after continuing on with this relationship because of the feelings that I had for him for over a decade only to find out that he was still playing in my face. Him & I had had a conversation about how we could better our relationship after all the things that we had done to each other throughout the years. & just when I thought we were getting it right; I found out that he has another woman in his life that is taking care of him because I am unable to do so at the moment. In the midst of our friendship up until this point, we agreed that we could move how we wanted to move despite the feelings that we had for each other (his physical actions always showed how he felt about me regardless of what came out of that man's mouth) . Because his thing was always, "what's understood does not need to be explained". Which I still think is a crock of bullshxt! Because if I am truly important to you, you will do right by me. Now, don't get it twisted, we both done did our fair share of bullshxt, but I got to a point in my life where I decided that I wanted peace & I wanted to do right for myself, because I was tired of going through the same shxt. I thought for sure that I would get that sense of peace with my best friend, but clearly I was delusional in that moment. (I am only writing here,because I no longer have room in my journal & won't get my new one until tomorrow!) I thought that because we were at our BIG AGE now, we would finally get this shxt right & do right by each other. He asked me to prioritize him, to sit my ssa down && when I do that he chooses to have me out here looking stupid once again. So how did I find out? My intuition told me to go on his facebook page; now I don't ever go on this man's page for nothing, but I listened to my intuition because it never lies to me. I seen that he had posted on his Facebook the beginning of this month. (the times that I did go on his Facebook page his post would be very sporadic). Under one of the post, there was a woman that wrote a comment saying, "that's all mine". & he LIKED THE COMMENT! I immediately saw RED! Because I'm sick of this man playing in my face when it comes to these women. At first, I tried to psych myself into believing that he only has a relationship with this woman to get what it is he needs out of her, but then I came right back to reality & asked myself what kind of conversations are they having with each other for this woman to feel comfortable enough to claim him as her man. I done been through so many females with this man & I was ALWAYS the LAST ONE STANDING because I truly gave a fxxk no matter what it is that he went through. Hell! even my own momma, couldn't try to convince me that he won't shxt!!! I was there when he was with women that he didn't give a fxxk about, chewed them up & spat them out!!! Dished out hella money on this man because I loved him, fxxked up relationships with men & women to be with him. & even though I never gaf what I momma thought about him (because she always felt that I was too good for him), I stood 10 TOES DOWN! I'm sick of him playing in my fxxkin' face! I made that man the godfather to my daughter: 1. because he asked to be & 2. because of all the time that I invested into him----he was pissed when he found out I was pregnant with my babygirl, but we over came that & we were just on the tip of starting a relationship together . I already owned my part on that. babygirl is my 1 & only kid (that was planned as only being cared for by me because I knew that her father was not going to play a role in her life---so it worked out how I wanted it to; I have no problem being a single mother because I don't have a good relationship with men anyways, hence this situation), while he has 3 kids w/ 3 different BM's. & he had them in his 20's knowing how I felt about him. I had my daughter LAST YEAR!
