[xenogears]

Shout out to the (many) times I got called an elitist gatekeeper for saying that the only real way to fully understand a work of fiction is to experience it firsthand and that summaries and reviews are not a replacement for that

[the-lincyclopedia]

Me, reading the first 80% of the post: What do you mean, "experience it firsthand"? How am I supposed to join the Hunger Games or go on the Odyssey?

Me, reading the final clause of the post: Oh, you literally meant that people have to read the book/listen to the audiobook in order to fully understand it. And people got mad. Oh dear.

[marisatomay]

To quote what a friend of mine said after she watched Jerry Maguire (1996) for the first time, having thought she knew what it was about because of its cultural ubiquity: “you miss a lot of a movie when you don’t watch it”

[fuckyoucanada]

Hollanov canon au Shane gets outed but no one can identify the guy and they decide to hide ilya’s identity until they don’t have to worry about his Russian passport only now there are a bunch of men coming forward claiming to be the guy and so Shane has to state the guy who will remain anonymous is his long time partner and then guys online keep trying to convince him that they wouldn’t hide/to break up with that guy and Ilya is basically foaming at the mouth at this point.

He counts down the days and as soon as he doesn’t have to worry about russia he starts posting online asking Shane Hollander to pretty please consider him for his next boyfriend and Shane visibly flirts back and people are going crazy because does this mean that the other guy is out of the picture or???

Only they post a picture of them together a few days later that reveals Ilya was the guy all along and the internet explodes

“I can believe I asked Shane Hollander if Ilya Rozanov could fight I just barely escaped with my jaw intact omg”

”sorry I said I was better looking than your boyfriend I have taken my humble medication”

”what kind of power does hockey robot Shane Hollander hold to pull rose landry AND Ilya rozanov???”

[donutsky]

One thing about Heated rivalry is that they make me believe they genuinely want each other. The way that they kiss and all the other scenes, it is so obvious they like each other. Sooo why are we writing Shane that he always annoyed at Ilya? Did we forget about bathroom scene? He was looking at Ilya with stars in his eyes, mind you, after got ghosted for 6 months. That man don’t get annoyed at his husband. On the contrary he is the enabler. Ilya wants to prank people. Shane makes the plans. Ilya wants to eat out. Shane finds the restaurant for them. Ilya wants kiss. Shane is running to give him. So no Shane doesn’t get annoyed when his husband acts himself. He loves it and makes sure Ilya feels good enough to be himself.

[assiraphales]

frodo getting criticized for decades for not doing much / not being a hero compared to sam is fitting when you consider mental health and strength is often trivialized. frodo carried the most dangerous and insidious item in middle earth for YEARS. ancient beings (elves, gandalf, etc) were taunted and tempted by it. boromir was corrupted within weeks without even touching it. men and hobbits turned against their brethren for it. killed for it. and frodo, with a wound from a morgul knife, bore it’s weight when no one else could. had it been anyone else, middle earth would have fallen.

no, he couldn’t have done it without his samwise. but isn’t that a lesson in itself?

[paverics]

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

[paverics]

comedians can only dream of writing something this funny

[microsff]

The parking attendant paused by the double-length bay. Intended for mobile homes and cars with trailers, it was currently occupied by a sleeping dragon.

No parts of it extended beyond the lines, and the paper ticket was clearly displayed, impaled on a horn.

The parking attendant moved on.

[lionessfeather]

I was going to just queue it for later but then it stuck in my brain, and I decided to make it everyone's problem

[gaynehollander]

If there's one thing Shane is surprisingly knowledgable on it's beef in the rap and hip hop world because Ilya is Invested and takes Hard Sides and will just constantly bring it up at home.

Shane ends up being the one to explain the Drake vs. Kendrick feud to Hayden (who came into it cold when Not Like Us got huge). JJ started explaining it to him but, honestly, he was doing a bad job at it and Shane has heard Ilya rant about this for months now, every time there was a new development, so he takes over and Hayden and JJ both just stare at him in blank shock.

