas. Before the invention of barbed wire, it was pruned repeatedly and shaped to make dense impenetrable hedges to contain animals.
The fruits are inedible—not poison, they're just hard and taste bad.
The wood is super-strong, burns hotter than any other wood, and is ideal for making bows!
We should just fill this post with other interesting things as reasons to reblog it
Actually I like this idea, we should do that. Here's my fun fact contribution; actual old English, what one could call Anglo-Saxon (as opposed to, for example, Shakespearean English, which a lot of people call old English but is actually antiquated modern English), is a Germanic language, and modern English shares a lot of roots with German because of that. It was also, at one point, written with runes.
The hagfish is a deep-sea fish speculated to be related to lamprey. It exudes a strange goo that is believed to be used to clog the gills of attackers. This goo has been found to be a very good substitute for egg whites in cooking.
Blood can be substituted for egg in general in some recipes!
I have some very evil meringue ideas
Did you know that corsets actually aren’t as harmful as they’re advertised to be? Women wore cloth under their corsets so it wouldn’t imprint on their skin, and they don’t cause any bone fractures nor injury - in fact, corsets are highly beneficial for posture and support the breasts. They’re also tailored to the person so that they’re never too tight or loose. The idea that corsets were patriarchal tools to force women’s waists tighter is completely untrue. Arguably, one may even say that corsets were advertised as harmful simply because of sexism - women were gaining too much independence over the fashion industry and certain influential men weren’t very happy about it.
Take care of yourself, b/tch.
I've heard that corsets are actually better than bras for your back if you're well endowed.
Witch’s broom is a kind of plant deformity that occurs in various woody plants, like trees. It has a few different causes: disease, fungal infection, and the horror that is dwarf mistletoe. It causes branches to grow in tangled balls of twigs, instead of the normal branchy shape.
Here’s an example.
Now, the cool thing is that you can graft a some kinds of witch’s broom onto other trees, and it’ll corrupt them as well. The new trees start growing more broom. Some people exploit this to grow pretty little dwarf conifers.
The "cool thing" is like a horror movie for trees
Los Angeles is covered with miles and miles of publicly accessible staircases built right into the hillsides. For a while, between those and the robust bus and cable car public transportation system, there was such a stable network of options you didn’t need a car to get around LA.
Dinosaurs had malaria!
guys I am trying this new thing called drinking water throughout the day and it’s amazing?
you rn
my body is naught but a waystation for water 😔
"Human beings were invented by water as a device for transporting itself from one place to another."
--Tom Robbins, Another Roadside Attraction
incorporating that into my belief system
I’m sorry officer, the water told me it wanted to be transported to Ronald Reagan’s grave
and who am I to deny water its holy pilgrimage
almost 20,000 notes… thanks a lot guys
the post below is fucking incinerated. sorry
hey guys i jus-AAAAA 🔥 AAAAAAAA🔥🔥AAA 🔥 🔥 A 🔥 🔥 🔥 🔥