Mostly Harmless @quasar02 - Tumblr Blog

A hitman who advertises his services the way a commission artist does

“Um hey guys. I’ve been hit pretty hard with financial difficulty lately. I’d really appreciate it if you’d consider commissioning me.”

the-mighty-birdy-deactivated202

Stabbings: $45

Gunshots: $100

Poisonings: $200

Thanks you guys please share if you can! ❤️❤️❤️

rabbits-of-negative-euphoria

Commissions I will NOT take:

👎 Kids (Teens are fine tho)

👎 Bystanders

👎 Other Hitmen

If you want to know why, message me, but otherwise no hate pls ✨

jelloapocalypse

hey guys, normally i try to keep drama off of my blog but this is really important. I just wanted to let you know that someone named WetWorkKing05 has been taking credit for MY kills over on redbloodle.com and is making money off of my hard work. When I messaged him directly he blocked me and threatened to kill ME >_> I’ve tried talking with the mods about getting his account taken down, but redbloodle has NO policy for this and they are no help at all. i don’t know what to do??

PLS signal boost if you can! And in the meantime, if you need somebody killed, do NOT hire WetWorkKing05! he is a THIEF!

jelloapocalypse

repeat after me:

MURDER 👏 THEFT 👏 IS 👏 A 👏 WORSE 👏 CRIME 👏 THAN 👏 REGULAR 👏 MURDER 👏

uncklerman

Credits to the murderer

vashito

“Why are your prices so high???? I could kill him myself for free! whatever, ur not even that good at murder anyway”

alertmode

Emergency Murder Slots available!

First Person - $450, additional bodies add $375 each

(Basically a steal still my normal rate is $650. Cmon guys it’s $200 off!)

Serious inquiries only. EXPOSURE IS NOT A CURRENCY!

klubbhead

Guys please support all these hardworking Individuals!

Good hitmen are hard to find so it’s up to us to raise awareness!!!!

slumberinggirl-deactivated20210

Omg I love this guy’s work! He’s new and not so well known in the hitman community, but he’s so amazing and is appreciate it if you guys have him some love ❤️❤️

thatquietkid108

Support your local assassins

helloareyouheremdfan

”um why would I pay a hitmen would I could just steal military ai and have it kill anyone I want for free”

shr00mie-rat

Ai military robots can not murder like real hit men, they’re messy and lack the spirit that involves murder

cliodevotus

I’m never leaving this fucking app.

i-am-lady-larkin

catchymemes

This was posted on a ‘second hand finds’ Facebook page…

…only to be followed by this amazing message.

The roller coaster ride started.

With a happy ending…

…and a sweet poem to finish.

sidechica

sceptixfakemon

i really genuinely wish I could hit chatgpt with my bare fists and hear its pityful electronic voice fade into glitched robotic gibberish and choking beeps as I hit it before I smash it for good and it shuts the fuck up forever

sceptixfakemon

no no it's fine

sceptixfakemon

why are so many people wondering if I'm horny for chatgpt. it's like the most unfuckable robot ever created heeell NO

sceptixfakemon

dragging you out of the tags like it's the last thing I'll ever do on this site

homunculus-argument

Give a man a mask, and he'll show the world who he truly is. Teach a man to mask, and nobody can tell he's autistic until he has a breakdown.

winters-r0se

give a man half a mask, and he'll stalk the sewers of paris for 20 years or something then attack a fancy ball i think I wasn't paying attention

teaboot

My mom likes to tell me about how when I was a little kid riding public transport with her I'd always smile and giggle and chat with weird old ladies who smelled like cat pee and homeless folks and strangers dressed in bizarre outfits but any time a tidy and respectable businessman in a suit and tie waved at me I'd immediately clam up, and she takes a great deal of pride in my supposed inherentability to clock personalities but the truth is I do vaguely remember those bus rides, and it was never about the clothes or the hair or the smell, but more because everyone "strange" asked interesting questions and listened to what I had to say and seemed to think about what I said while the neat and tidy and rigid folks only ever acted like they were going through the motions, which was boring as hell and also pretty annoying

teaboot

Well-to-do finance manager with tidy shoes: "Why hello, sweetheart. Can you say 'hi'? Aren't you cute. Are you on a trip with your mom?"

4 year old me: why must we do this

Fantastic old woman in the leopard print coat: "Why yes, my tooth IS real silver! Nobody ever asks me that. Do you like cats?"

4 year old me, suddenly paying attention: Finally, A Person Of Intellect

victusinveritas

yeehawpim

I can be the ship and its sailors

victusinveritas

tj-crochets

My grandma just called and, among other things, said “You have hips. That’s good! Men like hips!” and then she interrupted herself to say “Women like hips. People of your preferred gender like hips. I can never remember” And I was like “Thanks grandma! My preferred gender is none of them, no thanks.” and she was like “Okay, no one will comment on your hips!” very self satisfied, like “aha, I have figured it out” I think like half her grandkids are some variety of not-straight and she can’t always remember which is which but she is the epitome of like “she’s a little confused, but she’s got the spirit!”

tj-crochets

Update: I gave it some thought and my estimate was wrong. Of the grandkids that are out, it’s 1/3, not ½

tj-crochets

I told my grandma that I’d told my friends about what she said and that some of y’all had said you wished she was your grandma, and she said “Well, you can never have too many grandkids!” So like…consider her your honorary grandma* I guess? *if you want an honorary grandma, that is

tj-crochets

Update on my grandma: I told her my hair was standing up, but instead of straight line it was diagonal and she said “That’s okay, you’ve never been straight!” and then laughed so hard at her own joke I thought she was going to drop the phone

tj-crochets

Happy almost pride month! Have my confused-but-supportive grandma!

tj-crochets

An update: my grandma just called me to ask if I knew it was pride month

tj-crochets

Happy pride month!!

suzirya

I got permission from this friend to post this because holy fuck I can't stop laughing

victusinveritas

Meet Pando, not a forest but a single tree. Every trunk of the Quaking Aspen is genetically identical & connected by a single 80,000 year old root system, making it one of the largest and oldest living entities on Earth!