The veterans on the Centaurs ask Shane to explain the Cardi B trial because Ilya got too worked up over it and started speaking Russian when they asked him.

They watched the entire four-part documentary on Diddy that 50 Cent produced and Shane now gleefully tells people that 50 did an in-depth interview on ABC, specifically because that's one of the few channels shown in prisons (yes, Ilya made him watch the interview and cackled beside him the entire time).

During them watching that series, Shane asked Ilya "who's that?" when Biggie Smalls came up on screen for the first time. Shocked and appalled, Ilya played Shane Biggie and Tupac's entire catalogues and showed him several video essays covering the East Coast–West Coast hip hop rivalry.

After that, "I've been in this game for years, it made me an animal It's rules to this shit, I wrote me a manual" from the Ten Crack Commandments becomes almost a stim line for Shane, he'll be saying it under his breath in the locker room, on the ice, or even while cooking dinner.

[sweetangelfart]

Ilya is feels something ugly crawl up his throat after the first time shane scores for Ottawa. He doesn’t see ecstatic delight that always blooms on Shane's face even when they're simply passing pucks in the rink attached to the cottage, Doesn't see the easy confidence that shane usually carries himself with on the ice, Doesn't see THE shane hollander's victory smile.

What he sees is desperate relief creeping up on Shane's face and it makes Ilya feel like he ate rocks for lunch.

His husband, one of best players ever to grace the ice, amongst the most decorated players in the league...stares at his own hands in disbelief....

Like he didn't know if he could still do it....

Like he needed permission to be there....

Like he had to prove his worth....

And Ilya promises himself....never again... never.ever.again.

[ceruleana]

project hail mary is a touching and poignant film that leaves you asking questions about humanity like, "wow what if all mainstream media was genuinely good" and "what if book adaptions actually gave a shit about the book in question" and "what if studios hired actors that could actually act, and then let them get a lil wacky with it"

[astriiformes]

#Don’t forget ‘what if puppetry was treated as a serious artform’ (via @specialagentartemis)

[vrabia]

the silmarillion is wild because you read it and you're like huh okay, and then you read lotr and it turns out everyone's just going around doing their own thing while the surviving elves are living through the final chapters of a post-apocalyptic horror story

[vrabia]

rivendell's a pretty chill place, right? everyone gets along splendidly. dream retirement home et cetera. solid chance the guy you're having afternoon tea with has either survived or personally committed war crimes. also the reason it's so chill is elrond has this magic ring that makes it so the whole place exists slightly outside normal time

galadriel's been around since the beginning, like, for pretty much all of middle-earth's history you understand, she has Seen it all and despite what you may have been led to believe is at all times this close to snapping. also the reason lothlorien is so chill is she has this magic ring that makes it so the whole place exists slightly outside normal time

i can't emphasize enough how much of a post-apocalyptic horror story thranduil lives in. homeland destroyed and half his people massacred. has fucken sauron in his backyard and the spawn of the primordial beast that eats light puttering about on his lawn. a dragon lives next door. does NOT have a magic ring and is therefore obliged to rule over his murderforest in normal time

just so we're all on the same page here, legolas' day job before joining the fellowship was to hunt the spawn of the primordial beast that eats light and it's not like, a big deal or anything. he just has to do it. he's used to it.

'elves are leaving middle-earth and it's so sad :(' they have ptsd samwise.

[sabotage-on-mercury]

Rolex invites Shane to the Royal Box at Wimbledon again and this time Shane accepts because Rolex specifically asked if he could bring his husband as well and fuck yes he can and together Ilya and Shane are ready to serve so much cunt. They both get dressed in some sharp, elevated summer suits, Ilya in Versace and Shane in Gucci, the dramatic sunglasses & the bitchiest, judgiest mogging are ON, they mirror each other as they cross their legs; occasionally they're holding hands or sit with Ilya's arm around Shanes waist, they are the epitome of power husbands & this is their playground. Do they have one clue what is going on on the court? Of course not. That doesn't stop them from having a fabulous time showing off each other. They know they steal the limelight looking as devastating as they do, together. Turns out these dreadful PR appointments are actually incredible fun when you have your husband/best friend/soulmate with you and Shane can't imagine how he ever did this without Ilya.

