Please Don't Feed the Hipsters

I chose this username while waiting outside a Philz Coffee in Silicon Valley

[roughentumble]

my friend just told me that there’s a secret second dashboard that solely contains posts from people you’ve turned on post notifications for, and when i click the link in the messages it opens it within the tumblr app, so the tumblr app also has a secret second dashboard for post notification blogs, and the only way to access it is to open the link for it within the app.

i literally love tumblr

[nightpool]

i have a private pinned post that just has a link to this dashboard on it, it’s great. two dashboards for life

[cyle]

wow! i was really hoping someone would organically reverse-engineer this and find that dash.

here are a few other “secret” dashboards:

Posts from your “crushes”

“What you missed” (will be empty if you already visit Tumblr every day)

“Trending”

these are all just taking existing feeds of content and putting them in a dashboard-like format… the “Stuff for you” tab/feed is the same idea.

[krakenartificer]

I was sure this was going to be 5 rickrolls, but no, this is both legit and amazing.

[thoodleoo]

the joy of working with middle school aged children is that, regardless of how long you've been doing it, they will always find novel ways to annoy and confuse you, which is okay because that's the natural state of the middle school aged child. anyway suffice it to say that for the past three weeks of school my 6th grade class has been greeting me at my door by lining up outside of it, playing the national anthem, and saluting me as i walk in.

[jouster-ari]

What they're doing to you:

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

careers in science & academia are so Cassandra-coded. you possess a Great and Burdensome Knowledge (at heavy cost*), which is both its own reward and its own punishment. and no one fucking listens to you

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

*student loans

[konoko]

[vodka-is-gay-and-so-am-i]

[draconym]

My tattoo artist told me his teenage son came out to him as trans by giving him a bunch of blue cupcakes and a greeting card that said "it's a boy!"

"That's cute," I said.

"It was NOT cute!" he snapped. "I thought he was pregnant."

[plzdontfeedthehipsters]

In light of JD Vance being announced as Trump’s VP pick, I am now begging someone, anyone, who interviews him to ask him if he still agrees with the opinion he espoused in his 2016 NYT bestseller Hillbilly Elegy that republicans hated Barack Obama because Obama was clearly the superior man in every way and obviously they were insecure about it

[2001hz]

Takato Yamamoto: 'Vampire Metamorphosis' (2007)

[gulistan-blog]

㋡🥀

[sic-semper-hominibus]

i'm not the praying sort, but i'll probably always have a soft spot for the astronaut's prayer

[sic-semper-hominibus]

for those who aren't familiar with it, it's a possibly-spurious quote by alan shepard (and is thus sometimes referred to as the shepard's prayer) on the launchpad of Freedom 7, immediately before he became the first american in space. it goes like this:

"Dear Lord, please don't let me fuck up."

[mille-marteaux]

ordered pizza from a small local place and they didnt actually cut it so i've chosen to revert to a wild animal and begin ripping it apart instead of just using a knife to portion slices

[mille-marteaux]

absolutely visceral experience. food is so much more satisfying when you have to fight it. i may be feral

[mille-marteaux]

i am not proud to say this but that pizza lasted fifteen minutes. i normally am not that gluttonous, but this goes beyond glutton. there was gluttony and wrath. a whirlwind of sauce, cheese, and pepperoni, all atop a flatbread that was shred apart by my own hands due to the neglect of another

in that moment i was wild. i was free. i understood the simplest joys in life. the joy of eating and manifesting my own destiny

[mille-marteaux]

been reflecting on this all day and the unsliced pizza experience honestly ruled. i think everyone should try it sometime or another. you have not truly lived until you just absolutely obliterated a pizza in such a feral manner

[shayminsh]

is this you

[mille-marteaux]

yes

run

[mortalmab]

My best friend and I have this tradition we call “chicken dinner” where we get a rotisserie chicken, lay it on a tarp, start on opposite ends of the tarp, and on the count of three we both run at the chicken and start ripping into it with our bear hands. We will be on our knees fighting for the best pieces of meat, ripping into the chicken with our faces, and it is the most viscerally delicious chicken I have ever had in my life. Grease gets everywhere. We have to do this outside. We have to tie our hair in buns beforehand.

You have never known the joy of food until you are lunging at your friend to rip the best part of the chicken out of their hand, rolling around on the tarp, stuffing it in your face before they can retaliate, and you realize “holy shit did I just growl?” And then you realize they are doing it too.

The chicken gets decimated. It’s absolutely destroyed. We aren’t allowed back inside until we have been hosed down. It’s the best.

[mortalmab]

Oh ye of little faith.

[cipheramnesia]

People across the street looking through the blinds, "Harold! Harold come quick, they're doing the chicken thing again!"

[fayallir]

[thememedaddy]

[penandinkprincess]

it obviously makes sense, but one of my friend’s kids is going into swim class, and all the parents got an email today going, “when little ones are scared, they cling on to instructors. PLEASE trim their nails.” 

i don’t know why that’s so funny to me, but just. the idea of this poor, scratched swim instructor having to make sure to email before each class as a reminder to please declaw the children SENT me. 

[rockitcat]

When I taught swim lessons I remember trying to delicately ask parents not to cover their child in shea/coconut/olive oil before lessons.

“I understand your skincare regimen and wanting to protect their tender baby flesh from the pool chemicals, but COULD YOU NOT OIL YOUR CHILD LIKE A GREASED PIG before tossing them in the POOL? Thanks EVER so much!”

[penandinkprincess]

@nakimochiku i CACKLED

[tiktoksforlosers]

X

[anneemay]

[fivefve]

reminded me of this

[koloocheh]

This is her tiktok and she has a playlist dedicated to islamic omegaverse

[mulberrydyke]

[yorickalas]

[lakevida]

nothing makes me feel more well adjusted than hearing about the problems that straight people in the periphery of my life are always having

[lakevida]

my aunt's new guy broke into my ex uncle's garage and filled his bowling balls with caulk

[mothric]

[homeofwyrm]

Brainrot about them being in a band together. Might make a comic of it (or seven)

Made a color version i didn't like as much, added under the cut: