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@purge-samauwu
hate when im reading and theres a word i dont know so i search it in the dictionary and its like: beuperer. noun. a person who beupers. i'll fucking kill you
To the peeps getting crazy in the tags:
Calm down, Jamal. Don't pull out the nine.
(I stole this idea from a tiktok where the euphoria characters are animated in 8-bit. I thought this scene fit a bunch of headcanons I have for the punch out characters.)
Whilst reading this, operate under the following context:
Don and Carmen have gone through another breakup. Very recent, very fresh. Super Macho Man has been BFFs with Don for a while through the rocky complicated mess that is the two's relationships. He's heard Don rant at length about Carmen. How much he loves her, how much he sometimes hates her. (In this they have a very unhealthy relationship where Don is eager to please a very emotionally abusive Carmen. If you're not into that, that's what's featured here.) And it got SMM curious.
In my world of headcanons SMM is someone who loses friendships just as much as he gains flings. He either unconsciously or consciously destroys his relationships because he deep down thinks he doesn't deserve nice things and because he's a dick.
Little Mac has also become recent friends with Don. Don thought Mac was no sabo until Mac spoke to him (I like semi verbal Mac and hispanic Mac headcanons) in Spanish then it triggered a unlikely friendship in the two.
Disco kid is also friends with Don because he's friends with everyone. (Another headcanon of mine.)
Keep this in mind. Now enjoy my little skit.
-Scene begins. All the boxers are hanging, make up a reason as to why they'd all be in the same room in their leisure wear because I didn't think that far. Also pretend Aran isn't here for this.-
Mac: Hey, Macho Man?
SMM: Yeah?
Mac: How long have you been messing with Carmen?
(Long uncomfortable silence)
SMM: *nervous guilty laugh* why?- what- what are you talking about? I'm not.. *laugh*
Don: (facing Mac) what are you talking about?
Mac: Oh, I just.. I, I saw her getting in his car.
SMM: uh..
Don: Are you kidding me?
Great Tiger: Macho, that's like... Really bad.
SMM: *sputtering which incriminates him further*
Don: Are you kidding me?
SMM: No *slightly guttural inhale as he begins to tear up* (bite me, I think he's a crier in moments of high stress) I don't even know why he would say that.
Don: You're lying.
Kaiser: Can we just... Table this conversation?
SMM: Yea-
Don: Uhm, no?? No, you expect me to stand here next to my best friend who's been lying to me about fucking my ex-girlfriend? I'm literally about to get violent!
Tree Hugger: No, there's no need to get violent.
SMM: *starts to genuinely sob, in a manly way of course*
Don: Oh, you're crying? *starts getting eerily close to SMM* You're fucking crying?
Disco Kid: Don!
Don: You're the most self-centered idiotic person I have ever fucking met. You fuck MY ex and you're crying!?
Doc: *concerned about Mac hearing all of this* I'm sorry but I don't give a shit who's messin around with who, ok? If you're gonna keep talkin about it, get out of the room.
(Joe, Hondo, Sandman and a few others agree with Doc's sentiment. Doc begins to shuffle Mac away from the chaos bit by bit.)
SMM: (desperate to be believed) I don't even know why you're believing him, he's a 17 year old!
Don: (with a very "done" look on his face) How long have you been fucking be honest?
Disco Kid: Don, let's just do this later.
Don: Kid, shut the fuck up! *turns to SMM* How long have you been fucking her!?
SMM: (cowardly silence)
Don: (turns to Little Mac) Mac? When was this?
Mac: (Huddled close to Doc but very much engaged in the conversation) Right after New Years.
Don: *smirks to himself and processes the info in silence then turns to SMM*
Don: You dumb. Fucking. Bitch. I'm gonna FUCK you-
(Then a brawl begins while Mac is lead away somewhere else by Doc as a good parental figure would.)
Anyways what do you guys think? Don't shoot me for the dialogue okay, it's the euphoria script. I wanted to be accurate to the vibe of the scene. I like the drama headcanons a lot when it comes to this fandom so this idea was like a marinating stake in my mind for me.
Bye😘ฅ
-GOAT- SEXUALITY HEADCANONS
Starting with Will.
Honestly, he gives me demisexual vibes. He is a very sentimental and emotionally intelligent character. Plus I genuinely can't see him not forming a platonic relationship with people first before forming something else. Other than that maybe pan.
Modo
He gives unlabeled. Like other than identifying as male with a possible he/they going on, bro just goes wherever the wind takes him. I feel like he'd be hyper sexual in practice but you wouldn't know until you asked about something sexual and then he'd tell you about his escapades.
Jett
For me it was between straight or lesbian. So I'm going to compromise and say bisexual with a female lean. (Hannah is jumping for joy right now).
Olivia
This ostrich is straight but did a lot of experimenting to find that out. Watched anything she could get her hands on to find the ultimate answer and yeah.. Dudes. Although I feel like she'd come across gay porn and enjoy the hell out of it but not really understand what that would mean.
Lenny
I feel like he'd say he's straight but if he met the right dude on a Friday night he'd say "fuck it" and go for it. So female lean + ambiguous.
Archie
Archie is straight and cis. No debating that whatsoever. However, I do feel like he's a grey sexual. Like he feels sexual attraction once in a blue moon. And two of those blue moons were the moons he conceived his daughters.
Dennis
He's the guy that thought he was straight forever until he finally thought "I'm probably bisexual." He's also the guy that wouldn't unpack that at all because he's too focused on his work.
Flo
Super straight. To the point where she posted the cursed black and orange "pride flag" on Twitter. She took it down once she realized she was losing revenue from being associated with it.
Daryl
He's into dudes and dudettes. Nothing much else to say. He's probs super casual about that info. Like will accidently tell you within 30 minutes of knowing you and not even realize he did.
Hannah
Super lesbian. In the league of lesbians she is the LeBron James. And she's a total lovergirl loser about this information despite how cool she acts.
Mane
In heavy denial, but gay as hell. His sidekicks know and they're the only people he trusts with that info. (The hyena is definitely big simping. Mane knows and pushes him around extra for it since he knows brody is attached to his hip and not going anywhere.)
Carol
Straight and ace. Many unconsciously assume she's a lesbian and then get their hearts broken when she confirms her attraction to guys. She is confused by the assumptions and consistently asks if it's how she dresses or her hair. It's none of those things. Just a vibe.
I believe that's it but if there's anyone else I can make a quick edit! I went off pure vibes and no actual evidence at. Which I understand I don't needs since these are headcanons but I always approach things like they're a scientific hypothesis rather than random shit in my mind. :)
Bye 😘ฅ
uma fortress 2
the clothes swap that literally no one asked for ever
Gotta go fast
im gonna be honest im really surprised there isnt more senshi/laios stuff out there like they literally match each others freak.... theyre like this meme but about monsters. and cooking them
When you find yourself in the slasher realm and you try to be y/n for one of the before mentioned slashers, but then they lowkey cut your arms off and then you realize there are levels to this.
I find it weird that no one sees or acknowledges the real sexual harassment that Robert is victim to every time he interacts with his coworkers. And anytime anyone brings it up every person begins to say:
"It's not that deep"
"It's just humor"
Why is your humor someone being assaulted? Like, never is there explicit consent and it worries the hell out of me.
First with Courtney's... Everything.
And then with Malevola, the last person I'd think would do this shit, touching his groin with the ease you'd open a damn door.
And on top of all the shit he's dealing with, from family death, to constant bodily harm (mostly from his before mentioned coworkers), and all living relatives being threatened by a masked incel redditor, and the real possibility than any living blood relatives he has wants nothing to do with him, he has to deal with this on top of it!
It gets dismissed as a joke even when Robert AIN'T laughing.
in all honesty, i think it’s because the game on a whole just doesn’t view what was being done as harassment, or thought it was funny?
i do think it’s because robert is a guy as well. i usually don’t like to entertain ‘what if the roles were reversed’ arguments, EXCEPT in cases of harassment. ultimately, society as a whole just doesn’t take male sa very seriously, or even believe it exists in some cases, and i think that carried over into the game as well. i feel like all those interactions were written with the intention to make robert seem more ‘desirable’? if that makes sense?
I find it weird that no one sees or acknowledges the real sexual harassment that Robert is victim to every time he interacts with his coworkers. And anytime anyone brings it up every person begins to say:
"It's not that deep"
"It's just humor"
Why is your humor someone being assaulted? Like, never is there explicit consent and it worries the hell out of me.
First with Courtney's... Everything.
And then with Malevola, the last person I'd think would do this shit, touching his groin with the ease you'd open a damn door.
And on top of all the shit he's dealing with, from family death, to constant bodily harm (mostly from his before mentioned coworkers), and all living relatives being threatened by a masked incel redditor, and the real possibility than any living blood relatives he has wants nothing to do with him, he has to deal with this on top of it!
It gets dismissed as a joke even when Robert AIN'T laughing.
I read a fic and now I'm hooked!!!!
SIREN WATER BOY
As in most of his DNA is undetected because it's in human but then he gets hyper analyzed, Ethridge by Robert or an institute that specializes in non-human DNA, and they find out he's 3/4 siren or mermaid/siren!!!
I love the thought.
I love the idea that Waterboy, aka Herm our boy Herman, is a catastrophizor.
Like he'll spend hours, weeks, minutes, to seconds just thinking about how something could go wrong air how he could have messed up. And it's even worse when something actually did go wrong.
He seems like the jumpy, flinchy, overly worried anxious type.
Like, Flambae could be walked into the SDN building casual as hell, not even mad. And Waterboy is cycling through thirteen different scenarios in which Flambae would physically assault him in those 3 seconds it would take for the dude to walk past him.
