im sad but u not txting me makes me sadder

It's not a percutaneous cut it rips through my soul

[unknownn-girl]

[picassoaunt]

Is Buzzfeed still here with us?

[picassoaunt]

New York Job Titles

If I was living in NY my job would probably be designer of altruistic behavioural analyst/motivator/speaker/guider of inner crevices of your fundamental organ systems and turns out I'm just a teacher at a Community College.

[ink-pen-rat]

some photos from today - thought id pop down to trafalga square to have a look and feel the anger of many

[timberlakelove-blog-blog]

[maydaytrippe]

last day to reblog

[kim-kardassian-blog]

you now you want to.

Gonna have to wait a whole year if you miss this.

[paulwalkersdogwalker]

Fine

[vxpo]

YOU ONLY HAVE 4 DAYS TO REBLOG THIS! DON’T PROCRASTINATE! 

[jstor]

Obligatory.

[next12exits]

Been waiting 12 months for this ….

[sovietunion]

[smogft]

would you guys like to see the most unique rare and blessed picture i’ve ever taken?

[smogft]

his day now

[brucebocchi]

[gayteensupreme]

#i dont get it anyone explain?

ok going from bottom to top:

Theranos: Blood testing tech startup founded by Elizabeth Holmes that ended up being a huge scam

WeWork: Provider of coworking spaces, still operational afaik but has had its fair share of scandals including stock-related stuff im pretty sure

FTX: Crypto exchange/hedge fund founded by Sam Bankman-Fried that went bankrupt after a huge fraud scandal that got Sam arrested and awaiting trial on like i think 12 criminal charges?

SVB: The most recent, Silicon Valley Bank, a bank which primarily financed tech and crypto bros, which just collapsed

this linkedin user managed to work in all these places somehow

[ralfmaximus]

The 'Forrest Gump' reference is how in that 1994 film the main character was, through a combination of questionable choices and sheer luck, managed to insert himself into almost every major newsworthy event in history.

[forgondor]

i have a friend who has kinda bad eczema on their right hand but their left hand is fine and thats because acidity makes eczema worse and that includes vaginal acidity and my friend is both a lesbian and a slut so they finger a lot of people and that fucks up the hand they use (their right hand). Anyways do you think BBC sherlock would deduce that by looking at my friend’s hands

[sanjidysphoria]

nothing couldve prepared me for the last sentence

[drowning-in-webnovel-chapters]

[tatersgonnatate]

[willabee]

observing popcorn

[wifehaver103947]

[greek-orthodox-priest]

went to miami to recover father sotirios. and made some new friends.

these animals... they are wise. I recruited them to avenge my dear brother. I was then escorted out of the sea world.

[a-book-of-creatures]

Better than the 1596 Marseille dolphin exorcism I suppose.

[maxkowski]

[a-book-of-creatures]

In 1596 dolphins were infesting the port of Marseille. Back in those days, y’see, dolphins didn’t have the cuddly image they enjoy today. They were pests and were causing damage.

So the cardinal of Avignon sent the bishop of Cavaillon to do something about them. In front of a huge crowd, the bishop sprinkled some holy water into the waters of the port and told the dolphins to begone. Whereupon the dolphins indeed turned tail in terror and fled, and were never seen again.

Still not as dramatic as Saint Bernard excommunicating the flies though.

[melononthefloor]

What happened to the flies?

[a-book-of-creatures]

Saint Bernard of Clairvaux built a monastery in 1124, but it was plagued by flies. So the good saint promptly excommunicated them. By the next day the flied had died in such quantities that they had to be shoveled out.

Still not as nutty as the Basel rooster trial though.

[fatefulfindings]

*everyone in unison* um what rooster trial?

[a-book-of-creatures]

In 1474, a rooster in Basel did the heinous and unspeakable act of laying an egg. As everyone knows, an egg laid by a rooster will hatch into a basilisk (or cockatrice).

So to avoid the creation of a cockatrice (or basilisk), the rooster was tried, found guilty, and burned at the stake along with its egg. A huge crowd was present.

The “rooster” in this case was likely a hen that had developed male characteristics (it happens).

Still not as properly legal as the Savigny pig trial though.

[bonnettbee]

Ok, clearly you want an excuse to talk about the pig thing, and I now DESPERATELY want to hear about the pig thing, so PLEASE tell us about the Pig Thing.

[a-book-of-creatures]

In 1457 a sow killed Jehan Martin, a five-year-old boy in Savigny. For that crime she was put on trial and judged guilty, and sentenced to be hanged from a tree.

Her piglets, however, were judged to have been innocent of the murder, and so were returned to the owner, with the caveat that he had to surrender them to the law if they were later found to have eaten any of the boy.

Not to be confused with a whole bunch of other, similar porcine trials.

I won’t mention the 1454 excommunication of eels in Lake Geneva then.

[greek-orthodox-priest]

the seaquarium of miami banned me from visiting for life if anyone even cares.

[textposttropes]

Brick Joke

Lampshaded the Obscure Reference

Overly-Long Gag

Speak in Unison

Team Pet

[tchaikovskaya]

had to be there i guess

[suntara]

my favorite love language is trying, actually

[suntara]

like when people try to learn your hobbies or try to play the same sports that you play in an effort to get closer to you, people who try to love you the way you love people, people who will go to places you want to visit just for your sake, people remembering, putting in an effort. just. trying

[catmint1]

“Grief will keep you reaching back / for what is not there”

— Adrianne Kalfopoulou, “Poem in Pieces, a Log,” A History of Too Much

[orgyporgy]

Where’s the post that’s like.. I love meeting other girls who are a fucking mess, vomiting out a car window at 2am and she’s just like We’ve all been there! <3