#itbc survivor

[grave-has-ghosts]

it's so privileged to be able to say you view OEA and ITBC as small scale and to invalidate people like me who know it happened to them on a larger (hell, it was fucking country wide) scale...

it's well known that local councils, governments, police, etc are experts in ignoring and covering up wide scale trafficking and child abuse because it benefits them and it benefits the paedophiles who hide in their ranks.

it happens on a small scale too. within families, within small communities, etc. and that gets covered up too. or if it's exposed, it's treated like a conspiracy just like large scale OEA and ITBC.

no, this is not fearmongering to say it could easily be happening to people around you right under your nose. it happened to me right under my parents' noses. it happened at school. it hides in plain sight.

saying that it's "too evil" to be real is privileged.

we jump so quickly to disbelieve someone with trauma like OEA and ITBC because it's horrific. i wish it hadn't happened. i wish it was a lie. but it happened and it's terrifying and it'll keep happening unless something is actually done to challenge our governments, our councils, our police, etc to actually intervene.

these people survive like cockroaches. once they've burned through enough they even move countries (often states if it's in the US) because nobody can do enough to stop them.

i'm using ITBC and OEA here cus they're the terms i'm comfy with, but RAMCOA is also a way to refer to this cluster of abuse types

[programmed-moveddeactivated]

stay safe y'all . i understand digging and wanting answers but oftentimes it's just harmful . love you all .

try to do something that makes you happy or is calming or grounds you .

[evanescenceofrememberingc8]

If you enjoy being a RAMCOA/OEA system; you aren't a RAMCOA/OEA system.

I'm tired of people making victims feel like they should be happy about their trauma.

And if you genuinely like being a RAMCOA/OEA victim; you don’t know what being one actually feels like.

Let me give you a run-down

You are casually researching on your phone, suddenly you recognize the name of a place you had once been. You do not remember your time there. It's like someone cut a chunk of film off the reel. It was an entire year absolutely gone from your memory. Some days you wish for the memories back, you're curious. But you remind yourself that curiousity killed the cat; after all, you had been doing so well recently, and you'd hate to go backwards in your recovery. You impulsively start sinking into a rabbit hole, researching everything to do with the organization's name. Gradually, with each site, you fall into older and more obscure archives.

You read a single phrase and your heart drops to your stomach.

"...reports of torture and severe abuse..."

You wake up. You check the time. It's been an hour since you had researched. What happened to the time? Why can't you remember? It's all gone. It's all blacked out.

At least you have the evidence you were abused? You look around for your notebook. You spot it on the other side of the room; you open it only to realize all of your notes had been ripped out and dissapeared. All your research tabs are closed.

Every time you try to access the memories, it's like you're a dove flying head first for a foggy glass wall. You panic.

You try to speak. You have to tell someone, right? You need help. But nothing comes out. Dread fills your turning stomach and the room begins to spin. Nobody can help you. You're trapped in your own mind. A zoo animal kept in a small cage. You don't even know the barriers; you know there must be more, it's so much more complex. But, you're hopeless and ignorant.

You can look me in the eyes and tell me this is fun. RAMCOA/OEA isn't a quirky label. It's a wound that extends far past bone.

This was a small part of my experience, not every RAMCOA/OEA experience is the same; but none of them are fun. I will not tolerate victim's experiences being romanticised and fetishised. I'm not saying victims can't have fun experiences; everyone no matter their experiences can. You aren't constantly miserable. But, if you think your RAMCOA/OEA experience was enjoyable, you aren't a victim.

[coining-system-terms]

Tattletale - An alter who tells handlers when another alter goes against their programming.

Flag Meaning : The green stripes represent insecurity and fear of failure or punishment if the alter doesn't report to the handler(s). The high number of stripes represents this being a repeating pattern of behaviour. The stripes getting thinner as they get further from the center represents the lack of trust the system may feel toward this alter.