Now picture this, occasionally they whisper into each other's ears, sometimes its just sweet nothings and sometimes it's some devastating chirps about tennis, and each time a precious smile breaks through, only for each other, but it drives the photographers wild.

(afterwards, Ilya is excited to have the perfect summer with Shane where they fuck their way across europe)

[digitaldiscipline]

This is the 85 year old creator of Roger Rabbit:

[hyacinthsgareth]

headcanon that like his son, david hollander too can also stare at his partner with big doe eyes and get what he wants. it’s rare for ilya to see it but the first time he does he points aggressively and goes “YOU!!! is your fault i never win an argument!!!!” david just blinks while yuna nods solemnly and tells ilya that unfortunately shane learned from the best

[snowsmoked]

Like everything in his life, Shane is very pragmatic about sex.

First it’s planning their meet-ups months ahead. Shane has time to plan his outfit, do a pre-workout, and complete his prep routine. When he’s hosting, the temperature is perfectly set, lights low, fresh towels set out on the counters. When Ilya’s hosting or a hotel, he builds in time to do everything he needs beforehand.

Once they’re married, that changes. Living together means things can be a lot more spontaneous (which he loves) but he also likes to know The Plan™️.

And once they’re married, Shane has no problem asking for what he wants so he can plan out his day and routine. It’s not particularly sexy, but he guesses that’s married life.

“Ilya?”

“Hm?”

“Do you want to eat me out after the Canada match tonight?”

They had both been rooting for Canada at the world cup - Ilya even got them jerseys.

Ilya chokes and Shane frowns at him. “You okay?”

“I - just - what?”

“Well I’m going to do a full shower after my physio session with Amelia - I should be done by the time the Canada game starts. Oh - and I meant to ask if you liked those new frozen meals Lyn brought over. They’re a new brand.”

“I - yes, please Shane if I ever don’t want to eat you out, I have been replaced by aliens.”

“Okay, cool. And the meals?”

“Gross,” Ilya said. “But normal gross.”

~*~*~*~

“Ilya?”

“What?”

“Can we fuck on the couch tonight? With the fire going?”

Ilya grit his teeth and for a second Shane thought he would say no.

“Of course.”

“Maybe around 8? I bought 2 hour logs and the fire needs to be completely out by bedtime.”

“Okay.”

~*~*~*~

“Ilya!”

“Shane?”

“Look at your messages! I want to try that position. Maybe after we get back from our afternoon skate?”

~*~*~*~

“Ilya?” Shane asked through his cars bluetooth. Ilya was cooking and keeping him company on the phone as he drove back from an optometrist appointment. Much to his husband’s (fake) disappointment, his slight nearsightedness still didn’t need glasses for anything besides reading comfortably.

“Hm?”

“Did my package get delivered?”

“A package did. I put it on side table for you.”

“Can you go ahead and open it? I wasn’t sure what size to get so I got a few options. I want to try them this weekend - maybe Saturday? If they don’t fit, I’ll need to do another order tonight for 3 day shipping.”

He heard Ilya take a deep breath. He hated to give him another thing to do on top of making dinner, but he wanted to make sure they had the right sizes before they wanted to use them.

~*~*~*~

“Hey Ilya?” Shane said quietly, so the other people at the stuffy fundraiser couldn’t hear.

“Yes?” Ilya, his hand coming up to run through the back of Shane’s hair.

“I’m exhausted. Can we do shower blowjobs when we get home tonight?”

Ilya hand stuttered in his hair. Shane hated to disappoint him but he was too tired for his prep routine, his post routine, and cleaning the sheets. Or even getting up for Ilya to do it. Shower blowjobs had excellent clean up time and he could fall right into bed afterwards.

“That sounds perfect,” Ilya said, a little roughly.

~*~*~*~

Shane was going to kill him. Murder him. Like a sniper - out of the blue, at any given moment, Shane might call out to him all softly and then ask for hottest sex imaginable (all sex with Shane) AND THEN plan it for later, leaving Ilya incredibly worked up.