Totally not projecting at all (/j) but I do the same thing sometimes in many different situations and half of it is so I can expect the worst so that if the worst happens it won't be as shocking. And if something close to the worst happens than I can still be somewhat prepared.
Waterboy seems like the type that's had to consistently throughout his life manage mild disasters on account of his powers. So catastrophizing is less of irrational fear and more planning for the future in a fucked up way. To the point where, it could be entirely involuntary/compulsive and automatic.
Adding onto the list of people in the Z-Team that need therapy or just lots of love.
I see a very specific quirk in Blonde Blazer that many people just.. Overlook. And I feel like a lot of the hate for her would be compressed a bit if people paid attention to it more.
Working hypothesis: Sociopathy
When we, as Robert Robertson, have drinks with her around the beginning of the game, she is seen drinking 100% alcohol. Most dismissed it as a quirky little trait of this woman they might want to romance and little else came of it. But I want to highlight that and something she says right after.
I can't quote what she says but it's along the lines of "I drink this because it's the only drink that makes me feel anything" and then after hints that not much makes her genuinely feel.
That, to me, would explain the sort of impersonal way she breaks up with Phenomaman and her almost immediate turn to Robert. She doesn't feel in the same way most would associate a regular person does.
But I don't think that makes her Shroud. Of anything I think that makes her less likely to be Shroud.
I've always liked characters that have a perceived moral failing and yet still try their best to be good, not only to themselves, but also in the eyes of others.
She gives me the vibe of a person who's trying but falls short once in a while. Sometimes what she fall short in can be astronomically big or quite tiny. As seen in her daily interactions with Robert and others, when she comes off more corporate than she does personal, and her situation with Phen.
Ultimately, I like her a lot more based on this theory.
Edit: I know she's numb to drugs and alcohol because of her powers, but it could also be that her powers numb her to more than just that. Like maybe, her own feelings.
Or she's naturally this way without the amulet.
Theories are called theories for the reason they aren't confirmed.
Sorry but, when did fandom spaces become a place to shut down dumb middle of the night theories instead of play into the for the goofs and gaffs. The shits and giggles if it.
I have been called both stupid and ableist for what is essentially a conspiracy theory.
We used to ship Elsa with Jack Frost.
We used to pair to people from an IP together when they realistically had never met, to the point that the game or show makers were forced to acknowledge it!
We used to take people from two completely unrelated cinematic universes and treat them like a canon couple.
Why?
BECAUSE WE WANTED TO.
And now here we are.
Losing our minds over wheat bread takes.
I have seen a slow birth of
Watercolor
Mostly, as of now, on tiktok but I'm gonna search for it on here.
Anyways, it's the ship for Waterboy/Prism and I love the hell out of the name and the two being paired together!!!!!!!
The name reminds me of the science fun facts I like to read. Prisms and water, holding color, reflective this or that. Not in the headspace to state it in their proper terms but, yeah, cool!
Like shy slightly insecure dude falls for confident if not a little bit (just a smidge) evil woman.
I feed off of this and I need more 🙂↕️
I see a very specific quirk in Blonde Blazer that many people just.. Overlook. And I feel like a lot of the hate for her would be compressed a bit if people paid attention to it more.
Working hypothesis: Sociopathy
When we, as Robert Robertson, have drinks with her around the beginning of the game, she is seen drinking 100% alcohol. Most dismissed it as a quirky little trait of this woman they might want to romance and little else came of it. But I want to highlight that and something she says right after.
I can't quote what she says but it's along the lines of "I drink this because it's the only drink that makes me feel anything" and then after hints that not much makes her genuinely feel.
That, to me, would explain the sort of impersonal way she breaks up with Phenomaman and her almost immediate turn to Robert. She doesn't feel in the same way most would associate a regular person does.
But I don't think that makes her Shroud. Of anything I think that makes her less likely to be Shroud.
I've always liked characters that have a perceived moral failing and yet still try their best to be good, not only to themselves, but also in the eyes of others.
She gives me the vibe of a person who's trying but falls short once in a while. Sometimes what she fall short in can be astronomically big or quite tiny. As seen in her daily interactions with Robert and others, when she comes off more corporate than she does personal, and her situation with Phen.
Ultimately, I like her a lot more based on this theory.
Edit: I know she's numb to drugs and alcohol because of her powers, but it could also be that her powers numb her to more than just that. Like maybe, her own feelings.
Or she's naturally this way without the amulet.
Theories are called theories for the reason they aren't confirmed.
This guy! This fucking guy. Tell me he isn't just these two combined! Tell me!!!
TELL ME
Like Maomao's tendency to test drugs on herself and all the insanity that comes with being casual about toxins. (Despite being calm and all that there are many things wrong with her and I love it.)
And Aki's actual insanity that comes with being immune to all poison because she basically IS poison. Because she CONSUMES all poisons.
Like I really am just thinking about all of Aki's idle animations and saying.. These all fit Jabber.
THEY ALL FIT JABBER!
ESP THE ULT.
so like we all agree harper is the abuser right