[brokemirrorsyndicate]

Don't know who drew this, if anyone knows it'll be greatly appreciated and I'll be able to give credit

This drawing and text reminds us so much of our Delta Alters. Deltas are known as the "violent parts" within a Programmed System this image to us shows that even if our Deltas were/are programmed to be violent towards ourselves or others, they don't actually want to do it. Forced to become the monsters becoming something to be feared and to bare the fangs and claws created by the abusers

[hound-of-sin]

I'd love to live in the world of the fucking people who vehemently deny that people come together to do fucked up things to children for their own benefit. Instead I get to remember horror after fucking horror every day while acting like everything is fine so I don't end up in a psych ward where I will undoubtedly get traumatized further. Instead I get to deal with the crippling fear I have of making decisions because I'm still so terrified that making the wrong one will result in us getting tortured again, despite us being so very far away from where our group was. I hate people. It's already so hard to talk about with people I know irl because I feel like there's no way I'll be believed. It took me years to finally accept that my own memories are real. The belief that it's all fake hurts survivors. Pretending this level of vile cruelty and greed doesn't exist only fuels our and other survivors' denial and fear. By not believing victims you are siding with the people who hurt us. They want you to think it's not real because that means they get to keep doing it to more children. They get to profit off of more suffering. Maybe not the healthiest outlook to have but I believe if you deny the reality we and so many others face, you're almost as bad as the ones that made it hell in the first place. I probably won't feel the same about that later but rn I'm just hella pissed off at having to see so much idiocy and ignorance on here.

To other oea/itbc survivors, I believe you, wholeheartedly. There is no part of your story that would make you less credible. You didn't deserve it. No matter what was done to you, no matter what you had to do to survive, you are worthy of love and acceptance and a place to tell that story freely, without judgement. My dms are open if you ever want to talk or vent. Take care of yourselves as best you can. You're all doing amazing and you're all awesome.

[salthi]

I was thinking about everyone that I'm gonna sue, particularly my employers and my schools. I felt like they were justified in helping my family traffick me because how is it their responsibility? What could they have done?

Then i thought of all the examples of bullying that have led to teenagers taking their own lives and how it always seems as though the bullying is a monster that takes on a life of its own. It seems as if there's no way to stop it.

But then I remember my childhood and the times where bullying wasn't allowed. In fourth grade, none of my classmates harassed me. Not because they couldn't. But because my teacher promptly shut it down in the first week.

Same thing happened in 5th grade. The first half of the year people were verbally, physically and sexually harassing me. I didn't understand it and it was getting worse. The more the people at school participated the worse it got at home. However, halfway through the year we got a new teacher who not only put a stop to all the bullying in school but at home they stopped bullying me too. It was the most peaceful time of my life. In fact, my family started talking TO me instead of AT me. They also allowed me to go shopping for school clothes and buy a bra. Previously they had made me wear oversized clothes and refused to allow me a bra. Which was one of the reasons boys were sexually harassing me and girls were angry because they said that I was too poor to buy a bra and that I was purposely trying to get attention from the boys.

Anyways, in middle and high-school I had to put up with bullying by both students and teachers. Because the administration participated in harassing me, my parents abuse escalated at home. They made me have intercourse with my older, disabled brother. It got worse in senior year when they forced us to have sex again.

My employers and colleges all helped my family recruit and solicit men to stalk and approach me. They created space for these men to force me to go on dates. They created schemes with my family to try to manipulate me to be Muslim, to have children, and to become a prostitute. They encouraged people to sexually harass me. And they harassed me until I felt i had to quit school and work.

It was a cycle where my hardwork was seen as a joke. I was forced to drop out of college numerous times due to severe emotional distress caused by students and teachers harassing me.

So, now I know. I know that they could've stopped the trafficking. At the very least, they could've made my schools and jobs trafficking free. But instead they encouraged and participated. They made my family feel invincible and took my life away from me.

They owe me big. And they will pay.

[blububs]

It's okay to be disabled and have an invisible disability that nobody recognizes outside of doctors and therapists. It's okay to relax and not try to keep up with your non disabled peers. It's okay to know your limits and live your life within them to prevent burnout. It's okay to be you.