The worst part was Shane did not even know he did this to him - for Shane, it was just planning - run at 6, breakfast at 8:15, workout at 8:30, shower at 10, fuck husband at 10:45, off ice training at 12:15, etc. It drove Ilya insane.

But Ilya didn’t want to mess it up by acting on the extreme horniness he felt every time his husband causally planned out mind blowing sex. He knew routine was good for Shane’s brain and it would mess the routine up if Shane asked to pencil in a blowjob at 3:15pm and Ilya dropped to his knees right then. So he had to wait and wait until the clocked ticked down for their scheduled appointment. He loved it.

[wavezies]

big fan of strattland being a little too comfortable in each others' space and weirding everyone else out completely straight-faced

[strawberryaerach]

Hozier's mention of the word "hushpukena" (a Choctaw word) in the song Butchered Tongue was, of course, not a random decision. In a song about the pain of being disconnected from your ancestral language and culture as a result of colonization and oppression from outside forces- which is something that both Irish and Native American people have experienced to varying degrees. Not only do Irish and Indigenous people have this shared history of colonization at the hands of the British, but Irish and Indigenous communities have a long history of support for one another.

The usage of "hushpukena" is even more specific and important because it calls back to the mutually positive relationship between Irish and Choctaw people specifically. During the Great Hunger in Ireland, the Choctaw Nation donated $170, which is more than $5,000 in today’s money, to aid the Irish. Out of all American aid given to Ireland during the famine, the donation from the Choctaw Nation was the largest donation given.

In 1990, leaders from the Choctaw Nation visited County Mayo in Ireland to participate in the first annual Famine Walk. In 1992, Irish people visited the Choctaw Nation and participated in a trek to commemorate the Trail of Tears. Also in 1992, a plaque commemorating the Choctaw's aid was installed in the house of the mayor of Dublin. In 1995, the Irish President Mary Robinson visited the tribal headquarters of the Choctaw Nation to thank the Choctaw people for their aid. In 2017, a sculpture named "Kindred Spirits" was built in Cork, Ireland to commemorate the Choctaw's aid and to continue friendship between the two communities. In 2018, the Taoiseach (prime minister) of Ireland visited Choctaw tribal headquarters and stated,"A few years ago, on a visit to Ireland, a representative of the Choctaw Nation called your support for us ‘a sacred memory’. It is that and more. It is a sacred bond, which has joined our peoples together for all time". In 2020, more than $1.8 million was raised by Irish people as aid for Native American people (specifically the Navajo and Hopi) during the pandemic, to help provide food, clean water, and health supplies.

[ryan-sometimes]

Working an office job will truly make you have the wildest enemies, bc why is my nemesis rn a woman I’ve never met and who exclusively haunts me by sending diabolical emails, and also a specific guy who left my company before I even worked here and made the system so fuckass that it ruined procedures for like a year

[ryan-sometimes]

Yesterday my nemesis (woman I’ve never met and whose face I’ve never seen) sent my office an email so rude, basically saying we had fucked up every project she ever ordered from us, one of the worst emails I’ve ever read in my life.

And it pissed me off so badly that I spent the ENTIRE WORK DAY today compiling evidence from every project my team has ever done for her, pulling past emails she’d sent us, putting together an entire case proving that she had been the problem all along. That she got projects mixed up, that she’d made requests that were nonsensical, literally everything you could possibly imagine. Screenshots of emails, reports we’d submitted, EVERYTHING.

This woman in particular has been terrorizing my team for years, her name is almost a slur in my office, I had simply had ENOUGH of her.

I put all of this evidence together and sent it to all of my bosses at 4:30pm. Then I took a long break to eat a sweet treat and drink some tea.

After my break, my bosses all called in an emergency meeting with me and they said they read my report and fucking loved it. And I sat on a teams call with my boss’ boss as she wrote my nemesis the scathing email I had always fantasized about sending, using the evidence I’d compiled, and hit send.

It was the most satisfying workday I’ve had since I got hired.

[winnie-wine]